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video: un; an.observer

[the video opens on Lexi, sitting on the couch in her very blue living room, with Orville in his usual place on Lexi's shoulder, snuffling into her hair, and the new addition to the household, Nosferatmew perched on the arm of the couch, her batwings folded on her back]

Hey! Um. I know I don't post that much, but I kind of have an announcement?

And that announcement is, I'm opening a used books and comics store called the Satellite of Love Used Books and Comics! It's in Willful Machine in the green craftsman house and that takes me to my second announcement. Or, uh, request? Maybe that's better. [pause] Yeah, that's better.

Hours will be Monday through Friday from nine am to five pm, closed from noon to one for lunch, along with Saturday and Sunday, eleven am to two pm. Obviously, I can't handle all of that by myself. Right? So I'm looking for a couple of employees.

Interviews for anyone who's interested can be done here and you can choose between store products or trade goods for pay.

So...I guess that's it? I hope to see you there? Oh, and the store mascot will be Nosferatmew. My batcat. She's very well trained to not bite unless you give her permission to.

Okay, now that's it.

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That would like being mad at the sky for not being green or something. Nature is what it is, and whatever WE do affects animals anyway, right?

Aw, pets are always cute, and other than funny dances and some memes, should be the only reason anyone has Instagram! I mean sure, people do like celebrating the things they like or make them happy, but it feels like that can sometimes not let you get as invested in other things around you.

Your face scrunches, I'm sure! It's probably really cute!

[Thumbs up for face scrunchings]!

That's supply and demand for you. But I'll try to keep my ear up and see if we can cut deals with some scholars, see if they're willing to part with some tomes. Maybe I can even offer up some stuff to trade?

Oh yes, SO much better.

Goes without saying!

Oh gosh, that movie. It was bizarre and strange and I might have loved every minute of it!

Hm? I know. I want to though, so is that OK?

Exactly! I'm hoping to see that happen with me maybe, one day. But I can see it happening with some of my friends too!

Yeah. I just hope we're gonna get nature in one piece.

And better when there's both at the same time, pet memes! I can't get enough of pet shaming, the less repentant the pet, the better. Cats are especially good at that, but dogs are better at large-scale chaos. But yeah, it seems way too easy to get fixated on the everything to do with the lives of total strangers.

You seem to have me confused with my sister, Cassie.

[said with a self-deprecating laugh, because people almost always were. Cassie was the good-looking Howard sister, Lexi was the smart one]

Seriously? You'd do that? I'd--well, obviously I'd appreciate it, but are you sure? That's a lot.

Yeah, I think it's a Tim Burton movie? Before he got so obsessed with his own tropes, he kinda turned into a parody. I swear to god, his "Alice Through the Looking Glass" was unwatchable, even for a bad movie night.

Well. Sure!

It's got to be amazing. You'd think so, right?

Same here. Maybe we shouldn't hold our breath?

I could honestly look at animals all day, cats, dogs, all types of animals all day! I guess that probably wouldn't make me popular on instagram, but its way more fun for me!

[Other than people who she knew or were making bold statements].

Never met her, but I have met you, so you'd be pretty wrong about that!

[Oh, she knew that laugh. She'd MADE that laugh before. Luz tended to put herself down as a means of coping, and she wanted to make it clear to Lexi she was not just saying this lightly].

Of course I'm sure! It's books we're talking about! Besides, I want you to succeed! the more books you can get, the better your business, right?

I don't even want to talk about that interpretation. SO bad. I could barely get through the first one, and then he made a second? Bleh.

Good! I'm looking forward to it!

I mean, I hope so. If it can ever happen in Trench!

[she chuckles a little sadly] Yeah, it does seem like it. Which sucks.

Ehhh, popularity seems to be overrated. My sister's popular, but she's not happy.

[which was true. and the Cassie in the portal seemed to know about things which hadn't happened for Lexi yet. she didn't understand how and couldn't explain why]

Well...thanks. I'm glad I reached out the other day.

[it really was Lexi's defense mechanism of choice. she'd even had it pointed out to her back home, but old habits were hard as hell to break. she wasn't sure if she could, not entirely.

but she smiles, relieved] Right. I want it to be a popular place. I think it can be?

Yeah, and why the hell did he change the name from Wonderland to Underland? What point did that serve other than "hey, look, this is my bold and brave interpretation, one almost nothing like the original books!"

I'm glad you are.

It can? I think it can, anyway. And I am right about that.

Oh trust me. It does.

I'll settle for having a small group of friends. That's better to me than just having a bunch of people see me and have mixed feelings. Maybe your sister is finding that out.

[With Luz it had been the reverse, so having people in this world that cared about her definitely mattered more to her than being liked as a sort of status person].

Me too! Turned out to be a pretty good chance meeting!

[Luz, again, very aware of that defense mechanism herself. All too much, really].

Of course it can, its books! Can't think of anything more engaging than something that takes you to a different place, even for a little while! It's why we read to begin with!

Ugh. So dumb. If I WANTED an edgy reinterpreted version of Alice, I'd just play the American Mcgee games! At least THAT Alice looked and sounded like she was trying to act, and that was a video game!

And you get snacks out of the deal, so win win!

I can hope, right? In the meantime, I STILL have a lot on my plate!

Yeah, I'd rather have a smaller group, too. Though...for some reason, people actually seem to like me here?

[which still comes as a shock. being herself didn't earn many friends back home, but it seemed to be working here. she still wasn't sure why, but she'd take it. it was kind of nice]

I agree. You're really cool. You know that, right?

[and she wouldn't listen to anyone who said otherwise]

Yeah. Probably why I liked fantasy and a little less so, sci-fi. It's fun to imagine completely original worlds, nothing like the worlds we come from. Though, it sounds like you've been in your own fantasy world for real for a while.

I've never actually played that game! Even though I default to fantasy and RPGs when I do play video games.

I love snacks, so yeah, that works great for me.

See! Um, yes, of course people like you here! You sound really fun to be around!

[How were people so dismissive of Lexi?The same way they were with you, Luz seemed like the obvious answer. Still, Lexi knew how to be engaging and nerd out! Just about everything and nothing and Luz was here for it]!

Lexi, you know what cool is, how am I included in that category?

[Not even Luz]?

That is true, but for me? Let's just say the whole "Iseki" vibe goes away when you realize that you have to be quick on your feet or something bad can happen to you. There's a lot of really cool things of course, but worlds all have their share of problems.

[And boy, it did not get easier from there. Deerington was its own ball of darkness and light that Luz had managed to live through].

Oh, they're great! One is all about fighting enemies and going through portals and creeping through gardens and various different locations! For such an early game, it has tons of dark atmosphere! The second one just gets less fighty in some ways, but super visual and time immersive! Then you go to the doll level and it just gets unsettling!

[But in a good way]!

Glad you agree!

Oh, I don't know if I'd go that far? I try, though!

[because at school, she often did her best to blend into the background. but if she did put on her play, that would make her stand out in a way that could never be undone. not just because she was playing the lead]

You're smart, you're funny, you're fun to be around, and you know a lot about a lot of things. I don't know, I think you're cool.

Yeah, that catacomb thing a couple of months ago? Not fun. I don't like being where dead bodies might be.

[but the thing since seemed not as scary. potentially dangerous, yes, especially since she didn't like to go face-first into a very angry Cassie apparently from the future, but more do-able]

I'll have to see if I can track them down somehow. And, there's a doll level? With lots of creepy porcelain dolls? Does the character turn into one of them and it's just pure Nightmare Fuel from there?

I would! Maybe other people just need to get to my level of appreciation!

[Luz wanted to just know more about Lexi, so the idea that people would just let her fade into the background as if she hardly mattered made no sense to her].

Lexi, come on! I'm-you know, a dork! I just happen to speak your language because YOU'RE cool enough to like those things! But now that you mention it, yes, I am a bit of a fountain of knowledge.

[Now Luz was being perfectly nerdy on purpose, if only to hide her glowing face and grin from Lexi's praise, which Luz was trying to rationalize why it made her heart skip a beat].

Oh right! That was one big cluster bomb. Definitely seen more than my fair share of dead bodies at this point.

[Luz was just glad it didn't get really mind scrambly. That'd mess up anyone].

It might be hard to find, only on PS3! There is! She wears a doll inspired dress for the level, and had a nightmare of becoming the main villains plaything, but not directly!

[It was still a great creepy game]!

Maybe? I really do mean it, it's a lot easier to make friends here. I have no idea why, but maybe because of the whole not wanting to be corrupted thing?

[everyone else around her back home was so loud. it often felt like she couldn't get a word in edgewise, so she stopped trying]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a dork! It's cute how enthusiastic you get about things, no fear of judgement. More people should be like you. And you're absolutely a fountain of knowledge.

[and cute. she said cute. she really hopes that it gets taken well and not, eww, keep those things to yourself]

Ugh, really? Seeing my grandparents' corpses after they'd been all made over and fussed over was bad enough.

[she fully expects that moment to be used against her at some point]

Oh. Oh. Oh, that sounds terrifying! Especially the plaything part, I don't want to think about that ever happening at all.

I wouldn't say it's that. I think because this place pulls us all from worlds all over, the idea of being separated by stupid little niche things feels ridiculous. You're a perfectly great person to talk to. It's dumb that more people don't know that.

[To think anyone could make Lexi feel like she couldn't talk seemed far too relatable. Hadn't there been a time she wanted just that, and only found that her own voice would get lost among the crowd]?

Aw, you think so? Thanks! Is it weird that I feel like you're one of the first people to just, well, get me and not be so overwhelmed, and we're the same age? I like talk about the things I like!

[Oh, she heard that cute part, and her heart was soaring, so Luz talked on because the only other option would be being a blushing idiot right now].

What? Holy heck, did that actually happen to you?! That's crazy!

[Wait, did that happen because of Trench, or was that in her actual world]?

It's a fun and very scary level. Oh, and then the main villain. He's already super awful all on his own, I mean, the worst kind of evil, but the way Alice's interprets his evil in her head? It's pretty horrifying.

Well...thank you. I mean it. Things like that make me feel more and more like I can just be myself.

[she'd retreated into her own mind, only offering opinions when pressed on the matter. it was safer to stay in her mind, being vulnerable is still kind of scary, despite her brave words]

Of course I think so! And, well...maybe we kind of lucked into meeting, but I'm really, really glad we did. And I promise to listen without judgement and I'm not overwhelmed at all.

[she was cute! granted, it kind of slipped out on its own, but she didn't regret it]

Back home. They all died pretty young, so I have way too many vivid memories of the funerals and how they looked like wax dolls.

[her actual world. for her mom's parents, she'd had to sit Shiva for all seven days and try to keep Cassie from looking too bored]

Okay, I'm really curious about this game now. Do you think the omnis might have it?

I'm glad that you feel that way. I LIKE that you get to be yourself. I wouldn't want you to change your behavior for me or anyone.

[Luz knew how awkward and strange it could be around people, and so she hoped, at least on her end, that Lexi could just be her regular self whenever she wanted to].

I really think we did too. I don't feel judged when I tell you about me. You honestly make me feel like its ok to talk about anything, and that's a really good feeling.

[And not one I have with many people, Luz thought. Sure, there were people she could talk to about some things, but Lexi made her feel like she could talk about ANYTHING and it would be OK.

The cute thing just made her feel all fuzzy and funny, so she'd keep that hope to herself].

Oh. Wow, I'm sorry! And here I thought I was the only one that had family die early.

[She wasn't saying it like a conversational starter, just a thing that they had in common].

I hope so! They're both super fun even if the second one is more expansive in giving you more eighteenth-century England in the slums. There's still a lot of fun to be had!

I'm getting better at not making myself. I really am, but it's kind of a long voyage? If that makes sense?

[she wouldn't have even mentioned that fear to anyone but Luz. she wanted people to like her for her, but the process wasn't easy]

That's because you can talk about anything. No judgement guaranteed. And, it is a great feeling. One I hadn't had in, like. Ever.

[there are people she cares about here, but she sometimes wonders if their feelings of friendship are as strong as hers are towards themm]

No, it's okay. I was so young, I barely imagine them. I mostly remember the funerals.

[which was true, being put into a what seemed like a fancy black dress and black mary janes. being hugged so many times. she hadn't liked that part]

Okay, definitely looking on the omni.

I totally get what you mean. If you're so busy masking who you are, you can't help but still think that's the way to get on better here. I just sort of did the opposite.

[Luz absolutely could sympathize with being a people pleaser and wouldn't berate her for something she also suffered from].

Well sure! I've seen several worlds and seen so many people, so it would have to be something pretty out there for me to not have heard before. But I think because of your whole family situation, I can see why you'd be careful to edit yourself,

[Luz knew if she had that sort of life she'd be just as hesitant and would want someone she could talk to about it].

Ah. Yeah. That's a factor too. The timing definitely matters.

[Luz could certainly remember THAT funeral, and preferred not to think about it too much].

Please do!

I am absolutely used to masking myself. The shy sister, the one who doesn't want to be noticed, the one who can lend a helping hand no matter what. But by opposite...what do you mean?

[it seemed to be the only way Lexi could live life. please her mother, please her sister, please Rue. regardless of what they'd be better for. as long as she pleased them, it was all right]

I guess. It can't be worse than what most people have been through.

[she always put herself down in order to build others up. it wasn't even something she planned, it just. happened to be that way]

Yeah. Timing is everything, or so they say.

[funerals were never anything to dwell on. despite her tendency to do so]

[Well, ummmm...so far no results. But that doesn't mean anything, right?

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video: un; an.observer

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(CW: corpses)

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