[Video; un: Uravity]

[floatsaway]

[It took...a while for Ochako to find the courage to really start acting like herself again after all of what happened in July. Thankfully, she has some amazing friends, an absolutely wonderful boyfriend that she would do anything for, and is as resilient as she is stubborn. Moping about and feeling remorseful will get her nothing, she has to act if she wants things to get better, so this is exactly what she's doing today, despite how she's still very nervous and really, really ashamed still. The things she did and said, the people she hurt, the one she killed... That's going to weigh heavy on her for much longer than just a month. But the first step to growing and moving on is to address and confront it. To apologize.

So the video opens up with Ochako sitting in presumably her living room, which...anyone who knows her, or has been to her and Bakugou's home before, will notice is different. Different wall colors, different arrangement of furniture, just...overall different. But she makes no note of that. Instead, she just puts on a sheepish smile to the camera and bows lightly.]

Ehehe...hello, everyone. It's been a while since I posted to the network, ne? S-Some here in Trench might know me, but I bet a lot of others don't. My name is Uraraka--...um! O-Or Ochako, if you're from the Western hemisphere of Earth. [She rubs the back of her head, mussing up her hair a little. Anyone who knows her would know, again, this is a nervous tic Ochako has. She clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.] Last month was, eeh...p-pretty crazy, huh? I know I went, um...pretty crazy. Myself.

[Her smile falls, and so does her hand in her hair, settling into her lap as Ochako sighs. She then sets her omni down on the floor she's kneeling on, looking rather somber all of a sudden as she takes a deep breath in and out, as if preparing herself.]

It's true it wasn't really me, that it was all part of The Reckoning's...stuff, but. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, and I couldn't have tried harder to fight it. Neither does it make anything better, because it was still my body, my voice, that did and said all those things. So, I just...I--

I want to apologize. To everyone I hurt in some way. I am...deeply sorry, for everything.

[She gazes downward, and then bows as low as she can, a full dogeza. Ochako said nasty things, physically and emotionally hurt people she considers very friends. She even went and killed someone in cold blood at some point, among other things. She can still see the blood, hear the breaking of a neck, the splatter of a body on hard ground... Those thing's can't be erased, but she can at least admit they happened, and apologize for them. It's the first thing to do before she starts trying to make amends for it.

She rises, just for a moment, before bowing back down again.]

And to those that helped me overcome...thank you. Even if it was just for a moment, you really saved me. I'm grateful.

Comments

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Hey Ochako,

I've been here for a pretty long time.

The best thing I can say in situations like this is...

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. We only have so much control when things go crazy and the people who really care about you will understand that.

Just- Don't stop moving forward and push onto make up for any mistakes you might have made when you weren't at your best.

[floatsaway]

[It takes a bit of time for Ochako to respond, because mostly...she's not looking for sympathy. She's not. This isn't about her - it's about the people who she hurt, so they can get some closure and some catharsis if they so choose. They're rightfully justified, she thinks.]

I know. You're right, Ruby-san, of course...and I won't stop moving forward, but right now it's not really about me. I didn't do this for myself, or because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. A lot of people did some horrible things this month, good people I know would never do those things normally, and even if it 'wasn't me' it doesn't erase that it happened. That it caused someone to hurt. [To die.]

This is just the first step.

Text; UN: Player One

[comecatchthesehands]

lol.

Face down, making yourself worthless for the whole network because you fucked up. The only thing you should be sorry for is showing your neck to the predators and not fighting back.

[floatsaway]

I fought enough last month. You ought to know.

If they want to come for my neck like you say, then it's their right to do it. I'm not going to stop them.

[She's not looking for anyone to baby her right now. Ochako still did something wrong - crazy or not, Trench's influence or not. It was still, in some way, her. She has to take the responsibility for what happened, because no matter what, it did happen. This is her putting herself out there and taking whatever comes.]

text; suckmyodangos

[bleedformeplz]

lol it wasnt you
the end
time for this month.
wished i saw that. ;w;

[floatsaway]

Maybe not, but it still happened.
People still got hurt.
I'm not going to ignore that.

[She can't. It's not the kind of person Ochako is. She refuses to ignore what happened.]

video; un: lady

[dohaeris]

[sansa doesn't understand the part about a western hemisphere, she will look up what a hemisphere is and still not understand it.

her face fell sometime after hearing this. she tried very hard to protect her friends last month, and it sounds like she wasn't able to protect all of them. she had not thought to worry about ochako, who she has always thought of as more responsible and capable than herself. she sees now this was a mistake. she had not thought to worry about robb, either.]

I should have been there. I'm sorry.

[floatsaway]

Sansa-san, please don't.

[Ochako rubs her face, sounding firm for a minute, then sighing and shaking her head. No, no...she can't be gentle about this. Too many times she's seen her friends try to pass the guilt onto themselves for not doing enough, for not being there, for not being able to help. That's not what Ochako wants right now - this isn't about her, it's not about Sansa, it's about the people that Ochako hurt and making sure they have their closure.]

This isn't your burden to bear, it's mine, and I need to make amends for it. If it was me, or if it wasn't, makes no difference - it happened, and I'm taking responsibility for it.

text; un: carmilla

[yandhero]

older me is right for once so listen 2 her kk?
it wasn't u. and even if it was

[ "it doesn't matter." she doesn't type it - it's not right, after all. it's not what she really means, what she really wants to say. so she stops, and she looks at her message, and finally she finishes: ]

then it's what u do now that matters.

i know some ppl r sayin u don't need to apologize and some ppl are sayin ur stupid for it
but i'm rly proud to know a hero like u who can own up to it

[floatsaway]

[Thank goodness she didn't say what was on her mind, because Ochako may have simply not responded at all. Toga is right, it does matter, because Ochako regrets it - that's why it matters, and why she wants--...needs to take the heat for it. It's how people move on, they let it out first.]

They can say what they want, it makes no difference to me.
I've just seen too many people...even strong Pro Heroes, get away with bad things they've done in the past.
It we don't admit our mistakes, and just wallow in them without taking action, we don't grow. Those things have an effect on everyone, too, and they catch up fast.

But, thank you.
[PRIVATE]
For also saving Bakugou, too. I never got to say how grateful I was for that.

Video UN: glyphywitchy

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz had given Ochako space and knew she wouldn't be feeling good when she came to. Luz was also careful not to mention what had happened between them to Lexi, not until Ochako was herself again. She had promised to tell Lexi the truth but knew it would be better to do that when everyone had a clear head again].

It wasn't you Ochako. Some of us definitely know that. I don't want you to feel too rotten, but I get why you're apologizing.

[Luz chose to try NOT to think too much on the things Ochako had said, since some of them had hurt deeper than she expected].

[PRIVATE]

[floatsaway]

[Ochako's throat closes up, and it actually takes her a few minutes to respond, only because she still remembers just how truly horrible she was to Luz specifically. All the hateful, mean things she said...the threats and name-calling. Gosh, it really was like she was just bullying her for the stupidest reasons that Ochako just made up herself.

Hearing that people understand, it--...it feels weird. She's happy, in a way, but also doesn't feel like she really deserves it. It wasn't you - those words feel so hollow from how many times people have said them. Like it's an excuse, or a means of coping. It may not have been her, sure, but it still all happened in her body. Ochako remembers everything.]

Luz-san... I don't-- [She takes a deep breath, her voice tight.] It doesn't feel like it wasn't me. Even if I had no control over what I did, or said...it was my body, my memories, used specifically to hurt you. A part of that was me! I can't ignore it!!

I can't... [She hiccups, turning her face away, using the heel of her hand to dig at the corners of her eyes.] I want to take it all back, but I can't.

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

It... it's good to take responsibility, and there will be those who forgive and those who don't...

But you also have to be willing to forgive yourself for something you didn't ask to happen to you.

cw: brief depictions of gore/violence/NPC death

[floatsaway]

I know, and I definitely will... [Eventually. It'll take time, but she will.] ...but this has to be said. It may have been against my will, but it doesn't erase how I made others feel, or what I did to them.

[Ochako visibly winces, eyes squeezing shut as she remembers the body, the growing pool of blood, the smashed in skull and the twisted, cut neck--]

I-I have to get over that part first. The rest comes after.

text (un: FLYHIGH)

[asas]

hey, you know who taught me to own up and act first?
you did.
and you keep doing it.
☝️ that's why you're a mega comet out of this world!

[floatsaway]

[Shoyo, you're gonna make her tear up if you keep praising her like that. And it may be more bitter than sweet.]

Thank you, Shoyo-san, you're very kind to say all that. ♥♥♥

But I'm still just as human as anyone else, and I make mistakes like everyone else.
A lot of them, recently...
Really big ones.

video | un: jessie☆sama | private

[snakesdonthavelegs]

[ The video that comes onto Ochako's feed is of the blonde girl from the beginning of last month, the one who had tried to steal the vegetables and pick a fight with the vendor in the markets. She's wearing a much different expression now, sympathetic and humble. ]

Hey, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry too. I know that it was the Reckoning messing with me, but at the time... it felt like that really was part of who I was, and they just made that part of me worse. But it was already there. Um, I'm not saying it's the same for you, though.

It's... I think it's good that you're taking responsibility like this.

| private

[floatsaway]

[Oh!! Ochako definitely remembers this girl, and immediately her expression softens as well. If anyone could understand what she's going through, it's the others who went through the same thing. It's so hard to see past that idea that it was still, in a way, herself...so hearing it from someone else who experienced the same thing feels somewhat liberating. Not a lot, but enough.]

That's exactly it - you said it perfectly. Even if it wasn't really me, it still felt like it was a part of me. I still pretended I was a Hero, doing the right thing...stopping crime and upholding my own twisted sense of justice. When we fought, I think that was the better half of me, but...it didn't last.

I'm sorry that's what happened, and if I hurt you at all. I don't blame you for it, and thinking back...a lot of people may have done the same under the circumstances. But, um...thanks. For saying that. We can't excuse what we did because the weird Moon Effects or whatever, right? That's not how I wanna be.

[How she wants to grow.]

video; d.larusso

[miyagimagic]

[ Daniel may not know the girl, but.. there's no way his heart doesn't ache when he hears something like this. He realised with the way the entire town seemed to go absolutely wild last month that a lot of bad things can happen here, and the fact that so many of them seem to hit teens, who should be dealing with way simpler problems..

It's rough. ]

I know you don't know me, but.. I just wanted to say that you're being real mature about this. [ His voice is on the gentle side. Even if it's coming from a stranger, surely the girl can use some reassurance, right? She doesn't even look older than his own kids back home, which makes it feel extra important. ]

Still.. It sounds like you're also aware it wasn't fully your fault, and I hope you keep reminding yourself of that.

[ Because it doesn't feel right either for her to keep kicking herself down over this. ]

[floatsaway]

[Ochako doesn't know him, so maybe that's why hearing something like that, especially from someone her senior makes her duck her head a little bit, the corners of her mouth impulsively turning up. Ochako's not looking for praise, or really anything here. Not even forgiveness, that's not fair for her to ask for, especially over the network - she just had to say sorry, because that's her truth. It was a part of her that snapped, and she can't look away from what she did.]

Ah...th-thank you, you're very kind to say that, sir. I'm just...doing what I think is right. That's all. Using the effects of this month's moon, or the Reckoning's thing, that all feels like a really good excuse, and I don't...I don't wanna fall back on something like that. [She swallows, chewing her lip as she chews the next words. Yeah, she's definitely trying, even if it's hard. Hard to keep walking, when it feels like she's being weighed down by everything.]

Ehehe...I'm trying. I'm, um...really lucky to have people to remind me if I forget though. It just, um...might take a while to fully believe it.

text - un: 30hotdoglimit (private)

[stilljustyou]

( It hurts to see their friends in pain. It also hurts because they understand how she feels. They wonder what happened, but she doesn't need to tell her either. Frisk just wants her to be okay. )

It wasn't your fault.

This world can make you do really bad things.

(private)

[floatsaway]

[Ochako smiles sadly at the text before her, wondering how best to go about this. Frisk is small, they're not all that much older than Eri, really...maybe just a few years. Three? Four?? Of course they won't fully understand her stance.]

Maybe not, and maybe this place does make people do bad things.
I was in another world that sometimes did stuff like that, too, but not nearly as bad as Trench...

Still, I can't forget what happened, and it's not fair to the people who were hurt if I pretend like it didn't happen, or if I tried to ignore it.
So I have to say sorry.

[And strive to do better, but that's a plan of attack for another day. This is the first step.]

video | un: graham crackers

[possessum]

( Peter, nervous and shy even on his best days, isn't one to approach strangers. And especially after last month... he's been keeping to himself, maintaining an even lower profile than usual.

But when he sees the message from the girl... he finds himself turning on his own video feed. Despite the Perpetual Gloom to him — eyes rimmed in dark circles, features sombre — his voice is very soft. She looks a bit younger, maybe around the age he was when he first showed up in Deerington. His heart aches quietly at the thought of what she's experienced, because he knows exactly how it is. )

Hi, I'm— I don't think I've met you before, but I'm Peter. ( He offers a small smile, shy and awkward and sad. )

I um.. I wish there was something I could say to help. But I know it's not that simple. I... got pretty bad last month, too.

( The horrible things he'd said, to the person he loves the most... The way he found blood caked under his fingernails and can't remember what happened. The thing living inside him was brought out by the Reckoning's influence, too. Peter's body was used as a tool to hurt others, and he can't undo that. )

Sometimes I wonder if that's how it's always going to be, here. A cycle of... hurting others, and getting hurt.

[floatsaway]

[Ochako definitely looks pretty worse for wear herself. Her own skin is a bit blotchy and pale, the usual pink tones to her cheeks rather subdued. She looks like she hasn't slept well in a few days... And, of course, her eyes are pretty bloodshot, too. Makes sense, given how she's cried a lot on and off the past few hours. It's been rough, for a lot of people.

Despite that, the brunette smiles, even if it doesn't smile reach her eyes much. Ochako's trying - this isn't her first time with...really bad things, but it's the first time she's felt responsible for it.]

Hello, Peter-san, it's nice to meet you. [As polite as ever, this one.] It...d-definitely sounds like last month was one of the worst, huh? I'm sorry you had to go through whatever you did.

[Swallowing, Ochako takes a deep breath. Trench really does make one start to think that way, what with all the shit it rains down on them all the damn time, but Ochako can't just allow it to take away all her hope.]

Feels that way, doesn't it? I guess that's why we have to keep pushing on through it. We can make the best of the good times, but if we all allow the worst to get to us, then we've really given up. I don't think I want to lay down like that, ehehe...I'm pretty stubborn that way, I guess.

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

[She laughed silently when she saw this. Honestly, she felt some sympathy for the girl. She hated when she lost control like that and did things she didn't intend. But it was the loss of control that was galling more than anything else. Still, what happened?]

Oh, you're just fine kid.
We both went plenty crazy last month and in the end it'll be fine.
I certainly don't hold any of that shit against you.

You have a mean right hook, though.

[floatsaway]

[Oh my gosh, here's another one. Ochako covers her face, reminded that she had to be stopped from really hurting another person. She still...their hand...ugh!! At least that is treatable, but gosh Ochako just. Is so embarrassed and ashamed of herself.]

I'm starting to think a lot of people couldn't stop what happened last month...
Doesn't make it feel any less shameful.
Thank you so much for trying to stop me, Neo-san, I'm really very sorry if I truly hurt you. I did NOT want to, I promise.

video: un; an.observer

[thisislife]

[Lexi's expression is gentle and her voice is soft]

Hey. What happened? It wasn't you. I...don't know you very well yet, but I know enough to know that for sure. And any time you need to get away from the memories, I have a spare room for you and pancakes, too. Okay?

[floatsaway]

[Ochako sighs, softly, and closes her eyes. She knows people are trying to help, but hearing the same thing again and again - how it wasn't really her - it's a little tiring. Mostly because Ochako does understand that, but...it's not really an excuse, either. Her body was still controlled and acted on the whims of something else, she has to take responsibility for the havoc it caused.

Because if she doesn't...no one else will.]

Lexi-chan...thank you. I really appreciate that, more than you know. And, um...I-I'm sorry I left as suddenly as I did before, but...I-I guess I got a little scared.

[That, amongst numerous other tumultuous thoughts, too. The fact she attacked and said so many horrible things to Luz, Lexi's partner, made Ochako feel more miserable and guilty...especially when Lexi was being so kind, and helped her. And to curb all that, she ran away the first moment she could. Like a coward...]