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text | un: sds
My mother, Rose Da Silva, has returned to the ocean. I know she was close to a lot of people here and I thought it was important to let everyone know.
[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]
[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]
text; un: GoldenFlowers, private
I'm sorry.
It's cruel. The way the ocean takes people away and spits us back out in the same motion.
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and yet, here they were with tiny condolences that mattered. ] It happens. Life is cruel, Chara, but even though I’ve known that for years it doesn’t stop it from hurting.
I wish I could be angrier about it but right now… I’m just heartbroken.
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Your mother seemed like a good mom. She was always nice to my friends. She reminded me of my own a little.
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She is the best mom I could have ever hoped for, Chara. And I know she paid special attention to the kids in this place. She wanted to be there for them like she was for me when I was little.
Do you miss your mom?
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I shouldn't. It's not really fair for me to miss her. I ruined her life and her family after she took me in. She and her family were the first people to ever be nice to me. Far more than the people that created me biologically or anyone else in my village.
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It sounds like she showed you the whole world isn't cruel. Of course, that's something you'd cherish and miss even if you feel guilt over how it all ended.
I feel the same way when it comes to my adoptive parents. They were the first people to show me love but loving me ruined their lives. It's the worst knowledge to have and every day I wish it had been different.
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Everything in the world is cruel. But. Some people don't want to be. Some people try their hardest. She was one of those people.
[Any hurt that she inflicted, any lessons that she taught Chara, they were only with the purest of intent.]
That's what she taught me. I tried to be that kind of person as well. I failed.
I didn't know Ms Da Silva well. But... I think she would have considered the sacrifice worth it for having you in her life.
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You only fail if you stop trying. Don't stop trying.
And I know she would. Both she and Chris would. They're the reason I can't stop trying. I won't let what they saw in me die.
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[It's an excuse. Nevermind that Megalovania isn't a real word.]
I will do my best to support you in this, then.
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I think you could, too, if you allowed yourself. You deserve better things than you know. [ she sees too much of Alessa to allow them to fall into the same trap she did all those years ago. hate devours. they still have something bright in them even if they can't see it themselves. ]
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[Paul, Maul, Anna, Frisk, Falco, Vira. Most everyone who chimed in under that post was there to make the same take. At least Sharon knows that the people they killed together were better off dead.]
I'm still dead. That doesn't change. But I am in control here, in a way I never could be in my old world. So. We will see what I do with it.
[They aren't even sure if the consideration they're giving it is genuine, but they don't want to dismiss her out of hand either.
DETERMINATION. It's an incredible power. But it comes with the drawback of never allowing it's children to give up their goals. No matter what, they will see it to the absolute, through death, life, heartbreak, despair, even family and happiness. They will never stop. The fallen child will never stop falling.]
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I don't judge you, Chara. I just want to help you when you need it and support you.
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They remember telling Sayo that their crimes were far, far worse than the ones she felt so sorry for herself over. How Sayo had shrugged them off and said, they're a child, they can't possibly know the depths of depravity.
It's funny. And a little sad. Because Chara looks at people like Sharon, Paul, Sayo, Paimon, Rika and Kaworu, and sees people who aren't there yet either. And maybe, some part of them desperately hopes they never reach them.]
I take no offence. And I'm grateful for the support, provided you know it's reciprocated.
It's a bit too late for that, to prevent me from reaching any point of no return. I've already crossed it over and over again. But that doesn't mean I'm immobile or incapable of taking action.
This world is in dire straits. We'll see where it ends up by the time we return to the ocean.
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There's no 'point of no return' in life, Chara. Not to me.
But you're right about this world.
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[They know that it's not too late for them. They could be happy, accept the opportunity given to them to live a life in Trench, they could try again to save this world.
The prospect makes them sick.]
What do you think of it. Trench, I mean.
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There's a rot here, Chara. A rot that needs carving out. A rot that everyone here seems pretty happy to ignore. It's pthumerians. It's the people that worship them. It's the people that don't mind their existence as long as it benefits them.
I want to love what this world has given me, what chances it's given me, but it's all tainted.
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The Sleepers talk of this world like it's theirs, and that we are only their guests. But they were the conquerors, they were the ones that destroyed this world - infected humanity with their diseased blood and then let it fester. Their queen, who they served, created the bomb and the only regret they all had was that their queen was caught in the blast.
They reap judgement while lording themselves over us, sitting on thrones that they carved out of the tragedy of billions, and they make no effort to understand this world that they have stolen.
Has anyone told you the story of Julia Sodder yet?
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Tell me.
cw for deerington fourth wall elements, chara is an unreliable narrator lol
But you see the world around you. It is a corpse, a husk that is being pumped full of slime from past the fabric of reality to keep it wheezing unnaturally. Some are stupid enough to believe that this was an accident, that the Pthumerian Queen had no idea what she was doing when she came from across the sea.
They are wrong.
The Pthumerian Queen took Mother Superior's daughter, which even she objected to, and used her as a breeding mare. She paired her up with a human - a pitiful man by the name of Roderick, to perfect the formula of Pthumerian magic, and in doing so she created her very first bomb. A half-Pthumerian, something with the raw power of Old Pthumeria and the raw potential and imagination of humanity. She was born a monster, her father saw her as a baby and saw a monster. But she was a person as well, and wanted to be a person. The kind that none would ever let her or her mother be.
She created Sleepers, as illusions spawned from her mind, created from the stories she had consumed. The first one was a girl named Ramona. She will be important in the future. I'm unclear of the exact time, but I believe that when Julia was born, her raw power killed the Pthumerian Queen. This was the only way in which the plan had gone wrong. It drove Mother Superior mad with grief and hate, and she sent Julia into a coma to control her.
Nobody guided her or helped her understand her powers. They were too afraid. Her father shunned her, her mother denied her own role, Superior sneered at her, while blaming the Sleepers that Sodder was creating for everything spawned from the dream. The world died, while Sodder slept, her unconscious mind drew people into her dreams, it created more and more Sleepers. Ramona was the only one who believed wholeheartedly that she was not real, and that when the dream ends, she would fade into nothing. And so she kept the dream going, kept Sodder alive at any cost, kept all Sleepers alive at any cost to her mother.
The lies were revealed, the mysteries unfurled, Ramona was exposed, Superior's story was told - and in the last moment the Sleepers chose to kill Julia Sodder - seeing her as a monster that needed to be put down for the good of everyone. The world died. Everyone was at fault. But in all of that, they forgot that Julia Sodder was created - not born. Her misery was not an accident, it was the fuse set intentionally by the Queen. She was a child, created to be a bomb, and she performed her role spectacularly, entirely against her own will with no agency to call her own.
But now Julia Sodder is dead, along with the entire world, and the Queen's successors rule over the world that they butchered - playing the part of Gods over a species they never tried to understand.
She is like us, in a way.
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She feels sick. ]
That's fucking horrifying. Julia deserved better than that.
And what do you want to do about it? What do you think needs to be done, Chara?
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They had tried so hard to be a person, for so long. They had bled and burned and died to be a person, and when they came back they kept trying and trying - only to discover they were only ever meant to be a demon.]
They presume to preside above us, acting as our judges, our rulers, our gods, our executioners. They offer us second chances and mercy all without understanding a damn thing about what we are - why some of us refuse their offer. They believe they can control us, control this world, that only they get to give out consequences and judgement - because they won their little conquest, and they now sit atop a throne of corpses so large that these people can mistake it for gold.
So many would tell you that their logic is alien - incomprehensible, but it's always the same. They believe themselves to be above consequences, because we aren't real. Not to them. Perhaps not at all.
But nothing is above consequences - no matter how powerful they might seem to be. They will all be judged for their sins, just as we have been. They have stolen this world, but they haven't always controlled it. We just need to steal it back. And I'm willing to wait as long as I have to.
The first step in war is to learn everything you can about the enemy. So that's what I've been doing.
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Now, she felt bitter and hurt and used by this place. By them. ]
Steal it back, huh? I don't know just how possible that is, not if it's just us, but I don't hate the sound of that. I'm pretty patient myself. I spent 32 years waiting for my revenge.
You'll have to fill me in on what you've learned and I'll start scouring the Archives and Trenchies for information.
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I was hoping you'd say something like that. I will fill you in whenever you are ready, just stop by my lab in the School of Mutter.
I look forward to our continued cooperation. You have been an excellent partner.
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I don't care how low our chances are. Who knows what we can really do with the right drive, the right kind of determination?
I look forward to it, too. Thanks, Chara.
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...My own mother had a recipe for Butterscotch Cinnamon pie. Would you like me to make you one? I don't know if it will make you feel better, I don't think loss can be mended in such a shallow way, but it helped me when I was sad.
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