deernet | un: timaeusTestified | text

[That gets two whole eyebrows up all the way above the veil on Illarion's end of the conversation.

Not that the intensity is at all surprising, but it's the first time someone who wasn't another shrike had declared they'd give him a love-name.

Without even knowing what one was.]

Do you know you'd still want it if you knew all it entailed?

Now you've done it, tiercel. I shan't be satisfied unless you give me something I'd rewrite my banner for.

[Which is funny in a sad way when he doesn't have one anymore.]

What can I say? The master's expertise shines through the student. 😏

Well well well. Since he might only have eyes for his husband, I daresay the same for you. I'll need to squire you around Trench sometime.

I would first have to know all that it entailed, obviously. But yeah, probably.

Oh shit, that was a good one. I never thought someone would flirt with me by calling me a tiercel, but it's working.

(The banner thing is even proving effective too. Is this a kink he never knew he had? Or is he just attention-starved? It's probably the latter.)

I always did have a master/student fantasy. Never thought I'd get to live to see the day where I could play it out. You really do honor me.

Oh, I'm not the Knight in my party. I'm the Prince. The sentiment's sweet though and I'll take you up on that offer whenever you're ready.

And that's why it waits until we're not strangers anymore.

And what have others tried on you that you've liked?

[He might, a little, be picking up on the attention starvation.

Which means he's more than--happy, yes, or a pattern of it--to keep flirting except when he gets completely derailed by--]

Sorry, you wrote that you're a Prince?

[It can't mean the same thing, he's sure, but godspit.]

Fair point. I'll have to give you a casual nickname in the meantime though so I can refer to you specifically.

(Well. That question is...embarrassing. How does he even answer this without calling himself out?)

People typically don't try. At least not the ones I want to try. But I've had extremely limited options.

(There. That wasn't so bad, right?)

Correct. That's my role where I come from. Prince of Heart.

[...They're even styled the same way. There even was a Prince of Heart in Illarion's lifetime, though damned if he can remember at the moment what her domain and Court were like.]

What does a Prince of Heart do, where you're from?

Do you have a Court?

[This is a little disorienting. Fortunately, he usually does well with disorientation.

Still takes him a moment to ravel up the other thread they'd been working on.]

No shame in that. The universe doesn't hand us all the same opportunities.

And now you have so much lost time to make up for! I'm pleased to assist.

It translates to "Destroyer of Souls" if that gives you any indication. I can splinter my own soul and destroy others.

Kind of. I rule over the Consort Kingdom, but we don't function on strictly regal rules, you feel me? I also once shook up another kingdom which was pretty fun.

(Dirk really did just wreck shit for the vine.)

Yeah. I'll just have to learn what I like now. I always like new challenges.

I'm touched. You making a promise here that you're going to keep flirting with me? It will give me something to look forward to.

[Well! That's gruesome.

But when you've served the Prince of Locusts and the King of Eyes you get used to gruesome things.

(You are a gruesome thing yourself.)]

So souls aren't eternal, where you're from. A little frightening to think of. What's splintering yours do for you?

Did they deserve it?

[The notion that an insurrection could be pretty fun--Queen and Throne, but this guy reminds him of Locusts all of a sudden, in all the ways that's bittersweet rather than horrific.]

Keep a list. Send it to me sometime. I've got a lot of material I'm too happy to dust off for you.

And that is a promise.

(It was probably more lonely than it was gruesome, but gruesome was a kinder word.)

Nothing is eternal in any dimension. Everything has an eventual end, even the impervious and immortal, even if it takes an eternity for the end to happen. I am immortal, but I die all the time.

It doesn't matter what it does to me. Sometimes it just needs to be done.

(AKA it does nothing good!)

In some ways, yes. It got the attention I needed to get. In other ways, innocent beings probably suffered behind the curtains.

Will do. I'll categorize them and everything.

I wait in anticipation. Do I get to know what you look like?

That much, we have in common. Even the elves live under the shadow of death, even if it's not age that will take us.

Most of us. [To be wholly correct.

Then he smiles in a familiar, empathetic reflex at Sometimes it just needs to be done.]

The dead--and the ever-dying--do what the living cannot, is that it? Where'd you learn that one, tiercel?

[Locusts, on the other hand, would not have worried about the innocent she hurt. That's a good difference.]

We might have a good conversation about that, sometime. Picking your wars carefully.

Think you can explain to me how I take a picture with this thing without being able to see myself?

Oh shit, you're an elf? Am I about to live out all my complex Lord of the Rings fantasies?

I guess. That and I figure if someone has to die to get shit done, it might as well be me. I learned it from myself. I like to be in control. Especially where it counts.

(He likes this nickname, he decides.)

You can actually probably have your Omen take some sort of image of you. Do you have the braille feature on your Omni available? I think that exists.

But if you wanted to figure it out, you would just hold it up with the smooth side facing you, and you should be able to take the picture by pressing your thumb towards the bottom.

That depends on the fantasy and the elves. They're not mammals, are they? [They're almost surely mammals.]

Admirable. But lonely. Who were you doing it for?

[It's wired into him to think of community first. Even if he hasn't got one of his own any longer.]

I'd heard they can do that. Let me see...

["You heard all that?" he asks his Omen.

She scrabbles the Omni out of his hands in response. Guess they're doing this.]

[Somehow between them they manage to get a picture up.]

[And then another follows, but from the Omen herself.

It's, uh. Different. And the colors are brighter and stranger on top of that.]

Edited 2021-12-03 03:13 (UTC)

I'm not sure. I do not think that my concept of mammals is the same throughout the universe. I would ask how your kind reproduces but that seems invasive and slightly rude.

My own ego, most likely. I want to say my friends, but that would not be completely honest. I like to see what I am capable of.

(Oh.

Oooooh.

Yeah, he really is a monster fucker.)

You're really attractive. Especially in the second one.

Warm blood, fur and hair instead of feathers and down, nurse their young? Even the males have nipples?

A little odd but hardly rude. Most elves lay eggs. My particular sort are born live after the egg hatches inside its mother.

How did you learn you don't stay dead, in that case? An egoist who'd end himself seems a contradiction.

[. . .]

Is something different about the second one?

Correct.

Interesting. Some might find it rude. But that's cool. Does that mean your kind has bird anatomy?

(Is he asking if the dude has a cloaca? Maybe so.)

I knew how the mechanics of our unique situation worked in theory and decided to take the risk and try it out. It worked, to say the least, but it was a sensitive situation. I was aware of my other splinter enough to know that I had somewhere for my mind to go, at the very least, should I fail.

It's only a contradiction if the egoist does not have dozens of himself laying around to jump to. I cheat death and break rules.

(..........)

Yes. You look less humanoid than in the first. There are a lot of eyes and feathers.

(Well he's not going to lie.)

[...]

Pardon me a moment.

[Iskierka what did you DO.

Or what did HE do, asking her to get a picture of him.

He has her look at that second picture, then look at him, and groans.]

Well fuck me.

[Not like half the Sleepers hadn't seen him already in the Farm like that, but it's the principle of the thing.

And the possible hazard to mental health.]

Is there a way to get rid of that. Or make it so no one can look at it.

[He'll get back to the rest of this very interesting conversation once he's fixed THAT little mistake.]

That's the plan, sweetheart.

(Dirk feels so powerful right now. He is oozing with self-satisfaction.)

Sure. I can just hack in and delete it for you.

(Annnnd done a second later.)

Can't make any promises no one else already saw, but it should be fine now.

(In theory.)

[That's the plan, sweetheart.

The laugh he gives on the other side of the Omni.]

Not the least surprised [actually, somewhat surprised,] you're still interested and still sane after seeing that.

Thank you for fixing it.

[All right, where were they...]

Sorry if it disappoints but we're anatomically closer to humans and orcs than our ancestors. Though there's an interesting difference or two. 😉

[Or three or four in his case given he's dead.

It's once more occasion to wonder if he's even capable of the act any longer. Anatomically or otherwise.]

Your slivers. How does jumping between them work?

Probably even more interested. I'm not really sane to begin with, so I don't think I can lose something I haven't had since I was a kid.

(He's not even being an edgelord here. Between splinting his soul and his natural disposition...Yeah.)

Not a disappointment. I do love male anatomy so.

I'm guessing I'll have to figure that out when I figure that out, huh?

(He really does like a challenge.)

You know how you think to yourself? Conceptualize ideas and have conversations with yourself and kind of zone out? Well, maybe you don't do that, but it's like that except on steroids because my mind can actually go elsewhere.

Then I zone out and focus on wherever I've gone. I try to multitask between the splinters but it can be difficult especially if one is doing something more dangerous than another. I'm never fully in one headspace without dipping into another. It feels natural.

[Well, there's that.

And now he knows where it comes from. A little.]

Can't say I'm pleased that it happened to you but it does work out well that I didn't ruin your lovely mind with a stupid mistake.

Naturally, you will. A gentleman never tells about these things. It would ruin the best part.

[...Oh, now, this is very interesting.]

You have a self in Actuality for each of your names in Truth. A physical body for each aspect you present to the world, or yourself. Do I have it right?

[To Illarion's way of thinking, it's a wholly natural response to growing up in an empty world.

He rolls that one over in his head and squashes the impulse to share it.]

It seems you are a deeply compassionate being. That is sweet of you to worry. My lovely mind is still in tact. Is that not the usual outcome when people see that part of you?

Can't say I'm much of a gentleman myself, but I dig the anticipation.

(Guy's not wrong.)

That is an eloquent way of putting it. Not all of them have literal physical bodies, but they do have a visual shape in some fashion. I could probably manifest a version of myself in your mind, but it would likely be altered due to your own perceptions of me. I would be curious as to how that would go in a blind elf's mind. Maybe we can try it out sometime.

[Does it count as deep compassion, he wonders, if it isn't felt the way he used to feel it?

He considers the rest of the question before setting his response private.]

I'm securing this conversation before I answer that. This way you may have the full explanation you deserve. And I don't have to talk lightly about it in public.

In short, you shouldn't have seen that part of me under ordinary circumstances. Under the circumstances where you would see it, I would give an ordinary human one in fifty odds. Worse if he looked for very long or locked eyes with me. One of my own people? One in four, or a certainty if eye-locked. [Now imagine the dimensions of the problem when you're absolutely covered in eyes.]

I don't know if an image carries the same risk but we have every reason to believe it might. Since shutters became fast enough to capture us with any accuracy while moving, we have done everything in our power to seize and destroy photographs of us wilding.

Thank you for removing it as soon as I asked.

[...]

Ruins the mood a little, doesn't it?

And that might be

That

[Godspit and fuck. It would be like Eyes having hold of him again even if he knew exactly who was doing it and why.

He rakes a hand through his braids, blows out an unnecessary breath, and spends more time composing his response.]

I already like you a great deal but I'd need to trust you completely to let you do that. Even if I'm interested in the experiment in theory.

(Dirk reads carefully and then rereads to ensure he had it right. It was worth the respect of his attention as well. It seemed vital and it was clear why.)

I understand. I am sorry that you were accidentally exposed like that. I will make sure if I see other photos of it to take them off.

No, not really. People have extreme circumstances sometimes. I think it would be more naive and immature to act like any relationship, platonic or otherwise, will be without special considerations. Yours just happen to be a little more unique.

(He laughs a little at the last bit, amused at how nice this guy was trying to be about the suggestion.)

It's cool, man, I get it. Most people don't want some asshole bouncing around in their head. I think I can travel through people's dreams though so if I wind up doing that, just know it probably wasn't intentional and isn't the same as being in your actual brain.

You are a blessing. It is possible, though unlikely, there are other pictures out there; I was [how to put it,] confined to t̪̄̌ͅh͙̖̞̀͊͛a̺t̅ ͓̱shape for a few days last month. Only saving grace was it was somewhere Sleepers couldn't have done much photography.

[Thanks for stealing everyone's Omnis, Zealots!]

A wise approach. [Though as he's listened to more of Dirk elsewhere in conversation, that seems more academic than experiential wisdom.] And good theory. Practice can be harder, in my experience.

[Ah, but what a kind out.]

Something like that. Though I've been accused of having equally intimate anatomy on my mind far too often. So what's another asshole.

That's not a worry for me. Unfortunately, since that would be quite an experience. Haven't dreamed for half a decade.

un: timaeusTestified | text | Birthday Boy

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: suicidal ideation

1/2?

2/2...?

3/2 (oh no) (and done)

no subject

cw: suicide mentions, ... eggnancy??

cw: suicide mentions, ... eggnancy?? bird...smut

bird smut.....

Re: bird smut.....

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

--> private; this ended up being a lil bit of a train crash

private forever - this is gr8

no subject