audio, un: blue

[firstroar]

content warning: suicidal ideation



They're gone for good. Yuri...Flynn...

[audio on the Omni can pick up the ambient sounds of churning ocean waves - not the gentle ones of the beach, but the crashing white water along the cliffs. now and then, there's a little distortion from gusts of wind.

Blue speaks in a soft monotone:]

The bond...our bond... Knots undone, but...tethers remain. Dangle. Disconnected.

If I hadn't...become what I became... If this place...wasn't so much for them, then...then, maybe... They could've been happy.

[there's a lapse into silence, save for that ambient sound.]

Where can I go...what can I do? To make it permanent.

My death.

[...]

If I...relinquished my body...to the Tower. Would it protect everyone? From my psionics. Something within that creature's power...

[...]

But then...we wouldn't have encountered those mad Sleepers. The ones whose minds are abuzz with zeal for the Tower itself. Feeding it.

[another long silence with the sea.]

Surely...someone knows. Someone here...can do it. End me. [the monotone starts to get stilted with emotion.] Before I hurt anyone else. Like the monster...I was always feared to be.

Until then, I'll... Keep trying.

Until it sticks. And you're all...a little safer.

Comments

[brushy]

[ her question in turn is an easy one; she's stubborn, too, headstrong and confident in the spot she's chosen to snag. the wording of being slain lifts her head and ears to him, now watching quietly and with attentive eyes.

finally: "do you or your demons wish to hurt me now?" ]

[firstroar]

...

[good question. is that compulsion still in him? that corruption? would he know at a glance or with a feeling?

he turns one of his hands to look at his palm, wondering if he could see sign of it so easily.]

...I don't know. If that darkness is still there, sleeping...I can't tell.

[brushy]

[ still sleeping, hm? the wolf sniffs him, searching for this supposed corruption. she senses as much as she smells the boy's sadness. darkness, evil? not so much. amaterasu sticks her wet nose into the middle of his palm, and gives it a nice, warm lick.

she doesn't need to speak her thoughts this time to relay her message. ]

[firstroar]

[he stiffens a little at the investigation, perhaps braced for something worse than a nosy nose and a gentle lick. the kindness given still seems so baffling to him in this space, but it does hit a mark, leaving the Mu stricken in silence for a beat before his eyes well up and his throat closes. he bows his head before tears start to slip silently down his face, his fingers twitching as his hand falls to settle on his lap.]

I don't...want to feel this way...anymore...

[brushy]

[ she doesn't know what happened, not in full detail, and she doesn't press for them— not when the boy's pain is so great. she can understand some focal points, here and there. he has harmed his loved ones. they have disappeared. he has died. there is pain, that amaterasu knows is there and will stay there, like a hole. she thinks this, as she rests her head on his empty lap.

"it will not disappear, that hole that is in your heart. but the way you do feel it, it may change. you will feel it differently with time. until then and until you can, i am here." ]

[firstroar]

[nothing she's saying is wrong - he knows that, but it isn't stopping the tears. reason has nothing to do with it, because grief demands its own time and will take it when deferred. what's worse is knowing he could be worse in this grief, too; Mu overwhelmed by a singular emotion have been known to burn themselves out, to perish on the spot.

but he can't do it so quickly - he already did. there's not enough left in him to burn out, which is why he climbed up here in the first place.

now he can only bow forward and let his tears get lost in soft white fur while his omen scoots in to keep him closed in on all sides with this safety. all he can do now is weep until he's emptied of it, because something hopeful might be able to fill in after it's gone.]