video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

video; un: ghostking

[umbraportation]

First off, even after months being your library assistant, I still cannot read the squiggles you seem to think pass off as letters and I'm absolutely positive it's not my dyslexia that makes it impossible. Maybe I should make you write everything you want me to read in Greek letters.

[ hi dad, Nico is sitting in the Sanctuary library during his break because this place is quiet and usually not filled with hoards of people. ]

Secondly, I'm in agreement with your husband and vote for "that title is ridiculous" as the finished one. [ He smirks at this part. ]

Lastly, guess our drawing skills are about the same because I certainly couldn't do much better than you.

[megatheorem]

[Oh no, this family has succumbed to the curse of "video chatting while in the same building... smh.]

Thank you, Nico, for your contributions. Earnestly; I'm putting a tally with your name on it on the list of allegedly failed titles, despite the fact that you're both picking on me.

[But watch: he is definitely scribbling something in his atrocious handwriting on a piece of paper, ta-da.]

There's nothing to be done about the art, so far. Is my handwriting better in Greek? Earnest question.

[umbraportation]

[ To be fair, it is a large building and they all have stuff to do in different places. ]

Always glad to give my opinion on something weird. [ At this point, he's so used to Pal taking notes when he says things. ] Just saying what I think. I'd look at a title that long and put the book back.

[ Not that he'll be reading this squidmance in the first place. But if Pal wants anyone reading the book... ]

I'm sure someone will jump at the chance to get you some pretty cover art. Yeah, it is. Maybe because you're still new at it and some of the letters are more boxy or definitive.

[megatheorem]

We are very different people and I respect your taste in titles, although I do not agree.

[The more words the better!! He knows what kind of nerd he is and it's this kind. The squid smut kind, specifically.]

You mean I haven't had the chance to adapt to it enough to ruin it. I apologize in advance for the day my Greek handwriting suddenly disappoints you.

[It is something of an inevitability, really...]

In the meantime, while I wait for my artists, what are you doing in the library? Do you need a hand?

[umbraportation]

We are, but I'm still gonna make faces and complain about your super long titles that I'll never be able to remember the name of.

[ That's exactly the problem for Nico!! Too many words. At least trying to read them on the spine or cover of the book. He could memorize it if he really tried. ]

Exactly, I just didn't want to be completely rude and point that out first. We'll see how well I can read it when it starts going downhill. I'm hoping it'll be fine, since everything in Greek is easier for me to read.

[ He won't hold his breath, though. ]

Just hanging out, mostly. Maybe continuing our endeavor to have a better library than Never Mind after my break. You can come if you want.

[megatheorem]

What if I wrote the long titles in Greek? That takes care of both handwriting and length, right? I could try.

[Nico should get the full scope of making fun of Pal's titles, he thinks. He's already leaned in to being heckled about his true literary genius.

Anyway, hmm, library chill time--]

Let's have a Greek session, then. Fully casual; you do your thing, I'll practice my various handwritings off to the side. You can correct my pronunciation.

[umbraportation]

[ Hang on, he has to go back to listen to the title again so that he can do... this: ] Κατάπαυση των αισθήσεων: Πραγματεία για την αντιπαράθεση πάθους και λογικής. That's your title in Greek. Not really shorter, but it could help with the handwriting.

[ Family privilege, Nico gets to heckle his adopted dad about the name, but like he told Viktor - it's a good title to keep Nico from reading this squidmance about his dads.

Library chill time will be happening a lot the next two months. ]

Okay. That works for me. Though pretty soon you're not going to need my help with Greek.

[megatheorem]

[Hmm, a little cursed that his beloved son would just say this title out loud, even if in Greek... so this is fatherhood... Palamedes snorts, shaking his head.]

I'll do my best; getting all of that down without fumbling the letters will be my next little project.

[During library chill time, likely with guest appearances by Viktor with snacks. Not a bad way to spend two months.]

Give me maybe five minutes and I'll be there. And— what's your next big language? You'll just have to show me that one.

[umbraportation]

[ They're both a little cursed for Nico saying it out loud, in either language - because they both understand it now. It's not like this is the first time he's far too aware of his parent's intimate life. Hades has plenty of stories about him. ]

I can at least check that much to make sure it's all good. [ Definitely not going to be reading this book, though.

Nope, it's a good way to let his birthday - in January - pass by with no one being any wiser. Just hanging with some of his most liked people. ]

Yeah, I'll be here. My next big one is Italian, it was on the list I gave you. It's my mom's native language.

[megatheorem]

[The first and last times they need to say this title aloud, stamped and official.]

Sure; pretend it's purely an academic paper.

[And oh, but if Palamedes finds out about this birthday somehow... he will respect Nico's wishes to quietly observe it with a handful of people, but he'll also get him a funny shirt of his own. He understands the appeal of not making a big deal of things - particularly birthdays, although that one is because he's mostly dead back home. Oop.

Same difference...]

Is it? Then I'll draw up a study schedule today, even. That's what my mother taught me.

[umbraportation]

[ Awkward conversations to have with your adopted son-father. ]

Can do, I'll just let the words go in one ear and out the other.

[ That's a good son-trait to have in this particular matter. The quieter the better when it comes to his birthday, and maybe he'll tell a couple of people, seeing how Pal and Viktor are both good at respecting that sort of thing. Mostly dead isn't completely dead, at least.

A soft sound of amusement. ]

Yep. [ On all accounts of it being on the list and his mom's language. ] She taught you how to draw up study schedules? That's not surprising. What else did she teach you?

[megatheorem]

Attaboy.

[.......pfffhaha] Sorry; I was compelled.

[Anyway, dad moment over. Instead, let's talk about moms some more.]

My mother made Scholar at fifteen— and you can rest assured, that's a big deal where we're from. Even to me. She taught me scheduling, research, plenty of her top necromantic theories... and hubris, but not so directly.

[Normal mom things!]

[mehanizovati]

[here's viktor, clearly in the same room as pal] Thank you, Nico. You are doing important work in not encouraging his titling conventions.

[umbraportation]

[ Not surprised at all, tbh. ] Just calling it like I see it. Maybe if it was a non-fiction book, something like that would be okay.

[mehanizovati]

[all just talking over the phone in the same house. powerful.] His academia is showing, as always. He's making a list of possible titles now, to warn you. I suspect you'll be subjected to it soon enough.

[umbraportation]

[ It's like he's on speakerphone with his parents. This is a completely new thing to him. ] When isn't it showing? He probably already had a list going after hearing you reject his working title. Honestly, if he wants me to stay away from reading it, he'll go with his pick.

[mehanizovati]

[i am enjoying the mental image of hades on speaker phone though.] I think he rejoices in the chance to make lists to begin with, so you're likely right. In truth I'd also like to see just how much worse it can get, so let's see. I'll make a list of my own of the highlights to tell you later.

only half here, for the gag

[megatheorem]

[But through the background of Viktor's omni comes Pal's faux-disgruntled, half-shouted comment, in true speakerphone with parents style:]

For the record, none of that is constructive criticism!

why did you do this to yourself?

[umbraportation]

[ Shaking his head over here. ]

Your title is too wordy! How about two-thirds of that whole thing?

[umbraportation]

[ He would probably use the loudest voice possible without actually shouting. ] Or having lists made for him. Which I've done before. [ This isn't an actual complaint, he just likes teasing. ] We could bet on how many words he can get into a title?

Looking forward to it. [ Please spare him some of the more risqué titles, Viktor. ]

[mehanizovati]

[enjoy seeing viktor roll his eyes at pal in real time, lips quirking when nico speaks. holding his omni so pal can hear him, thanks.

anyway.] We'll have to set up a bet properly where he cannot hear, he'll game the system otherwise.

This reminds me, we're throwing a winter holiday party at Sanctuary, if you'd like to come. Do not ask how I got involved, it's a mystery. [it isn't, he's a busybody.] I do not know any winter holidays personally so do not expect much.

[umbraportation]

[ Ah the way his parents act is funny. Maybe this is the way parents are supposed to be, and not the way his dad and stepmother are around him. ]

Oh yeah, definitely. Can't have him doing that.

[ Oh, Nico clearly pauses at this bit of information. ] Not really a winter holiday party sort of person, but I can at least swing by the kitchen for a while. To see you and Palamedes.

[mehanizovati]

[definitely how nerd parents act apparently. viktor gives offscreen pal an eyeroll before glancing back.] I'll find you later. I've been hiding from Abigail again.

[he's not too proud to admit it. that scantuary chef is scary.]

You're welcome to come before or after the party, of course. [he notes that pause though doesn't press. just a quiet tick of 'hm'] Would you prefer no gifts then? I'm not entirely sure the protocol there. I'd like to make you something.

[umbraportation]

[ Nico will take his nerdy parents, even if they someday embarrass him. ] If you want, I can show you some of my hiding places.

[ She is, and he knows it. Viktor has been here longer, so maybe his hiding spots are more known. ]

Okay, thanks. [ Maybe soon the teen will tell Viktor why he's not into winter parties. But it will definitely not be over the network. ] Gifts are fine, since I was planning on getting you and Palamedes something.

[mehanizovati]

Nico, you are a good young man. [dry, and actually grateful. please show him hiding spots, staying here for his recovery just doubled her efforts...

very fair, definitely not something for casual romance novel art posts.] Ah, good. It's supposed to be a surprise, I assume? If not you're welcome to tell me what you'd like.

[otherwise he's making him cool shit as per usual. as though he wouldn't anyway.]