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Hello! I am Hank, new from Los Angeles, at least I think I am? Squid thing was...very strange. But I have found good place to live and clothes, so can't be totally bad, yes?

And I have a cat now. Which is strange but I always thought I might be cat person. Thank you to whoever left cat! She is very sweet, I have named her Tatiana. Good name. Had a baba named Tatiana.

Anyway. Hello! Seems like fun place to be, even if Barry is Grumpy Gary about it. Looking forward to meeting of you all!

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Oh, I am not either. Or at least, some people say so. In English, I do okay, I am better in Russian or Chechen. But I do my best!

Russian and Chechen?

Are those languages from your world?

Oh, yes! I am from Chechnya, we speak Russian and Chechen. And English, but I've only gotten really good at that one since I got to California.

California? I've heard of that one, I think.

It's on...Earth?

Yes! In the United States. You come from a different world?

Yes, sir.

The kingdom of Valeria. But no one's ever heard of it, I'm afraid.

I have not, no, but I would be happy to hear about it!

[She laughs. Not at him. Just delighted by his enthusiasm.]

It's the most beautiful kingdom in the realm, as the Elves will be quick to tell you.

I feel like that's what everyone says, but I believe you anyway.

Well...I'm not an Elf.

But it is lovely.

Oh! I do not know what elves look like, so I would not know the difference.

Oh. Um. Long, pointy ears.

[She frames her own ear with her thumb and index finger.]

Like that.

Oh. Not tiny also, only pointy ears?

I wouldn't say tiny...

They average about five and a half feet, I guess.

Oh! So not tiny, no. Standard elf size, maybe.

I guess?

Why would they be tiny?

...I don't know? I just always thought elves should be tiny, I think.

Are there tiny elves in California?

Not that I know of, but then elves are only in stories, yes?

Well, they're real as far as I know.

I would be interested to hear some of your stories, though.

Oh, my stories are not very interesting. If you have real elves, I am sure yours are much better.

...interesting point, sir.

Thought it might be. So tell me about elves where you are from!

Oh, well. Um. They're...blue-eyed. Long-lived and very, deeply proud.

They're more talented with magic than any of the other races.

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