text | un: CARCINOGENETICIST

[klawful]

THIS IS BIOLOGICAL FUCKING WARFARE.
THIS IS A COMPLETE DECONSTRUCTION OF BODILY AUTONOMY.
SOME MAY EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THIS IS AN ACTUAL HATE CRIME. FOR I, ABOVE ALL ELSE, FEEL ESPECIALLY HATED RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS A HEINOUS ACT OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER AND THERE WILL BE GREAT RETRIBUTION, MARK MY WORD.

DO NOT ASK ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT AS IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE MY DISSATISFACTION WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION TO THE WORLD AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS A VALID FORM OF PUBLIC DESPAIR. IF YOU DISAGREE I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC PLACE WHERE YOU CAN "SHOVE IT" AS THEY SAY. MY DESPAIR IS CERTIFIABLE AND THIS DEERNET PLACE IS NOW MY PARTY WHERE I CAN FUCKING CRY IF I WANT TO.

NOT THAT I AM CRYING. THAT WOULD BE FOR SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY WEAKER THAN I, WHICH I HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY WEAK AT A SINGLE MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFESPAN.

IF YOU DISLIKE IT, THEN YOU CAN FUCKING BLOCK ME AND GET OVER YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN CORNER OF THE INTERNET. EAT MY ENTIRE FUCKING BULGE. EXCEPT DO NOT. TO BE CLEAR, THAT WAS NOT A COME-ON OF ANY KIND. I WILL BURY YOU IN THE MISERABLE SANDS FROM WHICH WE HAVE BEEN REINCARNATED AND YOU WILL NOT REAWAKEN. FOR I WILL BE STANDING THERE TO CUT YOU DOWN THE MOMENT YOU OPEN YOUR EYES. SO, LITERALLY, YOU WILL NOT SEE IT AGAIN. THEORETICALLY. I CANNOT ACTUALLY TRULY ANTICIPATE THE EXACT SECOND YOU OPEN YOUR EYES BUT I WILL BE PREPARED ALL THE SAME.

*I WILL NOT BE CENSORED.*

Comments

[azurestar]

you're messing with me
how does he have billiard balls for EYES? how does that even work??

dude, your head must be huge then
which i guess explains a lot

[klawful]

I WISH I WAS. BUT HE WAS PART OF THIS WEIRD CHERUB RACE. LIKE NORMAL EYES I FUCKING GUESS EXCEPT BILLIARD BALLS.

IT IS MASSIVE. MY ENTIRE BODY IS SO BIG, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I CAN BARELY FIT INSIDE A NORMAL ROOM BECAUSE I AM SO IMPRESSIVELY MASSIVE.

[azurestar]

…like the fat babies with angel wings? no i mean how does that work biologically??

okay, now that's just starting to sound like bragging. you can't be THAT massive, i'd have noticed you around town by now.

[klawful]

THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT CHERUBS WERE TOO. OR AT LEAST THE HUMANS IN OUR PARTY EXPLAINED IT THAT WAY, BUT APPARENTLY NO THEY ARE LIKE THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HOW DOES THAT WORK BIOLOGICALLY"? CAN YOUR PUNY BRAIN REALLY NOT WRAP AROUND A MORE UNUSUAL SPECIES LIKE THAT?

OKAY, I AM NOT THAT MASSIVE, BUT I DO HAVE A VERY IMPRESSIVE PHYSIQUE THAT WOULD TERRIFY ANYONE.

[azurestar]

well i heard something about angels in human mythology not actually looking like they do on all the holiday cards once maybe that's what that meant

of course i can wrap my head around other species, i've met hundreds! but billiard balls aren't organic man! how does he see out of them? unless he's blind?

and i guess i'll let you have that one, you earned it

[klawful]

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO IMAGINE CREATURES THAT HAVE INORGANIC BODY PARTS? THAT'S LIKE THE LEAST SHOCKING THING ABOUT HIM. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A FUCKER THAT CAN ALTER THE FABRIC OF TIME AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE BORING PHYSICS OF HOW HE SEES? IMAGINATION. GET ONE.

THANKS, I DEFINITELY DID.

[azurestar]

dude, if he can alter the fabric of space time, why not just grow himself new eyes?? or make himself less stupid looking in general? i don't lack imagination, he just lacks logic!