Video - UN: CentaursTesticle

[alternia_strength]

[It wasn't exactly intentional that this was a video. He wasn't in entirely the right head space right now. Equius was sitting there, staring at his omni, trying to type out a message and clearly looking agitated, gloomy and broiling on the edge of fury. There was just one problem.

he didn't look like Equius at all. He looked like some gloomy, very buff goth teenager with perpetual bags under his eyes, a lit cigarette in one hand. He looked extremely human, and the only reason it was obvious who this was, was the fact that nobody in their right mind would ever use THAT as their screen name. Only him. He growled through teeth that looked like they'd had more than their fair share of chips.]

This situation is intolerably excremental. When I sought to accomplish the shedding performance this was not to be the result. This frame is so floppy and weak. My bones ache and creak and the fluids in my veins are even more wrong than they should be. I would punch something to get it out of my system, but my knuckles are not up to this at present.

Bah, perhaps one of these nattering humans knows how to reverse this effect. They must be aware of ...

...

Wait.

[Squint. He glared at the camera as ashes spilled from the cigarette, his eyes widening. Lips quivered and he practically screeched at an octave usually reserved for the hearing range of dogs.]

THIS THING IS SET TO VIDEO!
GAH!

YOU HAVE SEEN NOTHING!
I COMMAND IT!

(OOC: Equius is Human for a week. Enjoy the show! It'll be awful.)

Comments

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

I WANT YOU TO KNOW FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL HOW MUCH I TRULY AM RELISHING IN YOUR SUFFERING. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR CEMENTING THIS ON THE INTERNET FOREVER. YOUR HUMILIATION IS NOW A LEGACY.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE NOW PATHETIC AND WEAK. TRY NOT TO GET A HUMAN COLD AND DIE OF SOMETHING LAME LIKE AN INFECTED HANGNAIL.

[alternia_strength]

The very fact that you are here is as predictable as the rising of the lunar orb over our heads. Because of course you would gloat at the erroneous cascading of images that has occurred here.

You realize that I can walk out in the cold far more safely at this moment, yes? I barely had to bundle to go to work this morning. THIS IS NOT AN ADVANTAGE!

[Someone wasn't using his quirk. Oh, right, because his blood wasn't a beautiful blue. Even as a darkblood it had the right hue... if you looked at it in the right light.]

[klawful]

WHO CARES ABOUT THAT? DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO LIST ALL OF THE DISADVANTAGES OF BEING HUMAN? I CAN MAKE AN ALPHABETICAL LIST.

[alternia_strength]

That is unequivocally not necessary. I am experiencing these things first hand right his very instant. It is unbelievably disgusting right now, Karkat. They are so ...

Squishy.

-> private permanently

[klawful]

(God damn it. If this were a few weeks back, Karkat would have just kept laughing.

But he was a human recently and he had so many mental breakdowns over it. He can't help but actually empathize with Equius. He switches to private so no one can see this - for both their sake.)

LISTEN.

IT WILL PASS QUICKLY. IF IT DOESN'T, THEN WHATEVER, HUMANS AREN'T THE WORST THING YOU CAN WIND UP BEING. THEY ARE REALLY SQUISHY THOUGH. IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR UNSAFE, I WILL ALLOW YOU TO STAY WITH ME UNTIL YOUR TRANSFORMATION HAS CONCLUDED.

[alternia_strength]

As strange as this seems? I am aware of this fact, that it is not permanent. However, it is admittedly good to hear that another concurs in the assessment.

I might consider the option, more out of comfort than out of feelings of a lack of security. I refuse to consider myself indefensible despite the obvious weakness of their forms.

Their muscles are far too rubbery.

text | un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

holy shit that is not what i was expecting you to look like as a human.

uhm i don't think you can just reverse it at will, it's part of the shedding process. i doubt it will last long.

do you need help?

[alternia_strength]

Wait.
Pause.
Just a moment.

You take the time to imagine alternate species as members of your own? WHY?!? Do PEOPLE DO THIS NORMALLY?!?

[...don't ever show him fanfiction sites.]

[kyley_b]

after how many people have changed this month, yeah.

dude do you need help with anything?

[alternia_strength]

AH, the blasted changing of the shedding performances. I suppose that makes some sense even if it is still a touch strange to just watch for it. Ugh.

You are incapable of transforming me back, but perhaps you would remove any lotions in my home so I am not tempted to use them if this starts to reverse.

[...that was actually serious.]

[kyley_b]

it's really disorienting.

sure, i can do that. and if you need any instructions on how to human, i'm happy to help.

[alternia_strength]

What are human dietary requirements? I refuse to subsist on high quantities of eternally preserved sponge confections filled with sinful sweet pastes.

[He means twinkies. He thinks that's all humans eat.]

[kyley_b]

uh. yeah, no.

we eat grains and vegetables and cooked meats. i can run you over some stuff you just have to reheat.

text | timaeusTestified

[givehead]

Aw. Poor baby.

(Neither Strider is tolerable, apparently.)

[alternia_strength]

I am not a grub.
Ah, wait. You are mocking me, are you not?
I really should expect this from our world.
It's just natural isn't it?

Well, John Human probably wouldn't. He was always terrible at mockery.

[givehead]

Yes, I'm mocking you. Lightly.

Yeah, basically. I'm sure you would attempt some mockery if our positions were swapped. My genetics have yet to do anything unusual though so you will have to stay the victim for now.

That kid was fucking hopeless.

Do you need anything?

[alternia_strength]

As your sibling might have regailed you and you well know, I am not actually good at the performance of 'mockery.' It rarely seems to make people feel mocked so much as deeply confused. I am not sure how I do it wrong.

Is it sad that he was both hopeless and arguably the savior of everyone?

A towel.

[BECAUSE OF COURSE HE FUCKING NEEDED A TOWEL.]

[givehead]

Yeah, he said some of you guys were really bad at the trolling gig. No offense. Some of us are just meant to be assholes. It's probably a good thing you're not great at it.

It's probably because you type like you're reading out of a dictionary of insults. There's no heart.

Yeah, but pretty sure that's how all heroes of stories are. It's like the most common trope in anime.

Wait, are you still sweating excessively as a human?

[alternia_strength]

For all that I am terrible at mockery, I am perfectly capable I am informed at being an "Asshole." I'm told it is a natural state of my personality.

Yes, that would make sense. I use notecards, admittedly. It's expected our kind know how to do it, but I am unaccustomed to the cadence.

I believe that my perspiration is more of a quality of my person than biology. It is definitely still an issue.

un: eudaimonikos; text

[eudaimonikos]

I mean, it's TRUE, but that's not gonna fix it.
I think you're just gonna have to deal for a while.

[alternia_strength]

Ugh. So I am informed. I have destroyed all lotions in preparation of the next shedding to ensure it goes smoothly. I will not use any cremes or other lathers until this has remedied itself.

Their bodies are so disgusting and revoltingly squishy.

[eudaimonikos]

LOL, yeah.
What are you usually?

[alternia_strength]

I am a proud member of the Alternian race, commonly referred to as trolls. There is another example of our species present by the name of Karkat Vantas. We are difficult to miss.

[Well, that was true. They shouted a lot.]

[eudaimonikos]

Oh! Yeah, I know Karkat!

[Wait, he's seen trolls. They basically just looked like grey humans with horns on.]

Are you guys much less squishy than humans?

[alternia_strength]

I certainly am, though I would argue that some of our number are not as toughened as my normally supremely fit physique. Generally, we are more durable than humans.

[There were reasons that 'bone' came in the descriptions of their anatomy. Their bodies did tend to be rather tough, with a bit heavier, denser bone structure.]