Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

[klawful]

AS SOME PERSONAL ADVICE, SINCE APPARENTLY THIS PLACE IS ABSOLUTELY *INFESTED* WITH HUMANS, I NEED TO INFORM THE MAJORITY OF YOU HOW HUMILIATINGLY SIMPLIFIED YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF ROMANCE IS.

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND SEEING CONSTANT OBLIVIOUS ATTITUDES ABOUT PERFECTLY HEALTHY SOCIAL DYNAMICS MAKES ME WANT TO BE SHOT DIRECTLY INTO EVERY SUN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AT THE SAME TIME. I SWEAR HALF OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND IT WILL BE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO GODDAMN INCOMPETENT AT THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COLLECTIVE SPECIES MORE HELLBENT ON SELF-DESTRUCTION BASED ON NEGLECTING THEIR OWN NATURAL FEELINGS.

I AM AWARE THAT I AM PROBABLY EXTENSIVELY INSULTING YOU NOW INSTEAD OF HELPING YOU. ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT BEFORE HALF OF YOU HAVE GLAZED OVER. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS, REALLY PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR IN AN EXTREMELY SHORT TEXT. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

FIRST LESSON: YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A *REASON*. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ALL INSIST ON BURYING EVERY SINGLE NATURAL INSTINCT YOU HAVE LIKE IT'S A HOT PIECE OF SHIT OF SHAME YOU JUST SQUATTED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

THE GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS: IF YOUR EMOTIONS FOCUS ON BETTERING YOURSELF, THEY ARE GOOD. IF THEY SERVE TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE FROM BETTERING THEMSELVES, THEY ARE BAD.

IN MY CULTURE, THE IDEAL ROMANCE INVOLVES BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF POSSIBLE THROUGH YOUR CONNECTIONS TO OTHERS. IN A PERFECT WORLD, YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS AS MUCH AS THEY HELP YOU AND IT BECOMES THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMBIOTIC SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN MUTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEIR PERSONAL DYNAMICS.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND LESSON: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY HUMANS HAVE THIS EXTREMELY NARROW, SPECIFIC IDEA OF ROMANCE. THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF WAYS TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE. THERE ARE DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE PEOPLE, SO WHY REFUSE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU FOCUS ON? WHY PUT ONE RELATIONSHIP ON A PEDESTAL AND LET ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT? THAT ISN'T HEALTHY NO MATTER WHICH QUADRANT YOUR CULTURE IS OBSESSED WITH.

THIRD LESSON: WHERE I COME FROM, WE HAVE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS. LEARN THEM AND BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME AT HOW MUCH THEY WILL DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR SHITTY LIFE AND HOW MUCH SENSE THEY WILL MAKE TO YOUR VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:

MATESPRITSHIP: THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST THING TO "TRADITIONAL" HUMAN LOVE. THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO YOU HAVE STRONG POSITIVE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THAT PROVIDES YOU WITH PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCES BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (NOT TO GET TOO NC-17 HERE). THIS IS YOUR MATESPRIT.

MOIRALLEGIANCE: THE PALE QUADRANT IS ALSO A POSITIVE DYNAMIC, HOWEVER, THIS RELATIONSHIP TYPICALLY FOCUSES ON BEING THERE TO PROVIDE ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO YOUR PARTNER. IT INVOLVES BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR FLAWS, HELP THEM BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THEM TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. YOU CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE WORKED UP, YOU KEEP THEM SAFE FROM THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THIS IS YOUR MOIRAIL OR PALEMATE.

KISMESISSITUDE: THE BLACK QUADRANT IS RELIANT ON PURELY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT THE HATRED AND ANIMOSITY YOU FEEL TOWARDS ANOTHER. THE KEY HERE IS THAT THIS IS EXTREMELY MUTUAL, WELL-BALANCED, HEALTHY HATRED. MEANING YOU ARE ACTUAL EQUALS IN TERMS OF STRENGTH OR INTELLECTUALITY OR SOMETHING. THE POINT IS *NOT* TO KILL OR DEFEAT YOUR KISMESIS, BUT TO CONSTANTLY CHALLENGE EACH OTHER INTO A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELVES THROUGH RIVALRY. ALSO YOU PROBABLY WANT TO FUCK THEM. SORRY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES. IT IS EXTREMELY COMMON WHERE I COME FROM FOR THE BLACK AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS TO CONTINUALLY SWITCH. THEY ARE AS EQUALLY ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING SINCE THEY KEEP YOU ON YOUR FUCKING TOES AND RESPECT YOU IN WAYS THE OTHER QUADRANTS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS QUITE TUMULTUOUS. AND IT CAN BE VERY UNHEALTHY IF THINGS ARE UNBALANCED BETWEEN THE TWO WHICH IS BASICALLY WHY WE HAVE...

AUSPISTICISM: THE ASHEN QUADRANT. THIS IS LESS OF A ROMANTIC QUADRANT BUT RATHER A DEALING OF ROMANCE. THIS IS A WILLING THIRD PARTY STEPPING IN TO WILLINGLY HELP FACILITATE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OTHERS. THIS IS CRUCIAL IN OUR SOCIETY TO ENSURE ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY AND FUNCTIONING. THE AUSPISTICE IS NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN THE OTHER PARTIES, BUT IT ISN'T UNCOMMON TO SEE AN AUSPISTICE WHO IS LONGING FOR ONE OF THE PARTIES AND IS HOPING THE ASHEN QUADRANT MIGHT GIVE THEM A LEVERAGE TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

AND THAT IS THE SHORT AND SWEET VERSION OF IT. YES, IT IS WILDLY COMPLEX AND YES HEARTBREAK IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FROTHING AT THE BRIM IN OUR CULTURE. QUADRANT VACILLATION IS A RAMPANT PROBLEM THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO SORT OUT WHAT QUADRANT FITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEST. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO FEEL AND IT IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO FITS ALL QUADRANTS BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY CLARIFY THAT KIND OF THING SO YOU CAN BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING THE TOWN AUSPISTICE, BY THE WAY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. BUT AS A RULE, I CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL AND IT IS SINCERE TORTURE TO THINK ABOUT HOW MANY IDIOTS ARE WALKING AROUND DENYING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MANY TIMES NOW.

BUT YES I WILL OPEN THE FLOOR TO GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PROBABLE ROMANTIC AWAKENINGS THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT AROUSE. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REALIZING YOU HAVE HAD A TOTAL HATE-BONER FOR SOMEONE FOR TEN YEARS AND ARE PROBABLY IN SOME KIND OF LOVE WITH THEM. IDIOT.

OKAY BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER SHORT ESSAY, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW.

EDIT BY FUTURE CARCINOGENETICIST @ 3:25 AM

WOW, I AM SO FUCKING INEPT AT THIS SOMEONE REVOKED MY FUCKING ROMANCE GURU CARD THAT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

I FORGOT THE CARDINAL LESSON FOR HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THIS WILD FUCKING OBSESSION WITH GENDER: YOU ARE NOT "BROKEN" OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER KIND OF BRAINWASHING YOUR KIND HAS PUT YOU THROUGH...IF YOU LIKE THE SAME GENDER YOU IDENTIFY AS. HOLY FUCK. OR MULTIPLE GENDERS. OR NO GENDERS. ATTRACTION IS A GODDAMN SPECTRUM AND WE FEEL IT AS SUCH FOR A REASON. BECAUSE! IT'S! MOTHERFUCKING NATURAL! IF YOU DON'T FEEl ATTRACTION LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. IF YOU'RE HORNED UP, IT'S FUCKING FINE AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ABOUT IT. JEGUS.

OKAY NOW I'M DONE.

Comments

text; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

for anybody reading this, i as a completely ordinary human can attest that the troll romance system can actually be really useful. if you've had a hard time in life navigating interpersonal relationships because human society really does have a narrow view of how we can relate to each other, it's nice to consider a broader perspective. it can put things in a different light.

at the risk of getting personal, karkat has explained this stuff to me before, and i can look back at my life and see how this model of loving people would have saved me from a lot of confusion and guilt.


but you absolutely do not have to want to fuck your kismesis karkat oh my god fuck you

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[klawful]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION. AND ALSO BEING WILLING TO SHARE HOW THIS HAS HELPED YOU SPECIFICALLY. I AM GLAD IT HAS HELPED YOU AS MUCH AS IT HAS C:B

TAKE IT FROM KYLE, EVERYONE, WHO IS VASTLY SUPERIOR IN INTELLIGENCE THAN THE AVERAGE HUMANOID.







MAYBE NOT ALWAYS, BUT MOST PEOPLE DO KYLE. THERE IS A DEFINITIVE SEXUAL TENSION IN THE MAJORITY OF BLACK ROMANCES. THERE IS SOMETHING VERY CARNAL ABOUT HATING SOMEONE AND WANTING TO FIGHT THEM.

Re: text

[kyley_b]

it really has. i feel like i can contextualize a lot of things much better, and it makes me feel less stressed in the present. maybe because you're kinda awesome.

thanks dude.



well not my old one!! i'd rather light my skin on fire and then roll in salt! pull my own lungs out and let them dehydrate!

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[klawful]

I AM HARDLY AWESOME. YOU ARE JUST VERY ADAPTABLE AND OPEN-MINDED AND WILLING TO BETTER YOUR LIFE BY ACTUALLY LISTENING TO ALTERNATIVE OPTIONS. I BARELY DID ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOUT ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE.

ALL RIGHt, MAYBE NOT YOUR OLD ONE, BUT A FUTURE KISMESIS YOU MIGHT HAVE THAT URGE. IF YOU EVER HAVE THAT ATTRACTION ANYWAY. TO SOMEONE. IN THAT WAY.

(!!!!! Why is this awkward to talk about with Kyle!!!!!)

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[kyley_b]

shut the fuck up you're totally awesome and i'll kick your ass if you say otherwise. and you didn't just shout, you answered loads of my questions.

definitely not no no way i can't even contemplate it.
dude are you asking me if i ever want to go to bonetown with someone?

Re: text

[klawful]

WELL. I AM HERE TO ANSWER ANY MORE QUESTIONS IF YOU EVER HAVE THEM. AND YOU COULD NOT KICK MY ASS. I WOULD MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN TEETH. YOUR TALL NOODLE BODY DOES NOT INTIMIDATE ME.

CAN'T EVEN CONTEMPLATE WHAT? GOING TO "BONETOWN" WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE STRONG NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS?

WHY IS IT CALLED BONE TOWN ANYWAY? DO HUMANS ACTUALLY HAVE BONES THERE?

ANYWAY NO! I'M JUST HYPOTHETICALLY SAYING IF YOU HAD THAT KIND OF CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL MAYBE THAT WOULD BE A THING YOU ARE INTERESTED IN. I DON'T KNOW!

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[kyley_b]

thank you. i know i will definitely think of more. oh like ok are there people who just avoid fulfilling roles deliberately? like if someone is just really bad at mediating, would they just refuse to ever be an auspistice?

not with HIM. i just no you're breaking my brain i'm not talking about this.

no, i think it's just a stupid term. i was trying to keep the mood light.

oh, well, yeah. yeah if i have a deep connection with someone i do tend to consider that sort of thing. but i'd never like try and push it or anything.

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[klawful]

YES, TOTALLY. SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN CERTAIN QUADRANTS. IT'S UNCOMMON, BUT IT HAPPENS. MY ONE BEST FRIEND KANAYA WAS ALWAYS AN AUSPISTICE. I TRIED TO DO IT FOR HER AND HER GIRLFRIEND AND IT'S A NIGHTMARE, HONESTLY, BUT I WANTED TO BECAUSE I WANTED KANAYA TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. THOUGH I THINK I FAILED AS THE MEDIATOR.

OKAY, OKAY. YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCK YOUR OLD KISMESIS THAT'S FINE. NO JUDGEMENT FROM ME.

HUMAN SLANG IS SUPER BIZARRE SOMETIMES. NO OFFENSE.

YOU KNOW. MOST HUMANS STRUGGLE THE MOST WITH THE IDEA OF HAVING A KISMESIS. YOU'RE A CUT ABOVE THE REST. WOULD YOU EVER CONTEMPLATE A NEW ONE?

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[kyley_b]

well, nobody succeeds ALL the time.

thank you let us never speak of it again.

no offense taken.

i mean it's not generally considered healthy for humans but
yeah.
yeah i think i would. it's so goddamn nice to be able to fight with someone you know? in that particular way i mean.

[klawful]

THAT IS TRUE. BUT IT IS A DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIP ROLE TO FULFILL. IT'S A VERY SELFLESS THING AND THERE IS LITTLE TO BENEFIT FOR YOURSELF BEYOND JUST BEING A GOOD FRIEND, BASICALLY.

CONSIDER IT FORGOTTEN.

OH YES, I KNOW. IT IS VERY NICE TO FIGHT WITH YOU LIKE THAT. I MEAN NOT LIKE THAT. BUT. YOU KNOW. LIKE IN THE SENSE OF IT'S A GOOD FIGHT. I WILL SHUT UP NOW.

text; UN: deku

[wannasmash]

Thank you for saying that last part, I was about to freak out. I mean I freak out about this stuff anyway but this is a whole other level...

Friendships are complicated and intense enough as it is.

[kyley_b]

you have one too, huh? that frenemy that you just can't stand but somehow you always wind up embroiled in their stupid shit?

[wannasmash]

It's less stupid now than it used to be. But we've definitely gotten in trouble before. I don't regret it, but I also can't recommend fighting on school grounds without permission.

[kyley_b]

dude i fought on school grounds all the time. like from kindergarten to senior year.

[wannasmash]

A model student...

[ His teachers must have been thrilled. ]

It wasn't regular fighting where it's no big deal. We used our Quirks. That's the term we use in my world for meta abilities like super strength. It was pretty dangerous. We both kind of got carried away.

This is making me really homesick, but it's better to talk about these things, right?

[kyley_b]

i was, actually. top of my class.

[Many of Kyle's teachers were far worse.]

oh ok yeah that's a little different.

i think it is, yeah. get it out of you.

[wannasmash]

We're second only to the class genius and the class president.

[ Really a shame he's his homeroom teacher's problem child. ]

OK well...
After that, we were suspended from class and had to clean the dorms together morning and night. Written apologies too. Everyone still calls us the house arrest boys. We didn't exactly make up after fighting, but... how do I put it... we're proper rivals now.

Have you known your friend a long time too?

[kyley_b]

impressive!

i understand. there's a respect there.

my old rival? yeah since i was like, four. we went to school together from kindergarten to senior year.

[klawful]

YES. "FRIENDSHIPS" OF COURSE. FRIENDSHIPS WOULD DEFINITELY CAUSE INTERNAL MELTDOWNS. BECAUSE THAT IS A PLATONIC SENTIMENT.

(Karkat, be nice.)

[wannasmash]

Do you really have to put it in quotes.

Yes, they do. They're very important to me. We've been through so much and I trust them. I didn't know what to do with myself when I arrived and there was no way back. There's some days I don't even remember what I did because I was so sad.

[ Karkat can be as mean as he wants. Only Midoriya is his own worst enemy. ]

[klawful]

YES. OF COURSE I DO.

MY FRIENDSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME AS WELL. THIS ISN'T TO DISSUADE YOU OF YOUR PLATONIC FEELINGS. WITHOUT FRIENDS, WE HAVE LITTLE TO FIGHT FOR IN LIFE.

(Oh, shit. Okay, he actually feels a little bad now. The raw truth of the matter is that Karkat is actually stupidly sensitive.)

I HAVE LOST MANY FRIENDS. IT IS NEVER EASY TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON AN OLD LIFE OR AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE. BUT NO ONE HAS STOLEN THEM FROM YOUR HEAD OR YOUR BLOOD PUMPER. I KNOW THAT ISN'T REALLY THE SAME THING, AND I ALSO STAY UP OFTEN THINKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE I'VE LEFT BEHIND.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET AT HERE. I'M NOT EXACTLY GREAT AT EMOTIONAL COMFORT BUT THE POINT IS YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN FEELING THAT WAY. YOUR SAD LITTLE EMOTIONS ARE VALID. WHICH YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW.

HAVE YOU MADE NEW FRIENDS HERE OR ARE YOU A SOCIAL LEPER?

[wannasmash]

[ He kind of sensed that, when Karkat offered his inbox to talk anytime Midoriya couldn't sleep in their first conversation ever. People don't usually do that, humans included. ]

You too? I'm sorry. I had a really bad month and I didn't take you up on your offer to talk when I should have. I was having a hard time talking to anyone. We both probably could have benefited. Better late than never I guess.

[ That's former social leper, thank you. ]

I've made some new friends. But I can't even properly describe what some of my old ones mean to me. Not even with all these new words you're trying to teach us. At first I thought you were making it seem more complicated than it needs to be. Now I wonder if it isn't too simple. No one could ever replace them.

[ Wait. Oh gods no, hold on-- ]

Before you say it, it's not romantic!

[ It's not. It's totally not. ]

Isn't that when you go on dates and stuff?? I don't even know what that's like!

[klawful]

YOU DO NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE THOUGH I APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT. IT SEEMS LIKE LONELINESS WAS RAMPANT THIS MONTH. NOW YOU AT LEAST KNOW.

RELATIONSHIPS GENERALLY ARE COMPLICATED, PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC, AND I DON'T THINK ANY ONE RELATIONSHIP *CAN* BE REPLICATED. AND I DON'T REALLY THINK THEY SHOULD BE EITHER - THAT'S NOT FAIR TO OLD PARTNERS OR NEW. EXPECTING SOMEONE TO LIVE UP TO SOMEONE ElSE IS KIND OF FUCKED.

SURE IT'S NOT...THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

V:B

(Now he really is just being a dick.)

FOR HUMANS, THEY SEEM TO HAVE A NARROW IDEA OF ROMANCE THAT TYPICALLY INVOLVES "DATES" SURE. BUT REALLY WHAT IS A DATE BUT SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE DEEP EMOTIONS TOWARDS WHETHER IT'S ROMANTIC OR NOT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. DATING IS A LOT OF EFFORT. GRANTED, IT IS WELL WORTH THE EFFORT, BUT I AM ALSO A BLEEDING HEART.

[wannasmash]

I know. It's like their individuality in a way. Each person I meet is very different. Maybe it's because having friends is kind of new to me that I don't tend to compare them to others. I didn't really have them when I was younger.

[ Then Karkat has to follow it up with that. ]

Karkat-san that's really embarrassing. (;ಠ_ಠ)
I
I can't even imagine dating anyone. What would I even do?

[ Probably panic and die. ]

I'm not what people picture when they think of dating material. I thought this wouldn't be a problem for me. But you say that a date is just spending time with someone. What if I accidentally go on a date with someone??? Is that possible?????

[klawful]

OH, SO YOU WERE A TOTAL DORK IN YOUR YOUTH? HOW LONELY AND PATHETIC THAT MUST HAVE BEEN. BUT IT IS OKAY. I TOO LED A LONELY AND PATHETIC LIFE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. GROWING UP IS VERY HARD.


HAHAHAH. OH MAN. YOU'RE A TOTAL NOVICE. THAT IS KIND OF CUTE. BE HUMILIATED.

OKAY, WELL, IT REALLY DEPENDS ON WHO YOU'RE DATING AND WHAT YOU BOTH LIKE TO DO. TRADITIONAL DATES ARE THINGS LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES. MOVIES ARE UNIVERSALLY THE BEST DATE IDEA EVER. BUT THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TIME WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL.

WHEN I DATED MY OLD BOYFRIEND, THERE WERE VERY LIMITED ACTIVITIES FOR US TO DO SINCE WE WERE STUCK ON AN ASTEROID, BUT WE WOULD SOMETIMES GO FOR WALKS AND LOOK OUT AT THE IMMEASURABLE DEPTH OF SPACE AND TRY TO PRETEND LIKE WE WEREN'T COMPLETE FAILURES.

IT WAS VERY SWEET.

BUT REALLY, IT IS LESS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO OR DON'T DO AND MORE JUST ABOUT FEELING CLOSE TO THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT.

(Karkat really is such a romantic - God, what a nerd.)

WHY? ARE YOU HORRIFICALLY DEFORMED AND SOCIALLY INOPERABLE?

YES, ACTUALLY. HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER WITH CLARIFYING WITH WORDS SO THEY MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND TAKE CERTAIN GESTURES TO MEAN YOU'RE FLIRTING OR ATTRACTED AND THEN THEY ACCIDENTALLY WIND UP THINKING YOU'RE ON A DATE WHEN ALL YOU AGREED TO WAS HANGING OUT WITH A FRIEND. IT'S ABOUT AS EMBARRASSING AS YOU THINK IT WOULD BE.