deernet | Video; UN: Spider-Man

Hey, everyone! Spider-Man here — AKA your favorite Peter! Sorry to all the other Peters, but them's just the breaks. I've worked too hard the last three years around here to not get top-billed spot as Peter! ... Alright, alright, maybe I'll share with Peter Graham. But only because he's as old and tired as me. We're like a thousand years old in spirit, right? Right. The Peter Pack old boys.

Anyway, I used to give people informational packets, back when we lived in, uh... Deerington. You know, in Maine? You remember that old chestnut? Yeah, me too. Lucky me, my house and lab came with me! A little less furbished, but I do what I can. I'll be starting up my new job as a teacher here at the school soon, because old habits die hard, but I suppose I don't mind doing some teaching outside of the school, too, sooooo...

If you wanna know anything about the world that existed before Trench, I can answer questions as best I can. You guys all deserve that. And, uh. If it helps — I've attached a copy of the PPPP(S). Yup, that's right! The original! The O.G., as the hip kids call it.

[FILE ATTACHED.]

Super sorry if anything's confusing; I can fill out any of the weird blanks or things that don't quite make sense. And for everyone who doesn't need this info because they swam their little squid tuckuses behind me.... Hey! How's it going! Tell me a good joke, if you've got one. Let me know how you're settling while you're at it. I've been pretty good, personally. Lots of fighting, y'know. Creepy monsters away from the outskirts of town.

So basically nothing's changed.

Well, nothing other than the month, I guess! Wow, wait, is it already a new month? Can't believe...

[He trails off, and seems to realize, belatedly, loudly, and with great concern:]

OH NO, NOT OCTOBER!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

No.

[Yep, that's it, a one-word answer. Maul has all the social skills of someone raised by spinewolves and so he's really not discovered the benefit to getting along with people yet.]

right!!
I'm proud of him
he finally did it

concerned probs
the world I was in before I came to Deerington gave people superpowers when they showed up and thanks to all these people coming in who suddenly got actual fuckin superpowers shit could REALLY hit the fan
I'm just surprised nobody's accidentally set their house on fire yet but tbh
I'm not counting on that record lasting much longer than maybe a month
and that's me being generous

I'm not really one to talk i guess
But every planet has darkness somewhere from what Ive learned on the railway
Maybe not THIS much...not always anyway

(it shouldn't be this fun or easy to get a rise out of him.)

I don't doubt it.

Tell me one, I could use a joke.

I don't know, I'd say that a guy who can still think of chemistry at a moment like this seems like he got over his October episode pretty well. [ Just saying, Peter. ]

.. maybe we'll get lucky here though. After all, it's not as if October being awful is a universal ex--

[ Ange pauses.

Then she sighs. ]

No, scratch that. I'm fairly sure October sucks in any world out there.

I've seen vague ghostly shapes at the edges of my vision, and there's no rivers of blood or horrible flesh walls all over. No great monsters stalking the streets. My second sight hasn't told me clearly what we're dealing with, but it feels very different...

Almost... a little sad, and I'm not sure why?

What are the meals like in the Pun Prison? I want to know how good they are in case resisting arrest isn't worth it. Please don't lob me in the ocean, it's gross out there.

...Wait. nightmarishly organic like they're...attached to you like a real spider now?

Great power, great responsibility, yeah. No paycheques guaranteed.

A bit, yeah. Seems like almost everyone was there before here. I think I'm an anomaly.

Pleased that it pleases you, and one can't go wrong with the classics.

I'm wondering if our returning presences summon these structures? Though I found evidence someone had taken shelter in my house, at least for a little while.

Any time that the undead showed up in Deerington, it seemed as though they'd congregate in or around that ruinous gazebo. I have no idea what drew them there, but it made an interesting opportunity for target practice.

He is, but we can't let that go to his head.

[It's important to keep the lad humble.]

I wouldn't have to fight him, anyway! I'd bribe him with food. And if that failed, I'd just tell him his girlfriend needs him for something! Bam, instant pacifistic Spidey victory, just like usual!

Man oh man. You're a natural! I don't think I could have delivered that pun more successfully if I tried my hardest. I'll admit defeat on this one; you're the pun princess.

But it's great to meet you, too, Snow!

Or — do you prefer Snow White? Is that your first name? Or do you prefer Miss White?

... Nnnnooo....! Totally not.

I bet it'll be a totally pleasant time, even!

[How is this stark opposite response from his earlier one? Is it effective? Convincing???]

... No you didn't enjoy being cut in half?

Or no, it didn't occur to you that being on good times is more pleasant?

I just turned 26! That's young and hip and fresh, thank-you-very-much.

[He's gonna continue ignoring how all the tweens and teens keep talking like he's ancient, okay? Okay.]

You'll have to just channel your inner hipster, bud! Quills are cool in a totally retro way!

Yeah, same.
But Deerington, you know, it has it's uh
unique ways.

Just be a little more cautious, is all.
Try to not go out TOO much in October, or at least you can always give me a call to give you a thumbs up or thumbs down before you leave the house. I'll be doing the usual patrols, so if anything looks too concerning, I'll try to let people know ahead of time.

Did he complain about it endlessly while he accepted his fate?
If he didn't, +10 pride on top of the proudness.

Also now that you've said that, someone's gonna accidentally set their house on fire.
Greeeeeeat!

What's your current situation re: powers?

Okay! Okayokayokay, I got a classic!

What did they say to the guy who invented zero?

[wow pete just had that one immediately at the ready huh]

[He GASPS, his hand moving to his chest.]

Ange! Do you hate Halloween?

[HE'S HAVING ANOTHER EPISODE!!!!

Alright, fine, so maybe he's easy to lull into stupid jokes.]

... A little sad, huh...

I have a theory. Maybe it's off, but — maybe there's something to this blood thing that influences everyone? I mean, we seem to have conflicting abilities depending on those blood powers, and I've noticed some people reacting differently than others. On a spiritual... mental level?

... Gotta admit, I'm better at the math and science aspect of this gig.

... Y-yeah, maybe a little.

They don't shoot out of my butt, in case you're immediately envisioning that.

So DONT go anywhere unless you say so
But YOU can go out all fine?

Yup! 😎

What, did you want the superhero vigilante who worries 24/7 about everyone's safety to tell you to rush out into the city when it's dangerous?

Maybe practice more of what you preach
We're all kinda changed and on the same level now right??
I mean even someone like ME wound up with powers...

(he sure did...

abby sighs, long-sufferingly,) I dunno. What.

[ Maybe she will just have to keep him distracted with dumb jokes for all of October. ]

A witch killed my parents for her little Halloween party.

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1/2; cw: family death, murder mention