audio, un: blue

[firstroar]

content warning: suicidal ideation



They're gone for good. Yuri...Flynn...

[audio on the Omni can pick up the ambient sounds of churning ocean waves - not the gentle ones of the beach, but the crashing white water along the cliffs. now and then, there's a little distortion from gusts of wind.

Blue speaks in a soft monotone:]

The bond...our bond... Knots undone, but...tethers remain. Dangle. Disconnected.

If I hadn't...become what I became... If this place...wasn't so much for them, then...then, maybe... They could've been happy.

[there's a lapse into silence, save for that ambient sound.]

Where can I go...what can I do? To make it permanent.

My death.

[...]

If I...relinquished my body...to the Tower. Would it protect everyone? From my psionics. Something within that creature's power...

[...]

But then...we wouldn't have encountered those mad Sleepers. The ones whose minds are abuzz with zeal for the Tower itself. Feeding it.

[another long silence with the sea.]

Surely...someone knows. Someone here...can do it. End me. [the monotone starts to get stilted with emotion.] Before I hurt anyone else. Like the monster...I was always feared to be.

Until then, I'll... Keep trying.

Until it sticks. And you're all...a little safer.

Comments

[firstroar]

[it takes a moment to reply, as his gaze is pulled to the sight of the creature dancing overhead - a sight very alien to him indeed.

eventually, he looks back to the wolf, a troubled frown still drawn on his face.]

I do. Unless...you knew me before...and I forgot.

[...]

Did I forget you?

[brushy]

[ the dolphin is having the time of his life, a fantastic dance overhead in a way that he would play with schools of fish, or shoot above waves or dive back in. it is like watching a child have fun at the playground. it is like watching her spirit ride freely.

”if you have ever felt the heat of the sun, the warmth of hope or someone’s love— then i’m sure we’ve met.”

amaterasu lifts herself, but stands for a moment before she deems it okay to make an approach. at least one or two steps. ]

[firstroar]

[Blue feels a strange stirring in him at that, and it prompts him sit up a little straighter. miserable though he is, he longs still for comfort, warmth, hope...some light or sign of any it for his own.

and yet--] I don't...understand. You are...all of those things? Something else?

[gods and spirits are just fairy tales in the grim, sterilized society he was bred in; she may as well be an angel for how little he understands, even with that psionic sense of his.]

[brushy]

[ ”some say i am where those things are born,” the she-wolf starts, before she proceeds to bring herself closer to the boy. a stream of blooming celestial blossoms pop out from where she steps, and then she allows her weight down to her side again with a canine groan once she is within arm’s length.

”but people say many things. you may think whatever it is you deem fit for me.” ]

[firstroar]

[Blue watches her, brow knit with concern and bewilderment, his head tilting down as she settles down again. his hands remain in his lap, curled into weak fists.]

You don't...know what you are? For yourself?

I don't understand.

[were her memories erased, too?]

[brushy]

[ "oh, no. i know exactly i am." she says, with something of a softly elated smile.

"but your faith is your own, and you must make yours. if i were to tell you what to think, it would no longer be faith." ]

[firstroar]

...

[Blue knows he ought to feel a little frustration at such an answer, but the best he can do is...weariness. there's only so much emotional real estate left when he's so overwhelmed with despair as he is, and bewilderment's already moved in!

he stares at her in this tired confusion for a beat longer before simply...accepting it, exhaling in a soft huff.]

[brushy]

[ "do not be so disappointed." she huffs in turn but more a breath of relaxation, watching her dolphin-spirit dance and wave closer to them in a curious hover. upside down.

"i am merely giving you liberty." ]

[firstroar]

[instead of exhaling out his amusement, the lion omen's tail just thumps once in the fresh greenery. Blue continues frowning at the wolf, brow pinching as a distasteful notion bubbles to mind - the very suggestion he doesn't even deserve that much. honestly, hearing or feeling such things from others...he'd never accept it, so why is it fine for him?

after some time:] How long...do you mean to be here? With me.

[brushy]

[ a hmmm sounds that sound more like a doggish mrrr, before decides, rolling over to be by his side.

“i do not know, yet. i don’t make many plans, you see.

perhaps, you can try to close your eyes, and scratch my ears. they are very soft.” ]

[firstroar]

...

[Blue stares at her and this brazen move to snuggle up, a bit more aware of intention now than before. should he rebuke her for it? he would hate to - he doesn't like being cruel. but...]

I could hurt you. If you're too close.

I hurt people...the ones I meant to care for. They would've died...if I hadn't been slain.

[brushy]

[ her question in turn is an easy one; she's stubborn, too, headstrong and confident in the spot she's chosen to snag. the wording of being slain lifts her head and ears to him, now watching quietly and with attentive eyes.

finally: "do you or your demons wish to hurt me now?" ]

[firstroar]

...

[good question. is that compulsion still in him? that corruption? would he know at a glance or with a feeling?

he turns one of his hands to look at his palm, wondering if he could see sign of it so easily.]

...I don't know. If that darkness is still there, sleeping...I can't tell.

[brushy]

[ still sleeping, hm? the wolf sniffs him, searching for this supposed corruption. she senses as much as she smells the boy's sadness. darkness, evil? not so much. amaterasu sticks her wet nose into the middle of his palm, and gives it a nice, warm lick.

she doesn't need to speak her thoughts this time to relay her message. ]

[firstroar]

[he stiffens a little at the investigation, perhaps braced for something worse than a nosy nose and a gentle lick. the kindness given still seems so baffling to him in this space, but it does hit a mark, leaving the Mu stricken in silence for a beat before his eyes well up and his throat closes. he bows his head before tears start to slip silently down his face, his fingers twitching as his hand falls to settle on his lap.]

I don't...want to feel this way...anymore...

[brushy]

[ she doesn't know what happened, not in full detail, and she doesn't press for them— not when the boy's pain is so great. she can understand some focal points, here and there. he has harmed his loved ones. they have disappeared. he has died. there is pain, that amaterasu knows is there and will stay there, like a hole. she thinks this, as she rests her head on his empty lap.

"it will not disappear, that hole that is in your heart. but the way you do feel it, it may change. you will feel it differently with time. until then and until you can, i am here." ]

[firstroar]

[nothing she's saying is wrong - he knows that, but it isn't stopping the tears. reason has nothing to do with it, because grief demands its own time and will take it when deferred. what's worse is knowing he could be worse in this grief, too; Mu overwhelmed by a singular emotion have been known to burn themselves out, to perish on the spot.

but he can't do it so quickly - he already did. there's not enough left in him to burn out, which is why he climbed up here in the first place.

now he can only bow forward and let his tears get lost in soft white fur while his omen scoots in to keep him closed in on all sides with this safety. all he can do now is weep until he's emptied of it, because something hopeful might be able to fill in after it's gone.]