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Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

AS SOME PERSONAL ADVICE, SINCE APPARENTLY THIS PLACE IS ABSOLUTELY *INFESTED* WITH HUMANS, I NEED TO INFORM THE MAJORITY OF YOU HOW HUMILIATINGLY SIMPLIFIED YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF ROMANCE IS.

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND SEEING CONSTANT OBLIVIOUS ATTITUDES ABOUT PERFECTLY HEALTHY SOCIAL DYNAMICS MAKES ME WANT TO BE SHOT DIRECTLY INTO EVERY SUN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AT THE SAME TIME. I SWEAR HALF OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND IT WILL BE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO GODDAMN INCOMPETENT AT THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COLLECTIVE SPECIES MORE HELLBENT ON SELF-DESTRUCTION BASED ON NEGLECTING THEIR OWN NATURAL FEELINGS.

I AM AWARE THAT I AM PROBABLY EXTENSIVELY INSULTING YOU NOW INSTEAD OF HELPING YOU. ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT BEFORE HALF OF YOU HAVE GLAZED OVER. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS, REALLY PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR IN AN EXTREMELY SHORT TEXT. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

FIRST LESSON: YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A *REASON*. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ALL INSIST ON BURYING EVERY SINGLE NATURAL INSTINCT YOU HAVE LIKE IT'S A HOT PIECE OF SHIT OF SHAME YOU JUST SQUATTED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

THE GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS: IF YOUR EMOTIONS FOCUS ON BETTERING YOURSELF, THEY ARE GOOD. IF THEY SERVE TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE FROM BETTERING THEMSELVES, THEY ARE BAD.

IN MY CULTURE, THE IDEAL ROMANCE INVOLVES BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF POSSIBLE THROUGH YOUR CONNECTIONS TO OTHERS. IN A PERFECT WORLD, YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS AS MUCH AS THEY HELP YOU AND IT BECOMES THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMBIOTIC SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN MUTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEIR PERSONAL DYNAMICS.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND LESSON: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY HUMANS HAVE THIS EXTREMELY NARROW, SPECIFIC IDEA OF ROMANCE. THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF WAYS TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE. THERE ARE DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE PEOPLE, SO WHY REFUSE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU FOCUS ON? WHY PUT ONE RELATIONSHIP ON A PEDESTAL AND LET ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT? THAT ISN'T HEALTHY NO MATTER WHICH QUADRANT YOUR CULTURE IS OBSESSED WITH.

THIRD LESSON: WHERE I COME FROM, WE HAVE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS. LEARN THEM AND BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME AT HOW MUCH THEY WILL DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR SHITTY LIFE AND HOW MUCH SENSE THEY WILL MAKE TO YOUR VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:

MATESPRITSHIP: THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST THING TO "TRADITIONAL" HUMAN LOVE. THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO YOU HAVE STRONG POSITIVE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THAT PROVIDES YOU WITH PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCES BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (NOT TO GET TOO NC-17 HERE). THIS IS YOUR MATESPRIT.

MOIRALLEGIANCE: THE PALE QUADRANT IS ALSO A POSITIVE DYNAMIC, HOWEVER, THIS RELATIONSHIP TYPICALLY FOCUSES ON BEING THERE TO PROVIDE ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO YOUR PARTNER. IT INVOLVES BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR FLAWS, HELP THEM BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THEM TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. YOU CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE WORKED UP, YOU KEEP THEM SAFE FROM THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THIS IS YOUR MOIRAIL OR PALEMATE.

KISMESISSITUDE: THE BLACK QUADRANT IS RELIANT ON PURELY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT THE HATRED AND ANIMOSITY YOU FEEL TOWARDS ANOTHER. THE KEY HERE IS THAT THIS IS EXTREMELY MUTUAL, WELL-BALANCED, HEALTHY HATRED. MEANING YOU ARE ACTUAL EQUALS IN TERMS OF STRENGTH OR INTELLECTUALITY OR SOMETHING. THE POINT IS *NOT* TO KILL OR DEFEAT YOUR KISMESIS, BUT TO CONSTANTLY CHALLENGE EACH OTHER INTO A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELVES THROUGH RIVALRY. ALSO YOU PROBABLY WANT TO FUCK THEM. SORRY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES. IT IS EXTREMELY COMMON WHERE I COME FROM FOR THE BLACK AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS TO CONTINUALLY SWITCH. THEY ARE AS EQUALLY ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING SINCE THEY KEEP YOU ON YOUR FUCKING TOES AND RESPECT YOU IN WAYS THE OTHER QUADRANTS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS QUITE TUMULTUOUS. AND IT CAN BE VERY UNHEALTHY IF THINGS ARE UNBALANCED BETWEEN THE TWO WHICH IS BASICALLY WHY WE HAVE...

AUSPISTICISM: THE ASHEN QUADRANT. THIS IS LESS OF A ROMANTIC QUADRANT BUT RATHER A DEALING OF ROMANCE. THIS IS A WILLING THIRD PARTY STEPPING IN TO WILLINGLY HELP FACILITATE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OTHERS. THIS IS CRUCIAL IN OUR SOCIETY TO ENSURE ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY AND FUNCTIONING. THE AUSPISTICE IS NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN THE OTHER PARTIES, BUT IT ISN'T UNCOMMON TO SEE AN AUSPISTICE WHO IS LONGING FOR ONE OF THE PARTIES AND IS HOPING THE ASHEN QUADRANT MIGHT GIVE THEM A LEVERAGE TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

AND THAT IS THE SHORT AND SWEET VERSION OF IT. YES, IT IS WILDLY COMPLEX AND YES HEARTBREAK IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FROTHING AT THE BRIM IN OUR CULTURE. QUADRANT VACILLATION IS A RAMPANT PROBLEM THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO SORT OUT WHAT QUADRANT FITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEST. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO FEEL AND IT IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO FITS ALL QUADRANTS BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY CLARIFY THAT KIND OF THING SO YOU CAN BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING THE TOWN AUSPISTICE, BY THE WAY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. BUT AS A RULE, I CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL AND IT IS SINCERE TORTURE TO THINK ABOUT HOW MANY IDIOTS ARE WALKING AROUND DENYING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MANY TIMES NOW.

BUT YES I WILL OPEN THE FLOOR TO GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PROBABLE ROMANTIC AWAKENINGS THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT AROUSE. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REALIZING YOU HAVE HAD A TOTAL HATE-BONER FOR SOMEONE FOR TEN YEARS AND ARE PROBABLY IN SOME KIND OF LOVE WITH THEM. IDIOT.

OKAY BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER SHORT ESSAY, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW.

EDIT BY FUTURE CARCINOGENETICIST @ 3:25 AM

WOW, I AM SO FUCKING INEPT AT THIS SOMEONE REVOKED MY FUCKING ROMANCE GURU CARD THAT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

I FORGOT THE CARDINAL LESSON FOR HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THIS WILD FUCKING OBSESSION WITH GENDER: YOU ARE NOT "BROKEN" OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER KIND OF BRAINWASHING YOUR KIND HAS PUT YOU THROUGH...IF YOU LIKE THE SAME GENDER YOU IDENTIFY AS. HOLY FUCK. OR MULTIPLE GENDERS. OR NO GENDERS. ATTRACTION IS A GODDAMN SPECTRUM AND WE FEEL IT AS SUCH FOR A REASON. BECAUSE! IT'S! MOTHERFUCKING NATURAL! IF YOU DON'T FEEl ATTRACTION LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. IF YOU'RE HORNED UP, IT'S FUCKING FINE AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ABOUT IT. JEGUS.

OKAY NOW I'M DONE.

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OH, SO YOU WERE A TOTAL DORK IN YOUR YOUTH? HOW LONELY AND PATHETIC THAT MUST HAVE BEEN. BUT IT IS OKAY. I TOO LED A LONELY AND PATHETIC LIFE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. GROWING UP IS VERY HARD.

HAHAHAH. OH MAN. YOU'RE A TOTAL NOVICE. THAT IS KIND OF CUTE. BE HUMILIATED.

OKAY, WELL, IT REALLY DEPENDS ON WHO YOU'RE DATING AND WHAT YOU BOTH LIKE TO DO. TRADITIONAL DATES ARE THINGS LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES. MOVIES ARE UNIVERSALLY THE BEST DATE IDEA EVER. BUT THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TIME WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL.

WHEN I DATED MY OLD BOYFRIEND, THERE WERE VERY LIMITED ACTIVITIES FOR US TO DO SINCE WE WERE STUCK ON AN ASTEROID, BUT WE WOULD SOMETIMES GO FOR WALKS AND LOOK OUT AT THE IMMEASURABLE DEPTH OF SPACE AND TRY TO PRETEND LIKE WE WEREN'T COMPLETE FAILURES.

IT WAS VERY SWEET.

BUT REALLY, IT IS LESS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO OR DON'T DO AND MORE JUST ABOUT FEELING CLOSE TO THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT.

(Karkat really is such a romantic - God, what a nerd.)

WHY? ARE YOU HORRIFICALLY DEFORMED AND SOCIALLY INOPERABLE?

YES, ACTUALLY. HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER WITH CLARIFYING WITH WORDS SO THEY MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND TAKE CERTAIN GESTURES TO MEAN YOU'RE FLIRTING OR ATTRACTED AND THEN THEY ACCIDENTALLY WIND UP THINKING YOU'RE ON A DATE WHEN ALL YOU AGREED TO WAS HANGING OUT WITH A FRIEND. IT'S ABOUT AS EMBARRASSING AS YOU THINK IT WOULD BE.

I'm sorry you were stuck, but that view sounds really nice.

[ Takes a nerd to know one; Midoriya thinks Karkat enjoying a breathtaking view of space with his boyfriend is very sweet too. ]

Kind of yes to both, in a way. [ Midoriya, don't just... agree... ] My Quirk manifested extremely late. Everyone had one but me. Being Quirkless where I'm from means you get made fun of. I don't have great people skills. It doesn't affect the friendships I have, but sometimes I just freeze up. Some people are really friendly and outgoing and I'm still getting used to meeting people like them.

[ Friendly and outgoing and blessed with ~~boobs~~ good looks. He gets flustered if they enter his personal space. ]

Oh no, that's really embarrassing!!! I never really thought about that. Probably because I wouldn't assume anything.

IT WAS NICE. THEY ARE FOND MEMORIES.

(Then the conversation kind of changes and Karkat is left staring at his Omni for a long moment. Wow.

He can agonizingly relate to this in a big way. He suddenly felt the creeping sensation that if anyone ever fucked with Midoriya, Karkat might go absolutely feral. Not that he's about to admit that. He does switch to private though.)

I KIND OF GET IT. NOT IN THE SAME WAY, BUT I HAVE A MUTATION THAT'S HAUNTED ME MY WHOLE LIFE TOO. SOMETHING THAT I HAVE KEPT HIDDEN FOR MY OWN SAFETY AND TO AVOID DISCRIMINATION. PEOPLE CAN BE EXTREMELY CRUEL TO THOSE OF US WHO WERE BORN DIFFERENT. MAKING FRIENDS IS VERY HARD.

FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH, YOU HAVE A MUCH MORE TOLERABLE PERSONALITY THAN A LOT OF HUMANS I HAVE MET.

GOD I FUCKING WISH THAT WERE ME. I'VE MADE SUCH AN ASSHOLE OUT OF MYSELF SO MANY TIMES BECAUSE OF THAT SHIT.

[ He can't tell Karkat that he wasn't just a late bloomer, but in fact truly born Quirkless. It's part of the secret of One For All. If it got out that he received his Quirk or could give his Quirk to someone else, it would endanger his life and those around him. But he can empathize, more than Karkat knows. All thoughts of asking Karkat for tips on how to talk to people, or even his own struggles, fly out of his head. ]

Your own safety? I'm so sorry. If you ever feel unsafe here too, please call me! I haven't been here long enough to know if Trench has the same kinds of problems with people who are different, but now that's two worlds I know of that do. The advent of Quirks in my world changed what it means to be a human, and what it looks like, but we're all still people.

[ He thinks of people born with mutant-type Quirks, including some of his own classmates, who face discrimination on sight. It's kind of hard to hide a bird head or six arms. ]

Is it something that can be seen? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want to know ahead of time the best way to ensure your safety.

[ It's not a side of himself Midoriya often sees, because he never had the power to defend anyone until this year, but if someone seriously hurt a friend of his, he would turn feral as well. ]

(Karkat could respect keeping something like that private. There were some things you couldn't flippantly share about yourself. Even to this day, Karkat tried to keep his blood concealed even from people who wouldn't care at all about it.

The guy's compassion is borderline embarrassing, but it's nice too to meet someone who cared so much about a practical stranger.)

I FENDED FOR MYSELF PRETTY OKAY. I'M STILL ALIVE TODAY, AFTER ALL. BUT

THANK YOU, I GUESS. I WAS NEVER HUMAN, BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR MEANING. YOUR KIND DIDN'T LET THE DIFFERENCES SPLIT YOU APART. THAT IS ADMIRABLE. MY KIND IS VERY DIVIDED.

PARTIALLY. IT USED TO BE SOMETHING I COULD HIDE ALL THE TIME, BUT I'VE MATURED NOW AND SO PART OF IT IS VISIBLE, BUT MOST WON'T REALIZE IT UNLESS THEY ARE FAMILIAR WITH MY SPECIES.

YOU'RE REALLY DORKY WITH YOUR HEROIC JUSTICE THING GOING, YOU REALIZE THAT RIGHT. (This is Karkat's bizarre way of telling Midoriya he finds his personality respectable.)

[ Lots of things about Midoriya are embarrassing, including how far he will go for total strangers. ]

Every one of your kind? We're pretty divided too if I'm being honest. It's just that I'd like us not to be.

The only other kind of person actually from this world is human, so I think you'll be OK there. I had it easier in a way. Being Quirkless doesn't show. But everyone in my neighborhood and at school knew anyway.

I wasn't trying to be... I told you I wasn't great at talking to people. It's just that I can't take anything bad happening to someone I know.

[ Or... anyone... really... ]

PRETTY MUCH. WE HAVE RIGID SOCIAL DIVISIONS BASED ON OUR BLOOD COLOR. GRANTED, WE STILL CREATE CLUSTERS WITH MIXED BLOOD, BUT EVEN THEN THERE IS ALWAYS MUCH IN-FIGHTING. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WITH AN AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE THOUGH.

HOW DID THEY KNOW?

YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT IT, YES, BUT I WAS ALSO JUST FUCKING WITH YOU. YOUR WILLINGNESS TO HELP SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW IS EMBARRASSINGLY KIND.

Like Sleeper blood? There's a little of that here too. I got a few funny looks from Hunters when I said I was a Warmblood. I had to explain that I could still help with my Quirk instead. Humans in my world don't have different blood colors, but I guess you know about humans already.

It's pretty common back home to ask what someone's Quirk is. So, when I couldn't show them anything... And the same people knew me as Quirkless for a long time. I was just as surprised as anyone else when mine appeared late.

I've always been that way. Someone told me that's what makes a true hero. I had never really thought about it before. That was the first time someone ever praised me for it.

NO, NOT REALLY. I THOUGHT SO WHEN I ORIGINALLY ARRIVED HERE, AND ADMITTEDLY, IT DOES SEEM AS THOUGH VILEBLOODS AND WARMBLOODS ARE TREATED MORE NEGATIVELY, BUT THE SOCIETY AROUND US DOES NOT SEEM TO BE RELIANT ON A BLOOD CASTE SYSTEM. LIKE, VILEBLOODS ARE NOT FORCED TO LIVE IN A SPECIFIC AREA OR SUBMIT TO ANOTHER BLOOD TYPE.

IN MY WORLD, WE HAD THAT. OUR HEMOSPECTRUM WAS EXTREMELY OPPRESSIVE AND DIVISIVE. EVEN HOW WE TYPE IS REFLECTIVE OF THAT. MOST TROLLS TYPE THE COLOR OF THEIR BLOOD AS A FORM OF REPRESENTATION AND STYLIZATION, BUT I'VE ALWAYS KEPT MY BLOOD COLOR PRIVATE WITH GRAY TEXT. IT'S CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT TO HOW WE COMMUNICATE, BASICALLY.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY INVASIVE QUESTION FOR SOME REASON. THAT FUCKING SUCKS YOU HAD TO GET DRAGGED FOR IT.

UGH. THEY'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

That's really awful. Even our history books don't like to talk about that stuff, and we're supposed to have moved past that.

I know you had to hide it, but... It's also kind of like saying that it's OK not to constantly tell people your blood color. You could have just picked another one, but you didn't. I think that's pretty cool of you.

(Oh.

Well.

That's enough to give him some kind of emotion. Most of his friends just teased him for caring enough to try and disguise it. This is probably the first (and only) time that someone has ever said anything positive about that decision. He's at a loss for words and not too many people can say they have ever successfully managed to render Karkat Vantas speechless.

Say something, dipshit.)

LITERALLY NO ONE HAS EVER IMPLIED THAT MY QUIRK IS A COOL THING BEFORE.

I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY.

(He didn't even know how to properly emote how much it meant to him without looking like an absolute wiggler.)

THANK YOU. FOR NOT MOCKING ME OR BELITTLING MY CHOICE.

[ He didn't think it would be the first time someone told Karkat that. It just seemed natural to say what he thought. It's not the first time Midoriya has praised someone's Quirk when they were always told it was bad. Now he gets to praise a quirk linked to Karkat's struggle for survival.

And spite. Lots of spite. ]

Of course. You don't have to thank me, I didn't do anything special. And you don't have to say anything.

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Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

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