Video UN: glyphywitchy [Back dated to May 12]

[imaglyphwitch]

[It's been a few days since dying, and Luz had unfortunately kept this to herself. If you haven't been able to tell, this girl has been having a pretty rough month, and it didn't seem to be getting better. She lurched her device to focus, and, though coughing, was looking directly into the camera].

So. Uh. Died. First time, ha ha, not a fun experience. Kinda looking for some company, here or just on this thing otherwise. I should probably be getting rest, yes, but staring up at the ceiling regretting stuff and hating yourself can only keep out the quiet for so long.

Also, been out of the loop a bit. Someone update me on things?


[Action]


Luz was pretty sure that she was going to get an earful from people in the house, but ESPECIALLY from Ahiru, who had very much not wanted her to go on the mission. Luz had thought she could handle it and had handled somewhat similar situations before. Now, though, since they'd talked about it before, Luz knew it looked even WORSE.

Add the whole mix of self-loathing for being too weak to avoid death and the ever-present gloom of missing Fern and Varian, and Luz was pretty much a powder keg of emotions and blah. She was in her room right now, dimly lit with her purple lights and surrounded by a fort of stuffed animals and, well, Luz was a sight to see.

Comments

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz listened quietly. She was pretty sure that she needed to start listening at this point, especially to someone who didn't live in the house, so she could get an unbiased idea of what she likely should be doing].

That battle was...complicated. There were a lot of things going on, and there were a lot of people. I didn't think I'd really be noticed while I was able to formulate plans where I could get the best of the monster.

But maybe you have a point. Rather than jumping to conclusions about what people are thinking about me being killed, I should maybe start thinking about how I need to let other people do the thing that I know I can't do myself?

[tealeafs]

[ Chizuru hums, seeming to indicate that she agrees - that is what she means. Or part of it, anyway. It feels like Luz is slowly grasping the most important thought here, and that's enough for her. ]

I'm not saying you always have to hold back. Or not get into danger at all. [ Since that's impossible here, for one. And then there's also the fact that Luz's sense of justice and protecting people seems way too strong to do that.

Chizuru wouldn't want her to have to let go of that and grow miserable. ]

But.. maybe there's some stuff that's just a little bit too much for you, you know..? I know that there are even more things out there that are too much for me.

[ Since her own ability to fight is really not all that great. Luz definitely got her beat there, and Chizuru knows it. ]

[imaglyphwitch]

[She was trying. Luz and self-sacrifice had a tendency to go hand in hand at times].

Oh, I know! You can't really avoid that, no matter how much you try!

[Luz knew just about everything in Trench was going to be a struggle. You avoided death as best as you could, and sometimes you just had to hope that was good enough].

I really thought I could do it. I misjudged, and now I can see what goes wrong if you think confidence and luck are enough.

[Luz did sound sad though. She blamed herself because she wasn't fast or clever enough that day, and now she had to be reminded that she was not as indestructible as she thought].

[tealeafs]

.. you learned too, though.

[ It's offered softly - but offered all the same. Even though Chizuru thinks that it is important for Luz to learn her limits, at the same time she doesn't want the other to only be hard on herself over this.

After all, Luz went into it with the best intentions. Chizuru knows it. Not just from what Luz has been saying here, but from every single impression she's gotten of the girl so far. ]

Even though it happened in an awful way.. You learned more about your limits. That means that you can take that into account next time, so things can go better. [ So Luz might pick something that's a little more at her own level, or finds a way to get out of danger if things get too bad. ]

[imaglyphwitch]

I did, but...I don't want to cause pain to the people in the house. I don't want to fail.

[Luz was starting to understand that there wasn't really a way to be right in this situation. Ultimately, the answer would come down to this: would she still fight to help whenever needed, or would she choose to think about where she was better useful]?

That did happen. The fight, dying, all of that was unexpected. I think I need to talk with everyone in the house, see what they think.

[tealeafs]

[ That sounds like a good idea regardless, Chizuru thinks. Surely those people would know Luz even better than her too, so they'd probably also be able to provide a lot more insight.. ]

Alright. [ She smiles, though it's faint. ] You should do that. So.. um, good luck with it. I think talking with them will help a lot.

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz had this annoying habit of putting things on herself when it wasn't necessarily her fault, and in this case, she was pretty sure she was in the wrong even if it had felt right at the time].

Thank you. And, um, thanks, for listening. It helped.

[tealeafs]

It's no problem. Really, I'm glad if I could help you even just a little bit..

[ Chizuru smiles a little bit as she says it, and then turns off the feed to give Luz a chance to go to her housemates to talk about all this. ]

[imaglyphwitch]

You did! Keep in touch whenever you can, ok?