Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

[klawful]

AS SOME PERSONAL ADVICE, SINCE APPARENTLY THIS PLACE IS ABSOLUTELY *INFESTED* WITH HUMANS, I NEED TO INFORM THE MAJORITY OF YOU HOW HUMILIATINGLY SIMPLIFIED YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF ROMANCE IS.

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND SEEING CONSTANT OBLIVIOUS ATTITUDES ABOUT PERFECTLY HEALTHY SOCIAL DYNAMICS MAKES ME WANT TO BE SHOT DIRECTLY INTO EVERY SUN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AT THE SAME TIME. I SWEAR HALF OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND IT WILL BE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO GODDAMN INCOMPETENT AT THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COLLECTIVE SPECIES MORE HELLBENT ON SELF-DESTRUCTION BASED ON NEGLECTING THEIR OWN NATURAL FEELINGS.

I AM AWARE THAT I AM PROBABLY EXTENSIVELY INSULTING YOU NOW INSTEAD OF HELPING YOU. ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT BEFORE HALF OF YOU HAVE GLAZED OVER. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS, REALLY PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR IN AN EXTREMELY SHORT TEXT. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

FIRST LESSON: YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A *REASON*. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ALL INSIST ON BURYING EVERY SINGLE NATURAL INSTINCT YOU HAVE LIKE IT'S A HOT PIECE OF SHIT OF SHAME YOU JUST SQUATTED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

THE GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS: IF YOUR EMOTIONS FOCUS ON BETTERING YOURSELF, THEY ARE GOOD. IF THEY SERVE TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE FROM BETTERING THEMSELVES, THEY ARE BAD.

IN MY CULTURE, THE IDEAL ROMANCE INVOLVES BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF POSSIBLE THROUGH YOUR CONNECTIONS TO OTHERS. IN A PERFECT WORLD, YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS AS MUCH AS THEY HELP YOU AND IT BECOMES THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMBIOTIC SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN MUTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEIR PERSONAL DYNAMICS.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND LESSON: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY HUMANS HAVE THIS EXTREMELY NARROW, SPECIFIC IDEA OF ROMANCE. THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF WAYS TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE. THERE ARE DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE PEOPLE, SO WHY REFUSE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU FOCUS ON? WHY PUT ONE RELATIONSHIP ON A PEDESTAL AND LET ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT? THAT ISN'T HEALTHY NO MATTER WHICH QUADRANT YOUR CULTURE IS OBSESSED WITH.

THIRD LESSON: WHERE I COME FROM, WE HAVE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS. LEARN THEM AND BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME AT HOW MUCH THEY WILL DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR SHITTY LIFE AND HOW MUCH SENSE THEY WILL MAKE TO YOUR VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:

MATESPRITSHIP: THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST THING TO "TRADITIONAL" HUMAN LOVE. THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO YOU HAVE STRONG POSITIVE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THAT PROVIDES YOU WITH PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCES BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (NOT TO GET TOO NC-17 HERE). THIS IS YOUR MATESPRIT.

MOIRALLEGIANCE: THE PALE QUADRANT IS ALSO A POSITIVE DYNAMIC, HOWEVER, THIS RELATIONSHIP TYPICALLY FOCUSES ON BEING THERE TO PROVIDE ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO YOUR PARTNER. IT INVOLVES BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR FLAWS, HELP THEM BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THEM TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. YOU CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE WORKED UP, YOU KEEP THEM SAFE FROM THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THIS IS YOUR MOIRAIL OR PALEMATE.

KISMESISSITUDE: THE BLACK QUADRANT IS RELIANT ON PURELY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT THE HATRED AND ANIMOSITY YOU FEEL TOWARDS ANOTHER. THE KEY HERE IS THAT THIS IS EXTREMELY MUTUAL, WELL-BALANCED, HEALTHY HATRED. MEANING YOU ARE ACTUAL EQUALS IN TERMS OF STRENGTH OR INTELLECTUALITY OR SOMETHING. THE POINT IS *NOT* TO KILL OR DEFEAT YOUR KISMESIS, BUT TO CONSTANTLY CHALLENGE EACH OTHER INTO A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELVES THROUGH RIVALRY. ALSO YOU PROBABLY WANT TO FUCK THEM. SORRY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES. IT IS EXTREMELY COMMON WHERE I COME FROM FOR THE BLACK AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS TO CONTINUALLY SWITCH. THEY ARE AS EQUALLY ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING SINCE THEY KEEP YOU ON YOUR FUCKING TOES AND RESPECT YOU IN WAYS THE OTHER QUADRANTS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS QUITE TUMULTUOUS. AND IT CAN BE VERY UNHEALTHY IF THINGS ARE UNBALANCED BETWEEN THE TWO WHICH IS BASICALLY WHY WE HAVE...

AUSPISTICISM: THE ASHEN QUADRANT. THIS IS LESS OF A ROMANTIC QUADRANT BUT RATHER A DEALING OF ROMANCE. THIS IS A WILLING THIRD PARTY STEPPING IN TO WILLINGLY HELP FACILITATE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OTHERS. THIS IS CRUCIAL IN OUR SOCIETY TO ENSURE ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY AND FUNCTIONING. THE AUSPISTICE IS NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN THE OTHER PARTIES, BUT IT ISN'T UNCOMMON TO SEE AN AUSPISTICE WHO IS LONGING FOR ONE OF THE PARTIES AND IS HOPING THE ASHEN QUADRANT MIGHT GIVE THEM A LEVERAGE TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

AND THAT IS THE SHORT AND SWEET VERSION OF IT. YES, IT IS WILDLY COMPLEX AND YES HEARTBREAK IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FROTHING AT THE BRIM IN OUR CULTURE. QUADRANT VACILLATION IS A RAMPANT PROBLEM THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO SORT OUT WHAT QUADRANT FITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEST. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO FEEL AND IT IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO FITS ALL QUADRANTS BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY CLARIFY THAT KIND OF THING SO YOU CAN BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING THE TOWN AUSPISTICE, BY THE WAY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. BUT AS A RULE, I CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL AND IT IS SINCERE TORTURE TO THINK ABOUT HOW MANY IDIOTS ARE WALKING AROUND DENYING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MANY TIMES NOW.

BUT YES I WILL OPEN THE FLOOR TO GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PROBABLE ROMANTIC AWAKENINGS THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT AROUSE. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REALIZING YOU HAVE HAD A TOTAL HATE-BONER FOR SOMEONE FOR TEN YEARS AND ARE PROBABLY IN SOME KIND OF LOVE WITH THEM. IDIOT.

OKAY BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER SHORT ESSAY, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW.

EDIT BY FUTURE CARCINOGENETICIST @ 3:25 AM

WOW, I AM SO FUCKING INEPT AT THIS SOMEONE REVOKED MY FUCKING ROMANCE GURU CARD THAT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

I FORGOT THE CARDINAL LESSON FOR HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THIS WILD FUCKING OBSESSION WITH GENDER: YOU ARE NOT "BROKEN" OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER KIND OF BRAINWASHING YOUR KIND HAS PUT YOU THROUGH...IF YOU LIKE THE SAME GENDER YOU IDENTIFY AS. HOLY FUCK. OR MULTIPLE GENDERS. OR NO GENDERS. ATTRACTION IS A GODDAMN SPECTRUM AND WE FEEL IT AS SUCH FOR A REASON. BECAUSE! IT'S! MOTHERFUCKING NATURAL! IF YOU DON'T FEEl ATTRACTION LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. IF YOU'RE HORNED UP, IT'S FUCKING FINE AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ABOUT IT. JEGUS.

OKAY NOW I'M DONE.

Comments

text; un: tabris

[peripheries]

[Wow.

That's a lot for someone who literally just learned what humans considered normal love a few days ago and found it overwhelming. And yet, at the same time it makes sense. Humans behave too strangely for love to be so singular.]

Perhaps humans do experience all of those things but have no words for them. Their hearts are filled with emotions and feelings they don't understand. That's why they're confused and burdened.

text

[klawful]

(This dude gets it.)

IT DOES NOT HELP THAT HUMANITY SEEMS TO INSIST ON VERY NARROW RESTRAINTS ON THEIR DEFINITIONS AND CONCEPTS OF ATTRACTION AND ROMANCE. I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT THOUGH. I THINK MANY HUMANS CAN AND DO FEEL THESE EMOTIONS BUT HAVE BEEN RAISED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY MUST COMPRESS OR IGNORE THEM.

THEN HUMANS GET REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT IT AND BECOME MEGA DOUCHEBAGS SUFFOCATING IN THEIR OWN DENIAL.

lol forgot my font... oops

[peripheries]

It seems as though emotions cause them misery. Feelings make them aware they are lonely. And humans run from what is painful to make life easier. Perhaps keeping the definition narrow is how they run.

i never saw

[klawful]

I THINK EMOTIONS CAUSE THEM MISERY BECAUSE THEY ARE SO BUSY TRYING TO INSIST WHY THEY FEEL IS BAD. THEY PUT THEMSELVES IN THESE HORRIBLE MORAL DILEMMAS THAT THEY CAUSE FOR THEMSELVES. IT'S A VERY MASOCHISTIC SOCIETY.

GRANTED, MINE ISN'T MUCH BETTER IN THAT REGARD.

IT COULD BE. I PITY THEM MOST OF THE TIME. WHAT ARE YOU THEN, IF NOT A HUMAN? I HAVEN'T MET TOO MANY NON-HUMANS OUTSIDE OF MY OWN KIND YET.

THANKFULLY

[peripheries]

Hmm. Well, it's complicated. I am both human and non-human. This is the form was created to walk in the world of men but my soul is that of a being called Adam. A being from a race far from earth and distant from mankind.

So then, you don't fear emotions? You embrace your feelings?

[klawful]

IS THERE A SPECIFIC NAME FOR WHAT YOUR KIND ARE CALLED OR ARE YOU A ONE-OF-A-KIND SORT OF DEAL?

I DON'T FEAR EMOTIONS SO MUCH AS I FEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY EMOTIONS, BUT I DON'T LET THAT FEAR DICTATE MY CHOICES. AND, YES, EVEN THOUGH A LOT OF MY FEELINGS SEEM FUCKING DUMB OR USELESS, I STILL FIGURE THEY ARE MINE AND I'M STUCK WITH THEM SO I MIGHT AS WELL ACKNOWLEDGE THEM AND DO SOMETHING WITH THEM.

WHAT ABOUT YOU. WHAT'S THE EMOTIONAL CAPACITY FOR CREATURES LIKE YOU?

[peripheries]

We are called "Angels" though, I'm very unlike the rest of my brethren as I was created through humanity's experiments.

I see. That's an interesting way to look at it. You own what you feel instead of denying it. For better or worse.

My kind doesn't experience emotions nor was I raised with them. It's a curiosity to us.

[Or perhaps he just thinks he doesn't experience it!.]

cw:...peeing..on people

[klawful]

ANOTHER ANGEL. OKAY, THE EXPERIMENTATION PART IS KIND OF DOPE AS SHIT. DO YOU HAVE SWEET WINGS?

BASICALLY. ALSO, IT IS PRETTY DIFFICULT FOR TROLLS TO CONTAIN THEIR EMOTIONS. WE THRIVE ON OUR INSTINCTS AND IT FEELS UNNATURAL TO TRY AND RESIST THEM. WE ARE, IN OTHER WORDS, SUPER OBNOXIOUS AS A COLLECTIVE WHOLE.

WOW, SO WE'RE BASICALLY POLAR OPPOSITES. THAT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF INTERESTING. SO YOU HAVE GROUND ZERO EMOTIONS? LIKE IF I CALLED YOU A LITTLE BITCH BABY YOU WOULDN'T EVEN CARE? NOT THAT I WOULD SINCE IT IS WRONG TO BULLY THE EMOTIONALLY CAPACITATED, BUT I'M JUST GIVING AN EXAMPLE.

IF SOMEONE PISSED ON YOU, YOU'D JUST BE LIKE "THANKS, DUDE." NO EMOTIONS? NOTHING? NOT EVEN A TICKLE OF IRRITATION?

LMFAO

[peripheries]

I do not have wings. As I said, my form is human.

My brethren operate largely on instinct as well. But it is not emotion. They simply seek out their creator, or perhaps, experience curiosity about humanity but nothing more.

As for me, I am neither human nor Angel. I have discovered I have the capacity for some emotion, not it is not natural at the surface for me like humans.

[Or it's just repressed but. Not that he gets that.]

[klawful]

HEY MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HUMANS LOOK LIKE THROUGHOUT THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. MAYBE YOU WERE A COOLER VERSION OF HUMANS I KNOW.

I CREATED HUMANS ONCE. IT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. YOUR CREATORS PROBABLY FEEL SIMILARLY.

SO...YOU'D BE MAD IF SOMEONE PISSED ON YOU, HUH.

[peripheries]

By the end, I'm sure they did regret it though it was accidental so maybe they comfort themselves that way.

It seems unlikely to happen. Unless this is something your species is compelled to do. Is it an emotional reaction? Like a dog?

[klawful]

THEY PROBABLY DO.

OH YES, SOME OF US TEND TO WET OURSELVES WHEN WE ARE TOO EXCITED - ESPECIALLY THOSE OF US WITH LARGE HORNS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF MY KIND IS HERE, AND HE IS ONE OF THOSE SORTS WHO IS ALWAYS SWEATING. AMONG HIS RANK, IT'S EVEN POLITE TO SPIT ON HIM AS A WAY OF SAYING HELLO.

(Karkat stop.)

[peripheries]

Are you sure these emotions are focused bettering yourself or others?

[klawful]

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE OF ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[peripheries]

You're funny. Not like the humans I know.

I like it.

1/3

[klawful]

(EXCUSE YOU-)

2/3

[klawful]

[klawful]

YOU HAVE LITERALLY THE WORST TASTE OF ANYONE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[peripheries]

Bad taste? Is your opinion of your own self and your humor that low?

[Also yes he does but ignore that.]

[klawful]

OF COURSE IT IS. HAVE YOU LITERALLY MET ME? THE ANSWER IS YES, YES YOU HAVE, WHICH MEANS YOUR DEDUCTIVE SKILLS SHOULD BE KICKING IN ANY TIME NOW AND YOU SHOULD BE THINKING, "WOW, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS ASSHOLE."

[peripheries]

Interesting way to deal with your perception of yourself and others.

And it's also funny.

[klawful]

WAIT SO AM I ACTUALLY LITERALLY MAKING YOU CONJURE UP CHUCKLEFUCKERY RIGHT NOW?

[peripheries]

Just a little.