Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

[klawful]

AS SOME PERSONAL ADVICE, SINCE APPARENTLY THIS PLACE IS ABSOLUTELY *INFESTED* WITH HUMANS, I NEED TO INFORM THE MAJORITY OF YOU HOW HUMILIATINGLY SIMPLIFIED YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF ROMANCE IS.

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND SEEING CONSTANT OBLIVIOUS ATTITUDES ABOUT PERFECTLY HEALTHY SOCIAL DYNAMICS MAKES ME WANT TO BE SHOT DIRECTLY INTO EVERY SUN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AT THE SAME TIME. I SWEAR HALF OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND IT WILL BE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO GODDAMN INCOMPETENT AT THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COLLECTIVE SPECIES MORE HELLBENT ON SELF-DESTRUCTION BASED ON NEGLECTING THEIR OWN NATURAL FEELINGS.

I AM AWARE THAT I AM PROBABLY EXTENSIVELY INSULTING YOU NOW INSTEAD OF HELPING YOU. ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT BEFORE HALF OF YOU HAVE GLAZED OVER. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS, REALLY PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR IN AN EXTREMELY SHORT TEXT. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

FIRST LESSON: YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A *REASON*. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ALL INSIST ON BURYING EVERY SINGLE NATURAL INSTINCT YOU HAVE LIKE IT'S A HOT PIECE OF SHIT OF SHAME YOU JUST SQUATTED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

THE GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS: IF YOUR EMOTIONS FOCUS ON BETTERING YOURSELF, THEY ARE GOOD. IF THEY SERVE TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE FROM BETTERING THEMSELVES, THEY ARE BAD.

IN MY CULTURE, THE IDEAL ROMANCE INVOLVES BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF POSSIBLE THROUGH YOUR CONNECTIONS TO OTHERS. IN A PERFECT WORLD, YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS AS MUCH AS THEY HELP YOU AND IT BECOMES THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMBIOTIC SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN MUTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEIR PERSONAL DYNAMICS.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND LESSON: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY HUMANS HAVE THIS EXTREMELY NARROW, SPECIFIC IDEA OF ROMANCE. THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF WAYS TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE. THERE ARE DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE PEOPLE, SO WHY REFUSE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU FOCUS ON? WHY PUT ONE RELATIONSHIP ON A PEDESTAL AND LET ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT? THAT ISN'T HEALTHY NO MATTER WHICH QUADRANT YOUR CULTURE IS OBSESSED WITH.

THIRD LESSON: WHERE I COME FROM, WE HAVE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS. LEARN THEM AND BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME AT HOW MUCH THEY WILL DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR SHITTY LIFE AND HOW MUCH SENSE THEY WILL MAKE TO YOUR VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:

MATESPRITSHIP: THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST THING TO "TRADITIONAL" HUMAN LOVE. THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO YOU HAVE STRONG POSITIVE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THAT PROVIDES YOU WITH PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCES BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (NOT TO GET TOO NC-17 HERE). THIS IS YOUR MATESPRIT.

MOIRALLEGIANCE: THE PALE QUADRANT IS ALSO A POSITIVE DYNAMIC, HOWEVER, THIS RELATIONSHIP TYPICALLY FOCUSES ON BEING THERE TO PROVIDE ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO YOUR PARTNER. IT INVOLVES BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR FLAWS, HELP THEM BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THEM TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. YOU CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE WORKED UP, YOU KEEP THEM SAFE FROM THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THIS IS YOUR MOIRAIL OR PALEMATE.

KISMESISSITUDE: THE BLACK QUADRANT IS RELIANT ON PURELY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT THE HATRED AND ANIMOSITY YOU FEEL TOWARDS ANOTHER. THE KEY HERE IS THAT THIS IS EXTREMELY MUTUAL, WELL-BALANCED, HEALTHY HATRED. MEANING YOU ARE ACTUAL EQUALS IN TERMS OF STRENGTH OR INTELLECTUALITY OR SOMETHING. THE POINT IS *NOT* TO KILL OR DEFEAT YOUR KISMESIS, BUT TO CONSTANTLY CHALLENGE EACH OTHER INTO A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELVES THROUGH RIVALRY. ALSO YOU PROBABLY WANT TO FUCK THEM. SORRY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES. IT IS EXTREMELY COMMON WHERE I COME FROM FOR THE BLACK AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS TO CONTINUALLY SWITCH. THEY ARE AS EQUALLY ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING SINCE THEY KEEP YOU ON YOUR FUCKING TOES AND RESPECT YOU IN WAYS THE OTHER QUADRANTS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS QUITE TUMULTUOUS. AND IT CAN BE VERY UNHEALTHY IF THINGS ARE UNBALANCED BETWEEN THE TWO WHICH IS BASICALLY WHY WE HAVE...

AUSPISTICISM: THE ASHEN QUADRANT. THIS IS LESS OF A ROMANTIC QUADRANT BUT RATHER A DEALING OF ROMANCE. THIS IS A WILLING THIRD PARTY STEPPING IN TO WILLINGLY HELP FACILITATE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OTHERS. THIS IS CRUCIAL IN OUR SOCIETY TO ENSURE ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY AND FUNCTIONING. THE AUSPISTICE IS NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN THE OTHER PARTIES, BUT IT ISN'T UNCOMMON TO SEE AN AUSPISTICE WHO IS LONGING FOR ONE OF THE PARTIES AND IS HOPING THE ASHEN QUADRANT MIGHT GIVE THEM A LEVERAGE TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

AND THAT IS THE SHORT AND SWEET VERSION OF IT. YES, IT IS WILDLY COMPLEX AND YES HEARTBREAK IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FROTHING AT THE BRIM IN OUR CULTURE. QUADRANT VACILLATION IS A RAMPANT PROBLEM THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO SORT OUT WHAT QUADRANT FITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEST. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO FEEL AND IT IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO FITS ALL QUADRANTS BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY CLARIFY THAT KIND OF THING SO YOU CAN BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING THE TOWN AUSPISTICE, BY THE WAY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. BUT AS A RULE, I CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL AND IT IS SINCERE TORTURE TO THINK ABOUT HOW MANY IDIOTS ARE WALKING AROUND DENYING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MANY TIMES NOW.

BUT YES I WILL OPEN THE FLOOR TO GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PROBABLE ROMANTIC AWAKENINGS THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT AROUSE. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REALIZING YOU HAVE HAD A TOTAL HATE-BONER FOR SOMEONE FOR TEN YEARS AND ARE PROBABLY IN SOME KIND OF LOVE WITH THEM. IDIOT.

OKAY BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER SHORT ESSAY, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW.

EDIT BY FUTURE CARCINOGENETICIST @ 3:25 AM

WOW, I AM SO FUCKING INEPT AT THIS SOMEONE REVOKED MY FUCKING ROMANCE GURU CARD THAT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

I FORGOT THE CARDINAL LESSON FOR HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THIS WILD FUCKING OBSESSION WITH GENDER: YOU ARE NOT "BROKEN" OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER KIND OF BRAINWASHING YOUR KIND HAS PUT YOU THROUGH...IF YOU LIKE THE SAME GENDER YOU IDENTIFY AS. HOLY FUCK. OR MULTIPLE GENDERS. OR NO GENDERS. ATTRACTION IS A GODDAMN SPECTRUM AND WE FEEL IT AS SUCH FOR A REASON. BECAUSE! IT'S! MOTHERFUCKING NATURAL! IF YOU DON'T FEEl ATTRACTION LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. IF YOU'RE HORNED UP, IT'S FUCKING FINE AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ABOUT IT. JEGUS.

OKAY NOW I'M DONE.

Comments

text; harbinger

[bolstafir]

not so sure i'd say most emotions do any kind of betterment
they tend to be a pain in the ass more than they aren't

[Having a Lot Of Feelings was a big part of the reason he struggled with the whole Clover situation for so long, back in Deerington.]

[klawful]

EMOTIONS ARE THE FOUNDATION OF CIVILIZED SOCIETIES. WITHOUT THEM PEOPLE WOULD NOT GIVE ENOUGH OF A FUCK ABOUT EACH OTHER TO ESTABLISH IMPORTANT CONNECTIONS.

MAYBE YOU'RE JUST WILDLY INCOMPETENT AT EXPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS.

(There are probably nicer ways to say this, but he's helping...!)

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

[Yep, this is Neo. Being a little punk.]

text

[klawful]

WHAT IN THE FRESH FUCKERY IS THIS?

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

uh wow dude
we had lots of different kinds of relationship in Ooo but all of this sounds crazy complicated
oh my Glob, i can barely handle dating one guy sometimes i don't know how anyone could do all of this

[Maybe someone who isn't emotionally volatile could? But that certainly isn't him.]

are there like just constant disasters going on all the time?

text

[klawful]

YOU CAN DO ALL OF IT WHEN YOU VALUE YOUR CONNECTIONS AND WANT THE BEST FOR WHO YOU CARE ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO WANT TO FEEL FULFILLED IN A VARIETY OF WAYS AND SOMETIMES YOU WANT DIFFERENT PEOPLE FOR THOSE FULFILLMENTS.

GRANTED, THERE ARE PLENTY OF TIMES WHERE YOU CAN FIND ONE INDIVIDUAL WHO SOMEHOW MANAGES TO MAKE YOU FEEL AS THOUGH ALL QUADRANTS HAVE BEEN FULFILLED. BUT THAT IS NOT COMMON.



YES, ABSOLUTELY. TROLL ROMANCE IS VERY CHAOTIC AND INVOLVED. IT REQUIRES AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND TRUST TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT IT.

text; un: A.

[fabrications]

A lover, a best friend, a rival, and a mediator, in other words.

If you didn't want to be the town 'Auspistice' making a post about this wasn't very smart.

Text

[klawful]

SURE, ONLY WITH ROMANCE FOR ALL OF THOSE. THE HUMAN CONCEPT OF "BEST FRIEND" IS NOT THAT SIMILAR TO A TROLL'S MOIRAIL. I HAVE BEST FRIENDS AND THEN I HAD MY MOIRAIL AND THOSE RELATIONSHIPS WERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. WHEN YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND, YOU DON'T HAVE AN ESTABLISHED COMMITMENT TO ONE ANOTHER.

FALSE. GIVING GENERAL ADVICE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ASKING A SPECIFIC COUPLE IF I CAN HELP FACILITATE THEIR COMPLICATED EMOTIONS. I AM NOT INVOLVED WITH ANY OF YOU FUCKOS. THIS IS A STRICTLY PLATONIC ADVICE MEMO.

text; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

for anybody reading this, i as a completely ordinary human can attest that the troll romance system can actually be really useful. if you've had a hard time in life navigating interpersonal relationships because human society really does have a narrow view of how we can relate to each other, it's nice to consider a broader perspective. it can put things in a different light.

at the risk of getting personal, karkat has explained this stuff to me before, and i can look back at my life and see how this model of loving people would have saved me from a lot of confusion and guilt.


but you absolutely do not have to want to fuck your kismesis karkat oh my god fuck you

text

[klawful]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION. AND ALSO BEING WILLING TO SHARE HOW THIS HAS HELPED YOU SPECIFICALLY. I AM GLAD IT HAS HELPED YOU AS MUCH AS IT HAS C:B

TAKE IT FROM KYLE, EVERYONE, WHO IS VASTLY SUPERIOR IN INTELLIGENCE THAN THE AVERAGE HUMANOID.







MAYBE NOT ALWAYS, BUT MOST PEOPLE DO KYLE. THERE IS A DEFINITIVE SEXUAL TENSION IN THE MAJORITY OF BLACK ROMANCES. THERE IS SOMETHING VERY CARNAL ABOUT HATING SOMEONE AND WANTING TO FIGHT THEM.

Text | un: diggs

[justoscar]

You mean, my feelings for the person I thought I had a crush on but who adopted me as a sibling are completely normal??

THAT'S SO COOL!!

text

[klawful]

I BARELY UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF SIBLING, TO BE TOTALLY HONEST. THAT'S A VERY HUMAN NOTION.

I DID NOT REALIZE HUMANS COULD EVEN ADOPT EACH OTHER AS SIBLINGS. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?

BUT YEAH. SOMETIMES WE WIND UP CRUSHING ON PEOPLE WE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT. IT HAPPENS.

text; un: stanford

[cryptograms]

[ Ford usually has to go digging and asking pointed questions to get information like this, and now there's someone just babbling on about it on the network with no prompting?

Trench kind of sucks, but it definitely has its upside. ]

Is there a biological or evolutionary imperative behind this particular type of social grouping? Or is it a primarily cultural phenomena?

cw: vague nsfw stuff, kinda dubious consent stuff

[klawful]

(Karkat is practically the king of overshare-without-prompting. God knows how many of his memos existed throughout space and time. Here's another to add to the list.

And someone showing genuine interest in the matter? Oh, sign him the fuck up.)

BOTH. AS TROLLS, WE ARE NATURALLY INCLINED TOWARDS AN INTENSE RANGE OF PRIMARILY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. OBVIOUSLY WE KNOW HOW TO ENJOY OURSELVES AND BE "HAPPY" BUT MOST OF OUR MOTIVATIONS AND CORE INSTINCTS ARE DRIVEN BY THE VIOLENCE OF OUR KIND.

OUR MAIN EMOTIONS TEND TO BE HATRED AND PITY. NATURALLY. BEING A MOIRAIL WITH SOMEONE USUALLY MEANS YOU PITY THEM ENOUGH TO WANT TO HELP PROTECT THEM AND TAKE CARE OF THEM AND MAKE THEM BETTER IN THIS WORLD. TO HUMANS, PITYING SEEMS TO BE A DEEPLY NEGATIVE EMOTION NO ONE WANTS AIMED AT THEM, BUT IN OUR WORLD, IT IS AS CLOSE TO COMPASSION AS YOU CAN GET.

WE ARE A NATURALLY AGGRESSIVE KIND WHO ARE VERY COMPETITIVE AND TEND TO WANT TO OVERTHROW OTHER PLANETS AND OTHER TROLLS. A RIVAL ENABLES YOU TO GAIN THE SKILLS AND STRENGTH IN ORDER TO DO THAT. HAVING SOMEONE WHO IS CONSTANTLY BETTERING YOU IS CRUCIAL TO LITERAL SURVIVAL. WE DON'T LIVE LONG WITHOUT GETTING TOUGH.

AS FOR LOVE, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS CAPABLE OF SEEING YOU AT YOUR WEAKEST AND NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE AROUND YOUR MATESPRIT AND IN OUR CULTURE, VULNERABILITY MIGHT AS WELL BE A DEATH SENTENCE TO MANY.

BIOLOGICALLY SPEAKING, OUR KIND ARE ONLY CAPABLE OF REPRODUCING BY COUPLING THROUGH A BLACK OR FLUSHED ROMANCE. I WON'T GET INTO THE GRITTY DETAILS, BUT THOSE COUPLINGS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN PRODUCE SUFFICIENT GENETIC MATERIAL THAT IS THEN CARRIED OFF TO THE MOTHER GRUB AND GIVEN TO MAKE THE NEXT GENERATION. IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF CONNECTION BY THE TIME THE DRONES SHOW UP FOR GATHERING, YOU'RE GOING TO BE KILLED.

SO BASICALLY IT'S EVERYTHING.

text; username: grollschwert

[hauntedsavior]

Damn.
You needed to invent a whole new word for getting so mad at someone that you wanna press them up against the wall and fuck them?
How horny is your planet?

text

[klawful]

CONSIDERING WE ALL HAVE HORNS, I WOULD SAY EXTREMELY HORNY. THAT WAS A JOKE. WELL, NOT FULLY, WE REALLY DO ALL HAVE HORNS.

ANYWAY, IT'S LESS THAT WE'RE EXTREMELY HORNY AND MORE THAT WE'RE REQUIRED TO PROVIDE OUR GENETIC MATERIAL OR ELSE WE JUST FUCKING DIE. WE LIVE IN A VERY INTENSE SOCIETY.

text; un: tabris

[peripheries]

[Wow.

That's a lot for someone who literally just learned what humans considered normal love a few days ago and found it overwhelming. And yet, at the same time it makes sense. Humans behave too strangely for love to be so singular.]

Perhaps humans do experience all of those things but have no words for them. Their hearts are filled with emotions and feelings they don't understand. That's why they're confused and burdened.

text

[klawful]

(This dude gets it.)

IT DOES NOT HELP THAT HUMANITY SEEMS TO INSIST ON VERY NARROW RESTRAINTS ON THEIR DEFINITIONS AND CONCEPTS OF ATTRACTION AND ROMANCE. I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT THOUGH. I THINK MANY HUMANS CAN AND DO FEEL THESE EMOTIONS BUT HAVE BEEN RAISED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY MUST COMPRESS OR IGNORE THEM.

THEN HUMANS GET REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT IT AND BECOME MEGA DOUCHEBAGS SUFFOCATING IN THEIR OWN DENIAL.

Text - UN: CentaursTesticle

[alternia_strength]

D --> One Lunar calendar month
D --> This t00k e%actly one lunar calendar month after you were deposited on the beach to write
D --> I am actually impressed that you held out for a full month before e%pounding upon a desire to serve as the domicile's collective Auspitisce
D --> Deny this propensity all that you wish but the human that responded suggesting you intend to become this is probably correct
D --> Ironically you will protest the whole time unlike the Jade bl00d
D --> Kanaya is much more public in her meddling in their collective affairs

D --> Still I am moderately impressed at the STRENGTH of your patience that you waited this long
D --> You even argued with yourself only once
D --> This collective disaster of a post may proceed slightly less pathetically tragically before you descend into apra%ia of the limbs and flail about in abject irritation
D --> I will endeavor not to watch the train wreck t00 closely

D --> I do not have enough towels for that

text

[klawful]

I SHOULD HAVE A STATUE RAISED IN MY HONOR FOR THE AMOUNT OF RESTRAINT I HAVE SHOWN. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW INSUFFERABLE IT IS TO BE SUBJECTED TO FORMS UPON FORMS OF HUMAN IDIOCY AND THEIR OBLIVION TOWARDS THEIR OWN OBVIOUS RELATIONSHIP ISSUES?

IT'S FUCKING HORRIBLE, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. THIS IS A PUBLIC FUCKING SERVICE TO EVERYONE WHO IS BRAINDEAD WHEN IT COMES TO HOW THEY INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR OWN EMOTIONS. I AM SO NOT GOING TO DEAL WITH THE NUCLEAR FALLOUT THAT IS HUMANITY'S INCOMPETENCE. NO FUCKING WAY.

I AM NOT FUCKING *MEDDLING*. I AM PROVIDING GUIDANCE AND LEADERSHIP. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

THE BLOCK BUTTON IS RIGHT THERE, ASSHOLE. OR YOU CAN FINALLY JUST GAG YOURSELF WITH ONE OF YOUR TOWELS AND SPARE US BOTH THE MISERY OF CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION. THIS POST IS THE FURTHEST THING FROM A DISASTER, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. THIS IS THE FUCKING GOLD STANDARD OF POSTING.

voice; un: givemeyourown

[unsheathedfromreality]

[Every aspect of this is fascinating, from the original post on down to the replies.]

These romance quadrants--do they encompass every way your people might relate to each other? Is typical, that you only have one of each, or one--what is your word--vacillating across each?

->voice

[klawful]

(Oh, it's this guy again. Out of the begrudging kindness of his blood pumper, he switches to voice to show some mercy.)

It gets really complicated. There are a lot of times where you have to clarify that you platonically hate someone and don't see them that way. And there's a lot of times where it does get confusing. I had a friend once who was a moirail to another friend, but he started to feel flushed for her. So.

(It's a hot mess, basically.)

It can be typical for someone to flicker between the quadrants. I always have that fucking problem. I wind up getting a crush on someone in every quadrant and it fucking sucks.

[Text][UN:A_Wesker013] [CW: Misanthropy, aka Wesker being Wesker]

[subject_013]

You ask me, romance is the biggest waster of time and energy known to any sentient being. If someone wants sentimental devotion, they can get a pet animal. If they want offspring, in my world, there are biotechnological options to allow one to reproduce without having to bother with finding a partner and all the emotional baggage which accompanies that process. I swear humanity would have already colonized other planets in our solar system and/or found cures for various terminal and disabling medical conditions by now, if they had lower sex drives or better ways to redirect that energy toward bettering the species.

I say this from the viewpoint of a genetically enhanced transhuman, though one could argue I am a post-human.

[klawful]

WOW. THEN DIE ALONE. MY KIND DOESN'T EXACTLY REPRODUCE IN THE TRADITIONAL HUMAN WAY EITHER AND WE HAVE ZERO CONCEPT OF PARENTAL INSTINCTS OR DESIRES. I FORGET HUMANS COUPLE FOR THAT REASON SOMETIMES.

SEX DRIVES ARE ONLY DISTRACTING IF THEY ARE HUNG UP ON WHY THEY SHOULDN'T BE FUCKING TO BEGIN WITH. IT IS USUALLY SHAME THAT DRIVES PEOPLE TO ACT LIKE MORONS.

SO ARE YOU A ROBOT THEN?

un: agentmothman | text

[zib]

This is... actually really fascinating. I've never really thought about how romance works with other alien species before...

... well, except for one, but they seemed to act as if their species only cared about hatred and saw any other feelings as "mushy and gross human worm baby nonsense".

[But now he has to wonder if some of Zim's attempts on his life were... attempts at flirting?? God, hopefully not, given that Dib killed him and has the other's brain attached to his own now, so this is a level of inquiry he did not need to examine closely today...]

text

[klawful]

YES, IT IS INCREDIBLY FASCINATING. THE MOST FASCINATING THING ANYONE COULD EVER TALK ABOUT EVEN.

(Karkat's not even being sarcastic. There were few topics more interesting to him than the complexity of romance throughout the universe.)

OUR KIND CARES DEEPLY ABOUT HATRED AND IT IS OUR PRIMARY EMOTION, BUT WE ARE CAPABLE AND EVEN ENJOY FEELING MORE TRADITIONALLY "POSITIVE" EMOTIONS. BUT I THINK HUMANS HAVE A NARROW IDEA OF WHAT HATRED EVEN MEANS. HATRED CAN BE VERY SENTIMENTAL AND VALUABLE. IT ISN'T JUST SOME BLIND WEAPON TO BEAT SOMEONE WITH.

(Karkat would 100000% consider what Zim did as flirting, whoop.)

text; un: sapereaude

[killed]

[ Oh, hello. This post woke him right up. ]

You're right. There are many different kinds of love, and they express themselves in different ways. To identify and sort them into specific quadrants is quite a smart mood indeed! You're correct that humans often lack a nuanced view of romance... It's truly tragic, isn't it? It's such a waste.

However, you shouldn't misunderstand and take this to mean that human romance is something so simple as two people loving each other! It's quite the opposite, I assure you. There's nothing quite as complicated as the connections that sentient, self-realized beings form with each other. I'm sure it's the same for you, yes? There must be so many different ways that relationships express themselves within those four quadrants, and while they may be similar, no two are quite the same... Oh, but I"m making too many assumptions about a culture I'm not familiar with, aren't I? I apologize.

Then, I suppose I should talk about what I do know. Human relationships, and even romance, can be divided into the quadrants you mentioned. There are people who love each other, there are those who uplift one another and push them, there are those who hate each other and yet are bonded, and of course there are counselors who support on their journey... Yet, there are so many more!

Humans will form a romance for any reason. They'll lie to themselves and pretend to be in love for the sake of any benefit they can tear from the grasps of their partner. They'll pretend they're in a romance to console themselves while being torn apart by their partner, or otherwise as they tear themselves apart. They'll destroy their entire lives for the sake of others and call it love! They'll tear apart and break and kill those that they love the most all for the sake of preserving that romance.

Then of course, there's people who practice polyamory or have open relationships as well - you need not confine yourself to one person.

It's such a shame that so many choose to boil it down to such a simple and frivolous thing! There's nothing more complicated, nor anything more fascinating, than the concepts of love and romance. It creates and destroys everything.

But I have no doubt that you already know that. I hope you'll forgive my assumptions, but your culture seems as though it encourages its people to be far more in tune with their feelings. What a wonderful view of romance! Ah, I do wish humans were more honest with themselves...

[klawful]

(Figures it would be the dude that's mechanical would have a superior grasp on the romantic spectrum. Karkat is immediately glued to his Omni, practically shaking. Finally.)

A COMPLETE AND TOTAL WASTE. ALSO HIGHLY STRESSFUL FOR THE HUMANS WHO FALL OUT OF THE REALM OF THEIR SOCIETY'S EXPECTED "NORMS."

NO, IT IS OKAY. YOU ARE NOT INCORRECT. I THINK, REGARDLESS OF ROMANTIC SYSTEMS IN PLACE, ROMANCE IS INHERENTLY MESSY AS ALL FUCK OUT. OUR QUADRANT SYSTEM IS GREAT FOR SHOWING THAT HUMANS WOULD BE BETTER OFF ORGANIZING THEIR RELATIONSHIPS TO HAVE EQUAL PRIORITY RATHER THAN PROPPING ONE SPECIFIC RELATIONSHIP UP ABOVE OTHERS, BUT OUR SYSTEM IS RIDDLED WITH FLAWS TOO.

ROMANCE IS A DEEPLY TRAGIC EXPERIENCE. TROLLS HAVE SIMILAR ISSUES. PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEFARIOUS INTENTIONS WHEN BECOMING A KISMESIS BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN EASILY OVERPOWER THEIR PARTNER. OR PEOPLE WHO MANIPULATE THE PALE QUADRANT TO TRY AND GET INTO ANOTHER QUADRANT. THE THINGS PEOPLE AND TROLLS DO FOR LOVE CAN BE UNSETTLING AS FUCK. THOUGH I AM A BIT MORE EMPATHETIC TO KILLING FOR LOVE, BUT I THINK THAT'S A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE. KILLING ISN'T REALLY AS FROWNED UPON IN MY SOCIETY AS IT IS HUMANITY, I DON'T THINK.

MANY TROLLS TEND TO BE NATURALLY POLY. GRANTED, I PERSONALLY HAVE ALWAYS STRUGGLED ON TRYING TO HAVE MULTIPLE FEELINGS. THOUGH SOME QUADRANTS ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS TO SHARE WITH.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY CORRECT. ROMANCE IS THE FOUNDATION OF SOCIETY. I MEAN, IT'S WHY SOCIETY EXISTS AT ALL TO BEGIN WITH. ROMANCE DRIVES US TO WANT TO BETTER AND IMPROVE OURSELVES AND THE WORLD AROUND US. UGH. ROMANCE IS THE BEST.

NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE. YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS INSIGHTFUL AND UNOFFENSIVE. AND YOU'RE RIGHT. WE TEND TO WEAR OUR HEARTS ON OUR SLEEVES. WE'RE TOO AGGRESSIVE OF A SPECIES TO NOT BE THAT WAY. I'VE TRIED LYING BEFORE AND IT ENDS BADLY - MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM AWFUL AT IT.

I DO TOO. FOR THEIR SAKE. HAVE YOU HAD MANY EXPERIENCES WITH ROMANCE YOURSELF? YOU DON'T NEED TO ANSWER THAT.

un: eudaimonikos; text

[eudaimonikos]

Geez, and I thought human romance was overly complicated.

text

[klawful]

ROMANCE IS A UNIVERSALLY COMPLICATED SUBJECT. HUMANS OVER COMPLICATE IT BECAUSE THEY SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME TRYING TO DENY AND BEND TO THE WHIMS OF WHATEVER SOCIETY HAS DEEMED "THE PERFECT ROMANCE." WHICH THEIR VERSION OF ROMANCE SEEMS LIMITED TO A VERY STRICT MALE-FEMALE-POSITIVE-ONLY CONNECTION.

IT MAKES NO SENSE.

text; un: morningstar

[morningstud]

I'm going to be honest with you, your manner of formatting meant that my ability to read all of that text is quite limited.

If your species needs that long of an explanation to understand romance, I have quite the number of questions for you.

And, no, before you start, I'm not human.

text

[klawful]

THAT REALLY SUCKS TO BE YOU THEN, DUDE. HAVE YOU NEVER READ A BOOK BEFORE?

FROM MY UNDERSTANDING, THERE ARE PLENTY OF PUBLISHED BOOKS ABOUT HUMAN ROMANCE, SO IS IT REALLY THAT COMPLEX OF A POST? I AM OPEN TO QUESTIONS.

CONGRATULATIONS. THAT IS NOT SARCASTIC. HUMANS SEEM VERY SAD AND LONELY SOMETIMES. WHAT ARE YOU THEN?

text | un: kd6-3.7

[obeir]

The hows and whys of humanity have always been a source of confusion for me, despite being designed and programmed by humans to serve them. I think you're correct about their emotional incompetence and self-destructive tendencies. Your culture seems equally as complicated and while I can't claim to fully understand the romantic quadrants, what you've described is fascinating.

Bettering yourself and helping to better those with whom you have relationships is the ideal, but do your culture's expectations really work if heartbreak is common and quadrant vacillation is the rampant problem you say it is? That makes it seem like the quadrants might also be too narrow to let people achieve their full, emotionally healthy potential.

[ He's thinking trolls may be just as miserable as humans despite being more aware of their emotional needs. But it isn't a rhetorical question; he's genuinely curious and open to learning, particularly if it helps him to better understand his own emotions. That he's pretty sure have developed beyond the original constraints of his programming... ]

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

YOU AND ME BOTH, AND I WAS DATING ONE FOR YEARS. YOU'RE NOT WRONG: TROLLS ARE WILDLY COMPLEX, BUT I HAVE NOTICED THAT WE ARE NOT AS BIG ON SHAME AS HUMANS TEND TO BE. A LOT OF THE CONVOLUTED MESSES I'VE SEEN WITH HUMANS IS BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN ARBITRARY SOCIAL RULES. WHICH, GRANTED, TROLLS HAVE THOSE TOO, BUT HUMANS SEEM TO HOLD MUCH MORE SHAME WHEN IT COMES TO POTENTIAL ROMANTIC FEELINGS.

THE PROBLEM IS LESS TO DO WITH THE SYSTEM AND MORE TO DO WITH THE PARTICIPANTS. US TROLLS HAVE NATURALLY INTENSE AS HELL EMOTIONS AND WE ARE GENERALLY PRETTY VIOLENT. IT MAKES US POSSESSIVE AND SOCIALLY SLOPPY AS ALL FUCK. WE'RE COMPETITIVE AND LIKE TO FIGHT. WITHOUT OUR QUADRANT SYSTEM IN PLACE, WE PROBABLY WOULD DRIVE OURSELVES TO EXTINCTION.

THE IDEA OF THE QUADRANTS I GUESS IS TO BECOME SELF-AWARE OF YOUR OWN NEEDS AND HOW TO COMMUNICATE THEM RESPONSIBLY. AND IT TEACHES US TO BE MORE SELFLESS. AND WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG, DISCOVERING THOSE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF CAN BE A COMPLICATED AND EMBARRASSING JOURNEY. IT CAN BE TOO NARROW ESPECIALLY WITH THE WRONG PLAYERS.

BUT WHEN YOU CAN FULFILL THOSE ROLES IN YOUR LIFE, IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL VERY COMPLETE. IF THE SYSTEM DOESN'T WORK FOR SOMEONE, THEN THEY SHOULD FIGURE OUT A DIFFERENT ONE. IRONICALLY, I DID IT MYSELF. MY OLD BOYFRIEND FILLED ALL MY QUADRANTS. IT WORKED FOR US. RELATIONSHIPS DEFINITELY DEPEND ON WHO IS INVOLVED AND WHAT EACH PERSON NEEDS FROM THE RELATIONSHIP.

(Trolls are probably even more miserable than humans, admittedly. Negative emotions were just their main function in the world. Either way, this guy seems actually respectful in his inquiry, and man, Karkat is always eager to extrapolate about romance.)

text | un: quibbler

[creidim]

[ This was... quite the journey. Very fascinating to read but... quite the journey. ]

I can't quite decide if you're angry or not, considering the vast amount of capital letters. Are you quite alright?

The Quadrants are so interesting though! Although I have a question: is it possible for a relationship to be in two Quadrants? [ She's just considering her own relationship, is all. ] Can someone be both your Matesprit and your Moirail at once?

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

(At first, he thinks this person is maybe mocking him. But after a moment, he realizes no, they are being entirely sincere. So!)

HONESTLY, I AM ALWAYS KIND OF IN A PISSY MOOD, BUT THAT'S MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M A TROLL AND OUR KIND ARE NATURALLY ABRASIVE AS FUCK. WE ALSO HAVE DISTINCT TYPING QUIRKS AS A REALLY DUMB WAY TO TRY AND ANNOY EACH OTHER BASICALLY. IT'S A PERSONALITY THING - AND I HAVE A TERRIBLE PERSONALITY. I'M FINE. THANKS FOR ASKING THOUGH, I GUESS.


YES, THEY ARE EXTREMELY INTERESTING. ROMANCE IN GENERAL IS. YES, ABSOLUTELY. WHILE IT IS NOT COMMON, IT DOES HAPPEN, AND CAN OFTEN BE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL IF DONE RIGHT.

MY OLD BOYFRIEND FULFILLED ALL MY QUADRANTS AND IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE RELATIONSHIP. I STRUGGLED FOREVER TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I FELT TOWARDS HIM AND EVENTUALLY REALIZED MY FEELINGS FOR HIM WENT BEYOND ALL THE QUADRANTS.

AS LONG AS YOU BOTH UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU CAN PROVIDE FOR EACH OTHER, ANY ARRANGEMENT OF THE QUADRANTS CAN BE HEALTHY. IT'S ABOUT OPEN COMMUNICATION AND BEING HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU BOTH WANT, AND WHAT YOU BOTH NEED. IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T HELP YOU GROW, THEN WHAT'S THE POINT, YOU KNOW?

text; UN: violet

[virtuosital]

This is so much information, oh my goodness.
Do both parties have to be aware of their stance with each other? There's a lot of unrequited romance in human fiction and life, mostly I think since we struggle to be honest with our feelings about each other...
Also, if you aren't human, can I ask what you are?

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

AND HERE I THOUGHT I PROVIDED A NEATLY CONDENSED VERSION OF A CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE. I SUPPOSE IT IS OVERWHELMING IF YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR.

YES, THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART PROBABLY. IDEALLY, IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE CONSENSUAL AND UNDERSTOOD WHERE EVERYONE IS. OBVIOUSLY, THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS HAPPEN. I THINK MISCOMMUNICATION IN ROMANCE IS A UNIVERSAL CONCEPT THOUGH.
YOU ARE RIGHT. IT REALLY IS BECAUSE EVERYONE STRUGGLES SO MUCH TO BE HONEST WITH WHAT THEY WANT OR WHAT THEY FEEl. HUMANS ESPECIALLY SEEM SHACKLED BY ODD SHAME.

I AM A TROLL. AN ALTERNIAN TROLL, TO BE SPECIFIC. ARE YOU A HUMAN?

text; un egyptologist

[egyptologist]

This was an absolutely fascinating read, thank you so much for taking the time to enlighten us.

[ and because she is now aware that text doesn't always translate, she clarifies-- ]

Honestly, I mean that.

text | carcinoGeneticist

[klawful]

(God, it was so refreshing that there were actually people here receptive to his ridiculous memos. At first, he does think she's mocking him, but the second text saves her an entire wall of gray text telling her to go fuck herself.

A miracle for everyone involved.)

I'M GLAD SOME PEOPLE HERE SEEM TO APPRECIATE CULTURAL AND SOCIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES. THEY ARE LITERALLY SOME OF THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHICH IS WILD TO ME.

YOU ARE WELCOME. I COULD PROBABLY WRITE DOZENS OF MEMOS ABOUT THIS. ACTUALLY, I HAVE, BUT I CAN'T ACCESS THEM FROM THIS STUPID DEVICE.

YOUR HANDLE IS A HUMAN THING, RIGHT? I KNOW WHAT THE -OLOGIST PART MEANS BUT AM UNFAMILIAR WITH THE FIRST PART.

Text; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

...............Considering I know exactly who off the top of my head fits the first three of those "quadrants", I am beginning to question everything I have ever known about myself.

[No, really, Maul is completely and deadass serious here. Reaper, Usagi, and Obi-Wan sprang to mind immediately upon reading those. He's...just going to sit down now and rethink everything going on his entire life. Thank you, small weird creature, you've sent this alien into an emotional tailspin.]

text

[klawful]

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT FOR SOMEONE COMING FROM A ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED UNIVERSE WITH LIMITED OPTIONS OR HELPFUL EXPLANATIONS.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

(It's a completely genuine offer. Karkat had made this entire post with the expectation that people would come to sort out their feelings that they might not have previously understood. He was doing this out of sheer, natural pity.

He is here to shake up all of Trench on the romantic front, okay. It's his destiny.)

text | un: sharpshooter (Nov. 6)

[azurestar]

[Well, he's finally awake from his post-battle healing coma. Checking in on what he missed…]

dude i have so many questions

text

[klawful]

BEGIN THEN.