Jessica Ushiromiya (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
snakesdonthavelegs) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2022-03-09 04:21 pm
snakesdonthavelegs) wrote in deernet2022-03-09 04:21 pm
text | un: jessie☆sama ; misfire
RUBY
RUBY HELP ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive been listening to all these pop songs from korea
ive gotten really into it actually they're super good (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)
anyway ive started watching the music videos too and
for some reason when i watched a few of the girl groups
i felt all warm and tingly and couldnt stop thinking about how pretty and cool they all were
and a lot of other stuff
AM I LEBSAIN??? w(ﾟДﾟ)w
RUBY HELP ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive been listening to all these pop songs from korea
ive gotten really into it actually they're super good (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)
anyway ive started watching the music videos too and
for some reason when i watched a few of the girl groups
i felt all warm and tingly and couldnt stop thinking about how pretty and cool they all were
and a lot of other stuff
AM I LEBSAIN??? w(ﾟДﾟ)w
no subject
[why is she so close oh god oh fuck
Sayo can perfectly see herself reflected in Jessica's blue eyes and for once in her whole life, she doesn't hate what she sees in the mirror.
An irrational impulse wells up within her: to wrap her arms around Jessica's shoulders and kiss her. To give in to a desire that has been simmering for half her life and has erupted into a wildfire, purifying the diseased forest that's been choking the life out of Sayo's heart for as long as she can remember.
But its roots run deep, and have corrupted even Jessica's innocent bumbling through Sayo's affections. She can't pursue her love, not when the truth still casts a shadow over her sun.
If she isn't seen, then there can be no love. Odd how it works in reverse.
Sayo bites her lip, the desire to confess it all right here, right now flaring... but no. She casts her gaze away from Jessica, sweet little Shannon apparently shy at her mistress's flirtations.]
I... um...
[she is REALLY close and sayo can't think of a decent excuse for her behavior right now oh no]
no subject
[ Jessica holds her gaze with a sudden, fervent intensity, still much too close to Sayo's face. Because in that moment, a lot of things snap into place. She knows that her friend is putting up a front right now, like she always does. She knows that there's a crackling spark of attraction that goes beyond any playing around. And she knows that she's hopelessly, painfully in love. Well then. ]
Sayo, um...
[ Before Jessica can think about how stupid it is, she reaches out to cup her jaw, her heart pounding out of her chest. How long has she felt this way? Was there even a time that she didn't feel this way? She remembers all those times chatting in her room, managing to pry out bits of warmth from behind the formal servant act, and how warm that made her feel. She remembers confiding in Sayo whenever her feelings were hurt by this or that thing, she remembers seeing that girl staring melancholy out the huge windows in the months after she first arrived, she remembers promising not to tell anybody that she stuffs her bra. She remembers Kanon and knows the terrifying question she'll have to ask.
She leans forward a fraction of an inch, close enough that Sayo can feel the warmth of her breath—
Then snaps back abruptly. What is she doing? Regardless of how Jessica feels, even if there's mutual attraction, it would be seriously messed up to make a move on her while she's surely still mourning George's absence. While she's putting up that meek, servant persona that they both know is just a defense. There's no way that Sayo wants something like this right now, and it would make everything more complicated. It would feel like selfishly forcing her feelings on her (again). ]
S-Sorry, ah—
Look, um... if you ever feel like you need to tell me something, something really serious... I hope you know that you can count on me. I... don't wanna make the same mistakes.
1/3
2/3
3/3
She remembers talking with Jessica on her bed, savoring the soft mattress (as opposed to her own stark padding in Gospel House) as she discussed everything and nothing with her, letting the real Sayo Yasuda be teased out inch by inch while she fell into the comforting waters Jessica's sea-blue eyes. She remembers that surge of protectiveness and irrational pride when Jessica trusted her enough to ramble about whatever problems upset her, she remembers all those days Jessica spent alone in that tower of an island with nobody to talk to but adults who didn't understand her, she remembers Jessica's solemn promise to keep her secret and that spark of trust and her first impulse to lean in and kiss her before either of them knew the depths of her deception. She remembers Jessica pleading with Kanon to be his true self, to find someone he could enjoy being, and how hard it had been to not rip off the wig at that instant and confess that the only time she felt that the ugliest parts of herself were loved was Jessica stared doe-eyed at Kanon.
She leans forward, nearly bridging the gap-
No. No no no no, she can't let Jessica's first kiss be with a murderer, she can't betray her love like that. All the Fragments where they were happy, together, were mere illusion. Jessica deserved the truth. More than anyone else, even Ange. She deserved it before her love for this monster grew further still. She moves back at the same time as Jessica, blushing and looking away...
But Sayo still craves the warmth of the sun. Smiling sadly as she realizes this is one of the last good memories she'll have of Jessica, Sayo leans against her shoulder, using it as a pillow.]
...tomorrow.
Let's go shopping tomorrow, Jessica. [No honorific.] Then...
[She trails off. There's no need to finish that sentence.]
no subject
She doesn't want that, though. She doesn't want this dream to disappear. Jessica feels like she'll just about combust when she hears her friend finally, finally say her name without any honorifics. It's just about the sweetest, most heavenly thing she's ever heard. She grins a big, dumb overjoyed grin, and realizes that she wants to feel this way for the rest of her life. ]
Yeah! [ Her heart is pounding out of her chest. She has no idea what she's supposed to expect, or even want, but it feels fresh and exciting, like the start of an adventure. They've lost so much, but... what might they build now? ] Definitely, I'm looking forward to it!
Ah... um... you can go, I'll clean up!
no subject
[Seeing Jessica light up like a firecracker when she does something as simple as saying her name without an awkward "-san" hanging off it... it warms Sayo's heart, even as the heat cracks and distorts it with the knowledge of how even this small moment will turn to ash in Jessica's mouth when she learns the truth.
She gets to her feet, a Herculean effort given how comfortable Jessica is, but leaves a hand resting on her shoulder. For a brief, spare moment, she looks down at Jessica, eyes watering and tender. It would be so easy, to lean down and give her a peck on the cheek. For her lips to linger on Jessica's cheek for just long enough for Shannon's lipstick to leave the faintest mark before pulling away, seeing Jessica's face flush and her throat lock up and leave her in the same stuttering state that her own flirtations had put Sayo in.
But instead, she smiles, and turns to leave.]
Good night.
[And then Sayo finds a lonely, dark corner of the house to curl up and sob in. For all that she's lost. For all that she'll give up tomorrow.
For all that she destroyed with her own two hands.]