VIDEO 🎸 UN: METALHEAD69

[bardbarous]

[ The world around Tuck and Billie is dark, gloomy, and full of dust. The bar they are in, Colonel Dan's, has seen better days. Tables have been overturned, something's been in here making a mess despite the magic that was imbued into the door. Guess it didn't hold. ]

So, who wants to help Billie n' me clean out our bar? That we, ah, never used.

[ Tuck does his best to make it sound like the most riveting fucking thing a person could volunteer for. ]

We'll pay you in... uh...

[ He looks down at Billie who is currently out of camera view. Hard to put both a two foot child in the same frame with a seven foot man. ]

Friendship? Oh, booze!

Either, or. Whichever turns out to be of equal or lesser value.

[ From the dark, something falls off the bar counter and breaks. Then skittering claws scuttle across the floor. ]

There's someone else in here.

... ..... So, who wants to help Billie n' me chase a mystery creature out of our bar? Ehhh? Could be fun—Oh fuuuck! It touched my leg!

Comments

un: ortus | video

[noniad]

I would be glad to render assistance.

Hello, young Billie. It has been some time.

[bardbarous]

Sick! Bring a mop or a broom. You're gonna get dirt everywhere, so don't bring a shirt. In fact, keep your pants home, too!

[noniad]

[ ...

Robes are neither shirt or pants, Ortus decides, after only the briefest of considerations. ]

I shall bring mop and broom. And...perhaps a net, or a box, with a stick?

[bardbarous]

Yeah, yeah, I like that! And we'll lure it in with a she-monster.

[ Tuck considers for a moment. ]

Can you do a girl's voice?

[noniad]

[ Ortus does not brighten so much as he becomes less entirely gloomy, a minor lifting of fog as he nods. He clears his throat in preparation, lifting his chin to lengthen his throat, and then, in a not half bad mezzo-soprano, says: ]

Oh, sir monster - what awful fangs, what wretched claws! Whatever brings such a handsome beast as you to a place like this?

[bardbarous]

[ It's like being taken away to a fairytale of wonder and whimsy. ]

... Do you do theater work?

[noniad]

[ Ortus ducks his head and blushes profusely, absurdly grateful for the obfuscation of his face paint. ]

I have not. [ Imagine - him, on stage, in a drama! ] Is that - a voice one would use, for theater?

[wapples]

Ortus! Hi!

[Billie waves cheerfully. His memory is more scattered than usual this month, but he does remember the strange man who managed to get kidnapped by pirates upon his arrival.]

You should totally come help us! Bring - bring stuff.

[noniad]

I will, gladly.

[ He is, perhaps, mildly alarmed at the current state of - 'stuff' - on display. ]

Do you like sandwiches? The type made with bread and various fillings.

[ As opposed to the other kind of sandwiches. ]

[wapples]

[The boy beams. When it comes to food, he is not picky.]

Yeah, sure! I like all kinds of things. We'll give you booze for sandwiches, too!

[noniad]

[ Ortus does not know exactly how he should feel about a small child being so free with 'booze', but if it is his father's profession, well - ]

Do you have any 'Coors Banquet'?

[ He could spin this to their advantage. ]

I will arrive shortly in either case.

[wapples]

Oh, hey, that's the stuff Scentsy drinks!

[He pauses to dig around on the bottom shelf, rattling the bottles around, and knocking over at least one of them that hits the floor and shatters.]

Oops. That probably wasn't too important anyway. I don't see any, but I bet we can find something else he'd like.

video > action

[noniad]

He is...particular. I am not certain if a substitute will suffice.

[ But then again, Billie has some familiarity with the man himself, and as a purveyor of libations perhaps the child will be better informed than Ortus on the palate of Scentsy Lawrence. ]

Perhaps no more glass bottles until your father is nearby?

[ Ortus suggests, hopefully, before he waves his temporary goodbye and sets to packing. When a knock comes at the front door, it will open to reveal him laden down with mop and broom - and waxes, cleansers, various types of cloth, small brushes, and a selection of paper-wrapped sandwiches, all alongside a tentative smile. ]

It is I, Ortus.

[wapples]

[Billie waves cheerfully as he opens the door and immediately reaches up to relieve Ortus of at least some of the various items he's brought along to help with.]

Hi Ortus! Ooh, here, I can help. You brought all kinds of stuff. This is great!

[noniad]

Thank you, Billie.

[ Ortus starts by handing over the sandwiches, unshouldering the rest of his burden and setting it onto a table as he casts about the building. He has seen some rare catacombs more dusty, but not many. ]

I thought it best to...come prepared. Has the beast yet been driven out?

[wapples]

[Billie takes the sandwiches, and lays them out on one of the tables that has been righted again.]

Not yet. We haven't really seen it again yet. We think it's one of Vyng's vegetable experiments gone bad.

[noniad]

[ Ortus does not blink at 'vegetable experiment gone bad', at first. Experiments gone bad are not so uncommon a thing in the Ninth House. It is the eventual registering of vegetable that disconcerts him, though he strives to be stalwart in outward manner, for Billie's sake. ]

Do you know what...type of vegetable it might be?

[wapples]

Zucchini, or something, I think? I dunno, it was weird looking, but I didn't really get a great look at it.

[noniad]

What do zucchini prey on in the wild?

[ That is how these things go, he's been brought to understand. ]

And what is their general appearance? Do they have very many legs?

[wapples]

I don't think they really prey on anything - they're just plants. They survive on sunlight and water and stuff. This one's probably gone bad, though, so maybe it eats people now? I don't know.

[He shrugs casually. No big deal, they're probably fine. He'll stab it if it shows up again.]

It might have legs by now - it ran really fast, but I didn't get a good look at it. So I don't know if there were legs, or just... oozy.

[noniad]

[ Oozy evokes even more of a response from Ortus, in the form of unhappily crumpled brow, than the idea of the zucchini eating people, but - he did bring a bucket. ]

You seem to know a great deal about the bad type of vegetable.

Is this a common occurence? Ought I to be suspicious of the lettuce and tomato as well?

[ Even snow leeks never ate anyone. ]

[wapples]

Vyng - he's one of my dads. He was trying to ferment them or something.

[Billie shrugs a little.]

I guess he left it sit around too long or maybe just some experiments aren't going to go okay from the beginning, I don't know. I think the regular vegetables are still okay, though. Just this one's now alive or something.

[noniad]

How many fathers do you have?

[ Ortus asks the question in sincere innocuousness. A couple, a triad, a quad, or any further extension mean naught to him but new names to recall in the list of those invested in Billie. ]

As long as the vegetables are rogue... [ the crease of his brow deepens ] We could...pursue them for sport, and their vegetal flesh?

[wapples]

Just two - Tuck and Vyng. We found lots of other family too since coming here, though.

[Billie grins at the idea of hunting the vegetable creature.]

Yeah! We could do that. I dunno if it will come back out with people around, though. I think it might've just been trying to get away from me and Tuck.

[noniad]

[ Without realizing, Ortus finds his mouth curved in a small, new smile, tender as a green shoot piercing soil. It’s Billie’s innate child-fierceness for the hunt; it’s his casual, easy way of speaking of family. It’s how he reminds Ortus of another small, fierce child, from a very long time ago. ]

We could, in the case of its shyness, set a trap.

[ Ortus begins rummaging through the supplies he brought for any things which might be helpful for such a task. Perhaps the bucket itself, propped up by a stick - or a net, dangled above bait? ]

I am glad you have discovered new family here. It is one of the virtues of this world. I have never met so many people so...open to new acquaintance.