text | un: sds

[fogsong]

My mother, Rose Da Silva, has returned to the ocean. I know she was close to a lot of people here and I thought it was important to let everyone know.

[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]

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[fogsong]

[ there is no denying the truth to his words and she looks away from him as she tries to swallow her grief and shove it into the vast well she stores all the emotions that bring her pain —— most to use at some later date like he’s taught her. When she looks back, she’s schooled away her sorrow and pushed those tears back. ]

I lost her before, you know? I remember how awful it was. I was 9 and she was gone, Maul.

It got easy to deal with as the years went by but… Fuck, it feels so much worse than it did back then. [ it’s like she’d filled in that pit grief had created inside of her only for a larger, more awful sinkhole to open up and devour that pit and all the things she’d filled it with. ] It’s like I’m drowning in it.

[survivalthroughhate]

I know exactly how you feel.

[He says quietly. The similarities between what he and Sharon have gone through once again are shockingly similar.]

I was taken from my mother when I was five years old against her will and mine.

[Though he couldn't remember much, he knew his mother hadn't let him go without a fight, no matter that his master claimed he was given to him as a gift, or as his brother had once told him, that Talzin had sold him to Sidious.]

She spent years trying to bring me home and she succeeded. But then she died a year after that. She was protecting me from my master as she wasn't able to all those years ago and sacrificed herself so I might live.

[Even now, three years later, his voice gets choked up with grief. He should have been stronger, better, able to protect his family.]

I lost another piece of myself that day and I've never been able to find it again. I know it is small comfort but at least she is out there somewhere in the ocean, where it is peaceful and there's no suffering as there is here in Trench. Perhaps she will make her way back here someday to you.

[fogsong]

[ She can hear the edge of grief in his voice —— can see it in the line of his lips and in the shadows of his eyes. It's an ache he's lived with for so long now that it's a part of him, just like it's a part of her; never fully healed even if the edges of it have scarred over. In some dark way, it helps her a little, to see it in someone else; to know she's not adrift in this sea alone even if they're miles apart on separate flotsam. ]

I feel like it's... it's fucking selfish as hell of me to hope she comes back, not if she'd be happier and safer out there. [ She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes to quell the sting of her tears. She breathes carefully, in through her nose and out through her mouth. She maintains control over the storm of grief until it's passed again but even as it passes her, she never pulls her hands away from her face. ]

Do you... Do you wish your mother would wash up here? Even knowing all she might go through? [ are you selfish like me? ]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul's voice is extremely gentle as he tries to console Sharon a little bit. He wishes he could take away the mental anguish she's in but knows that he cannot. All he can try to do is bandage the wound.]

Do you think she could ever be truly happy without you there with her? The first day she came here I found her stuck in a tree after one of my pets went after her. She was terrified. But the first thing she asked me as soon as she got down was if I had seen you. Despite all the horror that surrounded her, the first thing she thought of was you.

[He answers her question without hesitation.]

Yes. Every single day. Even with the suffering that goes on here that she would experience, knowing she would be here, that we could be a family again makes me keep hope alive.

[fogsong]

[ The first thing she thought of was you. The words dig into her chest and wiggle down deep like some perfect and inexplicably awful parasite, one she would never try to rid herself of even if she could. She could feel the hot tears against the heels of her palms. How did she even have any left?

At his response, she releases a weighted breath and pulls her hands from her face. The hollows under her eyes gleam wetly. Unthinking, she steps toward him to embrace him. As much for her as for him. She isn't often one to reach out for physical comfort, and rarely ever tries to touch him beyond a childish, teasing nudge, but there's an innocent childs need for it in her right now. ]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul's definitely not a hugger. He's not even one much for physical touch unless he knows the person well. But Sharon is in deep, deep pain right now that he can relate to on a personal level. And she's so young, still just a young girl who wants her mother.

So he stiffens up for a moment when Sharon hugs him. He's stiff and awkward in the way that people who don't hug much are like. But then he relaxes into the embrace, bringing up his arms to hold onto Sharon. He tries to be like a rock for her, a strong, supportive presence since Rose isn't here right now to be one for her.]