video; un: metalhead69

[bardbarous]

cw: poop?


[ Tuck's big face takes up the majority of the screen when the feed turns on. He looks, well, a little worried in spite of his attempt to look totally casual. His comically wide eyes are not helping the act. ]

He-llo, everybody. Soooo, we [ meaning Vyng who is speeding back and forth behind him in what looks to be the inside of a fully furnished yurt. ] are missing a vase, and it's really important that we get it back—

Don't open it! [ Vyng shouts from behind Tuck. ]

Yeah, don't open it. It's—

It's full of Tuck's shit.

[ Tuck's bug-eyed stare turns dead and resigned at hearing his friend dredge up that excuse again. ]

Yeah. I have... this compulsion, and I have to shit in this one vase. And I can't help myself! I need it back immediately. So, if you find a vase kind of lying around on the beach—

Remember don't open it! Do not open it.

It will kill you—the smell, I mean! It's been sealed for, like, months. It will fuck up this whole city. From, from the smell. Of my shit.

Just call us and we'll come take it off your hands! Figuratively, though. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it, don't fucking look at it—No! Look at it for, like, a second, then call us, and stop looking at it! You got that?

Comments

un: trienemybest; video

[droptheious]

[Supicious, but also believable. This place has some weirdos in it. He's still squinting a little though. ]

Right. No touching the vase. What do the runes mean? I'm assuming they're important if you've pointed them out.

[bardbarous]

........ They're there to keep my butt demons in.

[ Yep. That's what he's going with. ]

[droptheious]

[This is the road they're travelling down today, buckle in.]

...Right. So not only are you...defecating into the vase, but you also have...butt demons. Which also go in the vase?

accidental video; un: lowell

[vibing]

[ Yuri doesn't even really mean to turn on the camera, he doesn't mean to respond, but this is too fucking funny and his thumb slips. He's busting a gut here ]

How long has it been since he shat? Jeez.

[bardbarous]

Hey! This is serious! If I don't get that vase back, it'll be bad for the whole city.

[ A pause. ]

Because of my shit.

[ Just in case that wasn't clear. It's totally about shit and nothing else that could be in there. ]

[vibing]

[ Oh shit, he didn't mean to go on camera, and he gets a little spooked when Tuck speaks. But that's still hilarious and once he gets over the shock of being Seen, he bursts out in another snort ]

Must be some roughs shits there, man.

[ It'll be bad for the city because he can't shit... it sends Yuri into peals of laughter again, man he needed this. He takes a deep breath, trying to get himself under control because maybe this guy isn't kidding ]

Man, okay. I can help you find it. Sounds real important.

Video | un: Diggs

[justoscar]

Uh... It's pretty obvious that you're just trying to make us not want to touch that vase, Sir.

Don't worry, I won't touch it-- but you didn't need the gross threats!

[bardbarous]

[ Even if it's all a lie, Tuck can't abide being called gross. It's too much! ]

My obsessive compulsive disorder isn't gross! Don't judge me! I'm sick!

[justoscar]

But!!! I-its--!!

[Oscar flushed deeply under such accusations. He had no idea how to explain that Poop is gross-- and, looking for a quick out, he searched the video for a distraction-- ]

Is that Mr. Vyng with you? That's cool! Uncle Qrow will be so stoked that his friend is here!

[He's just a babbling, nervous lad of fifteen who was a mere farmhand, not a wizard's apprentice. Nothing weird here!!]

video | un: chaRLIE

[kingoftherats]

Hey! That looks a lot like my piss vase!

I guess a lot of people use those for number ones and twos, huh?

[bardbarous]

Dude, why are you peeing in a vase? You can pee anywhere!

[ As if that's really the true problem in this conversation. ]

[kingoftherats]

I was cleaning out my pub's basement! And the bathrooms were upstairs! That's way too far when you're dusting and bashing rats. And anyway, it's not a dirty way to pee, man; the vase holds my piss like a champ.

Video | UN: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

Gross, gross, gross, gross!

Why are guys so gross!?

[bardbarous]

We're not gross! I just have a problem, okay?!

[onekindsoul]

Okay. Okay!

You should probably talk to a doctor or something about that.

text; un: shiro

[shiro2hero]

Guys...



What

[bardbarous]

shiro why cant youjsut support us as a friend for once????

[shiro2hero]

I didn't say I wasn't!

I

I just don't get why you'd even





Never mind. I'll keep an eye out.

video; un:mako

[arclightning]

[ Uh huh. Yeah. That's the weakest excuse Mako's ever heard, and Two-Toed Ping once tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he had to pick up his mom's dry cleaning.

He's barely biting down on a grin, but his voice is absolutely flat. ]

You gonna tell us what's actually in the vase?

[bardbarous]

[ Mako, you piece of shit— ]

Vyyyng~! [ Tuck looks over his shoulder for the half-elf's assistance. ] Your friend's being a fucking dick!

[spiritwalks]

I think that's his job, Tuck.

[From the back, Vyng pipes up while frantically pulling drawers open:]

Mako, if you're gonna go detective on us, then at least actually he-e-elllp!

[That last bit is ground out between clenched teeth, as if he's trying not to draw too much attention to the fact that this is a legitimate crisis.]

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

[...]

How.
Do you misplace.
A vase full of shit?

[bardbarous]

i dontlknow!!

how did we abecomg fuckin squids
and wind up on a beach with crabs biting our nardlies??


[ Sorry, he's stressed. ]

Video | un: alphatwin

[sparklehorror]

[...man, Mabel had been hoping her parents had locks on the internet at home because the stuff behind all the filters was good stuff, but if it's stuff like this instead she probably wasn't missing much honestly.]

Wait. If the vase has been sealed for months, how often do you have to poop? Do you need it back immediately because you've gotta go?

[Anyway, something is not adding up here --]

Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

What a wonderful effort made to bring down the intelligence level of the entire populace. I think you two have succeeded.

[Force alive, why is it his curse to be stuck in a city with buffoons such as this?]