video: un; an.observer (CW: cannibal used as part of a movie genre)

[thisislife]

[Lexi's grinning because she has an Evil Idea and she can't wait to spring it on everyone else]

Okay! Most of us come from places where movies are things or you've found movies since arriving. So I have to ask, what's the shittiest movie you've ever seen?

There are three levels to this, Easy, Experienced, and Nightmare.

Easy level is, it can't have been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. So say good-bye to "Manos: The Hands of Fate," "Red Zone Cuba," and "Eegah!"

Experienced level is, it can't have been featured on either Mystery Science Theater 3000 or on RiffTrax Live! So no "Space Mutiny" or "Starship Troopers" or "The Room" for you!

Nightmare? It's never been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax Live, or on The Cinema Snob. Midnight Screenings movies are fine, but no Italian horror or Amazon cannibal movies at all! And for those of you who have never heard of the Cinema Snob and will spend the rest of the afternoon clicking through the episodes, you're welcome.

As for me? My choice is easy. "Green Lantern," starring Ryan Reynolds. I knew enough about the comics to see what they were getting wrong, but not enough to understand what the hell they were talking about the other half of the time.

Now....go!

((OOC: The Cinema Snob site is NSFW. they type while at work))

Comments

[kyley_b]

Welcome.

[That makes him laugh.] I'd be the one getting arrested! But thanks. I absolutely don't believe you, but it's my own issue. I grew up pretty ugly.

[thisislife]

Well, you've got great curly hair. I know people who spend fortunes at the salon or hours with a curler to get anything close.

[kyley_b]

Oh my god. My hair is a NIGHTMARE. Pencils get lost in it.

But thanks.

[thisislife]

So is mine. I have to soak it in conditioner for at least fifteen minutes before it does anything other than frizz out on me. I guess with all the things we have going for us, we have to be blessed with suck in at least one way.

[kyley_b]

See, at least you know to do that. I had no clue, growing up.

[He sighs and relaxes back. His Mike's is empty.]

And at least we're not Torgo.

[thisislife]

I didn't learn that on my own, it took a YouTube beauty vlogger to teach it to me. So, Freshman and Sophomore years. Poof! [she says, holding her hands about a foot to the sides of her face.

so is hers]

Or Debbie.

[kyley_b]

That was me, but until uh... now. And it's still bad.

Or the dog.

(CW: child bride)

[thisislife]

Yeah, but now it might not be as bad?

I dunno, I still think the prize goes to Debbie. That was some serious child bride territory they got into. Ew.

(CW: child bride)

[kyley_b]

You're so sweet.

Right?! Like, why? We didn't need her in that shot! You know the story behind this movie, I assume.

(CW: child bride)

[thisislife]

Well. I try to be?

I know! It was so gross! I can't imagine that the original audience reacted well to it, too! And somewhat, I know everyone was dubbed over and the actress playing Debbie cried when she heard what had been done to her.

(CW: child bride)

[kyley_b]

You succeed.

Yeah, it was done on a bet by uhh, a fertilizer salesman if I recall correctly.

(CW: child bride)

[thisislife]

Thanks!

--a--a fertilizer salesman?! [she doubles over in laughter Well, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised!

[kyley_b]

Yup. And uh, it sucks soooo...

[thisislife]

Yeah. But I'd be afraid to use it as compost. It might kill the plants I'd be trying to fertilize!

[kyley_b]

[That sends him cackling. It's a little hysterical, but he needs it.]

Seriously. Why are some people just so inept but so SURE of themselves?

[thisislife]

[he could use a good laugh because of everything]

No idea. Ever watch a Neil Breen "film?" He's done at least five of them and seems to have no sense of self-awareness. And the actors he chose were rejected by their community theater for good reason!

[kyley_b]

Yes! He's amazing, I love him.

[He wipes at his eyes.] Oh man.

...I miss home, dude.

[thisislife]

Me too! And I love the fact that he's not trying to backpedal the way Tommy Wiseau did and say that he'd made a "parody." It's just pure, unadulterated what the fuck.

...so do I. How long have you been here?

[kyley_b]

Yeah, he's like, "this is my art, fuck you."

Like, September.