video; un: metalhead69

[bardbarous]

cw: poop?


[ Tuck's big face takes up the majority of the screen when the feed turns on. He looks, well, a little worried in spite of his attempt to look totally casual. His comically wide eyes are not helping the act. ]

He-llo, everybody. Soooo, we [ meaning Vyng who is speeding back and forth behind him in what looks to be the inside of a fully furnished yurt. ] are missing a vase, and it's really important that we get it back—

Don't open it! [ Vyng shouts from behind Tuck. ]

Yeah, don't open it. It's—

It's full of Tuck's shit.

[ Tuck's bug-eyed stare turns dead and resigned at hearing his friend dredge up that excuse again. ]

Yeah. I have... this compulsion, and I have to shit in this one vase. And I can't help myself! I need it back immediately. So, if you find a vase kind of lying around on the beach—

Remember don't open it! Do not open it.

It will kill you—the smell, I mean! It's been sealed for, like, months. It will fuck up this whole city. From, from the smell. Of my shit.

Just call us and we'll come take it off your hands! Figuratively, though. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it, don't fucking look at it—No! Look at it for, like, a second, then call us, and stop looking at it! You got that?

Comments

[justoscar]

I only figured out how to do it in Deerington!

And ... Only birds. With my, uh, Wizard Problems, all I needed to do was watch Uncle Qrow.

It's the only magic I'm really comfortable using

[spiritwalks]

Oh...

[A stab of envy pierces Vyng's gut. Sailing through the sky, wind beneath his wings, is far beyond his grasp now. There's no going back to that life. He silently acknowledges the feeling, and lets it go. He's moved past all that. He's got the thunderbird to carry him. And anyway, Qrow and Oscar's brand of transmutation isn't the same as what Vyng did. Totally different vibe.

He grins at Oscar.]

Pfft, "only" nothing. That's amazing. Congratulations, buddy. I'm sure Qrow's real proud of you. And hey, maybe you could help us find the shit-vase instead.

What do you mean by Wizard Problems, though? What did Ozpin do this time?

[He's half-joking. AND YET...]

>> PRIVATE FOR VYNG AND TUCK

[justoscar]

Wait. You know Qrow and Ozpin, but you don't...?

[Here just gonna quickly slam down a privacy filter-- including Tuck, because Vyng Obviously trusted him, and that was all Oscar needed.]

It's not really Ozpin... or even Ozma, but Ozma's ex-wife and the Gods of Darkness Light that broke our moon when they left.

Basically: until Ozma, an ancient magic warrior, can stop his ex-wife, he's gotta walk the land forever. But, he's not immortal... When one body dies, he goes to another... And i don't know if he takes over, the new person overtakes, or if they merge to become someone new.

1/4

[spiritwalks]

[...]

[spiritwalks]

[His opens his mouth to say something.]

[spiritwalks]

[Aaaand promptly shuts it, because this is A Lot. He needs a second to process it.]

[spiritwalks]

[Gasp!]

We wrote an exposition-dump song about this. [To Tuck:] ...Didn't we?

1/??

[bardbarous]

Ohhh yeah! The one about the dick wizard, right?

[ Tuck already has his double-necked bass lute in his big hands, tuning up. He starts a rhythm and starts singing with heavy metal passion.

"🎵Salem is a total biiiitch /
but that's 'cause God cursed her to be a wiiitch /
for-fucking-everrrrr!
(for-ev-er!) Vyng comes in with a symbol chime. Ding!
And now she can't die /
so now she's doing a murder all the tiiiime!
Killing the whole woooorld~!
(the! whole! world!)
That's why Ozpin's such a dick!
(such a dick!)
Such a god-damned diiiiick! 🎵" ]

[spiritwalks]

[Sorry, there's more. Now Vyng is drumming against the half-open drawers, nodding his head to the beat.]

["🎵 To the kids he's lying! /
And then he's off dying! /
Except he's not deaaaad /
(No, no, he isn't dead)
He goes inside boys instead 🎵"]

3/3

[spiritwalks]

[Then in unison:]

HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIIIIN!!

1/???

[justoscar]

[They were... Singing? Oscar stared at the video, completely dumbfounded.]

You're-- What kinda instrument is that??

[...
...

Wait.]

2/3

[justoscar]

[To his growing horror, they already knew. they had opinions on the matter too, which pointed in a couple of very specific directions...]

Wait, did you hear this from Dipper? Glitch???

3/3

[justoscar]

[Then...

They weren't wrong, but that's a helluva way to put it!]

It's not like that! Neither of us had a choice in what happened-- but, I'm choosing to be different. If I've gotta be a wizard or whatever, I'm going to do what's right and make things better! Or, at least work toward that!

[spiritwalks]

[The improvised drumming peters off into awkward tapping, until Vyng's hands grow still against the drawer.]

Oooh, shit... [Vyng sucks some air through his teeth.] Buddy. You're the Oz-bin? I didn't know that part.

[Presumably because Glitch has some tact, unlike these two chuckle-fucks on the other side of the feed.]

[justoscar]

Guess I can thank Glitch or whoever for having that much respect.

[Oscar sighed. This was tiring-- he much preferred the musical number over that.]

Look. We've both made our peace with it, and we both broke our Eggs to stay here because we don't need to deal with that problem when we're not on Remnant.

[It was a dark and harrowing truth, which had likely wrought consequences that neither of them anticipated. However, Oscar knew he had to be quick to ward off other consequences... ]

Don't be mad at him for something he didn't choose. Okay?

[Yes. He was totally defending the 40+ year old fussy academic who had just as little control as he did and died a violent and untimely death.]

If you guys need something to prove it, I...

[He sucked in a breath and cast the two of them a wry look:]

I'll do my Owl thing and find that... That fucking shitty vase for you.

[bardbarous]

Woah, kid! Language!

[justoscar]

I'm sorry. I got excited when you two were swearing!

[spiritwalks]

[Gasp.]

Do you kiss your auntie with that mouth?

[He'll circle back around to the other stuff in a second. Just...you caught him off guard with that f-bomb, Oscar, geez!]

[justoscar]

B-but!! Glitch uses words like that all the time!!

[spiritwalks]

You learned those words from Glitch? Wow. I should've known.

[Vyng, Oscar isn't that much younger than Glitch was when you first met him......]

Anyway. You don't need to prove anything for Ozpin's sake, man. He's a troubled wizard with a troubled past, I get it. One of many Oz-bins too, from the sounds of it.

[justoscar]

But people like Glitch have gotten the wrong idea, gotten mad, and told people what he thinks is the story. It's bad enough with others our age, but adults too?

Ozpin doesn't have a lot of friends. He makes his own mistakes... But I'm going to defend him about things he didn't choose.

Like being... An Oz-bin. Like dying when he did. Like having me be the 'like minded soul' in this generation.

[spiritwalks]

And lying about the war?

[Vyng's tone is surprisingly even. Really, he doesn't have a dog in this race. But lying to your child-soldier academy about the fact they're fighting an unwinnable war sounds like something a dick wizard would do. For his own reasons, sure. But it's still pretty damn dickish.]

[justoscar]

...He didn't have good reason for it, but I can see why he did it.

[Oscar sighed-- recalling a certain fateful day on a snowy mountain pass where, for the first time in months, the voice in his head had gone silent.]

He was scared of being hurt again, like he had been in the past. Some pain is too hard to just forget, even if it was dozens of lifetimes ago.

[spiritwalks]

Is that why he ghosted everyone?

[You mean "died", Vyng?]

[justoscar]

[Oscar stared for a moment, hazel eyes wide with surprise, before he quickly looked away.]

...Uncle Qrow must really trust you if he told you about what happened at the mountain pass. That was the start of a very bad time for him.

[Ultimately, Qrow had gone Sober from the culmination of everything that happened on that trek on foot through the snowy mountains. The cost, however, was nearly more than they could afford.]