deernet | video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

So for those not in the know, our house burned down last month.

[ What a way to open a post, right. And yet Ange manages to say it with something very close to a pokerface. Those who know her well may see something at its edges though. An annoyance that starts to bleed more and more into the girl's tone as she speaks on. ]

And not in the 'dumb accident' sense. No, it's because apparently it's socially acceptable in this place to come to someone's house and set it on fire, before bringing your friends inside to start murdering its inhabitants. [ Okay, yes. At this point it's not thiny veiled annoyance anymore. This is obvious annoyance that she doesn't bother to hide. ] And before anyone asks me if I'm alright— I'm fine. Totally fine. I mean, I half-turned into a beast back there, but it's clearly cool. It's fine.

[ It's clearly not fine. The sarcasm is thick.

Though Ange seems to realise that's not why she was supposed to make this message, and manages to snap herself out of passive-aggressive-ville for just long enough to sigh and sound a little bit more neutral as she speaks on. ]

Anyway, we want to rebuild the house, but that's obviously something we need help with. None of us are exactly architects.. I think. I've learned to not question weird Remnant hobbies. [ You never know what those Remnant people are capable of. ] Not to mention we'd need help with the actual physical rebuilding itself too.

We could use help from a lot of people, so if anyone would be willing to help, that'd be great.

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[ wanda smiles and chuckles warmly. ]

Believe me, I know. [ taking over a town because she had no understanding of her own powers was, well… an experience. she'd hope that if she had someone holding her hand from time to time that perhaps she could've avoided making that an entire mess of a plot line. ]

I never had anyone help me. It was… lonely sometimes, knowing I had these powers and people looked at me like I was something else. [ she doesn't mean for her voice to grow pensive, so wanda clears her throat. ] We can figure out the instruction manual together.

[ It's still a kind offer. Ange is grateful enough that she's not entirely sure what to say. Maybe a straightforward 'thanks', sure, but Ange has never been good at that, just a little bit too awkward and afraid of being vulnerable around the edges. So she doesn't say that. Instead she quietly thinks for a moment about what Wanda said, and then speaks up again. ]

Were you the only one with magic where you come from?

[ Those are usually the sort of circumstances that'd cause that, right? No one around to teach you anything, people treating you like you're weird.. ]

.. there are other witches where I come from, but they all suck, so it's not like any of them helped me. [ That's where Ange's own trouble with learning magic comes from - as she offers up that knowledge, since it only feels fair while asking the same in return from Wanda. ]

[ wanda shakes her head. ] No. I didn't even know I had magic at the time.

[ it sounds a little silly, she suspects. how does someone not know that they wield magical powers? but she supposes that being trained in a lab where the men and women in charge didn't believe in magic, let alone what wanda herself exhibited... it's been a strange ride trying to understand who she is. she's never felt like herself until agatha harkness came along. ]

There was a witch... [ she licks her lips and does her best not to appear guilty. agatha deserved what came to her. she deserved it for pietro.

she shakes her head. ] She wasn't interested in helping me. She... sucked. [ she smiles. ] A lot.

.. I guess it's a universal experience then.

[ Okay, maybe not that universal. After all, some of her friends here are witches, and they definitely seem to have a much better ratio of sucky versus less sucky witches going on in their world than Ange and even Wanda herself seem to have experience with.

It's more that they share something in common, but since saying that feels a little too personal, Ange can't help but word it this way instead. ]

Sorry to hear it though. Dealing with witches like that is the worst. [ If her own experience is anything to go by, but just the way Wanda words it makes Ange feel like her experience isn't so difference. ] Especially when they seem to be better at the whole magic deal.

[ she offers a small smile and nods. ] Mine had centuries on me.

[ it feels like it's a little bit of a lighthearted joke—and perhaps it is. it's one that wanda would've played up in wandavision. here's agatha harness, a centuries' old witch playing the good normal neighbour to wanda the misfit.

despite agatha's betrayal, she had been a friend… or something like that. it's confusing when it's all scripted. ]

I think magic is something you can learn, but… I don't think it's like math. One plus one doesn't always equal two for you as it does for someone else. [ wanda scrunches up her nose and laughs a little self-consciously. ] Does that make sense?

[ Centuries, huh. It's not a surprising concept to Ange, who frequently found herself back home among witches who casually claimed to be a thousand or even more years old.

It just makes it sound familiar. ]

Well, it helps if magic isn't like math. [ Ange groans a little as she says it. Technically she may be too old to really be a teenager at this point, but there's still moments like this where she can't help but act like one. ] Because I was never good at that.

[ Though it was mostly a lack of trying, rather than a lack of smarts. ]

But.. no, that does make sense. Where I come from, it did seem like every witch could do something else, even though some had the same baseline powers. But it was still like everyone had their own.. speciality, perhaps. Or niche. Something they could do that no one else could.

[ There's a tiny pause where Ange seems to consider it, and then she adds: ] I don't think I ever quite reached that level.

[ Did Wanda, she wonders? Or maybe magic works entirely differently where she comes from after all. ]

[ wanda tilts her head to the side and frowns thoughtfully. she's only been a recognised witch for, well... a week in westview and then many months in deerington and the trench. she still doesn't know the ins and outs and expectations and experiences despite reading the darkhold from front to back and back to front. she doesn't quite know if she has any authority to even speak about being a witch.

but she supposes that being a witch is enough. it seems to be for ange. and from what agatha had told her... wanda suspects her specialty is very, very specialised. ]

I'm sure there's something you could do that no one else can. Sometimes we don't see those things when it's too close to ourselves. Do you know what yours are without the blood powers?

I've been trying to figure that out. [ Ange honestly admits.

That's the problem with a lack of manuals that come with magic. You have no idea what you can or can't do until you're already doing it - accidentally or otherwise. ]

Demon summoning is the easiest kind of magic for me, I think. I'm pretty good at that at this point, probably since it's the first thing I discovered I can do. [ So she's had a while to practice with it. ] I'm not sure how it was for you, but.. back in Deerington, it really felt like that place was limiting my magic. But ever since I showed up in Trench instead, it feels like it kind of opened the floodgates of magic back up again, and ever since then I've been a little confused about what my abilities and limits are.

[ Since it's a lot easier to discover them when your scope of magic is smaller - like back in Deerington. ]

I mean, the other day I freaked out and healed someone who was nearly dying back to full health without even consciously intending to do so. [ There was only the desire to want to do so-- and then the next moment it was already happening. ] It wasn't.. bad, given the outcome.

But it was weird.

[ Especially since it's a little worrying too. If freaking out there caused that to happen, who's to say something bad couldn't happen the next time she freaks out?

It makes her feel a little bit vulnerable to talk about it all like this, but on the other hand, with Wanda being a witch too.. This is one of the few opportunities she has to get advice or even just a second opinion. Even if it involves having to be honest and vulnerable for it. ]

I can make you feel like you're back in Deerington.

[ such a strange thing to say, she knows. she furrows her brows slightly in thought. her thoughts will come together in a few moments, even if her thoughts are intertwining to form something strange.

when she had been in deerington, her powers had felt as they always had… and she wonders if it had been because that was her at her most limited. she had turned a pocket of the town into her own black and white sitcom… she suspects that if she tried that now, the entirety of trench would be hers to dominate and control. ]

That way, you can learn it in an environment that won't feel so confusing. Maybe that will help you understand it clearly. If you bring down the scope of it, you could learn how to control your fear one piece of magic at a time.

[ that feels so utterly familiar. ]

[ Ange frowns. ]

I'm not.. sure.

[ Granted, she sounds a little hesitant to dismiss the entire idea too, because she knows Wanda wants to help - and that, in some ways, Wanda may know more about magic than Ange herself does. ]

Feeling that limited back there also didn't really feel.. [ Her voice trails off, looking for the right word. ] .. good, I guess? I didn't realise it in that moment, but now whatever was pushing down on us in Deerington has been lifted, I feel weirdly more free.

[ When it comes to her powers, anyway. ]

Even though it's kind of overwhelming at the same time, I'm not sure it's a feeling I would want to lose again, you know? [ It's a bit vulnerable to say that. It's like admitting to a potential weakness to someone, and Ange hates giving others information about her that they could exploit.

But sometimes you have to trust someone a little. Like right now. ]

Even if it's just for a little bit. It's like my magic is just part of me now, or something like that. Part of who I am.

You should consider training in that type of situation just in case the Trench decides to take your magic away one month.

[ but she's not going to press. wanda is an avenger and like any avenger, she doesn't take her own advice. (she needs to practice, too.)

if that isn't something ange wants to tackle right now, then she supposes going back to the basics never hurt anyone. it's what she did with sam and steve many years ago. learning how to harness her powers is something she needs to continue practicing, regardless of how large they are now. ]

Are your powers always triggered by an extreme emotion? Maybe you can practice how to heal while being calm.

[ Ange knows Wanda is right. And it's not like this place hasn't done so before. There have been a few situations where she had been completely unable to use her magic to defend herself. And while she's practiced some alternate methods of defending herself, it's just..

.. maybe Ange is also a hypocrite, wanting to be prepared at all times, yet always feeling awkward when she tries to prepare when it comes to this specific thing. Maybe it's what makes it much easier to focus on the other part of what Wanda says. ]

.. yeah. [ Ange admits at that last part. ] So far, anyway. I've been able to do some minor stuff while I'm calm, but every single time I end up healing some major wound, it's because I'm really busy freaking out about someone being hurt.

[ It's a little embarrassing to admit to, since Ange isn't used to being openly kind and worried.

But again - she's trying to be honest with Wanda here. As much as she can. ]

It'll get easier with practice. [ she says with a smile.

does wanda know that to be true? she does. her accent became more americanised with practice. she'd learned how to fight hand to hand with practice. her magic, though… her magic is pure emotion. but there had been a time when she had to learn how to fight alongside someone else and use her magic in cohesion with them rather than against them. ]

I bet it'd feel a little better if you had more control over your healing, too. That's how it was for me when I had to work alongside others. I stopped being so scared of hurting them.

That's.. a good way to put it, actually.

[ Kind of a vulnerable way too. Maybe that's why Ange couldn't put it in those exact words just yet, though she finds her own feelings mirroring the sentiment Wanda does manage to voice out loud quite a lot.

Being scared of hurting people. Or-- ]

Maybe I'm afraid of just.. [ Her voice trails off, and Ange shakes her head before managing to put her feelings into words. It's hard.

But it's a little easier when she thinks about how Wanda feels the same way - or at the very least, a similar way. ] .. of not being enough when it matters. Of my powers suddenly not working when someone important to me really needs it.

[ And that's even more risky when it comes to healing magic. When you have to resort to that magic, things are already dire. ]

I wish I could say that will never happen.

[ but it will—and it does. wanda had thought if she had buried her head in the sand, bad things would stop knocking on her door. tragedy would overlook her for once. grief would choose someone else to hold. but the blip had happened because of her acting too late… and vision… ]

Someone I cared about a lot needed me to use my magic to do something I didn't want to do. I ended up finding the courage to do it too late and now he's gone. [ she smiles close-lipped and mirthless. it's merely a fact. vision is gone because they are all too late to clue into thanos' grand plans, but she had been the one to stall on dealing the fatal blow. ]

But I think all you can do is try and do better the next time and not let that fear stop you from doing it.

[ it's what vision would say. ]

...

[ Ange fully ends up quiet for a moment. She isn't sure why, but something about Wanda's confession hits her like a truck. Maybe it's since Ange is so attuned to loss. Maybe it's her own miles long abandonment complex that weaves in so neatly with her fear of not being able to use her magic to help people when it really counts, that she'll lose them over it.

That she'd end up in the exact same position as Wanda was, once upon a time. Where Wanda lost someone so important.

She swallows. It feels hard to speak, but Ange manages to force out the words anyway. ]

I'm.. so sorry. [ She sounds sympathetic, but in a near-personal way. Like Ange can almost feel the pain herself, that's how well she can imagine it. ] That must have been so awful.

[ wanda shrugs a shoulder and smiles a small smile. losing vision had happened over five years ago for half the population. for wanda, it had only been minutes. since being in deerington and the trench, she's had more distance, more time… and that loss, like all the losses she's experienced, hasn't gotten any softer. ]

It was. [ she says it tentatively. a part of her doesn't particularly want to admit it. but loss is something she's never had any time to truly talk about. no one's ever wanted to face it that way. ]

But when you have power, sometimes you have to step up and do things that cause you a lot of pain for the greater good.

[ that sounds like a line from tony stark. ]

But it doesn't happen all the time.

[ she figures that's important to say, all things considered. she doesn't want ange to fear that this is required of her. wanda thinks it's an outlier. ]

[ Most people who have power don't do that stuff though. At least - not in Ange's experience. There is always so much hurt to be fixed at any given moment, and it's always the people with the most power who decide to turn their back on it.

.. but Wanda didn't. It's not like Ange had a bad impression of the other to start with, but this makes a good impression even better. She doesn't think Wanda is lying about it either, after all. She really must have made such a sacrifice for the greater good. ]

It's fine. Even without power.. I've always lost people.

[ So she was hurting already, a lot of the time. And that hurt didn't even help anyone in the end, the way Wanda's did. ]

If I had to sacrifice myself for some greater good, then I wouldn't mind that. Even pain, or torture, or whatever.. I can deal with that. It's the losing people that's the hard part. [ That's what would hurt her the most.

So she hopes that that isn't a choice she'll have to make one day, at least. Because she's not sure she could choose the way Wanda has. ]

[ this hits entirely too close to home for her. although, wanda supposes it's not entirely accurate for her anymore—she had powers long before she realised, and she could've saved her family if she had simply known. sometimes, wanda wishes agatha hadn't plucked dormant memories from her mind and analysed them until they started to make sense. why did one bomb manufacture amongst so many? ]

It doesn't get any easier.

[ wanda, the optimist. but she says it gently. ]

Having any kind of power means that you have more to lose—and the people you care about become a greater risk. But that doesn't mean you'll lose them. If there's anything that you keep close to yourself, I hope it's that reminder.

[ see? optimism. wanda doesn't think it's unfounded, even if she's only lost and lost and lost. ]

[ There's a moment of hesitation. Ange thinks, opens her mouth, closes it again as she thinks better of it.

It feels like something that's a little too personal to ask. But on the other hand - it's something she wants to know. It's something that feels like it could bring some hope alone with the words Wanda is already saying here. ]

Do you.. have people you haven't lost?

[ People who were at risk, may still be at risk - but who aren't lost.

The proof of what Wanda is telling her here.

At least Ange is kind enough to make sure her voice is a little more quiet as she asks that, not wanting to come across as totally tactless. That's not the intention she has behind that question, after all. ]

[ the question's confronting for an entirely different reason than the obvious. wanda's entire life has been loss after loss. what happened at westview had even because of those losses—her home, her parents, her brother and who should've been her husband. while wanda feels as though her glass is practically empty, she can see a sliver of liquid in there still. it's not quite full, but it doesn't have to be. ]

Yes.

[ she smiles, though it's close-lipped and small. it's still a smile. it doesn't feel like a lie, especially when she remembers that she has let people in. steve is gone, but he counts. natasha is gone, but she counts. clint, scott (who's at home, not gone forever), monica, her boys (temporarily misplaced)… ]

There are people here. There are people back home. I've lost a few people who are important to me, but… I'm not alone. I don't think many people would let me, even if I tried.

[ and she has... and yet, here she is rather than in her little cabin locked far, far away. ]

.. that's good.

[ For Ange's own optics, of course. For her own future, and her chances.

But the girl doesn't purely view it through some selfish perspective like that. She doesn't mean it's good just for herself - but it's good for Wanda too. Even if Ange may not know much about it, it does sound like Wanda has suffered a lot, if not just through loss.

And Ange gets how hard that is. How it can eat away at your soul.

No one deserves that.

(Or - well, a select few people. But it's not something she'd wish upon others easily.) ]

I guess it's true that people here are just.. like that. Stubborn. Refusing to leave anyone alone.

[ Judging by the tone she says that with, Ange doesn't think it's a bad thing at all. ]

I think it's because all of us are mostly alone here.

[ wanda hadn't started out alone. there had been scott and pietro, but now there's only her. that's how the cards always fall. ]

And we know what it's like to have no one in a strange place. [ she smiles small. ] I find that makes it a little easier to be more open to people. What we have in common is undeniable.

[ There's a small noise that indicates Ange doesn't disagree with what Wanda is saying here.

Though, at the same time.. there's something she can't help but think about. ]

Not everyone is here alone though? I mean.. I suppose everyone is separated from at least one person from back home they care about. [ It's inevitable - especially since most people sure know a whole lot more people back in their own world than Ange herself does. ] But there are also worlds out there that have a lot of people representing them here. My girlfriend seems to basically always have had people around from her world.

[ And even Ange does, though it took so much longer for anyone familiar to her to show up. ]

Though I guess it speaks well of people that they're willing to reach out to people who are alone anyway, even when they already are in touch with tons of people in this place themselves.

[ wanda can't help but be a little jealous of that. people from home had been here for a few months and then they had all seemed to be plucked out one by one, leaving her behind. she should be a wreck knowing she had pietro and couldn't keep him in her clutches… but knowing that he was there, that he was somewhere in this weird convolution of universes, gave her a peace that she lacked back home. ]

Does she know what her secret is? [ she smiles as she teases. ] Everyone I know from home has left. Maybe the Trench thinks it's enough that I represent my home. I am a very great conversationalist. [ wanda can't withhold her snort.

she knows what ange's saying and she appreciates it. in a way, despite being by herself from the people she knows from home, she's not. she doesn't have to be. she's trying to see the glass being half full rather than almost very empty. it's a work in progress. ]

video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

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