text | un: sds

[fogsong]

My mother, Rose Da Silva, has returned to the ocean. I know she was close to a lot of people here and I thought it was important to let everyone know.

[ She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, truth be told, but she knew she couldn’t selfishly hold onto the information when Rose knew and cared about so many people in this place and vice versa. But even this small amount of public acknowledgment cuts her to the bone. ]

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[fogsong]

The only thing I want is to not feel like this again. I lost her once and now I’ve lost her again.

I don’t know what to do, Tinya.

[ it’s not so much a denial of company but Sharon can’t bring herself to accept it right now. she just wants this pain to go away. ]

(CW: knife/wound imagery)

[unphase]

[this rips into Tinya's emotions like knives all over]

I can't imagine it, how you're feeling. It's one thing to lose a friend, but to lose your mother, it's too cruel.

It's okay to not know for a while. You're grieving. Everyone handles that in their own way.

[she wishes she could be there. in any way possible. she knows how hard it is to grieve]

[fogsong]

I feel so fucking numb. I know that this is… that this might be for the best for her. That now she can’t be a plaything to the patrons.

But it doesn’t feel fair. It’s not fair.

Fuck.

Shit.

I don’t want to feel like this. She wouldn’t want me to feel like this.

[unphase]

You're right. It's not fair. It's not fair to you and to all of those who loved and will miss her. Unfortunately, I don't think the universe cares about what is or isn't fair. It's a horrible thing and it can't really be comprehended fully, at least not by me, but the desire and the urge to try to make it be fair will always be there.

[oh no, that wasn't very comforting at all. a brutal truth, one she'd learned over three hard years back home, four nightmarish years at the Other world, and now here, but probably way too much]

If I may? How would she want you to feel?

[fogsong]

I know. I know just how much the universe doesn’t give a single fuck and it sucks. You’d think it would recognize that I’ve suffered enough but I’m starting to think I’m destined to suffer forever.

[ it was a lesson Sharon had learned decades ago as a child. born to a weak mother, without a father to protect her from a town that hated everything about her existence.

She hated it. She hated it so much. ]

She would want me to live, to keep trying despite this. To know I’ll see her again one day and not mourn her forever.

But it’s hard.

[unphase]

If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you're not. That's not your fate. I'll fight fate myself if that's what it takes to see your suffering ease.

[how will she do that? try to be a force for goodness in Sharon's life. not expecting anything out of it, either, just because she wants to. and because she knows how it feels to think that they're destined to suffer forever.

some people, that would have hardened them. drained them of all emotion. for Tinya, it had the opposite effect]

I know it is. And it's impossible to say when it will ease. But it will and you will see your mother again.

Even being apart, she still loves you. That will never stop.

[fogsong]

[ Sharon can’t bring herself to respond to Tinya’s declaration even though it makes her heart flutter despite the grief pulsing there like an open wound. ]

I know she does. She always has, from the moment she saw me in the orphanage. Even after learning where I came from, after facing down monsters to get to me.

Even here, after learning I was more than just the baby she’d adopted. I never could have asked for a better mother. I don’t know if one even exists.

You know, uh. Maybe I could use some company?

[unphase]

[she meant every word. she wasn't afraid of a fight. she'd been in too many of them before to feel any fear at the next one. and what was fate other than another opponent? and fighting for Sharon felt like the kind of fight she'd do anything to win]

She sounds very brave. Very brave and very loving.

I'm fairly sure that one doesn't. A mother who would fight for you, do anything for you, help you when you need it. That's what a mother should be.

All right. I'll be over shortly.

[and it takes all of Tinya's willpower to not add a <3 to the end of her last text]

[fogsong]

[ that’s what Sharon thinks, too. Even as Alessa, she could see something beautiful and unique in Rose that she’d missed out with in Dahlia. ]

The front door is unlocked so you can just come in when you get here.

[unphase]

All right.

[and she's dressed very sedately by Tinya standards. a simple black skirt with a white blouse and black ballet flats. she's also accompanied by a bottle of good whisky and her Omen, Moonlight, the little black kitten's eyes wise and compassionate.

she taps on the door a couple of times for politeness' sake and calls out]

Sharon? It's me, Tinya. I...brought something which may or may not be appreciated?

[fogsong]

Come on in, I’m in the living room. [ She sits up on the couch where she’d managed to collapse to wait, visible from the entranceway.

Sharon hasn’t bothered to change out of her pjs or brush her hair or even shower. She looks worn. Her nose is red and there’s a distinct puffiness to her eyes and face, a clear sign she’s been crying. She’s got a cream colored comforter wrapped around her shoulders like a child’s security blanket.

She doesn’t have the energy to be embarrassed or ashamed of her appearance even if she usually wants to look semi-presentable around Tinya. ]

You didn’t need to bring anything, you know, but I’m… I’m sure I’ll appreciate whatever it is.

[ Sharon had truly just wanted the other girl’s company. ]

[unphase]

All right. [she enters the room, seeing Sharon sort of on the couch, like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

and all of that is entirely understandable, given the circumstances. she crosses over to sit on the couch, setting the decanter on the coffee table. she wants to give Sharon a hug, but is unsure about how it would be received.

how Sharon looks is the least of Tinya's concerns. how she feels is foremost]

Well...it's a tradition. Never go to another's house without bringing something to be shared.

[and she leans in a bit, as much as propriety and the blanket allow]

[fogsong]

[ Sharon watched with a glassy gaze as Tinya enters and sets the decanter down before she takes a seat beside her. Sharon makes sure to pull the puffy blanket into her lap to make room. She tries to smile but it ends up looking more like a grimace. ]

I’ll have to remember that tradition. [ It’s not one she was aware of and she’s not sure if it’s a Trench thing or Bgztlian one but it seems like a good tradition regardless. One day maybe she’ll be able to return the favor.

Sharon doesn’t shy away when Tinya leans in and instead seems to mimic her, lingering close without really touching her. Normally her brain would be working over time, questioning every action but right now her mind was blank.

With little warning, she presses forward suddenly to hug the dark haired beauty lightly. ] Thank you. [ she mumbles, voice cracking. ]

[unphase]

[Tinya's own gaze is writ with concern and care. she'd do anything to help Sharon through this. it was true, she didn't know what losing a loving mother was like, but. she'd lost grandmother and it had left a scar which often seemed like it was never fully healed. and at Sharon's brave attempt at a smile, she smiles back gently]

It's generally a wise one. Someone is hosting you, you can't expect them to do everything. [and it was from Bgztl. the "rules" for guests and hosts had been writ into their consciousness even before her family came to power. and there was no rush.

and she wants to feel brave enough to hold Sharon's hand, even if just as a friendly gesture. friends held hands, right? granted, she never really had before, but perhaps it wasn't a big deal.

it came as a surprise when Sharon hugged her. she wrapped her arms around the other young woman and hugged back] You can always count on me. If you want to. [Tinya murmured back]

[fogsong]

[ her hug starts out light, almost hesitant, but soon she’s clinging to Tinya fiercely as her shoulders begin to shake with silent sobs.

she hadn’t wanted to start crying again but every time she thinks she’s done, it starts up again. she felt so comfortable around Tinya she couldn’t stop it if she’d wanted to.

she buries her face into her shoulder, tears fresh and hot. it felt like she was breaking apart from the inside out and it hurt. ]

[unphase]

[in response, Tinya clings back. she knows what it's like to be the one left behind. her grandmother smiles in the corner of her mind she shoves all of the most emotionally compromising things, but she can't keep her her mother from barging into things, which makes Tinya draw a sharp, indrawn breath. one she hopes goes unnoticed by Sharon.

this isn't her grief to focus on.

and she leans her head against the top of Sharon's head, soft hair gently tickling her, long black waves concealing them both. that's how she'd have it, honestly. a shelter from the storm. someone with no agenda other than care]

ok love the pb choices!!

[fogsong]

[ it’s such a weight off her shoulders to have someone like Tinya around at the moment. most everyone that’s stopped by has been in mourning, too, and Sharon had to find a way to comfort them through her own pain —— not that she minded, she was strong enough to carry on. but there was relief in knowing that she could collapse in her grief without the expectation that she had to pick Tinya up too after.

with Tinya, she didn’t have to find a way to swallow her pain back like it were some bitter pill; she could just cry.

and she does. even when Tinya made a little sound, the only response from Sharon is a physical one. she reached up to brush a hand through Tinya’s hair as if to offer some tiny touch of comfort, what little she can give in the moment; to let her know she was here and more than just a shoulder to cry into.

she doesn’t know how long she had stayed pressed up against the princess but her tears eventually slow and come to a halt. she pulled away with hesitancy as if she hadn’t truly wanted to. her face is damp and sticky and stray hairs cling to her cheeks. she looked awful. exhausted to the bone. ]

I——Shit, I guess I’m feeling worse than I thought... [ she muttered as she hastily wiped her face with the back of her hand as of to make herself more presentable but nothing really helped and shifted back to give the other girl some space. she knew Tinya was willing to be here for her, that she wouldn’t have come if she wasn’t, but Sharon still foolishly feared doing anything that may push her away. ] Sorry, I think I might have messed up your hair.

[ she sounded pitiful, voice softer and lacking in her normal confidence. ]

Alexandra Daddario is a good actor! I'm glad the Emmys chose to take notice!

[unphase]

[and at the same time, Tinya accepts and bears the weight off Sharon's grief. she doesn't know how to do anything else, despite her best to attempts. as long as there's someone she cares for, she'll carry that weight as long as necessary.

and Tinya gently strokes the back of her neck, nothing suggestive or anything like that. just the gesture of a friend wanting to bear the weight of another.

and exhausted to the bone...she imagines she'd feel the same were her grandmother here and abruptly torn away. like what was even the point of continuing on, given the current status?] No, no. She's your mother. You love your mother. If I had a mother like yours, I'd mourn the same way. [but she has a mother like her own, the one who would tear her from the Paris Opera Ballet where she'd been happy and force her daughter to go back to her old habits of milking the other diplomats for what they were worth] It's all right. I won't tell if you won't.

[and Tinya's voice is gentle, yet...not exactly teasing. hoping for a better day. that may be closer to things.

and the pitiful nature of Sharon's voice makes her even more determined to protect, by any means necessary]

Ditto! She’s so lovely!

[fogsong]

[ the sweet gentle quality to Tinya’s voice helps to put Sharon at ease and she nods a little too fervently, as if the signals between her brain and body were moving slow as molasses.

after all the tears, she feels like she’s floating in a haze, head oddly heavy and limbs like jelly. she’s been drained since she’d found Rose gone but the tears have taken the rest from her.

she swallows her emotion down, desperate to get away from it, and moves to stand, comfort blanket falling away. her pjs hang on her loosely, too big around the waist. ]

I’ll grab us some glasses and —— [ she spots Midnight now. the kitten is a pleasant surprise. ] Is there anything I can get her? I think I have some fish in the fridge?

watch The White Lotus on HBOMAX. It's *so* good!

[unphase]

[she tries to keep her voice that way. she knows how all too easy it is to slip into the haughty, but coy inflections her mother expected her to use. use it all as weapons, her voice, her smile, her curiosity, her body language.

she's so very glad she doesn't have to do that anymore.

and Tinya can feel the jelly set into Sharon's limbs and works to support her even more. nothing will happen to her in her period of mourning if Tinya has anything to say about it.

she lets Sharon stand, understanding the urge to feel as though one was doing something with their grief, not just surrendering to it]

All right, that sounds good. [and at the mention of fish, Moonlight lets out a little miao, looking at Sharon with wide, blue-green eyes] She certainly seems to think that's a good idea. Little glutton. [Tinya says affectionately]

I’ve heard good things and keep meaning to watch!

[fogsong]

[ the little meow seems to spark something warm behind Sharon’s worn eyes and she nods before she heads into the kitchen.

she returns only a few minutes later, clutching in one hand a pair of tall clear glasses meant more for water than alcohol and in the other a saucer of carefully deboned white fish. she sets them all down on the coffee table and then plops down on the couch with a weariness. ]

I made sure there were no bones so you don’t have to worry about her choking. [ she doesn’t know much about taking care of cats but knows enough that they shouldn’t be fed sharp little bones. she’s got this feeling that Midnight is smarter than the average cat, though. ]

Doooo it. It's the performance of her career, at least so far!

[unphase]

[Moonlight looked up, perfectly innocent. her? need fish at her demand? never!

okay, it's more likely than you think.

and water works. alcohol would probably only cloudy Sharon's judgement at this point. times like this, one needs their judgement as sharp as they could get it, giving the givens. and at the sight of the fish, Moonlight miaows again as loudly as she can get, then tucks in gratefully]

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I have--I have little babies at home, but Moonlight is special. She's my Omen. [a friendly, outgoing, fearless little Omen. much like her person. and her person always gave her the best quality of fish she could afford]

I....I am sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother you love.

[fogsong]

[ her omen? that catches Sharon by surprise but it made sudden sense how Moonlight always seemed so perceptive and understanding. ]

I lost her back home, knew it was possible here, but… I forgot how much it hurt. I let myself forget.

And now I don’t have either of my parents here. I’ve—fuck. [ her voice cracks and breaks again but she manages to keep from crying this time around. ] I’ve never felt alone like this before, Tinya. [ this isn’t meant to be an insult. she knows she has friends here, she knows she’s got Tinya, but nothing can replace your parents.

even when she’d lost her mom back home, she’d had her dad. when she didn’t have her dad here, she’d had rose. she’s never had to be without parental guidance before and it’s frightening. ]

[unphase]

[Moonlight is the part of her who likes to be pampered and petted and treated like a princess, but also doesn't mind getting into a scrap if she has to]

That's understandable. Things at places like this...they seem to take on a sense of permanence, even though we know, we have to know that they're not. But I--[her voice breaks slightly]--I can't imagine what it's like. To lose your mom. It must be horrible.

[after all, Tinya's mother would make her daughter's life a living Void if she ever showed up. that her mother wouldn't be happy until she managed to wrest Tinya back under her thumb by whatever means necessary. and Tinya would go along with it, for fear that her mother would try to ruin every friendship Tinya had if she didn't.]

[fogsong]

[ Sharon can only imagine how Tinya would feel if her own mother were here; probably similarly to how she would feel if Dahlia were. ]

The one good thing in all of this is… at least I know she could return her someday. It’s not like she’s gone for good. [ it’s not like Forever, not like back home. here, there’s hope. and she clings to that hope like the last life raft in a turbulent sea.

she pulls her legs up onto the couch and rests her chin on her knees, pulling into herself as she watches Moonlight munch away. she finally shifts her attention back to Tinya, her cheek pressed against her knees. ]

Would you be sad if your mother left? If you were in my place?