text | un: sds

[fogsong]

My mother, Rose Da Silva, has returned to the ocean. I know she was close to a lot of people here and I thought it was important to let everyone know.

[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]

Comments

I’ve heard good things and keep meaning to watch!

[fogsong]

[ the little meow seems to spark something warm behind Sharon’s worn eyes and she nods before she heads into the kitchen.

she returns only a few minutes later, clutching in one hand a pair of tall clear glasses meant more for water than alcohol and in the other a saucer of carefully deboned white fish. she sets them all down on the coffee table and then plops down on the couch with a weariness. ]

I made sure there were no bones so you don’t have to worry about her choking. [ she doesn’t know much about taking care of cats but knows enough that they shouldn’t be fed sharp little bones. she’s got this feeling that Midnight is smarter than the average cat, though. ]

Doooo it. It's the performance of her career, at least so far!

[unphase]

[Moonlight looked up, perfectly innocent. her? need fish at her demand? never!

okay, it's more likely than you think.

and water works. alcohol would probably only cloudy Sharon's judgement at this point. times like this, one needs their judgement as sharp as they could get it, giving the givens. and at the sight of the fish, Moonlight miaows again as loudly as she can get, then tucks in gratefully]

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I have--I have little babies at home, but Moonlight is special. She's my Omen. [a friendly, outgoing, fearless little Omen. much like her person. and her person always gave her the best quality of fish she could afford]

I....I am sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother you love.

[fogsong]

[ her omen? that catches Sharon by surprise but it made sudden sense how Moonlight always seemed so perceptive and understanding. ]

I lost her back home, knew it was possible here, but… I forgot how much it hurt. I let myself forget.

And now I don’t have either of my parents here. I’ve—fuck. [ her voice cracks and breaks again but she manages to keep from crying this time around. ] I’ve never felt alone like this before, Tinya. [ this isn’t meant to be an insult. she knows she has friends here, she knows she’s got Tinya, but nothing can replace your parents.

even when she’d lost her mom back home, she’d had her dad. when she didn’t have her dad here, she’d had rose. she’s never had to be without parental guidance before and it’s frightening. ]

[unphase]

[Moonlight is the part of her who likes to be pampered and petted and treated like a princess, but also doesn't mind getting into a scrap if she has to]

That's understandable. Things at places like this...they seem to take on a sense of permanence, even though we know, we have to know that they're not. But I--[her voice breaks slightly]--I can't imagine what it's like. To lose your mom. It must be horrible.

[after all, Tinya's mother would make her daughter's life a living Void if she ever showed up. that her mother wouldn't be happy until she managed to wrest Tinya back under her thumb by whatever means necessary. and Tinya would go along with it, for fear that her mother would try to ruin every friendship Tinya had if she didn't.]

[fogsong]

[ Sharon can only imagine how Tinya would feel if her own mother were here; probably similarly to how she would feel if Dahlia were. ]

The one good thing in all of this is… at least I know she could return her someday. It’s not like she’s gone for good. [ it’s not like Forever, not like back home. here, there’s hope. and she clings to that hope like the last life raft in a turbulent sea.

she pulls her legs up onto the couch and rests her chin on her knees, pulling into herself as she watches Moonlight munch away. she finally shifts her attention back to Tinya, her cheek pressed against her knees. ]

Would you be sad if your mother left? If you were in my place?

[unphase]

[Tinya would do her best, but she knows that her mother would be out to destroy everything Tinya had built here. destroy it and try to replace it with something more to her taste, do everything but put Tinya in a tower impregnable by mere mortals]

You will see her again. I...only knew her briefly. But I could tell that much. She loved you with everything she had. [what was the Terran saying? any port in a storm? but dismissive to those who chose to take refuge at those ports.

Tinya doesn't try to draw any closer and neither does Moonlight. they both know that Sharon needs at least a little space to breathe. to process. to mourn]

If...it would be grandmother I'd miss. Mother is ceaselessly cold. If someone doesn't serve her purpose, they can find themselves discarded without a second thought.

[fogsong]

[ Tinya’s answer doesn’t surprise her in the least. She knows how awful her mother was, heard the stories, listened as Tinya battled the woman’s impossible expectations. Some part of Sharon wanted that woman to arrive just so she could give her a piece of her mind.

But, then again, could Tinya find a way to be who she wants to be if that woman showed up? Or would she revert?

Sharon thinks she knows the answer.

She reaches out to grab one of the water glasses and downs the cool liquid inside in one huge gulp. She knew it was important to stay hydrated after all the tears. She then grabs the decanter and pours herself a glass of it——she fills Tinya’s glass, too, never having put water in it. ]

I hope your grandmother shows up one day. She sounds like the kind of woman I’d want to know. [ She gave Tinya more than her mother ever did. That meant she was more important than anyone else. ]

[unphase]

[Tinya wouldn't want that. she knows that if her mother arrived, she'd do whatever she felt was necessary to destroy Tinya's "unwise" attachments to the people here. especially Sharon.

she'd try to fight back, at least at first. but she knew her mother, knew that she'd never be satisfied until she had Tinya's submission again. it would be a reversion into playing a part she never wanted in an effort to keep others safe.

Tinya starts drawing a finger 'round and 'round the lip of the glass, trying in vain to make it sing]

I hope she does, too. She'd like you, I know she would. And...I like to think she'd be proud of me? [the notion was almost foreign, but possible]

[fogsong]

I know she would be. [ everything Sharon has learned of the other woman makes it feel like there couldn’t be any doubt about it. ]

I think she’d be proud to see you step out of your mother’s shadow and explore your own desires; to see you trying to be more than what your mother expected from you. [ it felt easier to keep the conversation away from her own grief and Rose. she sips on her drink. the burn of the alcohol isn’t as noticeable as it once had been and she’s quick to finish it down and pour more —— a little too quickly. ]

[unphase]

[Tinya blushes faintly, but looks a little pleased]

That's--that's all I'd want. For her to be proud. So much of me is based on her, on my memories of her. Even while mother held my leash. [her grandmother had taken Tinya to her first ballet classes, had been so proud as she watched Tinya progress so rapidly, she'd shown Tinya off to her various lovers and friends at her wild soirees, praising both her beauty and brains in the same breath, telling everyone who'd listen that Tinya was destined for greatness.

it was nice. better than nice, while she'd lived with her grandmother, Tinya had felt that she could breathe. especially after the cold scrutiny in her mother's eyes and perfunctory kisses on the forehead]

[fogsong]

She’d see that in you. The people we love the most always seem to see what we need them to. [ Rose saw all the important things inside of her; she saw things she could love, things she cherished; parts of her that made her proud. Her heart clenches in her chest and she feels like she’s drowning again. She downs her second glass and reaches a shaking, pale hand to touch at one of Tinya’s. ]

You’ll see her one day just like I’ll see my mom again. And my dad. We have to believe that, don’t we? Because it makes it easier.

[unphase]

Then...she would. She'd be proud of me. [she's so caught up in memories of her grandmother, the ballet lessons she'd escorted Tinya and practiced with her, despite being in her grandmother's laughing words decades out of practice, the Terran musicals she loved, especially "Evita" and "Hillary" 'now you see, dear, you can either be loved or be respected in Terran culture. break the mold, be both, I have every faith in you.'

but the less she thinks of her grandmother's end, the better.

and the touch of Sharon's hand is a surprise but a welcome one. she turns her hand so that Sharon can hold her hand if she wishes]