text | un: sds

[fogsong]

My mother, Rose Da Silva, has returned to the ocean. I know she was close to a lot of people here and I thought it was important to let everyone know.

[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]

Comments

[fogsong]

She’d love knowing she touched so many people here, I know she would. For me, she was the best thing about this place.

This really fucking sucks and I don’t know what to do.

[subject_013]

She had that effect on people, and there's much one can say for a woman who could affect even those who keep their hearts high up under their ribs where it belongs.

It's your call where you go from here. There's staying here for those you've gotten close to, and there's returning to the sea, in a bid to find her again in your world of origin. And there's always third options: staying here to spite the forces that called her back comes to mind, though there are others that will likely suggest themselves.

[fogsong]

You know, she’d argue your point about the heart.

I’d return to the ocean if I knew I’d go home and see her again. But she’s not there anymore. She stayed behind in a nightmare so I’d be free of it because that’s the kind of mother she is. Or was. I don’t know.

[subject_013]

She would, and that's one of the many things that made her such a singular woman, and one aspect that drew me to her.

It's not an easy decision to make, as there are so many outcomes it could lead to. Who can say what lies beyond the sea here? It truly is the great unknown.

Might I make a confession to you? I'd prefer it stayed between us as it is something quite personal.

private

[fogsong]

[ as nice as it is to hear how Rose has touched others, even those more closed off, it hurts just as much. it’s a bitter reminder that she’s gone, even if she’s just returned to being a squid in the waters beyond Trench. ]

If you want, I don’t mind. I’m good at keeping shit to myself. [ others secrets as much as her own. she’s not a gossip. ]

[Private]

[subject_013]

[Some time might pass before the reply comes.]

I apologize. I've been in-country and we had some unwelcome company of the Beast variety.

I'll keep it brief and to the point: I was starting to fall in love with your mother, and I don't lose my head or my heart over a woman easily. It was the Beauty of her kindness and compassion that started to win over this calculating Beast.

[Private]

[fogsong]

[ his confession initially ignited an instinctive, protective anger in her and she laughs aloud, a broken and hollow sound in the lonely house.

her anger is quick to fade however. she understood that his confession meant he had a unique understanding of her loss, albeit in a different kind of way. ]

I didn’t really expect that but I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. She’s the kind of person to draw others in and accept them regardless of their flaws or their past.

It’s why my other self loved her so much. It’s why I do.

Re: [Private]

[subject_013]

It's not easy to admit to this, and it probably sounds weird or even creepy, hearing me admit to it. I don't hold it against you if it does. I had hoped to forge a future with her, if she was amenable to it - and if you didn't mind me as a stepfathe. But I hesitated before taking the proper step.

Your other self, dare I ask you to elaborate?

[Private]

[fogsong]

I won’t lie, it’s kinda weird to hear but I get it. I couldn’t tell you if she’d felt the same, she was still married, but… if she had, I’d have accepted you. Her happiness was important to me.

I don’t mind you asking but it’s complicated and a long story. If that doesn’t bother you, I can tell you as long as you don’t tell anyone else.

Re: [Private]

[subject_013]

It's weird for me to admit to it. However, it seemed better to let it out than to hold onto it. It all hinged on whether or not she accepted my approach. I anticipated a fifty percent chance that she might accept or refuse it. For that matter, the fact that she's married was less of an issue. I was more interested in being her companion than something more physically intimate.

I hope that isn't too much information. This line of admission has started to unsettle me and I don't unsettle easily.

I'm well practiced at keeping secrets. No one will hear a word of your story from me.

1/2

[fogsong]

I appreciate the way you put all that. It’s nice to know she meant something more to you.

Some things can be hard to admit and talk about. So. Thanks for being willing to tell me about it even if it was kind of weird.

Re: 1/2

[subject_013]

I appreciate the kind words. It alleviates some of the unsettling. She left an impression on many, one that will be long remembered.

2/2

[fogsong]

I never really know how to explain my past. Like I mentioned, it’s long and complicated but I’ll try to make it as simple as I can.

That cult I told you about, the Order, they’d burned a girl alive when she was a child because she had powers. It broke her and her powers went haywire. In her rage and hurt, she sought revenge and trapped all those responsible in another world, a waking nightmare. But she was trapped there too. She suffered alone there for a long, long time but it got to be too much.

So, she created me from the parts of her soul she thought was good and found a way to put me out into the world. Where I was adopted by Rose and Christopher Da Silva.

She and I, we were separated for 18 years but we merged before I came here. Rose accepted me wholly and completely. She always has.

Re: 2/2

[subject_013]

I can't help thinking a bit of Julia Sodder's less dark tale, at least in some of its greater archetypes. I suppose there are echoes of experiences across the multiverse, but reason help the people caught by those echoes. But something beneficent came from it: you found your true mother, in all senses of the phrase. A hard way to find each other and then to lose each other again.

I'm not always the most sympathetic man. I am cold and rational for the most part. However, you have my sympathy and understanding.

[fogsong]

Sodder, really? From before Trench, right?

I try to see the positive and I’ll forever be grateful to the Da Silvas but I can’t help but wish I’d never dragged them into my hell. They both would have been so much better off.

But thanks for understanding. I don’t share this with most people, in fact you’re maybe the third person who knows this now. I knew I wouldn’t get any bullshit or pity from you.

[subject_013]

The one and only. The similarities lie in the broader parameters, but there are echoes.

You have the best attitude toward the hand life has dealt you: you're optimistic, but you eschew the rose-tinted glasses, which never help anyone.

It's my pleasure to be that listening ear. At the risk of sounding sentimental, you're like the daughter I would like to have some day, if our eldritch hosts allow.

[fogsong]

I don't know, I kind of like a little sentimentality. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I think any girl would be lucky to be able to call you dad one day.

[subject_013]

My own pragmatism likely colors my view so darkly, it drops sentiment into the shadows for me. I've sought to change that, but some processes of growth run slower than others.

I hope, someday, to have that honor. In my world of origin, I could have had a family, if fate had been more benevolent. I've hoped for another chance, but it's something this world has made a challenge to pursue, between one thing and another.

If you need a place to stay, or a couch to crash on, you're welcome to stay with me. I'm rattling about in a black and grey Victorian in the north of Lumenwood.

[fogsong]

Slow growth is still growth.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

You know, I might take you up on that. I've never been alone before so it might help not to be in this empty place all the time.

[subject_013]

I'm rattling about in the old pile myself, with just myself and Cypher. As long as you don't mind the odd Hunters who show up late at the door late at night, direly injured and seeking treatment.

A few more identifying details: There's a lamp on the pavement in front of the door, and there's a red and white wheel-shaped sigil on the fanlight over the front door.

[fogsong]

I won't bitch about it. [ she might mind it if only because she has nightmares and there's nothing worse than being startled awake mid-nightmare but she won't bitch ]

Shit, I'm pretty sure I know the place. I've seen it a few times.

[subject_013]

You don't strike me as the sort of person who would, given your own threshold for the bizarre, but we all have our limits

It's a hard place to miss, as its one of the larger houses, in a neighborhood of somewhat smaller ones. At least for now. Once in a while, the landscape likes to rearrange the furniture, as it were.

[fogsong]

The only thing that might bother me is I get startled pretty easily when I'm asleep. I have nightmares on a damn near-nightly basis. Don't worry, though, I don't scream or anything. I grew out of that and the sleepwalking.

I haven't experienced that yet but I can firmly say I'm not looking forward to it.

[subject_013]

I don't need to sleep much, perhaps three to five hours, thus I'm hard to disturb. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to knock on my door. I'm used to waking up suddenly: I have a very persistent Omen who keeps an ear out for anything

Nor do I: I currently have very forgiving neighbors who don't object too much when the wind gets into the wrong quarter and blows the smoke from my fire pit over the garden wall that separates us. I use the fire pit as an incinerator at times, but mostly as outdoor warmth.

[fogsong]

Thanks. I can't promise I will but I do appreciate it.

Then let's keep our fingers crossed our homes don't get moved much in the future. Yours for the neighbor thing, mine for the map I've created. It wouldn't be too much trouble to create another one but I don't really want to.