Text UN: 1stStrike CW: Comp Het/Internalized homophobia?

[strikefirster]

[Johnny Lawrence stares at his Omni briefly. Ever since the whole speed dating fiascothe month before there has been something nagging at him. Something that didn't quite feel right to him.

Which is what brings him to his Omni today. And after two or three times where he is accidentally posted on the network one would think he'd learn his lesson, right?]

How not to be gay.

Is doing karate with dudes gay now?

[Wrong.

The network is not google, Johnny.]

Comments

[strikefirster]

Okay.
The only thing I'm taking away from all this is that you didn't like when I found that portal of bears last year.
...But you better fucking believe me when I say I'm going to find it again.

Oh. And you were trapped in a closet or some shit and came out gay.
Which fucking tracks because I think that's what happened to Paul on his birthday.
I remember fucking knocking on the door while he was making out with one of his boyfriends.

[hauntedsavior]

No, it's a reference to a show that's about as old as I am. Don't worry about it.
Find as many bears as you want. I'm not your mom. I'm hotter than her.

Oh my god, dude, you nearly cockblocked the dude. Come on. That's a party foul.
Andrew WK would never stand for that.
Let the man run his hustle.

Crusty. Feel free to ignore.

[strikefirster]

You don't fucking know that.
My mom was a fucking fox. She just ended up with shitty assholes.

Look. I didn't fucking cockblock the kid. He ended up with not one, but two fucking dudes. He's doing just fine on his own.
And I don't know who this Andrew guy is but he sounds like a little bitch.

never

[hauntedsavior]

All right, listen, you can call me as many names as you want, but you insult Andrew WK and we're gonna have a party fight.
That's a fight where it's less of a fight and more of a party.
Because that's all that Andrew WK does, is party.
Ah, fuck it, that sounds complicated. Let's just hang out and talk about your hot mom instead.
(See, this is probably why you get along with lesbians.)

[strikefirster]

...Was he in Footloose or something.
Because this sounds like a Footloose thing.

Look- We can talk about my mom all you want. But all you're going to learn about is her terrible taste in dudes. There's a reason I'm as fucked up as I am.

[hauntedsavior]

Yeah, I mean. Growing up in the late 70s, early 80s with a macho man dad could fuck a kid up big time.
I'm not surprised but I am sorry that you had to go through with it.
My dad's kind of an asshole, too, but like... it's both my parents, really.

I still don't know how you can grow up in west Berlin and turn out to be such a raging fucking bigot, but that's Peter and Renate Lehmann for you, I guess.

It blows, dude. It blows that these people who aren't even in your life anymore can still have such a huge influence over you.
I'm sorry.

[strikefirster]

...My dad's a different story.
He fucking bailed out when I was young. Don't know the first thing about him.
She got with a rich asshole next. He was around but basically just to be a bully.
My sensei was the first person to give me any sort of attention. But what he did to me was a whole different degree of fucked up.

That shit sucks, kid. But I get it. But- We here now and doing our fucking best.
That's what counts, right?

[hauntedsavior]

Shit, man.
All of it sucks.
Not to get Freudian on you, but I think I get where you're coming from way better now.
I'm so fucking sorry. And I'm proud of you for making what you have out of the shit hand you got given.

Hey, you know what, we should do something else when we hang out and drink beer together.
So we don't just end up navel gazing the whole time.
We could watch some fuckin' movies together or something. That sound good?
You seen Rocky?