deernet | video; un: metalhead69

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video; un: metalhead69

cw: poop?

[ Tuck's big face takes up the majority of the screen when the feed turns on. He looks, well, a little worried in spite of his attempt to look totally casual. His comically wide eyes are not helping the act. ]

He-llo, everybody. Soooo, we [ meaning Vyng who is speeding back and forth behind him in what looks to be the inside of a fully furnished yurt. ] are missing a vase, and it's really important that we get it back—

Don't open it! [ Vyng shouts from behind Tuck. ]

Yeah, don't open it. It's—

It's full of Tuck's shit.

[ Tuck's bug-eyed stare turns dead and resigned at hearing his friend dredge up that excuse again. ]

Yeah. I have... this compulsion, and I have to shit in this one vase. And I can't help myself! I need it back immediately. So, if you find a vase kind of lying around on the beach—

Remember don't open it! Do not open it.

It will kill you—the smell, I mean! It's been sealed for, like, months. It will fuck up this whole city. From, from the smell. Of my shit.

Just call us and we'll come take it off your hands! Figuratively, though. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it, don't fucking look at it—No! Look at it for, like, a second, then call us, and stop looking at it! You got that?

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But!!! I-its--!!

[Oscar flushed deeply under such accusations. He had no idea how to explain that Poop is gross-- and, looking for a quick out, he searched the video for a distraction-- ]

Is that Mr. Vyng with you? That's cool! Uncle Qrow will be so stoked that his friend is here!

[He's just a babbling, nervous lad of fifteen who was a mere farmhand, not a wizard's apprentice. Nothing weird here!!]

Edited 2021-09-06 22:30 (UTC)

Mister Vyng?

[ Tuck turns around to look over at his friend who has stopped in his tracks with a skeptical look. "Will he be stoked, though? Will he?" ]

Yeah. Mister.

[He was a good farmboy-- respectful too!]

Why wouldn't it be? I'm fifteen and... You're old enough to be friends with Uncle Qrow!

Who really would be stoked to see you, Mr. Vyng!

[He added, squirming as if he could change the angle of the camera.]

He's surrounded by teenagers and an old man. He needs more friends his age!

[Okay, now Vyng's shoulders are shaking with a genuine laugh. That 100% earnest delivery just makes it.]

Does he know you're telling people that? Heheheh...

[Oscar, you're a kid, it shouldn't be your responsibility to find play dates for a 40-year-old man. But Vyng needed a good chuckle, thank you.]

Maybe he'll be a pal and help us find this vase. He still does his bird stuff, right?

I can do the bird thing too!

[It was about all he felt comfortable doing, in light of Ruby Rose literally setting herself on fire with any and every waking moment.]

A-and-!! You and Mr...Metalhead69??? [He shook his head. Why did everyone need to make weird jokes?] Would probably be great for Uncle Qrow to hang out with. After you get the vase situation under control.

[A beat. He was totally arranging playdates for his lonely and unlucky uncle.]

....Do you only use the vase for gross stuff because you guys live in a fancy tent? Thing?

I have no idea what that is you guys are in.

[Oscar, listen to yourself. You're talking to a grown-ass man who calls himself Metalhead69...and his weirdo partner who 1) has a History with Qrow and 2) sent the poor man slowly backing out of the library when he caught Vyng smoking pipeleaf with his old professor. On the other hand, Qrow was the one who asked Vyng to play a prank on Ozpin by filling his office with flowers. They've definitely been on good terms since Qrow officially offered Clover's (second-hand) olive branch in April. But that's a far cry from wanting to spend your free time with a pair of ding-dongs like him and Tuck.]

We'll see. We'll drop him a line, at least. See how he's doing.

[Qrow spent so much energy agonizing over his future with Clover, only to end up losing him anyway. Vyng feels bad for the guy, he really does.]

Oh, this place? [He turns more fully toward Tuck's Omni now, still crouched behind the bigger man.] It's our forever tent. It's an extra-dimensional home we can unfold and pitch up anywhere. Pretty handy, actually. We were storing the shit vase in here for safe-keeping, and—

[RECORD SCRATCH.]

[Back up a second there. Rewinding, rewinding, aaaaand....]

...Wait. Hold on, you've been a shapeshifter this whole time?

I only figured out how to do it in Deerington!

And ... Only birds. With my, uh, Wizard Problems, all I needed to do was watch Uncle Qrow.

It's the only magic I'm really comfortable using

Oh...

[A stab of envy pierces Vyng's gut. Sailing through the sky, wind beneath his wings, is far beyond his grasp now. There's no going back to that life. He silently acknowledges the feeling, and lets it go. He's moved past all that. He's got the thunderbird to carry him. And anyway, Qrow and Oscar's brand of transmutation isn't the same as what Vyng did. Totally different vibe.

He grins at Oscar.]

Pfft, "only" nothing. That's amazing. Congratulations, buddy. I'm sure Qrow's real proud of you. And hey, maybe you could help us find the shit-vase instead.

What do you mean by Wizard Problems, though? What did Ozpin do this time?

[He's half-joking. AND YET...]

Wait. You know Qrow and Ozpin, but you don't...?

[Here just gonna quickly slam down a privacy filter-- including Tuck, because Vyng Obviously trusted him, and that was all Oscar needed.]

It's not really Ozpin... or even Ozma, but Ozma's ex-wife and the Gods of Darkness Light that broke our moon when they left.

Basically: until Ozma, an ancient magic warrior, can stop his ex-wife, he's gotta walk the land forever. But, he's not immortal... When one body dies, he goes to another... And i don't know if he takes over, the new person overtakes, or if they merge to become someone new.

[...]

[His opens his mouth to say something.]

[Aaaand promptly shuts it, because this is A Lot. He needs a second to process it.]

[Gasp!]

We wrote an exposition-dump song about this. [To Tuck:] ...Didn't we?

Ohhh yeah! The one about the dick wizard, right?

[ Tuck already has his double-necked bass lute in his big hands, tuning up. He starts a rhythm and starts singing with heavy metal passion.

"🎵Salem is a total biiiitch /
but that's 'cause God cursed her to be a wiiitch /
for-fucking-everrrrr!
(for-ev-er!) Vyng comes in with a symbol chime. Ding!
And now she can't die /
so now she's doing a murder all the tiiiime!
Killing the whole woooorld~!
(the! whole! world!)
That's why Ozpin's such a dick!
(such a dick!)
Such a god-damned diiiiick! 🎵" ]

Edited 2021-09-08 18:07 (UTC)

[Sorry, there's more. Now Vyng is drumming against the half-open drawers, nodding his head to the beat.]

["🎵 To the kids he's lying! /
And then he's off dying! /
Except he's not deaaaad /
(No, no, he isn't dead)
He goes inside boys instead 🎵"]

Edited 2021-09-08 18:20 (UTC)

[Then in unison:]

HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIIIIN!!

[They were... Singing? Oscar stared at the video, completely dumbfounded.]

You're-- What kinda instrument is that??

[...
...

Wait.]

[To his growing horror, they already knew. they had opinions on the matter too, which pointed in a couple of very specific directions...]

Wait, did you hear this from Dipper? Glitch???

[Then...

They weren't wrong, but that's a helluva way to put it!]

It's not like that! Neither of us had a choice in what happened-- but, I'm choosing to be different. If I've gotta be a wizard or whatever, I'm going to do what's right and make things better! Or, at least work toward that!

[The improvised drumming peters off into awkward tapping, until Vyng's hands grow still against the drawer.]

Oooh, shit... [Vyng sucks some air through his teeth.] Buddy. You're the Oz-bin? I didn't know that part.

[Presumably because Glitch has some tact, unlike these two chuckle-fucks on the other side of the feed.]

Guess I can thank Glitch or whoever for having that much respect.

[Oscar sighed. This was tiring-- he much preferred the musical number over that.]

Look. We've both made our peace with it, and we both broke our Eggs to stay here because we don't need to deal with that problem when we're not on Remnant.

[It was a dark and harrowing truth, which had likely wrought consequences that neither of them anticipated. However, Oscar knew he had to be quick to ward off other consequences... ]

Don't be mad at him for something he didn't choose. Okay?

[Yes. He was totally defending the 40+ year old fussy academic who had just as little control as he did and died a violent and untimely death.]

If you guys need something to prove it, I...

[He sucked in a breath and cast the two of them a wry look:]

I'll do my Owl thing and find that... That fucking shitty vase for you.

Edited 2021-09-10 18:04 (UTC)

Woah, kid! Language!

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>> PRIVATE FOR VYNG AND TUCK

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