Event Misfire, Private Convo Made Public (CW: Innuendo, Lewdness)

[hearthebell]

[L and Light did have a conversation earlier about their plans for aiding Never Mind.

Unfortunately, their omnis are both behaving very, very badly, warping and posting this conversation to the network once it no longer resembles itself. L is blue, Light is red, and both are posting under their regular usernames.]


Do you want me to bring the handcuffs? ;)

It’s probably for the best. I don’t plan on going easy on you tonight.

Follow the trail of clothes and then the trail of candy. If you’re lucky I’ll be at the end of it.

I never depend on luck to solve my cases. If you’re not waiting for me, I’ll have to bait you with something you can’t resist.

You are a master baiter. I’ve got hard evidence. Extremely hard.

You’ve never liked things to be too simple, but if you make it too hard, I’m going to ask you to give me a hand.

Sounds like a job. Make me work, Light.

I’ll be sure to reward you well after.

Only what I deserve. You can’t be too permissive or I’ll walk all over you. I know where your soft spots are.

You’re mistaken in assuming they’ll be any parts of me that are soft after. I promised a reward for a job well done, not permission to slack off.

Slacks off? Sounds good. Just as long as it’s also jackets off, ties off, shoes off, socks off. I want to see if you’ve been playing tennis, or just sitting in the dark without moving much. I’ve dated an Olympian, so my standards are higher now.

I have another use for the tie, so I’ll keep it close by. As for ability, you shouldn’t worry. My endurance isn’t the only thing that’s improved.

My last boyfriend taught me a lot about balls and how to handle them. You won’t be disappointed, either.

Before the night is over, you’ll barely be able to remember your name, but I’ll be sure there are new lessons involved.

Help me remember my name by saying it, then. You know the one. Say it like it’s dirty.

I’ll have no choice. By the time we’re through, nothing about you will be clean.

But one part of you will be unusually clean.

I’m almost there. If you haven’t started undressing, I’ll have to do it for you.

Let me change into the clothes you can rip. I know how hot that gets you.

Don’t underestimate me. No matter what you’re wearing, I’ll manage to get them off.

Well try to get through my chastity belt, then. Guess where the key is? I bet you can’t.

The longer you force me to look, the longer it will take to get to the fun part.

I’m outside. When you hear the door, it’ll be me.

Ding-dong, it’s unlocked. Come on in, in every sense of the word.

Comments

un: younghuman | text | private to un: enpawnsant

[terriblepurpose]

[There is not a single question of the many raised by this Paul wants an answer to. Not one.]

This is an interesting way to encode messages.

un: enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

Try to ignore it, if you can. None of this is true. We were talking about how to approach Never Mind's request and the omnis backfired and turned it into this.

We're just friends.

[terriblepurpose]

[There is no way to say that these didn't seem like that sort of message Lazarus would send without having to think about what that sort of message might look like, which is as unthinkable as picturing Thufir or Gurney doing the same.

So, instead, a pivot.]

That's a relief.

And I never had the chance to ask you about how you became friends. Did you collaborate about things often, back in your universe?

un: Oracle, text

[adaine]

Why.

un; enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

Trench.

[adaine]

I hate this place. I want to be a squid again, actually.

un: L.Yagami

[worldcleansing]

I have the same question, but I can say the conversation didn't happen.

[ Light is as mortified as the people who read this. ]

un; enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

Technically, the conversation happened. We did talk.

But I concur, in that these weren't the words spoken.

[adaine]

Probably just a mean joke, then.

Thank god, though. I think the knowledge that Lazarus sexts like a straight boy would have broken me.

text; un: nightfort

[dohaeris]

[video embedded.]

un; enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

They're pretty.

I don't get it.

[dohaeris]

Listen to the words. You have new rules, now.

un: L.Yagami

[worldcleansing]

[ Light hazards a guess that this is one of L's friends. Unless he's changed beyond recognition during his time here, it's more than likely the 'he' in this song hinting more toward Light himself.

But why? ]

While I don't understand the reason behind the implication, you seem worried about him. This conversation didn't happen.

[dohaeris]

That's very reassuring. Thank you.

un: MAKIMA (1/2)

[overlies]

Oh, my.

[overlies]

Have fun, boys.

text un: vi

[faceblocks]

[she's laughing until she gets to my last boyfriend taught me a lot about balls and then she's just. sad. because shoyo's gone, and when they'd met she'd made a vaguely similar joke to him at someone else's expense.]

ok this is fucking hilarious to read but
i feel like i shouldnt be reading it

did the privates filter fuck up or smth

uh sorry private

[sad feels don't show when you don't want them to!]

un: L.Yagami

[worldcleansing]

[ On the other side, Light sighs. He isn't happy about the post in the least. ]

It's all fake. Lazarus and I never had this conversation. Our topic was a lot different than what you see here.

un: enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

It is absurd, isn't it? It happens that I'm doing my best to keep the humor of the situation in perspective, however inconvenient this has made communication in the foreseeable future.

[Text] un: QueenCobra

[abornfighter]

Wow. Congratulations on having the most awkward accidental text misfire I've seen so far.

[Text]

[hearthebell]

Well, we do tend to be overachievers like that.

text;

[worldcleansing]

It's not an honor I can accept. The conversation didn't happen.

text: un: suckmyodangos

[bleedformeplz]

'my last bf taught me a lot about balls and how to handle them'

best quote ever!

un: L.Yagami

[worldcleansing]

With that username, I'm not surprised. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for your amusement, the conversation isn't real.

un: enpawnsant

[hearthebell]

It's not even untrue. Perks of knowing an olympian, I suppose.