deernet | audio, un: blue

Entry tags:

audio, un: blue

content warning: suicidal ideation

They're gone for good. Yuri...Flynn...

[audio on the Omni can pick up the ambient sounds of churning ocean waves - not the gentle ones of the beach, but the crashing white water along the cliffs. now and then, there's a little distortion from gusts of wind.

Blue speaks in a soft monotone:]

The bond...our bond... Knots undone, but...tethers remain. Dangle. Disconnected.

If I hadn't...become what I became... If this place...wasn't so much for them, then...then, maybe... They could've been happy.

[there's a lapse into silence, save for that ambient sound.]

Where can I go...what can I do? To make it permanent.

My death.

[...]

If I...relinquished my body...to the Tower. Would it protect everyone? From my psionics. Something within that creature's power...

[...]

But then...we wouldn't have encountered those mad Sleepers. The ones whose minds are abuzz with zeal for the Tower itself. Feeding it.

[another long silence with the sea.]

Surely...someone knows. Someone here...can do it. End me. [the monotone starts to get stilted with emotion.] Before I hurt anyone else. Like the monster...I was always feared to be.

Until then, I'll... Keep trying.

Until it sticks. And you're all...a little safer.

Threaded | Flat

[This is -- an alarming message to find upon opening an alert for a new post on the network. And while he doesn't actually know this guy, or what exactly he's talking about, he finds he can relate uncomfortably well to the words. After all, haven't there been times, in his deepest and darkest moments, in which he's wondered if his loved ones--if the world wouldn't be better off without a miserable cursed existence like his own? Like I was always feared to be rings in his mind, familiar enough to be his own.

Perhaps he is overstepping, but he can't help but want to try to reach out, the way Ozpin did for him, long ago.]

...It could make it worse, you know. Throwing yourself into the sea over and over. In Deerington, each time you died had worse and worse consequences. You don't know that dying repeatedly here won't strip you of the parts of you that want people to be safe.

[Silence lingers for some moments, before he lets out a sigh, bone deep weariness exhaled with his breath.]

Whatever happened, it's not worth it.

Edited 2022-04-04 12:22 (UTC)

[ ammy didn't have to read and sift through social media like a zoomer to sense a tormented soul— it aches her heart to see a child of her's at their lowest, surrounded by darkness where no sense can be made of and all support has shattered under them, leaving their legs dangling, their heart empty. it was what she felt when she padded across the sand of the shore during april's endless night (what absolute irony, to have arrived during such a month). amaterasu hunted for what made the ink of her brush dissipate in the sky when she attempted to call her sun, and nothing— did that hunting lead her here? well, something had been amiss, that putrid smell of corruption and depression was sticking to her snout, and she hated it with each passing prowl.

there was something up there, where the rocks climbed and formed a cliff where water crashed below it. ah, had that been it? this poor child of her's—?

whatever the boy may see, whether a wolf as white as snow or a celestial being as bright as the sun that sleeps and leaving the growth of blooms behind her, she trots in his direction, climbs the slope with ease like no other, and may soon be face to face with him.

oh, my dear boy— what is it that troubles you so? ]

[Yuri and Flynn going is sad to hear, but that's not what draws Varian to this post. He doesn't know this guy, but what he has to say really does hit an immediate nerve.

You need to get off this ship. Rapunzel, I gotta clean up my own mess.

He kind of just...stares at the screen for a moment, contemplating responding at all. But then he feels he'd be remiss if he didn't say something, anything, to stop this from happening. ]

It- it won't be the answer you think it is. Even if it worked, it wouldn't... it wouldn't make good anything you've done and it sure wouldn't protect anyone. All it'd do is leave a gap for someone else to cause trouble, and the people who care about you would lose you in the process. That's- it's not going to make things better. It'd only make things worse.

Tis easy, to condemn oneself when there is a danger lurking within us. A tale I know too well, as it is surely a reflection of mine own.

To tell myself that surely, surely death would ensure the safety of others.

You are not alone in this feeling. This despair.

Don't.

[There's a jagged, bleeding edge to Sayo's voice as they plead with this stranger, seeing an all too familiar pain in their eyes. It's reflected on their face, too, twisted into a despairing but determined expression.

They can't let this happen to someone else.]

Please.

It's not a matter of who will miss you, or that you deserve to live, it's...

You will always do more damage leaving than you would by staying, no matter what you think, no matter how monstrous you are.

Take... take it from me.

I won't tell you not to do it. Life is always like this, misery, rejection and abandonment, pain. You'll hurt and you'll be hurt and you'll hurt whatever you've decided in your mind matters... it rarely gets better. Who could blame you?

But I will say that I don't think you do you or the people you care about any favors by pretending it's for their sake. You do not need to die to stop yourself from hurting anyone else. That is a decision that you can make. Choosing to die is to choose to never make a choice again. Your memory becomes a slave to the whims of the living. And often the living will use your memory to cause pain, to themselves, to others. It's the nature of humanity, even here.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[ That sure.. is a lot, isn't it. It isn't anything Chizuru expects to hear while looking at the messages other people are leaving like this, and for a moment it leaves her totally silent with surprise.

But she knows she can't stay silent. Not when the other is saying something this sad. ]

Don't-- Don't you think people would miss you..? [ Chizuru may not recognize this voice, but judging by how nice people are here in Trench, she's sure plenty of other people do. That plenty of other people care about them. ] If you did that sort of thing..?

[Normally he wouldn't. It wasn't his style to really speak, but he didn't like hearing this tone. It seemed... wasn't this the disembodied voice he'd met at one point? He grunted and growled as he spoke.]

Your death will not assist in anything. This place does not appear to operate off of sacrifices, not in this fashion. Death is too temporary, and besides that, it seems a poor solution.

I expect others are already attempting to dissuade you, as is their nature. I expect everyone is a potential threat to each other because of the issue of corruption. It is not a thing unique to you, and so self-harm is not helpful. Have you spent time in the company of the night walkers. I am told they can help.

[...he really needed to visit them himself.]

No.

[That's all Kaeya has to say to all of that.] What good is a death? It's an end and nothing more comes from it.

[There's a tension in Kaeya's voice that usually isn't present. He can hear the pain on his friend's voice. Bad enough Blue died here already.]

So many what ifs will only torture you and solve nothing. Just like death. [Then, softer.] I miss Yuri and Flynn too. Please don't make me miss you too.

[That was... concerning. And, considering how they'd just come out from under Blue's corruption, Keith was worried about him dropping down that path again. Diluc might have only believed that killing was the answer, but Keith wanted to try talking him down first...]

Blue... I don't- I don't think that's really the answer to all of this.

You'd think dying would be easy. [ A little huff of breath that might have been a scoff with more effort. ] Maybe you can share with the class when you figure it out.

Threaded | Flat

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