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[ the girl’s words made her heart pinch in her chest and rise up her throat like the desire to shout or scream or sob but she swallowed it back. she was exhausted —— tired of crying; tired of hurting; tired of knowing the best person in her life was gone again.

Sharon hung her head in some form of silent apology and when Luz pointed out the bear, Sharon pulled it from her chest to look it over. It’s warm brown fur was a little matted from years of childhood hugs. A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips. ]

My parents got it for me when I was little. I thought he’d keep my bad dreams away. [ he didn’t but children create magical fantasies with their toys and Sharon had been no exception. She hugged it close again. ] Mom slept with it a lot here. I think it made her feel better sometimes.

[ her eyes began to burn with that familiar prickle of tears and Sharon turned towards the kitchen and shuffled in to busy herself getting the kettle on the stove. ]

[Luz felt bad bringing her own sorrow and mingling it with Sharon's, and she knew that was her problem: she didn't know WHERE to place all of this, she'd already lost quite a few people. But Rose had hurt, because part of the reasons she still had the scars she did was because it was Rose who had gotten her down from the hooks. Part of her didn't want to forget that she'd been there, to help heal all that had happened in those few, dark days].

Yeah. I have a lot of those myself because they give me comfort. I'm...glad you have something of hers.

[Luz didn't know what to say here though, so she just laid with her head down and her arms out for the moment, sighing].

She'd be happy that the two of us were at least here, drinking tea and talking. I wish that we'd talked more though. Haven't seen her since that fight with the Tyrant. I was wondering if she was OK, and I guess...she needed to go.

[ Sharon put the kettle on and pulled down two pretty teacups, setting them on the counter before she pulled out all the necessities for tea: sugar, honey, a variety of tea, and tea balls. She wasn’t sure what Luz liked but wanted to make sure she had options.

As she waited for the kettle to whistle, she leaned against the counter top. ]

Rose didn’t talk much about that fight. I didn’t know you’d been involved in it too. [ Sharon hadn’t pressed her mother when she’d returned, more concerned with making sure she was all right. But Rose had gotten through it.

She paused and sighed deeply. ] I, uh… I think you’re right. Maybe the ocean needed her more than… more than we did. [ Her eyes filled up with tears the moment she forced the words out and she tried to quickly wipe them away. But they wouldn’t stop coming. She cursed under her breath and turned away. ]

[Luz could take tea dark, but if she wanted it sweet (half the time she did) she'd opt for honey. Luz sat a moment, taking deep breaths because, YES, Rose had been like a mother to her, and while she'd told Sharon how she got her back scars, she hadn't told her it was Rose who got her down from the hooks].

No, I don't think she would have. I was trying to protect her and, like and idiot, I let my guard down and...I died.

[She didn't like thinking about that either].

I don't agree with that.

[Luz got up from where she was sitting, and looked up at Sharon, her eyes brimming with tears].

You can cry. I...I miss her too. Not like you, I'm sure but...it was like having mama here again.

[ The revelation made Sharon’s skin crawl. Death may not be permanent in this world but she knew it left a mark; that it could haunt a person like a nightmare and that no distance could ever wipe it away. ]

Shit, I’m sorry. I had no idea. [ For a moment, she felt like a shit friend but she also can only imagine how difficult it would be to discuss. If it were her, she’d never speak of it like it was some creature that could be summoned with a word.

When Luz slid out of her seat to stand before her, Sharon can’t hide the way her lips quivered as she looked down at the girl’s big brown eyes, just as full of tears as her own. ]

I don’t want to cry anymore, Luz. [ She admitted, words so tight they were choked out. Rose had been a mother to a lot of children here and Sharon couldn’t blame Luz for seeing her that way even if it childishly sparked a possessiveness in her.

She reached out to put a hand on the girl’s shoulder in a show of support. ] I know how much she meant to you and I don’t mean to be such… such a fucking bitch over her.

She was just the first person in the whole world to ever accept me and love me as I am. As Alessa and as Sharon and it’s hard to know others loved her the same. [ Her tears fell unbidden now and she wiped them away as quickly as they fell with her free hand. It hurt to say these things but maybe it was important. ]

[Luz sighed, shaking her head].

You didn't know. I mention it on the network, but other than that I didn't talk about it much, I just stayed home and recovered. I can't blame Rose for not wanting to talk about it though: it was a pretty rough event, and the only way that thing was being taken down was if you were really ruthless about it.

[And Luz couldn't help staring up at Sharon with tears in her eyes. She was sorry she couldn't hold herself together for their sake, because having lost a person just about every month so far was starting to unravel her a little].

I'm sorry. I'm trying. I just...I keep thinking she'll be back, that I'm gonna see her. But I feel like that's only lying to myself. You're not being a...a bitch though, you're in pain too.

[And here Luz couldn't stop herself from weeping, because she absolutely did remember those memories of Rose's, where she helped Alessa carry out her revenge. And in typical Rose fashion, she chose to love her daughter].

S-she was great. I was so happy to meet her. You're a lucky person, that she's your mom, and ours when we needed her.

I keep thinking —— hoping the same thing. I’ll never accept that she might be gone forever.

[ And has Luz began to weep, Sharon found she couldn’t hold it in herself anymore. Without much warning, she wrapped her arms around the younger girl and pulled her into a tight hug.

A part of Sharon wanted to fill the kitchen with words that would help distract them both from their grieving but it was clear they both needed comfort and right now all they had was one another. ]

I have a f-friend who came back, so maybe I'll keep hoping that too. It might make me feel pain, but at least I know it's because Rose was someone I could never forget about.

[And the hug was enough to put Luz a little over the edge. She clung to Sharon and cried, because it seemed like every month she had to lose someone she cared about, even as she was sure she was recovering from the last few people she mourned. Sometimes she wondered if all the people who had managed to be something of a lifeline for her would disappear and she'd be forced to cope alone.

Which was ridiculous, because she was right here with Sharon de Silva, Rose's own daughter, a friend she'd risk life and limb for].

She at least helped me meet you. I can always be grateful for that.

[It was a nice sentiment even if Luz sounded a little muffled when she said it: her face WAS pressing against Sharon's sleeve, after all].

[ Sharon held Luz with a gentle tightness, one hand pressed against the brunette’s back with careful firmness, patting it in the way her mother would when she was broken by grief or fear or just the simple human need for comfort. It wasn’t such a natural action for Sharon but she knew Luz needed something from her and she would do her best to provide —— she knew she wasn’t the only one in pain right now, even if she wanted so selfishly to be. ]

If not for my mom [ Sharon started quietly, words murmured more into the dark hair beneath her as if she didn’t want the even air to be privy to them. ] I wouldn’t have met or grown close to anyone here. I’d still be like I was back home: alone. Friendless.

[ she, too, would forever be grateful for Rose. her mother had given her more than just her freedom back home, she granted her a new freedom here.

with only a quiet rumble of warning, the kettle upon the stove finally let out a sharp whistle and Sharon finally pulled away from Luz with surprising hesitancy, not quite ready to let her go completely. ]

Maybe we can-can write her letters? Let her know how we feel. Maybe she’ll see them if we give them to the ocean. [ it sounded like a child’s letter to Santa when she said it out loud but that didn’t appear to bother or embarrass her now, not when Luz has seen her at her worst. she felt safe saying this childish thing to the young witch. ]

[Luz was trying her best to keep herself together, and that was only making it worse. All she could think of was that this had happened again, despite her thinking there was no way that she could lose Rose, that she was too smart, too strong to be brought back into the ocean. Luz remembered seeing her and the Tyrant, trying to save her and being too slow and dying in the process: how, for a moment, she didn't care she was dying, that she still managed to make sure Rose didn't for the small window she was able to breathe.

And now she was gone, and the loss was enough to cut into her more than even that moment of her final breath].

I don't know if that's true, because I don't know all you've been through. But you aren't alone now. If that's something that Rose helped make happen, then she's already more amazing than I thought.

[With the kettle screaming, Luz released Sharon, taking a small inhale].

I'd like that. It's like what I'd do with my mom to honor my dad at his grave.

[Luz didn't care how immature it looked or sounded. People had their way of dealing with grief and Luz, who was very acquainted with that feeling , would process it as best as she could].

[ she can see Luz’s suffering as clearly as she can feel her own. it burns, somehow, knowing there’s little she can do to help bring an ease to it or take it from her like she took on every ounce of suffering and grief and mind numbing rage from Alessa. ]

Rose is the reason for most of the good things in my life; the reason I’m still alive; the reason I don’t hate myself; the reason I can love. To me, there is no one more amazing. She was… is the epitome of mother. [ none of it is exaggeration and she says it with such firmness and ferocity there can be no denying the words. her mother will always be god in her eyes. perfect beyond any logical reason. saying all of that forces fresh tears to fall and she tries to busy them away by pouring the hot water into the cups.

she motions for Luz to make her tea however she sees fit. Sharon herself simply scoops up a dark collection of leaves from one of the myriad of carefully labeled tea jars (there are dark teas and light teas and fruit teas and florals) with one of the tea balls and drops it unceremoniously into the cup with a quiet splash. She adds neither sugar or honey; she didn’t even really want tea.

As an afterthought, she grabs a few napkins from a back counter and offers Luz a handful in case she wanted to dry her cheeks or blow her nose —– Sharon’s own nose felt uncomfortably stuffy. ]

I’ve never really had a chance to honor someone before. Even after Rose was gone back home, dad and I couldn’t do much. She never had a grave.

What would you and your mom do? [ there’s a tiny pause before she asks the question, not wanting to dredge up more grief in the girl when it was clear she was aching, but she was curious. She’s mourned before but she’s never done much for the dead; she’s never had the chance. ]

[It wasn't something she liked being so present, but Luz knew that there was always danger of letting unspoken pile up: bestial feelings piled up and then they festered. Feelings of being back home with her mother were not distant memories, but reminders that she must move past some things that seemed impossible. So she tried to settle them when she could, talk them out when they hurt, because they could always rebound, and did when someone she loved had to go].

I think most people might wonder why she's so important, why you bring her up so high. But I know exactly what you're taking about. When she was at her weakest, when she had no power, Rose was still there, trying to help. She didn't just get those praises from me...other people thought this too.

[Luz didn't question Rose De La Silva: she'd seen that love and dedication with her own eyes. She took her tea and pored it carefully, allowing the leaves to sit a moment before adding a small bit of honey and then taking a sip].

Gone back home? You mean Silent Hill?

Oh. Well. We'd go and pick flowers on the day my papa passed. We'd take them to the grave, eat and just talk about how he made us feel, how much we missed him, and talk to him about what was happening with us that year. I've missed a few times so. I sort of still quietly do that in my head, the day that he passed away.

It's actually this month.

[ it’s something of a relief knowing she wouldn’t have to delve too deep into the reasons behind why Rose was so impossibly important and precious to her. Luz got it to an extent, it seemed. she knew few people were capable of that, even if she imparted her memories onto them as Alessa had once done to Rose.

for a child whose mother had betrayed her in such an unforgivable way, Rose was proof that there were some mothers who were good beyond concept. ]

Luz, she saved me from being trapped in that hell but only one of us could leave. She stayed behind and I only ever saw her again when I arrived here. [ for nine long years, Rose has been effectively dead and gone from Sharon’s life and she was only ever vaguely aware of the sacrifice her adoptive mother had made. it made her loss here harder to bear somehow. pain rose up in her throat so much like vomit and she swallowed it down with a gulp of hot tea.

she leans into the counter as Luz speaks on flower picking and grave visits. she had seen things like that done in books and movies but she’d never understood it until now. ]

Oh. [ this month. suddenly, Sharon doesn’t know what to say. ] I’m sorry. This month must be rough.

[Luz had seen Rose's memories and had been saved by Rose. She knew very well the risks Rose took, even knowing she didn't have super strength or magical abilities. It reminded her of when she'd first come to the Isles. She only had her clothes on her back a digital phone, yet through hard work and perseverance she learned magic and had been able to do more than people thought a human could.

Rose had that strength, and more: she was like Eda, using whatever she could to save her kid. Luz couldn't help but love her for that alone, among other things].

I saw that hell...or some of it, anyway. I didn't know she stayed back though and made sure you got out.

[Now Luz was kicking herself for not spending more time with her, for losing track after the Tyrant].

It always is. Usually I try to keep myself busy. It's not like I can do anything about missing Mami and not being able to be at the grave to visit Papi.

[Luz did her best to keep her voice steady, and it wavers, because how could it not]?

It’s not something either of us liked to talk about. Mom didn’t even know until I came here. [ it stings to say aloud like salting a fresh wound. her mother’s sacrifice has had such an impact that it’s rippled through her life long after she was gone. it made her leaving hurt all the worse.

but Sharon knows she’ll get through it. she’s done it once but back then she had her dad to lean upon. she’s lucky to have so many friends to turn to but nothing can replace the comfort and support a parent brings. ]

You might not be able to visit his grave here but you can still do the little things you used to to honor him.

If… if you want, we can gather flowers together and put them in a bottle and send them out to sea. I know it can’t replace being able to visit him but… [ she’s willing to help Luz find a new way to honor her father and build a new tradition if she wants it. ]

I can kinda see why you wouldn't. Sounds like it's a hard thing for the both of you to think about. But your mom will always be one of the strongest people I know for doing it in the first place. I know after seeing it, I could never forget it.

[And that's not JUST because of all the killing Alessa did in that particular memory]!

No, I know. I plan on it too. There's a day we celebrate for him.

I'd like that. The twenty third of this month. That's when mom and I celebrate it proper.

[ Sharon reaches out to grasp Luz gently on the shoulder and gives it a soft squeeze. She knew how awful it was to lose a parent, she was going through it a second time after all, and she didn’t want the other girl to feel alone in her grief. ]

Then let’s do some things for him together then. I’ll be here for you like you’ve been here for me.

[ her own grief was stifling but she could see past it to see Luz was drowning in it too. ]

[It was still something that hurt, even after all of this time. Luz made a small sigh but appreciated the gesture and took a sip of her tea to calm her a bit].

If you're willing, I'd like you to come with me to giving flowers that day. I'll be with my girlfriend too, but it'll mean the world to have people that matter to me there that day.

[Ones she was comfortable seeing her grieve, of course].

Yeah, of course. Plus, I’d love to meet your girlfriend. [ it always catches her off guard when she finds out someone she knows is dating but she’s glad Luz has found someone she wants to share her heart with, especially in a place like this. ]

I’m sorry Rose didn’t get the chance to meet her and do this with you. I know that’d be something she would’ve wanted.

Great! I just have to set her up to meet you then! She says she struggles socially, but I'm sure that you'll both get along!

[She hoped anyway].

It would have been nice. Of course, that would have been nice for Fern and Varian to be there too. You can't really choose who gets to stay and who leaves.

[Which still made Luz bitter but oh well].

Her and I will have something in common, then. [ she assures. she still had her own issues socially. even now, after all these months, friendship felt strange and foreign and she still kept her whole life close to her chest. ]

Don't worry. I'll try to keep things light, and we'll even have a picnic afterwards!

[OOC: So I actually DID have a thread for this event since I figured it was important to acknowledge Luz's dad's death as stated by canon this year. If you want to handwave them getting together and talking, you can, I just figured it might be a good way to get both Sharon and Lexi acquainted with each other]!

You don’t have to keep thing light but a picnic sounds nice. I’ll bring something, too.

[ ooc: let me know when you’d like me to hop in and I will! You can just ping me on plurk at

lobselvith ]

That'd be great! I think I'm going to actually look forward to this.

[Which was saying something, since Luz was feeling ten times guilty having missed it so long]!

((OOC: Oh, you can drop in right now, they're all gathered up at the moment))!

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Out of random circumstance "Room with an Angel" is playing on my spotify lol

Such a good emotionally charged song!

Re: Such a good emotionally charged song!

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