deernet | video (un: falcogrice)

video (un: falcogrice)

CONTENT WARNING: psychological changes, hoarding, and obsessive behavior related to lavish desires

[ this video opens up with the blink of two eyes and a disgruntled chitter. perle is filming falco and focusing on . . . quite a mess of books in various assortments, stacked upon each other until they were in danger of tilting. among the open spines on the floors pinned with bookmarks were scrolls of paintings, sketches, statues, sepia photography— anything resembling a loving relationship, falco has seemed to have snatched it and keeps it all hostage in his little cabin home's attic like a greedy little dragon buried in precious, hoarded gold. he's pacing left, right, and has been caught mid-explanation as he works a red thread between his fingers. ]

—ee this, Perle? What I read, [ he paces some ways to the right to splay his hands on oh dear god what mad science project is this— so many pieces of paper glued to each other until it forms one massive canvas taking up the entirety of the attic wall. he's written words, names, and has a wild amount of different colored threads connecting to the various names. ] there're different types of love in a relationship, but that goes for any relationship, so it doesn't have to be romantic so— See Paul, right here?

Yes, boy, I can see. I wish I could close my eyes, and unsee. Would you listen just a moment to me—

[ she seems very close to her limit to listening to all of this for hours— but she relents. falco points to the names written on the slips next to his. ]

There's Eros, like the story, for two people, [ he pins the red thread from paul to both, and as he does so, with his back turned, ] and that's really hard to pull off because it's easy for anyone that loves someone to feel jealous, and Brother already said he feels that way sometimes like there'll be nothing left, do you think there's some Mania in there too? I'm not sure if it's Pragma, that takes time to evolve— Erwin and Levi are definitely Pragma.

Boy—

But these started as Philia and that's what this green is going to be for, and this gold is supposed to be Storge because we're all from the same House so that counts as familial like these here, it's really different from, like, Ymir and Historia, or Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth in Persuasion—

I've had it!

Wh—

You heard me! This is too much! It's been days! Cease! Go play outside! Make bread, brew tea for your fathers! Read your books and not the ones you stole! Is everyone seeing this, hm?! Good! [ it's clear she's talking to the sleepers, now, hopping onto an entire stack of books. ] Is this yours? Or this? Come get it! And this? [ she flutters onto a statue, then someone's flowery gift to a loved one, an elaborate painting of a couple in the hues of a purple sunset, then pecking at a little box with . . . were those— rings? ] These! Those! Also stolen! You haven't even apologized to Jun! And before you start, I am indeed shaming you! You've never stolen! You've never been obsessive or nosy or combative or— [ she puffs up big and nasty for a falcon no larger than a human palm. ] This! It is worse than hormonal! I do not like it! [ peck!! peck!! peck!! ] Shame! Shame on you!

What's with you—?!

And what's with you?! I hope they talk some sense into that smitten little head!

[ falco's face changes so many shades then, going from lime, to slime, to a deep castelon green from the tips of his ears to his collar bones. he's hushing angrily: ]

No one was supposed to see, they'll want to have it! Just like Jun!

You are dreadfully mistaken! A problem must be seen!

[ the worst (or best) of it is his sputtering voice that just gives way to the harshest, cracked shriek in teenage rebellion: ]

This is beautiful!!

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She did?

[there's no hiding the excitement, the surprise in her voice at that. by the time it's already out, she's doomed. she doesn't even try to walk it back.]

What happened, what did she say? Was it a good visit? [did she talk about me? is the gross and selfish undercurrent.]

[ they have to be low-key here, anna (no, they don't). ]

She brought cookies, and we talked a bit about my writing. [ he writes. well, dreams. ] Can I tell you a little about it?

[ he promises, there's a secret message in this whole thing. ]

Edited 2022-08-30 17:35 (UTC)

Yeah! Yeah, absolutely, please do.

[see, the thing is that anna doesn't care if there's a secret message. if falco is writing things, she really does, legitimately want to know about it. she's smiling and not even trying to hide it.]

There were two women— their names were Ymir and Historia.

[ falco considers paul’s tone of storytelling. he couldn’t possibly compare, but he’d certainly try his best to emulate the romantic telling. ]

Ymir’s life began after she died. She didn’t remember how it happened, but she did remember what it looked like to see the sky when she opened her eyes for the first time after her nightmare— she made a promise to herself: That she would live only for herself. It was something she spent her life before ignoring.

She wandered into the closest city and heard of another girl two men were talking about. She’d heard some things, and those things made Ymir search after her. She spent years— but joining the military, she found her.

[this already sounds like an interesting story. she racks her brain, wondering if maybe those are also names she recognizes, but comes up blank. it seems eren is the only other one she can think of from that world, but that's not especially important right now.]

Yeah? [she smiles just a little.] Is this gonna be a love story? [and shakes her head.] Don't worry about it, ignore me. Keep going.

It's part of one.

[ then there're the other parts being saved for a to be continued, but he'll go with this one, a smile clear on his lips as he does. ]

Ymir wanted to protect Historia— she went by Krista at the time. She'd always be close by her, and one night during training, they got lost in the mountains. It was snowing badly, and they had an injured companion Historia was hauling. She said she wanted to save her friend even if she died, but Ymir figured it out.

Historia wasn't doing it for her friend. She was doing it because if she died, she wanted to be remembered for what she did. Ymir made her think it through— It sounded really wrong, the way she put it, that she'd put her friend in danger for recognition. But it made sense enough for her to stop.

Ymir confessed that she heard priests talking about her— how Historia was expelled from a royal family years ago, so she took the name "Krista" to hide. She promised to keep it a secret, but that meant Historia knew, then, that Ymir did all of that just to get to her. To stay with her. She questioned it, but . . .

She didn't know how to answer. Ymir told her that she should stop hiding in shame and live with pride. Like she did, use her old name as a way to say her past hadn't defeated her. It made Historia go quiet.

They were able to get out of the snow and back to camp, but Ymir disappeared with their friend for that, leaving Historia to walk back the easy way. When they met at the bottom of the mountain and back at camp, Historia wondered how she did it, with both of them safe. It was impossible for her to have climbed down the cliff so easily, with an injured ally in tow . . .

Ymir didn't tell her right away, but she promised she would. And when she did, she made Historia promise her to live by her old name, with pride.

[ that was a good place to stop. he puffs proudly. ]

[anna is listening carefully and can pick out a couple things that sound familiar, that resonate within her chest. cast out from a royal family, adopting her own name to remove herself from the burden of that selfsame family. but she needs to stop picking stories apart in her head, assuming they'll all have some kind of hidden message to them. she can just sit and enjoy what she's being told.]

[when falco gets to the end, when he reaches that cliffhanger, anna's quiet for a second. then she jumps in like she's the kid asking for the next chapter.]

Well? How did Ymir get their friend down from the mountain? [there's a question in the back of her mind, but she leaves it alone. no reason the things that falco writes need to incorporate the things from falco's world. instead, she asks something stupider.] Do they end up trusting each other so much that they finally realize they were the only ones they ever could've fallen in love with?

[ his gaze is soft but somber as he pulls the curve of his lips; the entire story, of course, didn't exactly have a happy ending, but it was a show of how you should take the chances you have before you regret them. he's learned that too fast, will probably be embarrassed and laugh about his own boldness in a few years. falco nods at her question, regardless. ]

They always trusted each other. Historia lived the rest of her life by her true name— And she also took the throne back. Back home, she's Queen Historia.

. . . Things happened. They ended up separating, but not because they wanted to. Ymir wanted to get married. Life was . . . Cruel. [ and with a sharp inhale, ] She was the Jaw Titan twice before me.

Edited 2022-09-05 19:17 (UTC)

[mm. that gives more context, and anna's childlike interest fades into something more somber. she thinks that she can get what falco is telling her, though, and it's... it's the weight of age and wisdom that she always hated seeing borne on the shoulders of children. but she's not a fool and she knows that sometimes, that's how it happens. as someone responsible for some of that weight, she can't look at it any other way.]

But she still knew what she wanted and did what she could to make it happen. Even though she knew that it was always going to be... complicated. There would never be an easy answer, but she had to let herself keep living. They both had to, even when life happened to them.

That's what you've been writing about lately?

[ you’ve got it down to a d, sis. falco nods at her summary and understanding— a good take, if that’s what she got from it. ]

Her memories come in my dreams. [ after a pause, he adds with bittersweet affirmation: ] I don’t want her to feel like she’s been forgotten, or that she sacrificed everything for nothing.

[ all of them, really. every inheritor he remembers, even if the other’s are occasional and scarce. ]

—She lives through me now, so . . . It’s the least I could do for them.

[ he has a feeling anna would understand— she has a2, after all. ]

[she gives. the softest gasp. anna hadn't been the one to get most of her memories from dreams (that was lina, not that she'd know that), but she's had enough dreams of memories that she'd already gotten back to know what it feels like.]

Falco... [she didn't know. she didn't realize the two of them had that in common. she should've asked, she should've seen past her regret, she—it's fine. he's telling her now, isn't he?]

I think you're doing the right thing. That's one of the first things I tried to tell myself when I came here... before I knew for sure that A2 was still with me. [her hand curls against her chest. of course it does.] Who's going to tell her story, if it isn't me? Who else here knows what she's lived through?

[she gives a little laugh.] That was before someone who knew A2 showed up here, but I think it still means something. Knowing someone and having them live on inside you are two different things.

[ they are just two peas in a pod right now; it doesn’t have to do with obtaining a soul, or . . . does it? what makes a soul if not an essence? there were little fractures in those every time he remembered.

he’s agreeing, quiet but attentively so. ]

Is that why you asked for A2 to be on here?

Yeah. I mean... yeah, it's part of the reason. It's just that she and I have been through so much together, you know? [she's preaching to the choir and she knows it, so she'll save the sentimentality.]

I've lived the past few years of my life with a second person riding on board, and even if I'm never going to get the chance to meet her, I don't want to ignore that she's there. And I still just... want her to know that I'm doing as much for her as I am everyone else. She's not just a part of me. She's a person the same as you are.

. . . That's right. I'm glad she's up there.

[ . . . you know? ]

—I don't know all the Jaw Titans, but I know who the last three were.

[ it's time for papers to be pinned up that read: ymir, porco, marcel. they'll definitely need a different colored string. ]

[she smiles, counting this as a somber sort of victory. for legacy, for memory, and for all the different ways that love can manifest in the people who they are and who they were meant to be.]

Then let's put them here, too, and you can figure out the way you feel about them, and we'll make sure that everyone we carry with us stays with us. We've got a responsibility to keep their stories alive. [she wonders how else she can show some solidarity and her thoughts wander again to the pinboard on the wall of her room.]

And... I don't know. Maybe they don't all have to be on this board. But maybe I'll make one for myself, for the people I left behind. Just to sort it all out.

[ !!! that was such a good idea that— should he make another one? better yet— ]

Can— Can I see when you're done?

[she laughs, not totally surprised by the request, but she's so gentle about it.]

Uh, obviously? I got you, dude. You'll be the first person who sees the finished product. Get ready for a lot of names that nobody here knows.

[ anna, you've just made this boy's extra day. with everything he already has to do, he's got one more project to make. and show, of course, look at him, all busy! ]

I'll make a second one for you to see, too!

Edited 2022-09-14 17:37 (UTC)

[now. anna's project is nowhere near as elaborate or comprehensive. she's sketched out small representations of the people each line is meant to represent, and she's written their names underneath them as well. the only one she had to take a serious guess on is no.4, up at the very top, because there's only so much she's learned. and yet, she still feels like she knows no.4's entire story.]

[either way, she presents it to falco.]

Well. Here's what it looked like back home. For the most part.

[ some time has passed, and luckily, falco has calmed down from this love spell after a nap (brought to you by paul atreides, who has not betraydees nuts this time), but getting this back during his awakening and beginning to really organize the attic has left him speechless. anna really went through all that work—

he smiles down at his omni and feels warm. anna

]

This is nice, Anna . . . ! Is pink "affection"?

[ he wants to take out the most abundant color on there. there were so many— but his eyes fall on "eren jaeger" and "elliot craig", recalling when anna had mentioned he had a husband, and a life. this whole chart makes him happy. gdang it. ]

[oh, thank god. she's going to get a good grade in relationship charts, normal to want/possible to achieve, etc.]

Affection, yeah. Respect, care... whatever you wanna call it. Red's for love, green's for family. You see these yellow bitches down here? [she indicates the triad, eren and elliot and her.] That's my band, GIANT⚡ROBOT. Eren and his husband and me. And black is people I just couldn't stand. That Derek guy? God, dude, he was so up his ass the whole time I knew him. Only started loosening up when the shit really started to hit the fan. I think he ended up winning me over eventually, but most of it is probably still worth that black string.

[she has not described orange yet. she would like to avoid describing the meaning of orange to her friend who is a child.]

[ falco, despite having tamed some of what started this anyway, still listens with attention and obvious interest. this was anna, and anna's friends. it was interesting to see this coming from someone else. the yellow bitches! which he understands are bitches (affectionate). her band! the black string! all the family! look at that wheel of sisters— and love! kaine's there!

joke's on anna, because falco asks innocently enough anyway as if he's noticed she's "accidentally" left one out. that poor color! here, let him get it for you— ]

And orange?

[yeah. there was only one way this was gonna go. anna looks off to the side, then mumbles through a sentence more or less all in one word.]

Orange means I wanted to fuck them real bad.

[ she,

she really just said, ]

[ she really just said it....... ]

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