text | un: moonmochi

[hopticulture]

It's strange. There was a lot I wanted to do before I turned twenty.

It doesn't feel wrong to have been brought here, but I wish I wasn't by myself. I remember wanting to spend today with people I cared about, but that's not possible anymore.

[someone is very clearly brooding & feeling the effects of Cloverfield.]

People tend to roll their eyes whenever a girl talks about her feelings in a vague way for everyone to read, but if I didn't say anything about today, I'd probably feel much worse.

Comments

voice; un: givemeyourown

[unsheathedfromreality]

[With sincere gravity,] Happy birthday.

Today of all days is a poor one to be alone. What is it you had planned to do?

[hopticulture]

I...appreciate the sentiment.

[self-pitying...

the voice on the opposite ends sounds young, like a lost and lonely kid, but holds a certain gravity that a teen who just turned twenty would have.]

I've spent birthdays alone before, but turning twenty is a big deal where I'm from. But there weren't any specific plans; just spending time with family and other loved ones if I was lucky.

text; un: laurel

[lightinside]

Hi. You don't know me, but I am sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It can be hard to put it out there. Believe me, I know.

I'm not the kind of person to roll my eyes.

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

it's your birthday???
do you want a party
or cake
dang have you even gotten any gifts yet

[hopticulture]

Even if you did roll your eyes at this, I wouldn't exactly blame you.

I'll probably roll my eyes at this in a few hours.

[hopticulture]

A party and cake would feel a bit disingenuous now.

[says the girl who'd 100% react similarly when hearing that someone isn't celebrating their birthday. but look, she's not perfect!!]

I did get something, but I'm not sure if it's a gift. Nobody here could have known it was my birthday, and it showed up out of nowhere.

[laminae]

[Aw, he's a little disheartened to read that.]

but still
it's not like the day is over yet, right?

what'd you get?
and also now that i know it's your birthday i can get you something
you like plants right? any plants you want?

[unsheathedfromreality]

["Surprise, you're spending your birthday alone in blood-magic hell!" is a good reason for a little self-pity, in Illarion's book.]

But it is not nearly the same as being home, no?

[Illarion, by contrast, sounds old and steady and maybe a little tired. Kindly, at least, though there's something a little distorted and eerie about his voice, like the resonance is wrong.]

What is special about twenty if I might ask?

un: trienemybest; text

[droptheious]

It's not exactly the best place to spend a birthday in huh? Anyway, if you have any day where you're allowed to talk vaguely about your feelings it's today. I think you get a special dispensation for it.

text | un: hardcore.

[deathrespect]

I dunno what kind of stuff you wanted to get done before twenty but I think you can do something worthwhile or meaningful here too.

( He's a stranger, but ... )

Happy birthday, either way.

[imaglyphwitch]

Happy birthday! And I'm really sorry that you don't get to celebrate it with the people you love.

But I don't think its wrong that you talk about it, not at all. Sometimes if you don't, that stuff manifests in bad ways.

That aside, we can always find things to do to celebrate your birthday here, if you like!

You are fine with carrot cake, right? I don't want to stereotype.

[lightinside]

Do you think it would make you feel better if you did?

[hopticulture]

It isn't, but it can't be helped. This place makes it hard to try to make the best of a hard situation, especially when I was still looking to make some changes back home.

Being exempt or not, it still feels bad to admit I'm feeling bad.

[hopticulture]

[kiss her boyfriend-not-boyfriend for one but she's not going to say that to a stranger! she's embarrassing herself enough by being publicly maudlin.]

I know...and I appreciate the responses, but it's been pretty hard adjusting to a place like this. At least in a way where things feel worthwhile.

Something about today in particular really reminds me just how alone I am. Like I'm back to square one in this new life.

[hopticulture]

Some kind of glass ball. It fell out of my bag this morning, and I know I've never seen it before.

[not going to talk about how touching it cemented her nostalgic, lonely feelings. but she holds the precious memory it sparked close to her. in the end it's just a ghost of her past life.]

And you really don't have to get me anything...it feels like I'm guilting people into getting me things. Not to mention it's hard to pick one plant out of thousands, you know?

I'm fond of all of them.

[hopticulture]

I've been seeing how they manifest...so I guess that's part of what got me speaking out instead of keeping it in. Though I know I'm gonna be embarrassed about this later on.

I'm not much in the mood to celebrate, but it is a bit of a stereotype.

[...but she also has to tell the truth because the stereotype does come from somewhere.]

I do like carrot cake...

[hopticulture]

Sometimes it does feel better having people point out how ridiculous you're acting.

[hopticulture]

It's not. At least back home I got messages from my parents and siblings. And I had the gardening club to hang out in.

[since her hearing is probably the best of her rabbit traits, she does detect that's something's off with how this guy sounds. but she chalks it up to the strangeness of her omni.]

Twenty is a sign of adulthood. Back home, we'd hold a celebration for everyone who turned twenty a few weeks after the new year.

un: eudaimonikos; video

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, come on. What's social media for, if not vaguely posting about your feelings?

[He sounds vaguely sardonic, but he really is trying to be supportive?]

[hopticulture]

[going to change to voice, opting not to respond via video because she is in a downcast mood.]

I never used social media that way back home, even though I saw other girls using it as their personal public diary.

Usually I would write things down in a journal, or on a piece of paper I'd throw away.

[lightinside]

I guess.

For the record, I think whatever you're feeling is valid. I'm lucky to have my sister with me here.

[laminae]

like a crystal ball? can you see stuff in it?

[Is it some kind of spooky cursed magic deal -]

man, no way! you're not guilting me into doing anything
people gotta figure out your birthday somehow, right? and you telling them is the easiest way for them to know
you just happen to be doing it on your birthday is all
dang ok
i'm not super good at picking out plants, i'm still learning about them
how about a lavender shrub? lavender seems like it's really useful here

[imaglyphwitch]

You shouldn't be. Anytime someone gets older here, it ought to be celebrated at least a little!

Oh good! See, I saw you write this, and decided to reply after I made one! Worst scenario was that I made a carrot cake for myself, but instead you get to enjoy it!

[eudaimonikos]

We didn't really have it. Humans did, though. A lot of them used it to be passive-aggressive.

[So that's mostly his knowledge base.]

Journaling seems...nice? I used to keep audio logs...sort of for work, but sort of just for me.

[droptheious]

Ouch, yeah. Having unfinished business back home makes this place a lot harder to get settled in. At least the popular theory is that there's another you living that life?

[Which...likely isn't that comforting now she's here. ]

Maybe? But at least you have a chance of feeling better if you talk about it. Or having other people help you feel better, anyway.

...Happy birthday, by the way.