video; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

[The feed at first is just a mass of red, curly, curly hair. Then Kyle sits back from where he's propped up his Omni on his desk so his upper body and head are visible. He looks vaguely annoyed, which anybody who knows him will recognise isn't terribly unusual.]

So this is a problem that isn't REALLY a problem, but fuck it, I'm gonna ask about it anyway...

You guys have noticed the clothes here, right? Like, everything looks like you're gonna go hunt Dracula or some shit, or like you're going to that fancy-ass party celebrities go to on earth, the, uh, Met gala? Yeah, that.

Now I'm not a fashion guy. [This is evident to literally anyone who can see the feed - this is clearly a man who bought the first clothes he found that fit. Well, mostly fit. He's looking a bit like he mugged an extra in a bad stage production of Oliver Twist.]

But if I DID want something that didn't look like ass, I don't even know what that would look like, you know? Like if you wanted to make an impression, or something. So I guess just like... what the hell are you guys wearing?

Comments

[klawful]

WHY IS THAT THOUGH. YOU ALREADY DON'T LOOK TERRIBLE. YOU ARE VERY APPEALING REGARDLESS OF WHAT CLOTHES YOU WEAR.

I CAN GET DOWN WITH OVERCOMING FEARS. IS INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA THE THING WHERE A GAY DUDE HATES HIMSELF FOR BEING GAY AND HE SHOWS THAT BY BEING AN ASSHOLE ABOUT ANYTHING PEOPLE MIGHT PERCEIVE AS GAY?

I DID NOT REALIZE YOU STRUGGLE WITH THAT. WHY DO YOU?

[kyley_b]

[You're killing him. He's so very lucky this is text.]

thanks. i guess i just kinda thought i dunno other people look cool. you look cool.

yeah, that's the one.

i didn't really think i did but i've had some conversations recently that made me wonder. plus i figure i'll only have to go shopping once really.

[klawful]

I WEAR THE SAME THING 90% OF THE TIME. SOMETIMES I JUST PUT SHIT ON TOP WHEN I GO OUT.

OH.

(Well, damn. That actually makes Karkat feel kind of sad. Mostly for Kyle, but for humanity as a whole. As pro-feel-miserable as he was, that just seemed ridiculous.)

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP ALLEVIATE THOSE FEELINGS? HOMOPHOBIA HAS NEVER REALLY MADE ANY SENSE TO ME, I'LL BE REAL FUCKING UPFRONT HERE, BUT I CAN DO MY BEST. DAVE HAD A LOT OF THAT TOO.

I THINK IT TAKES A WHILE FOR IT TO BE UNPACKED IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION.

[kyley_b]

yeah but it looks good.

did he?
i'm mostly ok with things, i think. like i don't have any major hangups about liking guys or anything like that, it's more i guess insidious? my dad wasn't one of those "be a man" guys but i am from a pretty redneck town so maybe that's part of it, i dunno. i don't mind other people being very vulnerable emotionally but sometimes i worry that I'M a wuss? i dunno.

yeah, it does. thanks dude.

[klawful]

YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT.

YES. HE WAS ONE OF THOSE "MAKES DICK JOKES EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF HIS WORTHLESS LIFE BUT SERIOUSLY DUDE NO HOMO IT'S JUST FUNNY CAUSE IT'S GAY" ASSHOLES. BUT ONCE HE UNPACKED ALL OF THAT, HE WAS ACTUALLY VERY INSIGHTFUL ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. EVEN THOUGH IT DID MAKE ME WANT TO STRANGLE HIM A FEW TIMES.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A WUSS EVEN IF YOU WERE ONE. I'M A WORLD-CLASS WIGGLER MYSELF AND I LIKE TO IMAGINE I CAN PUNCTURE EAR DRUMS WITH MY SCREAMS AND CRYING.

[kyley_b]

shut the fuck up

yeeeeeah i get that. i don't think i was that bad, but that's sort of relative. one of my friends definitely projected way harder.

dude you're so not a wuss you sleep with fucking sickles!

[klawful]

I AM LITERALLY INCAPABLE OF SHUTTING THE FUCK UP. THIS PROTEIN CHUTE IS OPEN 24/7.

HUMAN MASCULINITY SEEMS TO BE A VERY FRAGILE CONCEPT. OUR ONE FRIEND LITERALLY THOUGHT HE "TURNED" DAVE GAY BY MESSING UP ONE OF HIS TIMELINES. GRANTED, THAT FRIEND IS A FLAPPING MORON. I FEEL ENORMOUS PITY FOR YOU GUYS.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG. I AM PRETTY BADASS. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT. ANYONE WITH COMMON SENSE SHOULD SLEEP WITH WEAPONS THOUGH. THAT IS SURVIVAL 101. BUT I DO CRY A LOT DURING MOVIES. AND I SCREAM A LOT OVER EVERYTHING.

POINT IS I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A WUSS EITHER. IF YOU WERE, I WOULD PROBABLY MOCK YOU FOR IT, BUT DEEP DOWN, I WOULD NOT SEE IT AS A FLAW.

[kyley_b]

not if i stuff something in it.

ugh it IS. i hate it.

screaming just means you care.

aw. you're the best moirail a fella could want.

[klawful]

WHATEVER YOU STUFF IN IT, I WILL BITE IT OFF.

THAT IS ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT. MANY OF MY FRIENDS WOULD JUST SAY IT'S OBNOXIOUS.

(He has to die for a few seconds, thanks. No. A few minutes...!)

IT IS INCREDIBLY EASY TO BE A GOOD MOIRAIL TO YOU. YOU ARE EXTREMELY SATISFYING AS A MOIRAIL. AND I AM DEEPLY FUCKING GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU.

[kyley_b]

you would, too.

yeah well maybe they just don't care as deeply as we do.

i'm deeply fucking grateful, too.