[Video; un: Uravity]

[floatsaway]

[It took...a while for Ochako to find the courage to really start acting like herself again after all of what happened in July. Thankfully, she has some amazing friends, an absolutely wonderful boyfriend that she would do anything for, and is as resilient as she is stubborn. Moping about and feeling remorseful will get her nothing, she has to act if she wants things to get better, so this is exactly what she's doing today, despite how she's still very nervous and really, really ashamed still. The things she did and said, the people she hurt, the one she killed... That's going to weigh heavy on her for much longer than just a month. But the first step to growing and moving on is to address and confront it. To apologize.

So the video opens up with Ochako sitting in presumably her living room, which...anyone who knows her, or has been to her and Bakugou's home before, will notice is different. Different wall colors, different arrangement of furniture, just...overall different. But she makes no note of that. Instead, she just puts on a sheepish smile to the camera and bows lightly.]

Ehehe...hello, everyone. It's been a while since I posted to the network, ne? S-Some here in Trench might know me, but I bet a lot of others don't. My name is Uraraka--...um! O-Or Ochako, if you're from the Western hemisphere of Earth. [She rubs the back of her head, mussing up her hair a little. Anyone who knows her would know, again, this is a nervous tic Ochako has. She clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.] Last month was, eeh...p-pretty crazy, huh? I know I went, um...pretty crazy. Myself.

[Her smile falls, and so does her hand in her hair, settling into her lap as Ochako sighs. She then sets her omni down on the floor she's kneeling on, looking rather somber all of a sudden as she takes a deep breath in and out, as if preparing herself.]

It's true it wasn't really me, that it was all part of The Reckoning's...stuff, but. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, and I couldn't have tried harder to fight it. Neither does it make anything better, because it was still my body, my voice, that did and said all those things. So, I just...I--

I want to apologize. To everyone I hurt in some way. I am...deeply sorry, for everything.

[She gazes downward, and then bows as low as she can, a full dogeza. Ochako said nasty things, physically and emotionally hurt people she considers very friends. She even went and killed someone in cold blood at some point, among other things. She can still see the blood, hear the breaking of a neck, the splatter of a body on hard ground... Those thing's can't be erased, but she can at least admit they happened, and apologize for them. It's the first thing to do before she starts trying to make amends for it.

She rises, just for a moment, before bowing back down again.]

And to those that helped me overcome...thank you. Even if it was just for a moment, you really saved me. I'm grateful.

Comments

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Hey Ochako,

I've been here for a pretty long time.

The best thing I can say in situations like this is...

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. We only have so much control when things go crazy and the people who really care about you will understand that.

Just- Don't stop moving forward and push onto make up for any mistakes you might have made when you weren't at your best.

Text; UN: Player One

[comecatchthesehands]

lol.

Face down, making yourself worthless for the whole network because you fucked up. The only thing you should be sorry for is showing your neck to the predators and not fighting back.

text; suckmyodangos

[bleedformeplz]

lol it wasnt you
the end
time for this month.
wished i saw that. ;w;

video; un: lady

[dohaeris]

[sansa doesn't understand the part about a western hemisphere, she will look up what a hemisphere is and still not understand it.

her face fell sometime after hearing this. she tried very hard to protect her friends last month, and it sounds like she wasn't able to protect all of them. she had not thought to worry about ochako, who she has always thought of as more responsible and capable than herself. she sees now this was a mistake. she had not thought to worry about robb, either.]

I should have been there. I'm sorry.

text; un: carmilla

[yandhero]

older me is right for once so listen 2 her kk?
it wasn't u. and even if it was

[ "it doesn't matter." she doesn't type it - it's not right, after all. it's not what she really means, what she really wants to say. so she stops, and she looks at her message, and finally she finishes: ]

then it's what u do now that matters.

i know some ppl r sayin u don't need to apologize and some ppl are sayin ur stupid for it
but i'm rly proud to know a hero like u who can own up to it

Video UN: glyphywitchy

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz had given Ochako space and knew she wouldn't be feeling good when she came to. Luz was also careful not to mention what had happened between them to Lexi, not until Ochako was herself again. She had promised to tell Lexi the truth but knew it would be better to do that when everyone had a clear head again].

It wasn't you Ochako. Some of us definitely know that. I don't want you to feel too rotten, but I get why you're apologizing.

[Luz chose to try NOT to think too much on the things Ochako had said, since some of them had hurt deeper than she expected].

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

It... it's good to take responsibility, and there will be those who forgive and those who don't...

But you also have to be willing to forgive yourself for something you didn't ask to happen to you.

[floatsaway]

[It takes a bit of time for Ochako to respond, because mostly...she's not looking for sympathy. She's not. This isn't about her - it's about the people who she hurt, so they can get some closure and some catharsis if they so choose. They're rightfully justified, she thinks.]

I know. You're right, Ruby-san, of course...and I won't stop moving forward, but right now it's not really about me. I didn't do this for myself, or because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. A lot of people did some horrible things this month, good people I know would never do those things normally, and even if it 'wasn't me' it doesn't erase that it happened. That it caused someone to hurt. [To die.]

This is just the first step.

[floatsaway]

I fought enough last month. You ought to know.

If they want to come for my neck like you say, then it's their right to do it. I'm not going to stop them.

[She's not looking for anyone to baby her right now. Ochako still did something wrong - crazy or not, Trench's influence or not. It was still, in some way, her. She has to take the responsibility for what happened, because no matter what, it did happen. This is her putting herself out there and taking whatever comes.]

[floatsaway]

Maybe not, but it still happened.
People still got hurt.
I'm not going to ignore that.

[She can't. It's not the kind of person Ochako is. She refuses to ignore what happened.]

[floatsaway]

Sansa-san, please don't.

[Ochako rubs her face, sounding firm for a minute, then sighing and shaking her head. No, no...she can't be gentle about this. Too many times she's seen her friends try to pass the guilt onto themselves for not doing enough, for not being there, for not being able to help. That's not what Ochako wants right now - this isn't about her, it's not about Sansa, it's about the people that Ochako hurt and making sure they have their closure.]

This isn't your burden to bear, it's mine, and I need to make amends for it. If it was me, or if it wasn't, makes no difference - it happened, and I'm taking responsibility for it.

FOR THE RECORD I do not think this is stupid :( he is just a bitch

[comecatchthesehands]

Did you? Don't flatter yourself.

No, you're not. That's how stupid this is. Is this what they teach heroes? You don't matter because your feefees is hurted you did a no no?

[She won't get babied. Not by him, but maybe not for the reasons she's looking for.]

[floatsaway]

[Thank goodness she didn't say what was on her mind, because Ochako may have simply not responded at all. Toga is right, it does matter, because Ochako regrets it - that's why it matters, and why she wants--...needs to take the heat for it. It's how people move on, they let it out first.]

They can say what they want, it makes no difference to me.
I've just seen too many people...even strong Pro Heroes, get away with bad things they've done in the past.
It we don't admit our mistakes, and just wallow in them without taking action, we don't grow. Those things have an effect on everyone, too, and they catch up fast.

But, thank you.
[PRIVATE]
For also saving Bakugou, too. I never got to say how grateful I was for that.

you mean you're not a crusty edgelord irl? i have been bamboozled

[floatsaway]

Did YOU?

[He had an opportunity when they fought. When she attacked him. He didn't take it, when he could have so, so easily. Instead, he took her quirk. She can't help but question it. Why?]

You're half right. They teach us to do what it takes, even at the cost of our lives. And you know what? Yeah, I think that mentality is pretty stupid sometimes, depending on the situation.
But no one is telling me what to do right now, nor can they.
This is MY choice, because RIGHT NOW, the people I hurt matter MORE to me.
It doesn't mean I DON'T matter.

I just know where and when to put others before myself.

[dohaeris]

[sansa doesn't say that's not what she meant. she shuts her eyes briefly, and opens them again deliberately.]

Of course you must make amends however you see fit. I regret that I wasn't able to assist you in seeking protection against the effects of the Beast Moon and whatever else last month. It would be well if you might find a way to the Sanctuary if ever you begin to feel you are becoming unlike yourself, in the future. I think your omen might be able to assist you in this. Have you found a way to summon them?

I never said *that*. Dark Highlight for cw not nice word.

[comecatchthesehands]

Why bother when you were so easy to put down? Waste of my time to try to go into a pvp zone with fresh meat.

lol. Put others before yourself? That whole message is about you and how you feel. Ask the dead guy how he feels, bet you don't get a response. Now ask people who are alive, you moron. Because as I see it, if someone comes for your head even if you don't stay dead here, there's retards out there willing to protect you. They'll get hurt in your stead.

What a selfless soul perpetuating the cycle. No, no. That sounds right for heroes, black and white selfishness. Carry on. You're doing the work you wanted.

text (un: FLYHIGH)

[asas]

hey, you know who taught me to own up and act first?
you did.
and you keep doing it.
☝️ that's why you're a mega comet out of this world!

private

[yandhero]

[ it takes a lot of strength to admit that. she's not surprised ochako has that strength - not in the slightest! but some part of her is still sad she didn't get to see her journey there. (what happened since school started? just what has ochako been through, to understand that feeling so well? she wants to know, so, so badly.)

but it's not important right now. she's just checking up on a friend, regardless of where they might actually stand. ]

huh? no need to thank me
that's just what heroes do! wwwwwww

that's what i wanna say
but it *is* kinda nice to hear from you ehehehe
is katsukikun holding up ok? r u both looking for each other rn?

cw: brief depictions of gore/violence/NPC death

[floatsaway]

I know, and I definitely will... [Eventually. It'll take time, but she will.] ...but this has to be said. It may have been against my will, but it doesn't erase how I made others feel, or what I did to them.

[Ochako visibly winces, eyes squeezing shut as she remembers the body, the growing pool of blood, the smashed in skull and the twisted, cut neck--]

I-I have to get over that part first. The rest comes after.

[PRIVATE]

[floatsaway]

[Ochako's throat closes up, and it actually takes her a few minutes to respond, only because she still remembers just how truly horrible she was to Luz specifically. All the hateful, mean things she said...the threats and name-calling. Gosh, it really was like she was just bullying her for the stupidest reasons that Ochako just made up herself.

Hearing that people understand, it--...it feels weird. She's happy, in a way, but also doesn't feel like she really deserves it. It wasn't you - those words feel so hollow from how many times people have said them. Like it's an excuse, or a means of coping. It may not have been her, sure, but it still all happened in her body. Ochako remembers everything.]

Luz-san... I don't-- [She takes a deep breath, her voice tight.] It doesn't feel like it wasn't me. Even if I had no control over what I did, or said...it was my body, my memories, used specifically to hurt you. A part of that was me! I can't ignore it!!

I can't... [She hiccups, turning her face away, using the heel of her hand to dig at the corners of her eyes.] I want to take it all back, but I can't.

private

[floatsaway]

[It definitely took a lot of strength to just do this much, even though Ochako's only got so much to spare right now. Maybe it's why she's still very frayed at the edges, and ready to fall apart in certain conversations. It helps, though, that she can have people to fall back on. Things to look forward to.

A long conversation with Toga is quickly becoming one of those.]

It's well deserved, I think. ♥

Mm, we're staying together again, but we had to move.
[Ochako doesn't really feel uneasy saying that, even if she still keeps it a little vague.]
Our house didn't really survive last month, either...and I don't think it really felt like 'home' anymore.
For either of us.

[PRIVATE]

[floatsaway]

[Yeah, that first part is a huge fucking lie if she ever saw one, but Ochako isn't concerned with it. She's far too focused on glowering down at the next half and wanting to somehow reach through her Omni and slap Shigaraki across his nasty, barnacle encrusted face. How the hell can one man be somewhat pleasant to speak with one day, then utterly despicable another?

#villains I GUESS??]

Is that all?
Is that what you came here for, Shigaraki-san?
Just to tell me off because YOU don't like how I'm handling the situation?

Tell me then, what I should do instead.
I'm curious to hear your side.

[Is she being sassy or is she genuinely curious? Little of column a, little of column b.]

[comecatchthesehands]

Yeah. I did, so what? What about it? Problems? Don't care. You handled it like shit and I had an opinion. Don't post it to the network if you don't want replies.

Have you tried shutting up and just living your life after? Why in the fuck is it just so fucking hard to walk on past it. What did your apology do? Show me Lazerus.

[floatsaway]

...Right.
Because you're following your own advice so well, Shigaraki-san.

[Shutting up, living his life, and walking past it. No, he had to give his opinion. What a hypocrite. Still, because Ochako is Ochako, she's going to...trryyyyyyy to bridge this. Get some actual rapport going. They did it once, not too long ago.]

Have you ever regretted anything in your life?
I'm asking seriously now.
If you can answer yes, then you understand why I can't 'shut up and live my life'.
If you know me as well as you think you do, then you understand why I can't 'just walk on past it'.

[comecatchthesehands]

Watch what you say.

I've never regretted anything I made the decision to do.

[Mon, after all, wasn't his decision.]

I did it because I did it. It's because I know you so well I already know you're going to put yourself in harms way just to say something stupid to everyone including people who won't and don't care.