azurestar: (what's going down)
Lance ([personal profile] azurestar) wrote in [community profile] deernet2022-10-05 08:54 pm

video | un: sharpshooter (forward-dated a few days) [CW: NSFW?]

[The video opens to Lance with cat ears (again), a tail swishes behind him. There's the sound of painful squelching as Keith off screen goes through some more gruesome transforming and he winces, looking over at him. It seems to have been mild this time at least, and Lance goes for the rambling jokes because that's how you deal with someone you care about going through that, right?]

Okay, soooo who here's never done the horizontal tango? Made the beast with two backs, knocked some boots, jumped some bones- [there is the sound of shifting of bone and he hums, rethinking] Forget that last one, but by now if you don't know what I mean, here's a few more for you: a little afternoon delight-

[Keith groaned a bit, his teeth audibly clenched as he scolded a, "LANCE!" from the background, though that didn't seem to deter the Blue Paladin from continuing.]

-pounded the punani pavement, shook the sheets, the old in-out, shot the meat rocket into the sausage hole, bam-bam in the ham, rolled in the hay, boppin' squiddles, cattle-prodding the oyster ditch with the lap rocket. Fucking hell, made whoopee!

Seriously, I could keep going, but if your answer is 'never done that, what are you even talking about', some guy in Gaze told me your blood cures this whole- [he gestures at himself and then glances off camera at the sound of a grunt from Keith.] mess. Noooot that I wanna cure myself, I can take it, but some people I know need it and aren't gonna ask because their heads are nothing but dumb hair and no brains.

[A bit of an unhinged laugh to himself/some internal conversation as he looks down and to the side. There's a growl from the background, possibly from Keith? (Definitely from Keith.) Then he jerks himself back.] Yeah, anyway, if you fit the bill call me before my idiot b-teammate turns into something that eats my face. I'm too pretty for that.

[There may have been a time when Lance knew virgin blood was blood that hadn't been used in a ritual, but the draugr's fucked with his already recently fucked memory. So enjoy.]
strikefirster: (Untitled-3)

[personal profile] strikefirster 2022-10-06 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Really? 'Cause it sounded a second ago like you were still raring to actually get the job done for the first time and not a seasoned pro.

[He does notice the change of tone on this one.]

Yeah well, Robby's a good kid. I can't argue with that.

[Look- He's... Never really got the chance to just talk like he's actually proud of his son without other things getting in the way.

He really doesn't deserve it but he's trying not to screw that up.]
strikefirster: (Untitled-13)

[personal profile] strikefirster 2022-10-18 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Asking for chicks or dudes for a friend. Come on, bud. At least be honest that you want to get laid. Not to mention all the desperate euphemisms. Come on, dude. Have some self respect.

[Johnny is way off here.]

Yeah. Of course, I am. He's actually got his shit together. More than I can say on any given day.
strikefirster: (pic#16035964)

[personal profile] strikefirster 2022-10-26 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
[Sorry. Lance, he's pretty hopeless.]

Well- shit.

I can't help you there, bud. As you know I've got a kid, so that makes me a no go.

[He gives a bit of a shrug. He's not particularly proud of this.]

Nah... He did that shit all on his own. Trust me.
strikefirster: (and something ain't right)

CW: Deadbeat dad themes

[personal profile] strikefirster 2022-11-02 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
Shit- really?

What are they going on about instead?

[He pauses briefly and looks away from the camera. He's a bit more careful with his words and nervous when he spoke.]

Nah. His mom was there. I was doing other shit.