video | un: sharpshooter (forward-dated a few days) [CW: NSFW?]

[azurestar]

[The video opens to Lance with cat ears (again), a tail swishes behind him. There's the sound of painful squelching as Keith off screen goes through some more gruesome transforming and he winces, looking over at him. It seems to have been mild this time at least, and Lance goes for the rambling jokes because that's how you deal with someone you care about going through that, right?]

Okay, soooo who here's never done the horizontal tango? Made the beast with two backs, knocked some boots, jumped some bones- [there is the sound of shifting of bone and he hums, rethinking] Forget that last one, but by now if you don't know what I mean, here's a few more for you: a little afternoon delight-

[Keith groaned a bit, his teeth audibly clenched as he scolded a, "LANCE!" from the background, though that didn't seem to deter the Blue Paladin from continuing.]

-pounded the punani pavement, shook the sheets, the old in-out, shot the meat rocket into the sausage hole, bam-bam in the ham, rolled in the hay, boppin' squiddles, cattle-prodding the oyster ditch with the lap rocket. Fucking hell, made whoopee!

Seriously, I could keep going, but if your answer is 'never done that, what are you even talking about', some guy in Gaze told me your blood cures this whole- [he gestures at himself and then glances off camera at the sound of a grunt from Keith.] mess. Noooot that I wanna cure myself, I can take it, but some people I know need it and aren't gonna ask because their heads are nothing but dumb hair and no brains.

[A bit of an unhinged laugh to himself/some internal conversation as he looks down and to the side. There's a growl from the background, possibly from Keith? (Definitely from Keith.) Then he jerks himself back.] Yeah, anyway, if you fit the bill call me before my idiot b-teammate turns into something that eats my face. I'm too pretty for that.

[There may have been a time when Lance knew virgin blood was blood that hadn't been used in a ritual, but the draugr's fucked with his already recently fucked memory. So enjoy.]

Comments

video; un: taka

[retsuden]

[ He already has a headache and regrets daring to reply to this. ]

What the hell are you talking about?

[azurestar]

[A flat look, Sasuke. A flat look.]

Well, Sausage. I mean getting your bone honed, doing the nasty… didn't Sakura ever have "the talk" with you?

video; un: quibbler

[creidim]

[ .... 'knocked some boots'—? 'boppin' squiddles'—? 'cattle-prodding the oyster ditch with the lap rocket....?!

What is this utter nonsense—?! She's already cranky, without all of... this. ]

... What does any of that mean—?

[azurestar]

[Hmmm… either she's too british or too virginal. Think, Lance! What are some british ones?]

Uh… does "shagging" ring a bell?

[Video] un: QueenCobra

[abornfighter]

I think you're going to have to come up with more terms to make this clear for people, Lance.

[She is 100% trolling this. She wants to see how many phrases he can come up with.]

voice un: vi

[faceblocks]

[if you weren't going to do it this one might have, so she will just park herself here and---no, wait, she is going to encourage it.]

Yeah, I'm with Tory. I can't quite make out what you're trying to get at here.

voice | un: sds

[fogsong]

Are you embarrassed to say the word sex or something?

[azurestar]

Nah, it's just hilarious and pisses Keith off.

Video | 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

So you finally lost your virginity.

Congratulations, kid.

[azurestar]

Hah. Got that taken care of years ago. [He says dismissively, and honestly.] Besides, the real congratulations goes to you for managing to make a kid. He's cooler than you, by the way.

video; un: lady

[dohaeris]

[sansa's facepaint is meant to be a raven, with black feathers around her eyes and painted down her cheeks. black feathers have been woven into her hair and sewn into her dress, which has ravens embroidered on it. she squints skeptically into her omni.]

Do you mean to say that somebody said that you could break the curse with 'virgin' blood? That usually means blood from a Sleeper that hasn't given any for a ritual before.

[private]

If you've been having trouble with your memories, you can tell me. There are people here that can help you.

[azurestar]

[His mouth forms a little 'o' at the sight of her make-up, it is quite nice. And then he's tilting his head, brows drawing together in INTENSE thought.]

… Mmmm, no the guy was pretty clear. I even asked him if he meant hanky panky and poking squid to be sure.

[private]

I'm pretty used to memory problems by now, they usually clear up but Sasuke said he could help a while back. [Awkward glance to the side, he's assuming she means when he forgot she was Sansa on the river.] Sorry about forgetting you're not really Alayne for a second there, heh. [He knocks on his head.] I remember everything perfectly now, like a steel trap up here.

[Video][UN:A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

[As luck would have it, someone's just come out of the shower and is toweling himself off (visible from the nicely toned abs upward), as he stares at the device, clearly propped on a bathroom shelf.]

Are we referring to instances of coition in our worlds of origin, or in this world?

[azurestar]

[Several blinks as he processes the way Wesker's come on camera.]

Uhhh, first: are you trying to sell me cologne or something? What's the deal with the gun show?

voice | un: deku

[wannasmash]

[ Idioms are not his strong suit. They don't translate well. He only understands what Lance is saying when he gets all the way to "meat rocket". Midoriya ("Deku") hates that he is uniquely qualified to set the record straight. ]

That's... not how that works... It's not that kind of virgin... It's to do with blood magic, not sleeping with people.

[azurestar]

[He's crossing his arms, defensively. There's a hint of anxiety and fear about Deku being right.]

Uh, no. The guy was super confident about it!

( voice — un: BOMBSHELL )

[opheliac]

(when jinx speaks, her tone seems extremely worn down.)

Nnnnggh... — Get to the damn point already.

(in the background)

[tempredmental]

[Sort of yelling.]

You know, I kinda wish he would, too!

[Someone was definitely unhappy and in pain.]

video; un: Dynamight

[detonating]

[This...

Is a face of awed disgust. Dunno how a face can do both, but Katsuki's is.]

Someone needs to take you out back and end you. And your shitty list of euphemisms.

[Seriously... the fucking things that people just come out and say on the network... ]

[azurestar]

[And he finds that face hilarious. But also, he's more irritable this month and squints at Katsuki as he's snorting with amusement.]

Aww, what's wrong? Embarrassed?

Video; un: darkness 1/4

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul watches this and there's a number of ways he could respond...]

2/4

[survivalthroughhate]

[.....He could be serious.....Nah, Lance has been a pain too many times to warrant that courtesy.]

Text: UN: Idaten

[brains_beef_and_brows]

[Honestly.... That is far too many ways to ask if ask if someone had pitched woo .]


Are you sure that virgin blood is the way to cure this and not just some ploy to out themselves?

[azurestar]

[And it's not even the tip of the iceberg.]

The guy I asked seemed like 100% positive… okay, maybe more like 95%? Whatever, man. Being a virgin's nothing to be ashamed of, anyway.

( audio | un: salvatore )

[prescind]

That's a lot of ways to say get laid. Can't help with that one but I'm impressed with it.

( congrats on your sex and all that. )

[azurestar]

And I've got a lot more where that came from. You know anyone who can help?

un: eudaimonikos; video

[eudaimonikos]

That's disgusting.

[yeah that's his only contribution!]

[azurestar]

Yeep. Got your attention, though. So, you know anyone who can help?

[He sounds only a little irritated because he's paleblood, and he's mostly focused on his goal.]

video, un: GoldenFlowers

[the_obedient_servant]

[Congrats, Lance, you've confused the murdertween thoroughly. They are blinking in complete and utter bafflement.]

...I've jumped over plenty of bones, so I'm not sure I qualify.

What does that have to do with the curse anyway?

[azurestar]

[Well, here's another reason to go for euphemisms instead of outright saying it. Confusing the children. Like spelling certain words out loud in front of toddlers and pets so they don't catch on.]

Actually, pretty sure you do qualify, but you're probably too short. Not enough blood, so don't worry about it.

video, un: tabris

[peripheries]

Why can't humans just say what they mean instead of having so many ways to not say it?

[azurestar]

[Well he's like a thousand percent sure you CAN help him here, but you're like pale skin and bones and he'd feel bad asking you to donate blood. So he's just gonna list off all the answers he can think of on his fingers, looking up and to the side as he thinks.]

Weeell, one: it's fun, two: it's hilarious, three: sometimes you don't want just anyone to know what you're talking about.

video | un: rosestorm

[thunderingcourage]

H-how would they know something like that? Um but I think I can help.

[azurestar]

If you know what I'm talking about, it'd be kiiiinda hard to not know something like that.

[A pause and he lets out a breath.]

I'd totally appreciate your help, but some people are saying I've got it wrong, so gotta clear that up first.

<ren>

[dyaddyissues]

It's a wonder you have any breath left in your body given how much of it you just wasted in saying absolutely nothing.

[azurestar]

The art of saying everything and nothing is super hard to master, I'll have you know! [He's more irritable than normal because the blood effects on palebloods this month, but also rude sir.] Can you help or not?

voice; un: shiro

[shiro2hero]

Really, guys?

You're really doing this?

[azurestar]

Actually, I'm doing this and Keith's writhing in pain somewhere over there. [He gestures without looking. Because it's gross (and upsetting). Everything's fine over here. His look turns flat.] And unfortunately for me I know all too well you don't qualify to help, Shiro.

voice; un: hakkai

[knowsvinewhip]

Goodness.

What a long-winded way to ask for assistance. I wasn't aware people here took issue with the word 'sex'.

[azurestar]

[Lance looks somewhat annoyed, then just heaves a heavy breath.]

It's not about the word, it's about the spectacle! And it's hilarious… so can you help?

video; un: ushiromiya

[entreats]

[ Lance.

Lance.

It's surprising how thoughtful one guy can be at any given minute, and then the next be saying and doing something like.. well, this. The exasperation is so audible in Ange's voice as she speaks. ]

Do you really have to make such a big deal out of this out on the network?

[azurestar]

[Well, when you think about it, he is being thoughtful right now by distracting his not!boyfriend with shenanigans and being as ridiculous as possible to get as many people paying attention as possible. More people means more chances to help! Also… he does find it funny.]

Well yeah, [He looks over his shoulder and then brings an hand to the side of his mouth to sort of whisper:] didn't you hear how much pain he's in? I gotta find him a cure and fast.

…Iiit's also pretty funny. Uh, the euphemisms, not his pain.

Video - UN: Runeseeker

[onerthes]

[So. You don't get an actual salient reply initially Lance. Sorry. But what you get is unbridled, constant gails of laughter and the video footage of Vira-Lorr initially blinking, trying very hard to hold it in, and then failing. She's flopped onto her back out of sight in her home office, laughing uproariously.

Uh, she might be wheezing a little.]

[azurestar]

[He bites the inside of his cheek and looks at her with as much of a dry pokerface as he can muster. But his mouth is visibly struggling not to smile.]

Th-this is serious business, Vira!

[poorlittlesange]

[Jin Guangyao does not contribute to this discussion, but casually scrolls through the comments to take screenshots of anything that looks incriminating enough to serve as blackmail material. Just, you know. In case.]

[azurestar]

[…respect.]

Video: Un: Naegi11037

[cloversandcranes]

[Makoto was still used to everything here, but he had figured out the Omni at least. After a moment of hesitation, he positioned the omni towards him and started the live video.]

Um...Does the blood have to have those requirements? Or is it something different? Some of the information I've heard and seen here seems to imply it's something else...

[He's going to ignore the obvious references to sex for now.]

[azurestar]

[He can't tell how old this guy is, but he's gonna heave a breath and just be honest here. This dude just seems too sincere and fresh faced to give him a hard time. He kinda reminds him a little of Hunk.]

Man, I dunno anymore. Some people are saying it's something else, but I really don't want it to be. Because that's way harder to find.

video | un: ilikemeat

[velvet_teen]

These are very useful words to know, I prefer them to the boring ones! Tell me more and you can have some of my blood.

[ Some of Alice's older friends are going to be asked if they have done the "bam-bam in the ham" at some point and this will be on Lance's head. ]

[azurestar]

[Oh, it's the poor girl who got the mushrooms in her eyes in the caves. She seems to have recovered well since then…]

Hmmm, dunno about that. I just decided I'm imposing an age limit to donations, sooo how old are you again?