deernet | [Text] [Anonymous] | Shadowbringers/Endwalker Spoilers

[Everything seems... frustrating. Everything seems like it's stewing. He wanders around, trying to find something to do other than swatting bugs and killing (and sometimes saving) beasts.]

[But is everything really... how it's supposed to be? He's not sure. He takes a crystal out of his pocket and stares at it for a while. He's not sure how to use the magic here - he's tried, but maybe because it crosses the rift he can't call upon others? He huffs in frustration, curling up a little bit.]

]But he doesn't let go of the crystal. This crystal, which means so much to him, that came to him through a twist of fate. ... But was it really fate? Or was it always going to happen?]

[Eventually, he grabs his omni and writes out a post. Anonymously, because... well. He doesn't want people to worry. Even if it'll probably be obvious that it's him...]

Is who you were in the past important to who you are now?

I would have said yes, but some days... some days I'm not sure. I don't know anymore.

Everything's so complicated and I don't even know if who I was is who I am now...

Maybe this was stupid to ask. Sorry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I want to make everybody happy. I know that's impossible...

you know
someone once told me that sometimes you can not make the people around you happy unless you make yourself happy too
has anyone ever told you that

I don't know.

And I don't know if I'm happy or not. I want to go home, but I can't. So I don't know what to do.

[ Well, at least that isn't something only they are struggling with, Chizuru figures.. But it's not like she has a solution for that either, so she doesn't want to get too deep into it.

It might only make this person more sad. ]

i think that if there are a lot of things you do not know
then maybe the most important thing is figuring those things out first
even though i know it can be really hard to figure out how you feel
or what you want

but it is still an important thing to figure out i think

I'm scared.

I don't want to dig too deep into the past because I'm afraid I'll lose myself.

then why not do it together with someone else
?

i understand why you might have thought it would be better not to
maybe your past is very private
but i am sure you have at least one person who knows you very well
who might not be surprised

but i am sure there has to be at least one person out there who would not mind helping you
i think it would be a lot harder to lose yourself if you are not doing it alone

though i realise i do not really have experience with this sort of thing
i am sorry if i am saying entirely the wrong thing

[ She just wants to help. ]

No, it's okay. It would be easier if there was someone from my world who knew me well here, but the only person here doesn't know my history all that much.

Which is fine, I just don't want to bother her.

do you think that people from other places are incapable of understanding you
?

compared to people from your own world i mean

It's not that I don't think people won't understand me.

It's that there's a lot to explain to get to how things got this way.

i think there are sometimes a whole lot of things other people can understand
even if you do not fully explain
people who come from different places may be able to see your problem in an entirely different light
just with what they know about you the way you are now

forgive me if i am being very presumptuous about all of this
it feels a little like it
i just wanted to make sure you knew you can always reach out to people here
no one should ever suffer alone
that is too sad

No, it's okay.

It's just... a lot. And I don't want to hurt people. Or... make them feel bad for me. I've been through a lot, but I don't really regret it. Even with all of the pain...

i can not make you do something you do not want to do
i am not even sure if i know you

so i suppose
maybe all i can do is wish you good luck with all of it
if you need someone to talk to you can always talk to me
regardless of whether we know each other

but if you do not wish to talk to anyone about it then that is your choice

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, Chizuru.

I just don't want to make people upset. You included. I just don't know about... keeping all of this inside. I know I can't...

... I guess I'm just scared. Being.. vulnerable is scary.

[ .. oh. So it is someone who knows her. Sure, it could be someone who just saw her around on the network before, but she feels like they wouldn't use her name so casually.

Or maybe that's just her formal side speaking. ]

why do you think being vulnerable is scary

Because you could get hurt.

It's like an animal showing its belly - it's easy to hurt it there. It's the same thing with raw emotions and things like that.

but why would you get hurt if you are being vulnerable with someone you trust
the people who care about you would never hurt you
you do know that right

I know.

It's not logical, it's still scary.

[ .. well, it's not like Chizuru is going to be the one to question that. She wouldn't want to invalidate anyone else's feelings, after all.

So maybe the only thing she can instead ask is.. ]

and there is nothing anyone can do to make it less scary for you
?

I don't... know. I tend to be guarded with the things that I'm actually scared of.

I just don't want anyone else to be hurt by my own pain.

in that case i suppose i can not say much
just

[ A pause, though there's the indication that Chizuru is typing - and probably erasing her message a few times before actually sending: ]

take care

[Text] [Anonymous] | Shadowbringers/Endwalker Spoilers

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