( video | un: alucard )

[ananym]

[ he really hates doing this . . . but alucard knows he needs to commit to it. the feed turns on with him looking . . . not quite sheepish, but a tinge of irritation layered with contriteness. ]

Last month, I had the unfortunate issue of losing control of my vampiric nature and lashed out onto a number of people here. I hope you would be willing to accept my apology and if not, direct me in ways where I can make amends. I . . . do not usually need or require blood as sustenance so it took me by surprise.

My apologies. If it helps, it seems I've lost my sense of taste. Perhaps that is penance in a way.

Comments

[ananym]

. . . As I am bound to my mother's legacy, there is also my father's. When she passed, he went mad with grief and anger.

He would have wiped all of humanity from the world.

[fogsong]

[ Sharon can't hold his father's rage against him. She knew too well what it was like to want to watch the world burn. ] would have. Is that because he changed or... is it because you stopped him?

[ananym]

[ he falls silent but his expression says enough of what the outcome was. it is a tightly knotted pain he has no way of exorcising. the grief of losing a mother, the grief of killing your father in order to protect the legacy of another. the grief of knowing you will be inescapably, inevitably alone for bearing that sin. ]

[fogsong]

[ his look tells her everything and her expression falls. not with pity but instead a shocked, pained sympathy. she looks away from the camera, suddenly floundering for words. ]

I'm sorry. [ she finally manages out ]

[ananym]

No one should be.

[ his father was dracula. a scourge. an evil. death himself rose to greet him like a friend. hell took him in like a lover would. what was there to mourn? only alucard who was left, who remembers. ]

[fogsong]

That's bullshit. No matter what he wanted to do, he was still your father. That... That fucking sucks, Alucard, and I'm sorry.

[ananym]

[ he doesn't know how to respond to that, so he simply nods. ]

[fogsong]

[ she'll let a quiet fall between them that lasts several minutes as she watches him on her end, expression one of sympathetic understanding. ]

I meant what I said back then: if you need anything, you can call me. Even if it's just company you need, Alucard. The house has gotten a little lonely since my mother left.

[ananym]

[ oh. ]

Your mother was here?

[fogsong]

She was, yeah. She returned to the sea last month. [ she bows her head ] Grief is a bitch.

[ananym]

[ a pang runs through him. she sounded like trevor. ]

It most certainly is.

[fogsong]

I hate it so fucking much I could scream. It's been a month and it feels like it was yesterday. I do everything I can to forget for a few hours but then I come home and... remember all over again. [ she laughs but it's a bitter sound. a tired one. she sighs. ]

[ananym]

. . . And all your memories are trapped in that place.

[ like his were. ]

[fogsong]

[ it's her turn to fall quiet and nod her head, jaw tight. ]

[ananym]

[ gently. ]</small Have you thought about moving or allowing for company?

[fogsong]

My mother chose this home. She picked out all the decorations and fixed up the bedrooms. [ when she speaks of her mother, her voice is warm and she smiles just a little ] I could never leave it. I do sometimes stay at my mentor's place, though. It does help to get away but I get antsy being gone too long.

[ as for company ] I had people over a few times right after she left but I've always been weird when it comes to company. I never want to ask for it and I'm an awful host. I don't know what normal people do.

[ananym]

What does it matter what normal people do? No one here is normal.

What is it you want to do?

[fogsong]

Different kind of normal.

I don't know. [ she knows that's a shitty response but it's honest. she never knows what she wants because she's still not used to being able to want. ] Maybe just company, I guess? Someone to sit with me while I paint.

[ananym]

Perhaps you can start with a pet if a person feels like too much of a commitment.

[fogsong]

[ that... actually makes her laugh. ]

A pet? I can hardly take care of myself, Alucard. A person can come and go but a pet is something I'd have to care for. I don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility.

[ananym]

And you may never be ready unless you try.

What do you have to lose?

[fogsong]

Oh, I dunno, the pet. [ a little deadpan ]

[ananym]

Then just pick a durable pet.

[fogsong]

I'll get a rock and paint eyes on it. Durable. Cute. And I can throw it at you for the awful suggestion.

[ananym]

And yet it would be a suggestion you followed through on.