text | un: CARCINOGENETICIST

[klawful]

THIS IS BIOLOGICAL FUCKING WARFARE.
THIS IS A COMPLETE DECONSTRUCTION OF BODILY AUTONOMY.
SOME MAY EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THIS IS AN ACTUAL HATE CRIME. FOR I, ABOVE ALL ELSE, FEEL ESPECIALLY HATED RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS A HEINOUS ACT OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER AND THERE WILL BE GREAT RETRIBUTION, MARK MY WORD.

DO NOT ASK ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT AS IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE MY DISSATISFACTION WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION TO THE WORLD AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS A VALID FORM OF PUBLIC DESPAIR. IF YOU DISAGREE I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC PLACE WHERE YOU CAN "SHOVE IT" AS THEY SAY. MY DESPAIR IS CERTIFIABLE AND THIS DEERNET PLACE IS NOW MY PARTY WHERE I CAN FUCKING CRY IF I WANT TO.

NOT THAT I AM CRYING. THAT WOULD BE FOR SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN I, WHICH I HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY WEAK AT A SINGLE MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFESPAN.

IF YOU DISLIKE IT, THEN YOU CAN FUCKING BLOCK ME AND GET OVER YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN CORNER OF THE INTERNET. EAT MY ENTIRE FUCKING BULGE. EXCEPT DO NOT. TO BE CLEAR, THAT WAS NOT A COME-ON OF ANY KIND. I WILL BURY YOU IN THE MISERABLE SANDS FROM WHICH WE HAVE BEEN REINCARNATED AND YOU WILL NOT REAWAKEN. FOR I WILL BE STANDING THERE TO CUT YOU DOWN THE MOMENT YOU OPEN YOUR EYES. SO, LITERALLY, YOU WILL NOT SEE IT AGAIN. THEORETICALLY. I CANNOT ACTUALLY TRULY ANTICIPATE THE EXACT SECOND YOU OPEN YOUR EYES BUT I WILL BE PREPARED ALL THE SAME.

*I WILL NOT BE CENSORED.*

Comments

yay I'm so happy to get this potentially cursed CR going

[zib]

[An "alternian troll"... so not an Irken then. Unless Zim and his species have gotten better at lying and disguising themselves as other species? He will only really know for certain if he sees this troll in person, he thinks.

For now, however...]

Yes, humans are what I meant by people.

Though, I guess I should be fair here and admit that I do not have any experience with alternian trolls either, so I suppose that puts us on an even field.

[klawful]

WOW. A HUMAN BEING IGNORANT OF ALTERNIAN TROLLS? I AM SO SHOCKED! I HAVE TRANSCENDED SHOCKED AND EVOLVED INTO SHOCK ITSELF. IF THERE WERE A GOD OF SHOCK, IT WOULD BE ME.

IT IS NOT AN EVEN PLAYING FIELD, SCUM. I HAVE AT LEAST PLAYED THE JUNIOR LEAGUE OF THIS FIELD OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONS. YOUR IGNORANCE WEAKENS YOU IN THIS VERBAL COMMUNICATION THAT IS BEING HAD.

[zib]

You're right, I suppose it's not.

Save for the part where I have interacted with almost every alien species that lived in my own universe, and have my own alien technology here with me. For the time being, it's just you Alternians that I have only now even heard of.

So you can save your sarcasm for someone else if you have nothing else to offer in response here.

[klawful]

OOOOOOH YOUR *OWN* ALIEN TECHNOLOGY. I AM TREMBLING IN MY FOOT CONTAINERS.

THAT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE WE ARE NOT PART OF THE HUMAN UNIVERSE. WE ARE FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE ENTIRELY. IT DOES NOT ENTIRELY SHOCK ME YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR. HUMANS AND ALTERNIAN TROLLS ONLY JUST RECENTLY MADE CONTACT, AND ONLY WITH A SELECT FEW. YOUR STUPIDITY IS FORGIVEN OUT OF PITY.

MY SARCASM IS PERFECT. IT WILL BE SAVED FOR WHOEVER I WANT IT TO BE SAVED FOR.

[zib]

[Zib resists the urge to roll his eyes at this, given that this is text and the other won't even see how annoyed he's getting with them.]

Did your universe have any other alien lifeforms living in it? Like say, Irkens?

'Cause I gotta say, you talk an awful lot like how they do sometimes in my universe.

[klawful]

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK AN IRKEN IS, SO NO, PROBABLY NOT. BUT IT IS POSSIBLE MY KIND EXPERIENCED THEM IN OTHER WORLDS SINCE WE CONQUER AND DESTROY OTHER PLACES ALL THE TIME. HOWEVER, I HAVE NEVER MET AN ADULT OF MY KIND SO FRANKLY, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE OR HAVEN'T DISCOVERED.

SOUNDS LIKE AN INCREDIBLY COOL RACE OF ALIENS THEN IF THEY TALK LIKE ME. GOOD FOR THEM. I HOPE THEY IRRITATED THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

[zib]

What a coincidence, the Irken Empire was also very enthusiastic about conquering and destroying other planets all the time.

And yes, they did. More so than you do right now, which I am not sure how I should feel about that.