video; un: leavegodalone

[necrolord]

Is this thing on?

[ The camera opens on a man, but there is something horribly inhuman about his eyes: they are black from edge to edge, the iris burning with a ring of white light. He is flanked by two skeletons which stand at attention, each with a speck of glowing red in their shadowed eye sockets. ]

Been a while since I had to do this. Hey, hello, kia ora. You face the King Undying, the Necrolord Prime.

[ He claps his hands together. There is something wrong with them: the whites of his metacarpals are exposed, flesh crumbled away like so much ash. ]

But let's not stand on formality, right? I hear we're on a first-name basis, now. So: I'm Emperor John Gaius, creator of the Nine Houses, and also God. Not locally, mind, [ and he gestures vaguely upwards, ] here it's a more crowded playing field. I'll admit, it's been an adjustment. I tried to get a peek at my usual domain... turns out Mariana doesn't like to share.

Now, I get that I've made a few mistakes. [ He says this like funny understatement, hands splayed. It shows the bare red tendons in his palms. ] Let's clear up some misconceptions.

[ He stands accused of baby-killing, human sacrifice, and the destruction of whole planets. He riled Mariana into a deadly storm. But what he says, with all the gravity of a king, is: ]

My wife is that hot.

[ Fantastic. Amazing start. He leans in to regard the camera. ]

Look, I get it: I haven't made myself popular. I'll get a lot of kids at my door screaming log off. We're on, what, bloody retribution attempt six or seven? It's been a constant parade of death lasers and witches and kids with swords. And I see where you're coming from. I put a serious damper on everyone's fun vengeance beach party.

But it's getting a little old, so consider this a friendly warning to all my executioners: I will start losing patience. [ He quirks a smile that does not touch his eyes. ] Not to be all, I have over ten billion confirmed kills, but: maybe do not fuck with me.

Cheers.

[ The skeletons perform an ancient First House salute, and the feed cuts out. ]

Comments

text; username: meereskönigin

[hauntedsavior]

Sit down, John.

not here

[necrolord]

[ It hurts all the more when she's funny.

This is the month he's been forced to face the jagged shards of everything; Pyrrha came like a herald and the rest has followed in kind. She's out among his enemies, dressed in the body of the only man who never questioned him; Augustine is suffering beneath the crushing sea. Gideon turned away from him, and Harrow's at her side. Paul is holed up in a karate dojo lighting things on fire.

Everyone he loves has gone or fled.

And that'd be one thing, right? There's a tidy finality to that. But here they are still hovering at his periphery, still cracking his jokes, pulling the wounds open again and again.

He misses the ability to just kill what he loves and be done with it. ]

Video | 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

[There is maybe a solid two minute long video of Johnny just flipping off the camera.]

[necrolord]

[ It is met by a two minute long reaction video of John looking comedically offended and concerned, hand over his mouth. He took time away from the post to do this. He thought this was worthwhile. ]

Text | un: the_sniper

[justoscar]

Hi John.

I'm proud of you for telling the truth.

(Derogatory).

No one cares about your sad stories, John.

[necrolord]

What if they are very sad.

Have you ever been shot in the face with a death laser? I don't recommend it.

video, un: AskMalice | private

[slayerskiss]

[This is a monster.

A nightmare from a world he ruined, with the blood of billions staining his hands, her friends included. She looks at him wearing a smile that does not meet his empty, hollow eyes and making jokes that mean almost nothing to her or anybody else for that matter.

It's not an apology. It's not repentant. It's a threat, a way to put the power back in his own hands, a way to make it clear that the gloves are off at this point, and anyone who comes kicking down his door can only expect to die a horrible death.

So, as a Slayer, it is her job to put him down. It's her job to beat back the forces of evil, and what could be more evil than a tyrant who sits on a throne of corpses and seeks to spread his domain into another ruined world. As a Slayer, her position is clear. Her destiny is clear.

And so, it's with that clear purpose in mind that she speaks up, her voice more uncertain than it's ever been.]

Are you okay?

[Because Faith has never been and never will be a champion or a hero. Faith is and always has been a frightened little girl unloved by the people who were supposed to love and protect her, and cared for by the things she was supposed to hunt and slaughter.

Of course it would go both ways.]

[necrolord]

[ It would be easier, if there was none of this. No kids left to reach out, to make fumbling overtures at comfort. If he's going to watch his life here crash down into splinters, he'd like to see it break in uniform shards. Easier to sweep it all into the bin, that way. ]

Never better. [ He deadpans this with his Corruption-decayed hands splayed for the camera. ] But what kills you makes you stronger, right?

text, un: Oracle

[adaine]

Wait, you're the only god in your world?

How does that work?

[Priorities. She has them.]

[necrolord]

[ This is a fun diversion from all the haters. ]

What it says on the tin, honestly. It's just me. If any others would like to turn up and show an interest in protecting humanity, I'd love the help.

un: GoldenFlowers | text | private

[the_obedient_servant]

Do the people coming after you for revenge at least stay until the end of the fight?

So far, three people have picked a fight with me and then ran away at the last minute.

It's getting annoying.

[necrolord]

[ He's... concerned about Chara, sure. He can acknowledge a larger problem here than he has time to deal with. One fucked-up revenant of a person to another.

But also, it's good to commiserate. ]

Mine are very persistent. I'd much rather they just say their piece and take off.

[Video] un: QueenCobra

[abornfighter]

[Not quite in camera view, there's some energy that's black, dark blue and glittering.]

More like the Douchelord Prime. Anyway, I made you a present.

[Tory presents the handiwork that she just reality warped: a bag of crochet dicks.]

It suits you.

[necrolord]

[ This is incredible. This is astonishing. He is a vengeful God; he is an almighty lord of death itself; looks genuinely awed and delighted by the nerve and the style. ]

I love it. I'm not kidding. Can you drop it off? This will be my souvenir of the time half of town tried to kick my ass.

un: endless; voice

[manyone]

Oh? You're a god?

I've never met a god before.

[ Does Lady Featherine count? She doesn't know and frankly it is horrifying to contemplate. ]

voice

[necrolord]

[ He takes up a voice feed to match, because what is he, impolite? ]

Please rest assured I'm bowing in introduction right now. With a little hand flourish. It looks very elegant.

Usually there are other people to do that for me, but staffing's been short around here, you know? I'm low on disciples.

[ There is an actual sore spot there, under the levity. ]

Video; UN: catsruleandgoddrools (cw: child swearing)

[wapples]

Well, if you didn't want people coming after you, maybe you shouldn't have fucked with the ocean.

You're not even scary! And your skeletons are stupid.

[necrolord]

[ Oh no, this is adorable. He clasps a hand over his heart as though wounded. ]

Not scary... that's the worst thing I've been called yet. But do we have to diss the skeletons? I think they're doing a great job.

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

[Ok. So. Confirming. Yes, this was definitely the guy. They'd met... once? Yeah, once. On the banks of the ocean. It had been memorable but brief. She breathed in once. Ok, she had a minute. Just a minute. Her own little ... problem was getting antsy right now, and she couldn't leave them alone for a second or they'd go and do something stupid. You know, like fighting him.

Which she'd promised not to do.]

I won't be adding to your kill count.
Not for any reason having a lick to do with you, honestly.
But I made a promise and I do try to keep those.

But, this is just some unasked-for advice.
The local "Gods" can pretty much fuck you twelve ways until Sunday around here.
Take a page from the last crazy eyeball who would be god we had to deal with.
Don't kick that hornet's nest, as it won't end well.

[necrolord]

Fantastic. Love to not be threatened. It makes a real change of pace.

Sorry to say, I've figure that one out. Mariana mentioned it when she kicked my ass.

text; un: enpawnsant (forward-dated to late on the 16th)

[hearthebell]

I got what I wanted.

not here

[necrolord]

[ There is no reply. ]

un: ortus | video

[noniad]

[Ortus Nigenad stands in plain black robes, his face freshly painted in the stark lines of the Jawless Skull. In black gloved hands he holds a book whose cover may not yet be seen, pages splayed open as a hymnbook.

He clears his throat the way that a master of the blade draws their sword: neatly, without ceremony.]

I invoke the right of the White Glass to inquisition.

[An Eighth right. An invocation against heretics and betrayers.]

I charge you with conspiracy of murder against the Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus. I charge you with the murder of Gideon Nav. I charge you with the deaths of the nine, whose names you sought to bury with them.

[Ortus does not look down at the pages in his hands. His eyes shine as obsidian as he declaims, in full, ringing enunciation:]

Mercury. Venus. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto. Earth.

[He snaps the book shut. The swirl of stars upon its cover may be seen as he does. He looks at the lens with the air of one who has only just gotten going, a man possessed with the spirit of one of ninety five accusations.]

How do you answer these charges?

[not here]

[hauntedsavior]

[well.]

[this might complicate what she said to palamedes about just trying to share information without being interested in taking down the empire.]

[but she has to admit this is fucking riveting.]

Text| un: Shadow_Puppet

[stoicsilhouette]

#godisdead.

get a new gig.

#fyp #jobs: pro tip: one that you're actually good at and doesn't put the entire Trench in danger.

To anyone who gives this guy the time a day: kindly go fuck yourself.

#leavepthumeriansalone #stopsenselesskilling

[necrolord]

[ Hilarious. He should make #godisdead his new username every time someone gets one over on him with a death laser. ]

Any recommendations for my next job title?

text (un: FLYHIGH)

[asas]

you still suck at volleyball

[necrolord]

[ ✔️ Read ]

text; un: tabris

[peripheries]

I've seen old men play at being God before; it never stops being pathetic. Even for you, John.

not here, cw: body horror

[necrolord]

[ This one hurts.

He doesn't reply; not at first, anyway. He turns back to the other messages with flesh peeling away from his bones and crumbling to ash, such that the eddies of it follow his every movement. His arms are bare bone up to the elbow, chitinous plates coming in at the edges of his jaw. He rubs at them compulsively, constantly, like trying to soothe an itch.

He'd become so used to this kid calling him Teacher. ]

Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

[This video comes quite late in the month but Maul feels the need to show John he didn't permanently take Maul out of the game. There he is, looking decidedly whole and in one piece with his eyes intact again.]

I should have known you would have the title of Emperor.

[People with that title are just not to be trusted, that's just a big old NOPE in Maul's book.]

If you're as powerful as you claim, frankly, I'm disappointed. Just another petty little man with delusions of grandeur who can't take it when he reaps what he sows.

[necrolord]

[ By the time this message reaches him, he's not in the mood.

But he takes note. ]

text; un: shierawaters

[dohaeris]

You're not a god, you're a lich. Mariana was glad to share space with the Lady Amaterasu, to say little of the Moon Presence and all the other patrons. You tried to hurt her. We know that now.

If you want to be left alone, swear on the Doorway you won't go after Mariana, or murder anyone again. It isn't about vengeance. You put us all in danger. You kill without just cause. You hurt people, and use people, in order to feel more powerful. You must swear on the Doorway you will stop, or none of us will ever know peace while you dwell in this city.

text

[necrolord]

Been a while since I heard that one. 'Evil wizard' and 'zombie king' are also popular.

Listen: I sympathize with anyone who is uncomfortable that I am here in town. I would also, personally, love to not be here in town.

Not to be that guy, here, but: if I killed without just cause, there wouldn't be a town. I'm not just slapping a death on anybody who looks at me funny. Case in point: all the challengers who've walked away from - and I do want to hammer this point home - fistfights with God.

voice: un: conquerorking

[towards_okeanos]

[Iskandar has been pretty irked - or rather majorly pissed off - this whole stupid month. He gets it. He'd done his share of the unsavoury, but let's be real. You're not going to do much conquering by being nice to everyone. Sadly, he'd genuinely prefer that way.]

Well, well, well. You almost sound like my father.

[Does he specify which one? Oh, trust him, he will.]

Just way too many words and way too few lightning bolts.

[necrolord]

Good to hear someone acknowledges my parenting style. [ All his children left him! It doesn't hurt if he makes it funny, right. ] Never been much good at wrangling the weather, though. I can raise the dead, does that get me any points for style?

text; un: summerhall

[dohaeris]

[for the most part, sansa doesn't see the point in antagonizing her enemies, it will only make them angry and more dangerous. unfortunately the other part of her has broken off in the shape of her omen, and he's having a great time.

a video is embedded, chosen because he couldn't find a recording of 'the night that ended' (weirdly, the rains of castamere was available, though?).]

boy bye

text (un: falcogrice)

[grice]

[ so, john gaius. who started all this. the reason falco is stuck this way, in a way, but he still takes responsibility for his choice to butt in. but no matter how much he looks at the screen projected on cave walls— he sees a man who has lost too much of himself, a shred of him killed with every life he's taken, until there's nothing left. that is the saddest thing of all.

(he sees a messy, long-haired man that hasn't shaved in months, tattered and worn, under the guise of a war veteran. talking to him. giving him advice. using him. pretending to be his friend and betraying his trust— bringing death to his home, and eradicating more than 80% of humanity. he remembers the bits of truth behind his deception. he remembers that very same man that had told his eldest brother to stop, to save this young boy—) ]

I'm sorry about your wife .

[ he had become a monster, but he was no god. ]

[necrolord]

[ He reads this, then reads it again. Leaves it to continue an argument elsewhere; rounds back to stare at it again. It stands out from the rest, baffling in its apparent sincerity.

It's gotta be the setup to a punchline, right? It's easy to troll a guy who loves a woman buried in ice. John would know; he's made every joke in ten thousand years, to the off-kilter uncertainty of everybody around him. There's an admittedly fine line between God's jokes and God's rages, the bared-teeth smiles of his grief.

But what's the harm of walking right into it, yeah? What else is there to say? ]

Thanks.

[ These kids don't understand anything about anything, but the sentiment's nice. ]

un: thesun | text | anon account | private

[terriblepurpose]

[John knows this song.]

w̵h̷o̵ ̷w̶a̸s̷ ̷i̷t̷ ̷w̶h̸o̸ ̷s̸e̶t̷ ̵t̸h̵e̵ ̶f̸o̷a̵m̷ ̵u̸p̴o̶n̷ ̵t̴h̸e̸ ̷w̵a̷v̶e̴s̷ ̸w̵h̷o̷ ̷s̶h̷u̵t̶ ̷u̸p̵ ̵t̸h̸e̸ ̷w̵a̵t̴e̸r̴s̶ ̶w̷h̷o̶ ̶c̸a̵l̴l̸e̵d̴ ̶f̵o̴r̵t̴h̶ ̸t̴h̶e̷ ̶f̸l̶o̵o̷d̵

̵e̵x̴a̴l̶t̷e̶d̴ ̵i̷n̶ ̷h̶i̷s̵ ̸p̵o̷w̵e̵r̵ ̶w̷h̵o̴ ̷i̵s̸ ̷a̸ ̶t̶e̶a̵c̷h̵e̵r̷ ̸s̷u̷c̸h̵ ̵a̷s̸ ̵H̶i̷m̶

̶w̶h̶o̷ ̵h̴a̵s̸ ̶p̶r̶e̷s̷c̵r̵i̸b̸e̷d̵ ̷h̴i̸s̷ ̷w̴a̵y̴s̶ ̸f̴o̵r̵ ̶h̶i̸m̶ ̷o̸r̷ ̴t̴o̵l̷d̵ ̴h̵i̷m̶ ̵'̸y̵o̵u̶ ̴h̶a̵v̷e̶ ̷d̶o̵n̵e̶ ̴w̷r̷o̵n̵g̸'̶





̴s̴h̴e̶ ̶w̴o̴u̵l̶d̴ ̸h̵a̴v̶e̵ ̷l̶o̷v̶e̸d̴ ̴y̴o̵u̸ ̶i̴f̷ ̴y̵o̵u̴ ̶l̷e̶t̴ ̸h̸e̶r̴

[necrolord]

[ He reads this, and reads it again. He is silent for a long time.

He did love her, is the thing. He loved all of them as best he knew how. He still does.

He knows how little that's worth.

All he writes is: ]

I've always been a terrible gardener.

un: UNOWEN, text, private

[commediadellarte]

John, everything else aside,

What on Earth or the fucking Waking World made you think that making this post would do anything but get everyone riled up to come up and kick you in the balls, verbally or physically, again?

Color me extraordinarily curious.

[she was on her way to bring some card games to play with you, john

why do you have to do her like this]

[necrolord]

Your concern has been noted and appreciated. I'll let you know once the queue of folks trying to murder me dies down.

[ he's fine ]

text; username: grollschwert [private]

[hauntedsavior]

I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle.

I wish I knew why I was still keeping people from trying to kill you.
You've been a fucking liar this whole time and you don't deserve a moment's peace for the rest of whatever the fuck you call your life around here.

Did that boy by the swing set ever really exist?
Or did you blow him up, too?

[necrolord]

[ Absolutely devastating choice of lyrics. It hits like a blow, because everything she says does. Any text she sends him, he opens it with a heavy weight of dread. She knows it. That's why she does it.

You've been a fucking liar this whole time, she says. ]

Everyone burned. That seems to be a theme with me, right?

[ It's the closest he'll come to voicing regret. ]

video; un: stanford

[cryptograms]

[ There's multiple things - many things - that Ford could say here, and many of those rank higher on the 'things he should say' scale. But it turns out that successfully murdering the guy has really taken the edge off. Ford not only made his point, it seems like Sasha - John - actually got the point.

So instead of being appropriately grave and dramatic he can get down to what's really bothering him. ]

Why go to such lengths to hide the name John?

1/2

[necrolord]

[ God looks upon his friend, his murderer, the only person who's ever dropped him for longer than a minute in the whole span of his myriadic existence. With grave solemnity, he says: ]

The name Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt is a heavy cross to bear.

Video | un: dito

[syncopathic]

So are we gonna get paid up front for having to watch you suck your own dick over the network or should we just send you an invoice?

Honestly with a performance like that I'm shocked that you even have a wife. Unless she's actually into the whole "last two seconds and cry about it" technique every night.

[necrolord]

Now this [ he snaps his fingers ] is the kind of comment I've been expecting. Thank you for doing a very important service.