necrolord: <user name="thebutt"> (drawing lines in the sand)
ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴏʀ ᴜɴᴅʏɪɴɢ ([personal profile] necrolord) wrote in [community profile] deernet2022-07-15 07:31 am

video; un: leavegodalone

Is this thing on?

[ The camera opens on a man, but there is something horribly inhuman about his eyes: they are black from edge to edge, the iris burning with a ring of white light. He is flanked by two skeletons which stand at attention, each with a speck of glowing red in their shadowed eye sockets. ]

Been a while since I had to do this. Hey, hello, kia ora. You face the King Undying, the Necrolord Prime.

[ He claps his hands together. There is something wrong with them: the whites of his metacarpals are exposed, flesh crumbled away like so much ash. ]

But let's not stand on formality, right? I hear we're on a first-name basis, now. So: I'm Emperor John Gaius, creator of the Nine Houses, and also God. Not locally, mind, [ and he gestures vaguely upwards, ] here it's a more crowded playing field. I'll admit, it's been an adjustment. I tried to get a peek at my usual domain... turns out Mariana doesn't like to share.

Now, I get that I've made a few mistakes. [ He says this like funny understatement, hands splayed. It shows the bare red tendons in his palms. ] Let's clear up some misconceptions.

[ He stands accused of baby-killing, human sacrifice, and the destruction of whole planets. He riled Mariana into a deadly storm. But what he says, with all the gravity of a king, is: ]

My wife is that hot.

[ Fantastic. Amazing start. He leans in to regard the camera. ]

Look, I get it: I haven't made myself popular. I'll get a lot of kids at my door screaming log off. We're on, what, bloody retribution attempt six or seven? It's been a constant parade of death lasers and witches and kids with swords. And I see where you're coming from. I put a serious damper on everyone's fun vengeance beach party.

But it's getting a little old, so consider this a friendly warning to all my executioners: I will start losing patience. [ He quirks a smile that does not touch his eyes. ] Not to be all, I have over ten billion confirmed kills, but: maybe do not fuck with me.

Cheers.

[ The skeletons perform an ancient First House salute, and the feed cuts out. ]
dohaeris: (winter is here)

[personal profile] dohaeris 2022-07-20 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Were you planning on sleeping it off somewhere else? It wouldn't help your cause.
hearthebell: will credit if found (Chilled me to the bone)

[personal profile] hearthebell 2022-07-20 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I put on a front for John, but I can, in fact, be embarrassed.
dohaeris: (winter is here)

[personal profile] dohaeris 2022-07-20 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
she does know everything you say to me, and she has seen much worse. truly, it speaks to your character that you think you have anything to be embarrassed about. most men wouldn't, in the seven kingdoms.
hearthebell: (I crashed before the birth of Christ)

[personal profile] hearthebell 2022-07-21 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry that it's so.

Perhaps she could interpret my sobering up as a sign of chivalry? I really don't want to be this inebriated in front of her.
dohaeris: (winter is here)

[personal profile] dohaeris 2022-07-21 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
we can stay upstairs, if you must.

you won't do yourself any favors sleeping on the street. you might try the sanctuary, though.
hearthebell: (You're a holy fool all colored blue)

[personal profile] hearthebell 2022-07-26 08:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I might

[The agreement is half-formed and half-hearted, but not actually dishonest, if only because he doesn't actually know what he will do.]