deernet | video; un: xX_coolbonebabe

[ A familiar song starts up, and the video opens to reveal a lone young woman, dancing in an abandoned warehouse. The cots on the floor only add to the ambiance. ]

Hey, what’s up, Trench? [ The dancing continues. ] This is a callout post for John Gaius. You might know him? Shit sense of humor, black eyes, calls himself Teacher. He fucked over the ocean, recently. Hard to miss.

[ beep beep, beep boop, beep boop boop… ]

Well did you know that’s he’s, hm, super problematic? [ Shuffle shuffle. ] Yeah, we’re talking baby-killing, planet destroying bombs. He rolls with a crew of problematic bachelors, and they call themselves his Fists and Gestures.

[ time to put your hands in the air like you just don’t care ]

But I mean, whatever, right? We’ve all got friend drama. Well, turns out he had been bullshitting them for ten thousand years. See, he forced all these old fuckers to kill their best friends or lovers or whatever [ here she makes air quotes: ] “for the good of the empire,” but turns out they never really needed to. All those people died for nothing.

[ yeeahhh macarena ]

How do I know this? Well, a few thousand years later, he decided he needed a few more human sacrifices, and I was one of them! And he was a dick to my necromancer, Harrowhark. And, moreover, he is still down bad for the frosty entombed weirdo he calls his wife, and she isn’t even that hot!

[ like, come on!!! ]

Anyway, you guys know what month it is. You know what to do.

[ Gideon stops dancing, and grins. ]

Drag him.

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[ Gideon is over in a few minutes, wearing a rumpled excuse for pajamas, her hair all messy.

The scene is...not good, to say the least. Gideon has always assumed Anna's bass is like her sword: her prized possession, her best friend, the only thing to get her through some days. It's not right to just leave it like that. But she sees Anna, too, and she understands why the bass is where it is. Gideon has struggled with getting out from under blankets lately, too. ]

Hey.

[ Gideon joins Anna on the floor, cross-legged and looking around at all those posters. She's never seen anything like them before. And she figures Anna probably wants the privacy. ]

Your shitty depression nest isn't that bad, actually. I've seen worse.

[anna doesn't stop herself. she's not usually an affectionate person with people who aren't kainé, but she's scared right now. she's scared and she feels so much smaller than she is, so it's easy for her to lean over and rest her head on gideon's shoulder. she hopes it's not too invasive, but she doesn't really care much about that right now.]

It looked worse this morning. I cleaned up a little, but then... [her stupid outburst. she breathes out and ignores the way it hurts.]

I just don't want him to hurt us again. And I thought... I thought me being from Earth would get him to listen to me. [she clenches one fist. what an idiot. what does she think makes her special. if he won't listen to his daughter, what chance did she ever have? dumbass.]

[ It's easier to look at the ground while she listens to Anna. Easier to pick at a little bit of blanket, an embarrassing fidget, but not as embarrassing as saying something dumb. Everyone's so fucking open about there feelings here in a way that would never fly on the Ninth, and sometimes, Gideon has no idea what to do with that. How do you deal with a bad feeling in a way that isn't cracking lame jokes, or sitting in a room by yourself, waiting for it to pass?

What if it never passes? ]

He's not that sentimental. [ Gideon says, at last, not looking up. She thinks about Augustine. Then she tries not to. ]

I can't promise he won't hurt you, but...I don't think he thinks you're that much worth his time.

[ Gideon knows she certainly isn't. ]

Sorry. [ she follows up with, quickly, nearly embarrassed. ] I know that's shit advice.

[it feels... good and not good to hear. it's a relief, but, like, christ, dude. you pour so much time and energy into trying to figure out what's going on with someone, you make yourself open for him, you tell him shit about your life that you expect he'll actually appreciate. you make plans to see his home with him, if you ever get home together. and he looks at you, and he walks away, and he lets you die in the ocean or he detonates your heart.]

[it's just all the terrible, shitty thoughts that she pushed away. confronting the truth that she can't even make herself matter to someone who understands as much as john does. and it doesn't just hurt on its own, but it hurts that it hurts. she should be over this. she has no right to feel this way with his daughter next to her.]

Wish he were. [she doesn't really know what else to say, but she does quietly recognize that this is kind of a fucked up thing for someone totally unrelated to be complaining about.] Maybe it would feel a little less like all this time was a waste. Like I could've been spending the last six months doing anything else with my life.

[she groans and rocks forward, putting her head in her hands.]

I don't know whether to be afraid of him or mad at him or, like, heartbroken that my shitty fucking ideas of what he could be turned out like this, or what. Jesus fucking christ, dude. This is just what it is, huh? Fuck's wrong with me.

[ Anna curls in on herself, and Gideon lifts an arm. She leaves it hovering there for a moment, like she can't remember what she wanted to do with it. For the first time ever, it feels like it doesn't belong to her. She's not Ortus or Palamedes; the idea of wrapping it around Anna is terrifyingly out of her wheelhouse.

The moment hangs for far too long. Gideon puts it down at her side and opts for the much-safer shoulder nudge, instead. ]

It's not a waste. You can't go there.

[ Eighty-seven escape attempts, and none of them worked. The thought of it is enough to ice over Gideon's skin, so she doesn't think. ]

I dunno. Not that I'm, like, endorsing murder or anything, but I don't think you were that far off the first time. [ Gideon shrugs. ] Get even. Have a better time with other people than with that asswipe.

[ Gideon doesn't say with me, just like how she doesn't put her arm around Anna's shoulder. It's safer not to. Anna's going through enough, anyway. ]

Nothing's wrong with you. You're just sad and pissed-off and everything. Pretty much everyone I know is like that.

Yeah, but it sucks feeling that way.

[she says it fast, no downtime between gideon's last sentence and her own. she turns her head to the side and sees gideon there and feels the nudge of her shoulder and it feels like what she'd done to john on the boat but it feels like so much more than that. it feels like another one of those moments where someone is trying to reach out and anna is on the precipice of pushing them away entirely. all in favor of the pittance of warmth she can find within her own heart. or whatever she has.]

Feels like there's only a couple people around here who even know what all this feels like. Sure, we're all sad and pissed off, but... I don't know. [the look on her face is a quiet plea. she wants gideon's touch. she wants gideon's care. even if it's shitty and unpracticed, because god knows that's all anna has to offer right now, too. she pulls one arm away from the ball that she's turned herself into and puts her hand on the far younger woman's shoulder.]

Feels like you're the only one who gets what we'd need to do to get even. I don't know. Maybe I'm fucking... stupid or something. [she's gonna keep doing this for a bit. it's fine.] But if I'm trying to have a better time with my life without him, I think I'd rather be doing it next to you.

video; un: xX_coolbonebabe_Xx

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