VIDEO 🎸 UN: METALHEAD69

[bardbarous]

[ The world around Tuck and Billie is dark, gloomy, and full of dust. The bar they are in, Colonel Dan's, has seen better days. Tables have been overturned, something's been in here making a mess despite the magic that was imbued into the door. Guess it didn't hold. ]

So, who wants to help Billie n' me clean out our bar? That we, ah, never used.

[ Tuck does his best to make it sound like the most riveting fucking thing a person could volunteer for. ]

We'll pay you in... uh...

[ He looks down at Billie who is currently out of camera view. Hard to put both a two foot child in the same frame with a seven foot man. ]

Friendship? Oh, booze!

Either, or. Whichever turns out to be of equal or lesser value.

[ From the dark, something falls off the bar counter and breaks. Then skittering claws scuttle across the floor. ]

There's someone else in here.

... ..... So, who wants to help Billie n' me chase a mystery creature out of our bar? Ehhh? Could be fun—Oh fuuuck! It touched my leg!

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[wapples]

[The boy beams. When it comes to food, he is not picky.]

Yeah, sure! I like all kinds of things. We'll give you booze for sandwiches, too!

[noniad]

[ Ortus does not know exactly how he should feel about a small child being so free with 'booze', but if it is his father's profession, well - ]

Do you have any 'Coors Banquet'?

[ He could spin this to their advantage. ]

I will arrive shortly in either case.

[wapples]

Oh, hey, that's the stuff Scentsy drinks!

[He pauses to dig around on the bottom shelf, rattling the bottles around, and knocking over at least one of them that hits the floor and shatters.]

Oops. That probably wasn't too important anyway. I don't see any, but I bet we can find something else he'd like.

video > action

[noniad]

He is...particular. I am not certain if a substitute will suffice.

[ But then again, Billie has some familiarity with the man himself, and as a purveyor of libations perhaps the child will be better informed than Ortus on the palate of Scentsy Lawrence. ]

Perhaps no more glass bottles until your father is nearby?

[ Ortus suggests, hopefully, before he waves his temporary goodbye and sets to packing. When a knock comes at the front door, it will open to reveal him laden down with mop and broom - and waxes, cleansers, various types of cloth, small brushes, and a selection of paper-wrapped sandwiches, all alongside a tentative smile. ]

It is I, Ortus.

[wapples]

[Billie waves cheerfully as he opens the door and immediately reaches up to relieve Ortus of at least some of the various items he's brought along to help with.]

Hi Ortus! Ooh, here, I can help. You brought all kinds of stuff. This is great!

[noniad]

Thank you, Billie.

[ Ortus starts by handing over the sandwiches, unshouldering the rest of his burden and setting it onto a table as he casts about the building. He has seen some rare catacombs more dusty, but not many. ]

I thought it best to...come prepared. Has the beast yet been driven out?

[wapples]

[Billie takes the sandwiches, and lays them out on one of the tables that has been righted again.]

Not yet. We haven't really seen it again yet. We think it's one of Vyng's vegetable experiments gone bad.

[noniad]

[ Ortus does not blink at 'vegetable experiment gone bad', at first. Experiments gone bad are not so uncommon a thing in the Ninth House. It is the eventual registering of vegetable that disconcerts him, though he strives to be stalwart in outward manner, for Billie's sake. ]

Do you know what...type of vegetable it might be?

[wapples]

Zucchini, or something, I think? I dunno, it was weird looking, but I didn't really get a great look at it.

[noniad]

What do zucchini prey on in the wild?

[ That is how these things go, he's been brought to understand. ]

And what is their general appearance? Do they have very many legs?

[wapples]

I don't think they really prey on anything - they're just plants. They survive on sunlight and water and stuff. This one's probably gone bad, though, so maybe it eats people now? I don't know.

[He shrugs casually. No big deal, they're probably fine. He'll stab it if it shows up again.]

It might have legs by now - it ran really fast, but I didn't get a good look at it. So I don't know if there were legs, or just... oozy.

[noniad]

[ Oozy evokes even more of a response from Ortus, in the form of unhappily crumpled brow, than the idea of the zucchini eating people, but - he did bring a bucket. ]

You seem to know a great deal about the bad type of vegetable.

Is this a common occurence? Ought I to be suspicious of the lettuce and tomato as well?

[ Even snow leeks never ate anyone. ]

[wapples]

Vyng - he's one of my dads. He was trying to ferment them or something.

[Billie shrugs a little.]

I guess he left it sit around too long or maybe just some experiments aren't going to go okay from the beginning, I don't know. I think the regular vegetables are still okay, though. Just this one's now alive or something.

[noniad]

How many fathers do you have?

[ Ortus asks the question in sincere innocuousness. A couple, a triad, a quad, or any further extension mean naught to him but new names to recall in the list of those invested in Billie. ]

As long as the vegetables are rogue... [ the crease of his brow deepens ] We could...pursue them for sport, and their vegetal flesh?

[wapples]

Just two - Tuck and Vyng. We found lots of other family too since coming here, though.

[Billie grins at the idea of hunting the vegetable creature.]

Yeah! We could do that. I dunno if it will come back out with people around, though. I think it might've just been trying to get away from me and Tuck.

[noniad]

[ Without realizing, Ortus finds his mouth curved in a small, new smile, tender as a green shoot piercing soil. It’s Billie’s innate child-fierceness for the hunt; it’s his casual, easy way of speaking of family. It’s how he reminds Ortus of another small, fierce child, from a very long time ago. ]

We could, in the case of its shyness, set a trap.

[ Ortus begins rummaging through the supplies he brought for any things which might be helpful for such a task. Perhaps the bucket itself, propped up by a stick - or a net, dangled above bait? ]

I am glad you have discovered new family here. It is one of the virtues of this world. I have never met so many people so...open to new acquaintance.

[wapples]

Yeah! A trap could work!

[Billie grins and clambers up on the chair so he has a better view of the supplies Ortus has brought.]

Some people where I'm from don't like strangers either. Everyone here's been really cool, though. Or at least everyone I met. Well. Except for maybe that guy who tried to fight Mariana. He made a lot of problems.

[noniad]

[ A most efficient hunting method, as it requires no moving about or putting oneself into a lather. ]

He did make a lot of problems.

[ Ortus sighs, softly, one hand braced on the table. ]

He isn't a very kind man. I would advise you and your fathers not to cross his path, if you can. There are too many kinder people to meet.

What do you make of our supplies?

[ He indicates the bric-a-brac, the mop, the net, some loose cord, the bucket itself. He adds a soap to the pile for good measure, and a stiff-backed brush. ]

[wapples]

[Billie isn't really sure what he makes of John yet. The guy's not the worst person he's ever met, but he's not exactly great either? He picks through the supplies as he talks, and holds up the net, looking it over.]

Yeah. He did. Vyng was blind because of him. He fixed it, though. So, maybe he's trying to be better? He likes dogs too. So maybe he's not all bad.

[Anyway, back to the supplies.]

I think we should try the net first. That way we can still use the bucket and stuff to clean.

[noniad]

[Ortus pulls out two chairs to a modest distant from each other and imagines the net between them, speculatively. Is this a trap? He truly doesn't know. In the stories, traps are set, but their mechanisms are rarely described.

It is a welcome distraction from pursing his lips at Billie's comments about the Emperor.]

I should like him to be better. [For a myriad of reasons.] But affection for dogs does not, I think, compensate for all sins.

I believe that one must care for others, to be good. Perhaps it is old-fashioned of me. Do you think a net here might suffice?

[wapples]

[The boy gives a little shrug.]

Liking animals is important, because it shows you can like some nice things. Maybe it's just. I dunno. Hard for him or something. Or maybe he's just dumb. But he helped Vyng, and he didn't have to even though it was his fault anyway.

[Never mind that Billie turned up at the house and marched John to Trenchwood farm to fix his mistakes, but maybe the guy is not a totally hopeless case, or at least, he's not totally evil. It still shows he can do better than fighting the ocean.

He looks over the two chairs and the net thoughtfully.]

We have to set it up so it will fall on the zucchini while it's under it. Maybe we can, I don't know, set up, like, a tripwire or something with the cord you brought.

[noniad]

[Ortus considers Billie's words seriously. He is small, but he is not without insight, and Ortus has heard it said that sometimes children perceive truths their elders do not. He does not remember being wise as a child, but he was not wise as an adult, either. So he listens, and he will think on it, but for now:]

He may be very well be 'just dumb'.

[And what a thought that is to entertain about God. What a thing to meet the divine, and find him disappointing. Ortus sighs to himself as he flattens the net on the table and begins to attempt his best execution of Billie's instructions by attaching it to the length of cord - if he wraps it like so, perhaps -]

Or he does not know what he wants...or how to achieve it, if he does. [Ortus drapes the net over the back of the chair, gingerly, and kneels to secure the tripwire on the legs.] Perhaps he and the zucchini are not unlike. Running about in the dark, confused and lost.

[wapples]

[There are no shortage of powerful beings at home, from icons to gods, and Billie isn't entirely sure what the differences between them are. So what if divine beings aren't infallible? John has been... well, what he considers nice to him before. He's dropped jokes that are bad, but funny. He's also caused Vyng's blindness by trying to start a fight with the ocean of all things. Not to mention, the guy is kind of a jerk?

John, Billie decides, is complicated.]

Maybe he just needs a lot of help, but without feeling like he's being helped.

[Billie grabs one of the sandwiches, and hops down off the chair to set it up under the net as bait. Will the zucchini be attracted by it? He's not sure, but it's worth a shot.]

Or maybe he just needs to caught in a net to keep him from becoming everyone else's problem.

[noniad]

[There is only one God where Ortus comes from, which may be part of the trouble. The other is a litany of acts too dark and terrible to recount to a child in the midst of a lighthearted adventure, of cruelties that God has barely deigned to acknowledge, let alone repent for.

He still snorts at the remark about the net, a surprisingly sound of levity that leaves him blinking at himself. He shuffles aside to allow the boy room to bait the arrangement.]

I think that, whatever the case may be, it should not fall to children to bestow that help upon him - nor to catch him in a net, however clever that child may be.

[Billie is nothing at all like Harrowhark, but there is another clever child he is thinking of.]

There are those who are seeking to help him already. Ones who have chosen to do so of their own will. They may yet find success.

[wapples]

Lots of people end up doing things they shouldn't have to do.

[He pauses, considering his promise to Pyrrha.]

But one of my friends might get mad at me if I try to catch him in a net. So I won't.

[Probably. Well. Maybe. Unless he's provoked. Billie carefully sets the sandwich down in the middle of their trap and steps back to admire their handiwork.]

I think, if sentient zucchinis eat sandwiches, that'll get it.