video; un: metalhead69

[bardbarous]

cw: poop?


[ Tuck's big face takes up the majority of the screen when the feed turns on. He looks, well, a little worried in spite of his attempt to look totally casual. His comically wide eyes are not helping the act. ]

He-llo, everybody. Soooo, we [ meaning Vyng who is speeding back and forth behind him in what looks to be the inside of a fully furnished yurt. ] are missing a vase, and it's really important that we get it back—

Don't open it! [ Vyng shouts from behind Tuck. ]

Yeah, don't open it. It's—

It's full of Tuck's shit.

[ Tuck's bug-eyed stare turns dead and resigned at hearing his friend dredge up that excuse again. ]

Yeah. I have... this compulsion, and I have to shit in this one vase. And I can't help myself! I need it back immediately. So, if you find a vase kind of lying around on the beach—

Remember don't open it! Do not open it.

It will kill you—the smell, I mean! It's been sealed for, like, months. It will fuck up this whole city. From, from the smell. Of my shit.

Just call us and we'll come take it off your hands! Figuratively, though. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it, don't fucking look at it—No! Look at it for, like, a second, then call us, and stop looking at it! You got that?

Comments

[arclightning]

Stashed in one of your drawers back in Deerington, right? So it's possible that it washed up on the beach somewhere like all our other stuff.

[ It's a starting point, anyway, and Mako's clearly taking this seriously because it's pretty clear this is not actually some kind of weird poop jar. ]

[spiritwalks]

That's what I'm worried about. It could break out pretty easy if it's floating around in the ocean.

[A beat, before Vyng realizes the slip-up]

It could break, I mean. Because it's so breakable.

[ :| ]

[arclightning]

Uh-huh. Noted.

[ He knew there was something weird about that vase. They're not exactly subtle, either of them. ]

And would it be dangerous? If it broke?

[spiritwalks]

[Their version of "subtle" is like a bull in a china shop.]

Uh, yeah. It'll kill whoever's around when it opens. That's why we're telling people not to open it.

Just...uh, think of it as a shitty piss monster. But in a metaphorical way. Because if it were a literal monster, then people might start to panic. And that would be terrible.

[arclightning]

Yeah, wouldn't want to cause a panic.

[ Says the man, in a voice as dry as the desert back in Deerington, who has caused exactly 1.5 panics. ]

Alright. I'm gonna go look for this thing, and if I see anyone with it, I'll personally escort them back to you two. Got it? Anything else that might help before I head out?

[spiritwalks]

Just be careful when handling it. I can't stress that enough.

Also, tooootally unrelated, but, uh. If you find anybody who looks like they got drowned from the inside out...let us know. Like, immediately.

[arclightning]

Okay.

I get that this was an accident, but. Seriously, why didn't you two keep a better eye on this thing if it can unrelatedly lead to shit like that?

[spiritwalks]

Listen, pal. We kept it wrapped in Billie's old drawer, snug as a bug in a rug. Nobody expected the whole damn tent to end up in the ocean.

Did you pack your shit in a water-proof container before crossing over?

[arclightning]

[ Alright. Fine. That is absolutely fair. ]

Follow-up: why do you even have this?

[spiritwalks]

Well, we couldn't just throw it away. That would've been irresponsible.

[Unlike shoving it inside a bread drawer, which was the correct choice here. Obviously.]