text | un: moonmochi

[hopticulture]

It's strange. There was a lot I wanted to do before I turned twenty.

It doesn't feel wrong to have been brought here, but I wish I wasn't by myself. I remember wanting to spend today with people I cared about, but that's not possible anymore.

[someone is very clearly brooding & feeling the effects of Cloverfield.]

People tend to roll their eyes whenever a girl talks about her feelings in a vague way for everyone to read, but if I didn't say anything about today, I'd probably feel much worse.

Comments

voice; un: givemeyourown

[unsheathedfromreality]

[With sincere gravity,] Happy birthday.

Today of all days is a poor one to be alone. What is it you had planned to do?

[hopticulture]

I...appreciate the sentiment.

[self-pitying...

the voice on the opposite ends sounds young, like a lost and lonely kid, but holds a certain gravity that a teen who just turned twenty would have.]

I've spent birthdays alone before, but turning twenty is a big deal where I'm from. But there weren't any specific plans; just spending time with family and other loved ones if I was lucky.

text; un: laurel

[lightinside]

Hi. You don't know me, but I am sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It can be hard to put it out there. Believe me, I know.

I'm not the kind of person to roll my eyes.

[hopticulture]

Even if you did roll your eyes at this, I wouldn't exactly blame you.

I'll probably roll my eyes at this in a few hours.

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

it's your birthday???
do you want a party
or cake
dang have you even gotten any gifts yet

[hopticulture]

A party and cake would feel a bit disingenuous now.

[says the girl who'd 100% react similarly when hearing that someone isn't celebrating their birthday. but look, she's not perfect!!]

I did get something, but I'm not sure if it's a gift. Nobody here could have known it was my birthday, and it showed up out of nowhere.

un: trienemybest; text

[droptheious]

It's not exactly the best place to spend a birthday in huh? Anyway, if you have any day where you're allowed to talk vaguely about your feelings it's today. I think you get a special dispensation for it.

[hopticulture]

It isn't, but it can't be helped. This place makes it hard to try to make the best of a hard situation, especially when I was still looking to make some changes back home.

Being exempt or not, it still feels bad to admit I'm feeling bad.

text | un: hardcore.

[deathrespect]

I dunno what kind of stuff you wanted to get done before twenty but I think you can do something worthwhile or meaningful here too.

( He's a stranger, but ... )

Happy birthday, either way.

[hopticulture]

[kiss her boyfriend-not-boyfriend for one but she's not going to say that to a stranger! she's embarrassing herself enough by being publicly maudlin.]

I know...and I appreciate the responses, but it's been pretty hard adjusting to a place like this. At least in a way where things feel worthwhile.

Something about today in particular really reminds me just how alone I am. Like I'm back to square one in this new life.

[imaglyphwitch]

Happy birthday! And I'm really sorry that you don't get to celebrate it with the people you love.

But I don't think its wrong that you talk about it, not at all. Sometimes if you don't, that stuff manifests in bad ways.

That aside, we can always find things to do to celebrate your birthday here, if you like!

You are fine with carrot cake, right? I don't want to stereotype.

[hopticulture]

I've been seeing how they manifest...so I guess that's part of what got me speaking out instead of keeping it in. Though I know I'm gonna be embarrassed about this later on.

I'm not much in the mood to celebrate, but it is a bit of a stereotype.

[...but she also has to tell the truth because the stereotype does come from somewhere.]

I do like carrot cake...

un: eudaimonikos; video

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, come on. What's social media for, if not vaguely posting about your feelings?

[He sounds vaguely sardonic, but he really is trying to be supportive?]

[hopticulture]

[going to change to voice, opting not to respond via video because she is in a downcast mood.]

I never used social media that way back home, even though I saw other girls using it as their personal public diary.

Usually I would write things down in a journal, or on a piece of paper I'd throw away.

Text; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. Is today your birthday?

No one should have to feel all alone. I know we just met, but if you'd like, we can hang out?

[hopticulture]

It is. I wasn't really keeping track of the days, so it kind of crept up on me. Only because from what I can remember from my old life, it was well past October. I feel like I just turned 19.

But...I don't want to dismiss you, since I don't know you and the offer seems nice, but I just don't know if I'm in the right mood to actually be with anyone I don't really know.
Not that I really know anyone here all that much to begin with.

voice; un:rosestorm

[thunderingcourage]

It's strange how we all have these plans and goals we want to achieve before a certain point. And yet never seen to quite make it.

Sorry to hear that you don't get to spend it with the people you want. But I hope that you have a good birthday anyway. If you want a cake or something I wouldn't mind making one.

Or if you just want to talk, I won't roll me eyes.

[hopticulture]

I know that's just how life is, and not so long ago I knew better than to make any longterm plans or goals. Even if I did have some, life is always unpredictable.

[especially when you can die at any moment. but, she was living her life differently bit by bit.

and now it feels like that's fallen to the wayside.]

It seems like someone has already decided to make me a carrot cake, which is nice. But...talking does seem to be helping.

text; username: grollschwert

[hauntedsavior]

Good news, kid.
You'll feel that way when you're knocking on thirty's door, too.
Took me 26 years and an act of god to start getting my shit together.
Happy birthday. You've got time.

You talk to Cloverfield yet? Big guy on the shores. He might help.

[hopticulture]

When I'm thirty. I'd be surprised if I'm around long enough to even do that.

Cloverfield is that large animal wandering around, right? I'm not sure if he'd be able to see me to help. He seems to have his own problems too.

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Hey.

Happy Birthday.

I know it's not the same as having those people around to spend time with. But I'd love to hear about them and the things you would have liked to do.

I'm not so good at talking about these kind of things myself but I'm working on it too.

voice

[hopticulture]

I don't even know if I can say the things I would have liked to do before turning twenty. [some of it is Very Personal related to her questionable love life status, but:]

There's this guy I like, so I would have wanted to spend more time with him before I wound up here, I guess. But he hasn't made much time for me recently, so it probably wouldn't make a difference.

[just!! feeling herself and her self-despair tbh.]

It's not really interesting. Just annoying to think about and talk about.

text; un: dovahkiin

[fusrodaaaah]

Why would someone roll their eyes for talking about feelings?

Everyone says to do that. To talk about feelings. It is hard. They should let you talk when you can.

[He's - really trying his best.]

[hopticulture]

Usually it's more accepted to keep you thoughts and feelings to yourself. I think people get annoyed or angry if someone is honest about their feelings is because it might make them think of their own.

And being vague is just as rude, because it's still calling attention to yourself. It doesn't make sense, but that's how it is.

[where she's from, you just don't plain upend the status quo. acknowledging the reality of your thoughts and feelings is just...not common among animals.]

text | un: katherine

[manipulative]

People who roll their eyes disparagingly at a woman who shares her feelings are people who are jealous she knows how to express them.

Happy 20th.

[hopticulture]

Thank you. And, I know how society is with women, and that jealousy is a part of it.

But I know it also makes others uncomfortable. For the weak to acknowledge that they're weak.

[in her world at least.]

I'm just feeling very strange these past few weeks. My getting older doesn't help, but do we really even get old in a place like this?

un: tabris

[peripheries]

Ah, it's the romantic.

[YEAH THAT'S WHAT HE'S PEGGED YOU AS.]

At least now that you've said something, people will respond and you won't be so alone. Even if it's not the people you wish you were here with.

...Why can't girls express their feelings vaguely? Most of the women I know are direct.

[hopticulture]

The romantic?

[the hell??/??? she's thrown off just enough that her Intense Lonely Feelings subsides a bit.]

Not many people like women who are direct. Not many people like women who are vague either. I'm not sure why exactly, but there are more expectations for women than there are men in the way we're supposed to act, and when we're difficult, we're disliked.

text; un: honeylover092381

[sideeffect]

Oh... You really are getting up there, huh...

[ he is j-joking... ]

[hopticulture]

...respect your elders.

[she. is also joking???? maybe??? just sassy.]

text; un: morningstar

[morningstud]

There's a saying, "no time like the present".

Twenty is quite young. There's no shame at all in not having accomplished your goals before reaching such a milestone.

This place, and the place before it, are quite rubbish for birthdays.

[hopticulture]

It's the oldest I've been so far, and it's strange knowing I'm no longer a teenager. Part of it has to do with never really having a clear cut idea of what I wanted to do with my future until recently.

How old are you?

[that's. a rude question Haru.]