deernet | Text - UN: CentaursTesticle

D --> I require immediate e%planations
D --> Justifications
D --> Apologies would be an e%cellent initiation to discourse
D --> If this is a wretched idea of someone's worthless humor I will remove your spinal crevice via your protein chute
D --> I have only just now become aware of the curse plaguing my perfected mortal coil and it is unacceptable
D --> I require the cessation of this e%perience immediately and forthwith
D --> It would beh00ve you to comply

D --> LOKI!

[The fact that he actually used punctuation was probably a good indication he'd lost it.]

D --> Loki of Asgard
D --> If you have snuck into this world somehow
D --> If you are responsible for this
D --> I will rearrange your ugly face
D --> I will find you this time and repay you for every one of your idiotic interventions
D --> My bl00d is not dust you bastard

[Crap. Someone finally saw his blood. And the last time person to ever have the temerity to do something like to this was Loki. No, not that Loki. Not that one either. Look, there are a lot of Lokis in the multiverse. This is a thing.]

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D --> So I am to believe that not only did I travel to this bl00d obsessed hive
D --> But of all the living beings to depart the Holy City of of Asgard
D --> It is your e%cruciatingly infuriating e%istence that I must continue to put up with

D --> Somehow I am not surprised
D --> But do me a kindness
D --> I will switch to video to be certain I need to punch you in your thinkpan
D --> Do likewise

[ Loki is grinning like a madman. ]

You'll have to catch me first, won't you?

[The feed came on to a non plussed figure brimming with musculature that was eerily similar to another man of Loki's acquaintance, just not as pronounced. His eyes were hidden behind glasses and he growled something unintelligible.]

Oh, it's you. Not you, the other Loki.

I have to keep reminding myself that the cosmos sense of humor involves the notion that there is more than one of you around.

Oh, you've met other Lokis, too? I've only recently met a good dozen or more other versions of myself, but I assure you I was the superior one of them all.

[ He was not. ]

Which one was this? The child? The paunchy one? Oh! The alligator? That was a strange one...

[mutter mutter 'bad as Karkat sometimes' mutter mutter.]

The wriggler? I distantly believe that there was a juvenile version of you at some point who was considerably less irritating, but no. Their hair was a sinfully ruddish color and they were apparently several millenia of age.

...

A scaled hissbeast? You cannot possibly expect me to believe you are also a scaled hissbeast in another... no, of course you are. Next you will tell me that you are in fact a six legged hoofbeast in another incarnation.

Gah, there are too many of you. [He sounds a little revolted.] No, this version presided over a world of trapped multiplanar expatriates in a fashion that is not unlike the Pthumerians appear to operate here. Only obnoxiously more involved.

Well, that might be interesting, but I've met no hooved version of myself yet.

[ He looks like he's lost in thought for a moment and then he shakes his head. ]

I don't think I've ever trapped this many people before. There was another version of Loki that did try to take over the planet Earth at one point, but that wasn't me. It was another version of me. I'm a Time Hero.

[ It was him. It was about three weeks before he wound up here, give or take some time in a timeless place. ]

[He made a harrumph sound, but stuck to the topic at hand.]

This one was not a conquerer. He was simply the odious trickster and the most troublesome thorn in the sides of those trapped within the city's walls, along with the egotistical prat of a relation of his, Baldr. They were both insufferable, but most within the city regarded him as a god and a hero.

Asgard was a strange place. [He frowned.] Tell me. What does this being a hero mean to you?

Time Hero.

[ The correction is important if he's to sell the story. ]

I was plucked from my timeline by the Time Variance Authority and shown my future so that I could better help them save the timeline and the world from utter destruction. I'm very important to them. Time things, you know.

[ Loki's actually pretty sure he completely broke the timeline, but no one needs to know that. ]

It offends my sensibilities that that makes considerably more sense than it should.

[He growled and pinched the bridge of his nose.]

I despise temporal shenanigans. They only ever give me a colossal pain in my think pan. There is no way to truly repair and save a timeline that has been altered. You are just trying to get a preferable result without scratching it beyond recognition.

Never really works in my experience.

Yes, they are very complicated and confusing for those who might lack the brainpower for it.

[ Loki smiles smugly. ]

Thankfully I'm not one of them.

I sense a not-so-subtle snub.

[Master of the obvious, this one.]

Ultimately, I dislike them because the full extent of one's impact in each alteration in a timeline is never knowable and it seems that those who perform the act are usually unaware of the changes, soliciting confusion in the present, which is the past but also the future...

..ngh.

In any case, you are not the correct Loki, and it appears the matter of blood is a universal violation.

Well I'm afraid subtlety has never been my strongest skill.

[ Nor has kindness, but he's grown a little. ]

Has it occurred to you that you might be searching for the wrong Loki and that I am in fact that correct one?

D --> I have considered this possibility
D --> People keep referring to Pthumerians however
D --> And this is Trench and not Asgard
D --> I think you are e%actly as you were the last time
D --> Trapped just like me

D --> But you are still a Loki
D --> Perhaps not quite as insufferable as you used to be
D --> Barely

I shall endeavor to be more insufferable in the future. We all deserve a bit of home comforts.

D --> You will succeed no doubt
D --> It is unavoidable as this is one of your more marketable skills
D --> But for the time being I seem to have acquired the e%planation I require
D --> The bl00d situation is at least clarified better

D --> I simply hate it

Text - UN: CentaursTesticle

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