deernet | video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

So for those not in the know, our house burned down last month.

[ What a way to open a post, right. And yet Ange manages to say it with something very close to a pokerface. Those who know her well may see something at its edges though. An annoyance that starts to bleed more and more into the girl's tone as she speaks on. ]

And not in the 'dumb accident' sense. No, it's because apparently it's socially acceptable in this place to come to someone's house and set it on fire, before bringing your friends inside to start murdering its inhabitants. [ Okay, yes. At this point it's not thiny veiled annoyance anymore. This is obvious annoyance that she doesn't bother to hide. ] And before anyone asks me if I'm alright— I'm fine. Totally fine. I mean, I half-turned into a beast back there, but it's clearly cool. It's fine.

[ It's clearly not fine. The sarcasm is thick.

Though Ange seems to realise that's not why she was supposed to make this message, and manages to snap herself out of passive-aggressive-ville for just long enough to sigh and sound a little bit more neutral as she speaks on. ]

Anyway, we want to rebuild the house, but that's obviously something we need help with. None of us are exactly architects.. I think. I've learned to not question weird Remnant hobbies. [ You never know what those Remnant people are capable of. ] Not to mention we'd need help with the actual physical rebuilding itself too.

We could use help from a lot of people, so if anyone would be willing to help, that'd be great.

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Do you even listen to what you're saying?

[ She assumes not, considering how often it seems to be the same stuff over and over with Maul. Not even from personal experience, since she honestly prefers to not talk to the guy, but she's seen the same dramatics play out with him so often across the network.

It's not very surprising, given the stuff he's saying now. ]

"Oh, don't cry over it, killing people is totally cool and fine!" [ Yes, she's definitely putting on a mock voice as she says that, though she returns to her usual - though annoyed - deadpan when she continues afterwards. ] As if you don't get mad and cause trouble all the time when people hurt you or the people around you! If I went after that guy for doing what he did to my house and the people I love in it, I don't doubt you'd get all pissy and try to hunt me down, just like you've done with about half the city before at this point.

[ Not.. that she was planning on going after that guy. Ange's not the type. It's more just a point she's trying to make here, really. ]

You're the problem here, asshole.

[Maul's eyes narrow a touch but an amused smirk comes to his face the longer Ange goes on for.]

It's a good thing you're pretty because I don't know what else Ruby sees in you. You and so many others here like singing the same old song of how horrible I am. You all don't seem to realize that loses more and more emphasis with every passing month. It's been six of them where I haven't gone around madly killing people or taking revenge on people. That's longer than a great number of Sleepers have even been here.

[He idly examines his claws, sounding a little bored.]

The only person I took revenge on recently is that emperor who started everything and he deserved everything he got. Angry as I am at Willow, I realized she was not the root of the problem and acted accordingly. I don't control the people around me or their actions. What Reaper did when he accompanied that strange little child, he did on his own. And that is my point. You can't control people. When they want revenge, nothing in the galaxy will stop them, something that some people like you here seem to not understand one whit.

Wow, six entire months without killing anyone? Most people manage to go every single month without killing someone, but you know what? You're right, we should definitely be singing your praises in the street for not even meeting a standard that most people reach without even trying. [ Of course her tone is sarcastic.

She doesn't even bother to hide it. Not that Ange ever does, really - but in this case even less.

The way he acts like a total shithead and somehow expects to be tolerated for it is the absolute worst to her. ]

Most of us deal with stuff in normal ways. That's what you and your ilk don't understand. Most people don't immediately take it out on other people when they're hurt. But I understand that basic respect for other people is a really, really difficult concept to grasp when you've only got two braincells at best rubbing against each other in a frantic attempt to summon any thoughts whatsoever.

I don't expect praise but I do expect to be given the same courtesy most everyone else is here as I strive to become something approaching better. "Become a better person" people like to say. And then when I try they say "That's not good enough." That basic respect you expect me to handle people with goes both ways. For me, it is a struggle not to give in and kill when it's the easiest solution for me. I don't expect people to understand but I do expect them to give me the same chances they pass out to every Sleeper, including your friend Willow, who in case you forgot just went on a massacre of her own. I don't see people calling her an irredeemable monster and saying she's always going to be a psychotic killer.

[Then his voice starts dripping with contempt. He neither likes nor respects Ange one iota and it shows.]

But I know it's so much easier to just paint someone a single color because it's easier than acknowledging that your little world isn't made up of pure black and white.

Normal? Normal? [He barks out a humorless laugh.] Normal left this city a great deal of time ago if it was ever here to begin with. If you're judging everyone by the standards of normality as you know them, you are going to be forever disappointed because so many people here don't live up to them and are never going to.

[ She scoffs. ]

I think you're the one who lives in a dream land when you think that awful people should be applauded for trying to act in a decent way. News flash: most of us do that every single day, and have always done that.

[ At least Willow was both corrupted - a state that makes Ange forgive things a lot more, since it's not like there's a whole lot you can do about it once that happens to you - and showed remorse.

She can't exactly say the same about Maul and the others. ]

If you're an awful person, then you don't get to blame other people for not giving you a chance. Ruby might give chances like that regardless, since she's too nice for her own good, but I'm not. [ Not that as much wasn't already clear.

But she's saying it anyway. ]

Besides, 'that's just the way the people here are' might just be the dumbest possible thing to fall back on. Have you met the people here? It's always the same few people who are starting shit. Everyone else knows how to behave like a decent person. Don't try to drag other people down to your level.

Most people haven't lived the life I have. Anyone who could come out of that without ending up on the Dark Side would either have been a saint or a madman. Tell me, exactly how do you expect people who have acted in horrible ways to ever better themselves? To simply keep at it when everyone around them keeps screeching that they're an unrepentant murderer who will never feel remorse? That's hardly a good reason to keep trying.

[Despite his sarcasm, there's a genuine note of curiosity in his voice. Maul honestly doesn't understand what Ange expects him to do to become a better person beyond what he's already started doing.]

And exactly what have I started recently? Go on, I'll wait for you to think of anything. Because the only ones who have gone around stirring up trouble are that self-proclaimed god emperor and that strange little homicidal maniac of a child. I have been minding my own business the way most other 'decent people' here tend to do.

I mean..

[ Ange pauses.

It's not even that she has to think. It's that she thinks this is so genuinely logical that she can't believe she has to say this much out loud - but apparently she does, since Maul doesn't sound like he's just asking that question in the middle there for the hell of it despite knowing the answer. It sounds like he truly doesn't know. ]

Not publicly defending arson and murder being committed against innocents would be a great start? [ There's a hint of 'how could you not understand that' confusion in her tone, but it's mostly still sarcasm, of course. ] I'm not sure if you've considered that one before. It's not exactly a great look, nor a huge show of kindness.

[ It's not even that she expects him to be kind.

But expecting something like 'not super shitty' can't be that high of a bar to clear, right. ]

[Sorry Ange, you are now getting to delve into the (lack of) morality that makes up Maul. It's like trying to reason with a small child who has the ability to kill with a thought much of the time. He was never taught any of this as a kid and he's been playing catch-up since he got to Deerington two and a half years ago. At least he's got an answer that makes sense in his own mind at least.]

Well, that is because it was Reaper who did part of it, and all because he wanted to get revenge for what was recently done to me. I wouldn't be a very good lover to him if I couldn't condone what he did on my behalf now, would I?

[ There's so much wrong with that statement from the point of view of someone who has a good grasp on morality and - mostly, anyway - healthy relationships. Especially when it comes to the cross section between the two.

In fact, it catches her so off guard that she needs a moment to pause at the sheer whiplash of that statement. ]

It's a relationship. You're his.. partner, [ LOOK. Look. Ange is not going to use the l-word, that's entirely too much for a girl like her who wants to scream into a pillow at public sap, okay. At least she's found a relatively safe and neutral world to slot into its place instead. It's working out somehow. ] not his yes-man.

If Ruby did something really stupid, or something that hurt innocents for no good reason, of course I'd let her know that she did something horrible. And I know she'd do the same for me.

[ Thankfully that's never a problem for them though, given that they're way too good people in that sense. ]

That is because you and Ruby have similar ideas on what morals you possess. Well, so do Reaper and I. When someone wrongs someone else that we love, the only way to respond is with revenge. No, it's not a healthy, sane, or good way to look at the world but that is the way our minds work.

[Maul at least has come to the point where he has figured out that most people don't share the same desire he has where it comes to making things right when someone harms their loved ones. He's self-aware enough now to know his thinking isn't considered 'right' or 'good' but he's not interested in changing that part of himself. It's too ingrained into his system and he's got far better things to work on like not letting the instinct to kill always get the better of him.]

And you have no interest in changing that.

[ Sure, Maul is saying that he's improving in some ways. And maybe that's true. It's not like Ange goes out of her way to find out, since she'd honestly just rather ignore the fact he exists in this place altogether. It's much less of a headache that way.

But even if he is, it seems like this is still at the core of his being, and with him saying it like this, it really does leave her to draw that first conclusion she just mentioned. ]

You ought to be able to imagine how offputting that is to people.

I don't because this is the way I show people that I care about them.

[Maul's got two ideas deeply ingrained in him. One is being able to love people in his own twisted fashion, something Sidious had tried to stamp out of him and never quite succeeded in doing. The other is that revenge is something that must be done to get due justice. Whether that's when something is done to him or someone he loves is irrelevant.

Going after the person who hurts someone he loves is, in his own mind, a show of how much he cares about them. To try and enact punishment shows he loves them enough to want to seek justice on their behalf. It all makes sense in his own mind.]

[ God.

Trying to talk with Maul feels like it's threatening to give her a headache. The way he's thinking is just so far out of the norm - and not in a way Ange can exactly accept. She's pretty accepting of weird stuff as a whole, but she definitely draws the line at murder, given her own backstory.

Hence why what he said just now is just..

.. Ange doesn't even know what to say. Instead she frowns to herself, opening her mouth once before closing it without saying anything, and then attempting that anew. ]

You could just.. you know. [ She definitely sounds exasperated, and deadpan on top of that. ] Buy someone flowers. Have a romantic dinner. Have.. a fun movie night with a friend.

[ Not that she can see Maul doing any of that.

But it's just the principle of it. ]

There are at least ten thousand ways of showing someone you care out there that don't involve people always having to get hurt, or other dumb shenanigans happening. [ If one could call murder a 'dumb shenanigan'.. but look, Ange loves downplaying this stuff, because thinking about murder in too vulnerable of a way threatens to make her sink back into the depressing memories of what she's been through. This is easier. ]

Yes but that is not me and never will be.

[He can do more docile things with people sometimes. He lets Usagi paints his nails once a week, he can meditate in Ariadne's garden, or maybe fall asleep next to a trusted friend, the ultimate sign of trust from Maul. But they aren't things that just immediately spring to mind either when he wants to spend time with them.]

I'm not a normal person and I don't plan to start pretending to be one now.

[That ship sailed from the moment he was born. Nightkin saw the world a very different way than anyone else in the galaxy did. His early years had started shaping his personality and being taken by Sidious only exacerbated a situation that was already in place. By now he really is an alien in mind as well as by species.]

[ She sighs. ]

Then why don't you go be a non-normal person far away from me and my friends? And tell that to your partner too.

[ Because Ange sure doesn't want to deal with it. Not with Maul, not with Reaper - not with any of them. They only constantly cause shit for the people she loves, and they don't want to change, and she is done with that.

She doesn't have to put up with that, after all the other shit in her life. ]

I'm done with this conversation.

[ Apparently she truly is - because Ange just shuts down the feed without saying anything more. She's not going to waste her time with this. ]

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video; un: ushiromiya (cw: mentions of house fires, arson, murder)

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