deernet | video; un: leavegodalone

Is this thing on?

[ The camera opens on a man, but there is something horribly inhuman about his eyes: they are black from edge to edge, the iris burning with a ring of white light. He is flanked by two skeletons which stand at attention, each with a speck of glowing red in their shadowed eye sockets. ]

Been a while since I had to do this. Hey, hello, kia ora. You face the King Undying, the Necrolord Prime.

[ He claps his hands together. There is something wrong with them: the whites of his metacarpals are exposed, flesh crumbled away like so much ash. ]

But let's not stand on formality, right? I hear we're on a first-name basis, now. So: I'm Emperor John Gaius, creator of the Nine Houses, and also God. Not locally, mind, [ and he gestures vaguely upwards, ] here it's a more crowded playing field. I'll admit, it's been an adjustment. I tried to get a peek at my usual domain... turns out Mariana doesn't like to share.

Now, I get that I've made a few mistakes. [ He says this like funny understatement, hands splayed. It shows the bare red tendons in his palms. ] Let's clear up some misconceptions.

[ He stands accused of baby-killing, human sacrifice, and the destruction of whole planets. He riled Mariana into a deadly storm. But what he says, with all the gravity of a king, is: ]

My wife is that hot.

[ Fantastic. Amazing start. He leans in to regard the camera. ]

Look, I get it: I haven't made myself popular. I'll get a lot of kids at my door screaming log off. We're on, what, bloody retribution attempt six or seven? It's been a constant parade of death lasers and witches and kids with swords. And I see where you're coming from. I put a serious damper on everyone's fun vengeance beach party.

But it's getting a little old, so consider this a friendly warning to all my executioners: I will start losing patience. [ He quirks a smile that does not touch his eyes. ] Not to be all, I have over ten billion confirmed kills, but: maybe do not fuck with me.

Cheers.

[ The skeletons perform an ancient First House salute, and the feed cuts out. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Iskandar has been pretty irked - or rather majorly pissed off - this whole stupid month. He gets it. He'd done his share of the unsavoury, but let's be real. You're not going to do much conquering by being nice to everyone. Sadly, he'd genuinely prefer that way.]

Well, well, well. You almost sound like my father.

[Does he specify which one? Oh, trust him, he will.]

Just way too many words and way too few lightning bolts.

Good to hear someone acknowledges my parenting style. [ All his children left him! It doesn't hurt if he makes it funny, right. ] Never been much good at wrangling the weather, though. I can raise the dead, does that get me any points for style?

I won't say that's much of a compliment.

[If there's one thing that's sure as hell to piss off someone from his culture, it's messing with the dead. But Iskandar has been dead, and as such he has been ... well... utilized not exactly to his liking. Even if in his case, he's been lucky as he's always been, able to gain from that more than lose. No love for the process, though.]

Not where I come from. Though, I am curious in what land it does.

Pity. [ He does not actually seem surprised. ] It's the only sort of magic we've got, where I come from. The breath of an empire. Folks seem to hold different opinions, locally.

The only one?

[Now, he's genuinely curious. Maybe, he should be more careful when speaking to an actual god, but Iskandar can only be himself and careful is not something he does. Ever.]

What do your healers do then? Or seers? Surely you must have those.

[ John has thrown caution to the wind, so it's not like he's expecting much in return. ]

We have necromancers who can repair the body, and those who can read the marks of death... not a lot of fortune-telling, though. That one's not in my wheelhouse.

[This is completely new territory for him, but if there's anything that can get, and keep, Iskandar's interest it's novelty. Strange customs of faraway countries always fascinated him. This is no different.]

But how do you know if a date is auspicious for your endeavours or not if you do not employ the seers?

[This is a real problem. Going into the battle, starting a campaign, or anything equally serious practically requires consulting at least a seer, and at best an oracle. It's simply irresponsible to do such things unprepared.]

[ This is honestly charming. He's going to ignore everybody else's drags and just talk to this guy. ]

Honestly? We just have to wing it. You cannot imagine how many things I've had to do inauspiciously.

Oho, Risky! I like that!

[That he had seers doesn't necessarily mean, he listened to them. Iskandar had his share of reckless actions. A big one. To absolute terror of his own generals... and equally ecstatic admiration of his soldiers. Sometimes you just have to... what's the word? Ah, wing it.]

I believe I can. I'd wager those made for some great stories.

video; un: leavegodalone

voice: un: conquerorking

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