Text | un: carcinoGeneticist | Per Romance

[klawful]

AS SOME PERSONAL ADVICE, SINCE APPARENTLY THIS PLACE IS ABSOLUTELY *INFESTED* WITH HUMANS, I NEED TO INFORM THE MAJORITY OF YOU HOW HUMILIATINGLY SIMPLIFIED YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF ROMANCE IS.

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, IT'S EMBARRASSING, AND SEEING CONSTANT OBLIVIOUS ATTITUDES ABOUT PERFECTLY HEALTHY SOCIAL DYNAMICS MAKES ME WANT TO BE SHOT DIRECTLY INTO EVERY SUN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AT THE SAME TIME. I SWEAR HALF OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND IT WILL BE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO GODDAMN INCOMPETENT AT THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COLLECTIVE SPECIES MORE HELLBENT ON SELF-DESTRUCTION BASED ON NEGLECTING THEIR OWN NATURAL FEELINGS.

I AM AWARE THAT I AM PROBABLY EXTENSIVELY INSULTING YOU NOW INSTEAD OF HELPING YOU. ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT BEFORE HALF OF YOU HAVE GLAZED OVER. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS, REALLY PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR IN AN EXTREMELY SHORT TEXT. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

FIRST LESSON: YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A *REASON*. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ALL INSIST ON BURYING EVERY SINGLE NATURAL INSTINCT YOU HAVE LIKE IT'S A HOT PIECE OF SHIT OF SHAME YOU JUST SQUATTED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

THE GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS: IF YOUR EMOTIONS FOCUS ON BETTERING YOURSELF, THEY ARE GOOD. IF THEY SERVE TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE FROM BETTERING THEMSELVES, THEY ARE BAD.

IN MY CULTURE, THE IDEAL ROMANCE INVOLVES BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF POSSIBLE THROUGH YOUR CONNECTIONS TO OTHERS. IN A PERFECT WORLD, YOU HELP YOUR PARTNERS AS MUCH AS THEY HELP YOU AND IT BECOMES THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMBIOTIC SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN MUTUALLY BENEFIT FROM THEIR PERSONAL DYNAMICS.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND LESSON: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY HUMANS HAVE THIS EXTREMELY NARROW, SPECIFIC IDEA OF ROMANCE. THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF WAYS TO BE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE. THERE ARE DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE PEOPLE, SO WHY REFUSE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU FOCUS ON? WHY PUT ONE RELATIONSHIP ON A PEDESTAL AND LET ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT? THAT ISN'T HEALTHY NO MATTER WHICH QUADRANT YOUR CULTURE IS OBSESSED WITH.

THIRD LESSON: WHERE I COME FROM, WE HAVE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS. LEARN THEM AND BENEFIT FROM THEIR EXISTENCE. YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME AT HOW MUCH THEY WILL DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR SHITTY LIFE AND HOW MUCH SENSE THEY WILL MAKE TO YOUR VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:

MATESPRITSHIP: THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST THING TO "TRADITIONAL" HUMAN LOVE. THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO YOU HAVE STRONG POSITIVE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THAT PROVIDES YOU WITH PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCES BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (NOT TO GET TOO NC-17 HERE). THIS IS YOUR MATESPRIT.

MOIRALLEGIANCE: THE PALE QUADRANT IS ALSO A POSITIVE DYNAMIC, HOWEVER, THIS RELATIONSHIP TYPICALLY FOCUSES ON BEING THERE TO PROVIDE ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO YOUR PARTNER. IT INVOLVES BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR FLAWS, HELP THEM BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES, AND THEM TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. YOU CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE WORKED UP, YOU KEEP THEM SAFE FROM THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THIS IS YOUR MOIRAIL OR PALEMATE.

KISMESISSITUDE: THE BLACK QUADRANT IS RELIANT ON PURELY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT THE HATRED AND ANIMOSITY YOU FEEL TOWARDS ANOTHER. THE KEY HERE IS THAT THIS IS EXTREMELY MUTUAL, WELL-BALANCED, HEALTHY HATRED. MEANING YOU ARE ACTUAL EQUALS IN TERMS OF STRENGTH OR INTELLECTUALITY OR SOMETHING. THE POINT IS *NOT* TO KILL OR DEFEAT YOUR KISMESIS, BUT TO CONSTANTLY CHALLENGE EACH OTHER INTO A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELVES THROUGH RIVALRY. ALSO YOU PROBABLY WANT TO FUCK THEM. SORRY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES. IT IS EXTREMELY COMMON WHERE I COME FROM FOR THE BLACK AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS TO CONTINUALLY SWITCH. THEY ARE AS EQUALLY ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING SINCE THEY KEEP YOU ON YOUR FUCKING TOES AND RESPECT YOU IN WAYS THE OTHER QUADRANTS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS QUITE TUMULTUOUS. AND IT CAN BE VERY UNHEALTHY IF THINGS ARE UNBALANCED BETWEEN THE TWO WHICH IS BASICALLY WHY WE HAVE...

AUSPISTICISM: THE ASHEN QUADRANT. THIS IS LESS OF A ROMANTIC QUADRANT BUT RATHER A DEALING OF ROMANCE. THIS IS A WILLING THIRD PARTY STEPPING IN TO WILLINGLY HELP FACILITATE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OTHERS. THIS IS CRUCIAL IN OUR SOCIETY TO ENSURE ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY AND FUNCTIONING. THE AUSPISTICE IS NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED IN THE OTHER PARTIES, BUT IT ISN'T UNCOMMON TO SEE AN AUSPISTICE WHO IS LONGING FOR ONE OF THE PARTIES AND IS HOPING THE ASHEN QUADRANT MIGHT GIVE THEM A LEVERAGE TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

AND THAT IS THE SHORT AND SWEET VERSION OF IT. YES, IT IS WILDLY COMPLEX AND YES HEARTBREAK IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FROTHING AT THE BRIM IN OUR CULTURE. QUADRANT VACILLATION IS A RAMPANT PROBLEM THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO SORT OUT WHAT QUADRANT FITS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEST. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO FEEL AND IT IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO FITS ALL QUADRANTS BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY CLARIFY THAT KIND OF THING SO YOU CAN BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING THE TOWN AUSPISTICE, BY THE WAY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. BUT AS A RULE, I CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL AND IT IS SINCERE TORTURE TO THINK ABOUT HOW MANY IDIOTS ARE WALKING AROUND DENYING THEIR OWN FEELINGS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

WHICH I HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MANY TIMES NOW.

BUT YES I WILL OPEN THE FLOOR TO GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PROBABLE ROMANTIC AWAKENINGS THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT AROUSE. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REALIZING YOU HAVE HAD A TOTAL HATE-BONER FOR SOMEONE FOR TEN YEARS AND ARE PROBABLY IN SOME KIND OF LOVE WITH THEM. IDIOT.

OKAY BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER SHORT ESSAY, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW.

EDIT BY FUTURE CARCINOGENETICIST @ 3:25 AM

WOW, I AM SO FUCKING INEPT AT THIS SOMEONE REVOKED MY FUCKING ROMANCE GURU CARD THAT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

I FORGOT THE CARDINAL LESSON FOR HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THIS WILD FUCKING OBSESSION WITH GENDER: YOU ARE NOT "BROKEN" OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER KIND OF BRAINWASHING YOUR KIND HAS PUT YOU THROUGH...IF YOU LIKE THE SAME GENDER YOU IDENTIFY AS. HOLY FUCK. OR MULTIPLE GENDERS. OR NO GENDERS. ATTRACTION IS A GODDAMN SPECTRUM AND WE FEEL IT AS SUCH FOR A REASON. BECAUSE! IT'S! MOTHERFUCKING NATURAL! IF YOU DON'T FEEl ATTRACTION LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. IF YOU'RE HORNED UP, IT'S FUCKING FINE AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ABOUT IT. JEGUS.

OKAY NOW I'M DONE.

Comments

[bolstafir]

i'm just trying to figure out how you got that i only see strength in one way from my saying that people who see murder as a first resort tend to see it that way, because they're usually scared of getting killed themselves

pretty sure you haven't met every human alive either, and you make plenty of statements about how you think humans are from your experience with them too

and not that i need to explain myself to you, but finding strength in caring about other people is why i decided to leave that life where survival was all that mattered
so maybe cool it on the assumptions

[klawful]

UGGGH CAUSE YOU SAID YOU'VE NEVER MET A SINGLE PERSON FIXATED ON STRENGTH WHO DIDN'T DO IT OUT OF FEAR. I WAS JUST SAYING THAT I HAVE MET THOSE WHO ARE FIXATED ON STRENGTH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FEAR.

CONVERSATIONAL FLOW, DUDE.

OH, I DEFINITELY HAVE NOT. BUT I DID TECHNICALLY CREATE THEIR UNIVERSE AT LEAST IN ONE TIMELINE.

BUT I AM SO GOOD AT MAKING ASSUMPTIONS. ALSO BOTHERING PEOPLE.

[bolstafir]

[Qrow just rolls his eyes.]

context, dude
i mentioned the people fixated on strength in the context of choosing murder above all other options
those are the people i was talking about

[Too bad Qrow doesn't know shit or fuck about semantics and can't accuse Karkat of arguing them. F in chat.]

though if we had to get technical you can argue for the other kinds of strength you're talking about to have to do with fear too
fixating on the strength to keep your friends safe involves being afraid of losing them
fixating on the strength to be a good leader involves being afraid of letting your team down

[Achievement unlocked: petty argument with an alien on the internet. Though maybe this is also telling on himself a little bit; when he said there's more to life than being scared -- well, he's certainly not stopped being scared. It really is that he has more in his life now. Which just means he has more to lose.]

well if you're good at it who am i to tell you not to be a pain in the ass
i've been nurturing that talent myself for over forty years and you can see how well it's going

[tmw you manage to brag and drag yourself at the same time. it's a dbrag. for dbags]

[klawful]

I WAS JUST BUILDING OFF WHAT YOU SAID, DIPSHIT!

AND I STILL STAND BY WHAT I SAY. SOME PEOPLE WHO GO FOR MURDER FIRST AREN'T ALWAYS DOING IT OUT OF FEAR. THERE ARE LIKE ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS WHO GET OFF ON BEING DOMINEERING AS FUCK AND ARE JUST WEIRDLY SADISTIC.

(Karkat, meanwhile, is literally slamming his head on a table right now. F chat in bold.)

YEAH, THAT'S GETTING "TECHNICAL" BUT YOU SPECIFIED FEAR OF GETTING HURT. NOT EVERYONE'S SHACKLED TO PHYSICAL PAIN LIKE A GRUB.
EMOTIONAL FEAR IS LIKE ANOTHER BEAST ENTIRELY. A BEAST I WISH I COULD EUTHANIZE PERSONALLY.

(He really felt that last one. That was his entire life in one sentence.)

YOU ARE MEDIOCRE AT BEING A PAIN IN THE ASS. YOU MOSTLY SEEM OBTUSE. AND EXTREMELY JADED.

(Backhanded insult/compliment? Who knows. Karkat's never had a conversation that isn't partially filled with them.)

[bolstafir]

see that's the thing
those types are most interested in the suffering and the pain they can cause
power's just a means to an end there
they don't really care if someone's stronger than them, especially if they can team up with those people to cause even more suffering

[Qrow knows at least one of those. He's caused Qrow personally a lot of fucking problems.]

the kind i meant, they hate the idea of anyone being stronger than them
always looking to gather more power, by any means necessary
anyway
i never said that's the only kind of hurt i was talking about
sometimes people would rather be feared than loved because of all the hurt that's possible

[Qrow's never quite been a leader, specifically, but he had to take on the responsibility of Oz's mission after Beacon fell. Had to find the new host and take Ruby and her friends safely to Mistral, and later to Atlas. It's stressful as all fuck.]

you know
for someone who wrote all those paragraphs about feelings being natural and important and generally existing for self-improvement i didn't expect you of all people to talk about euthanizing fear
it really is too bad trying only makes things worse

[Either you spend a decade+ neck deep in alcoholism or you go off the deep end in paranoia and get so obsessed with not Showing Fear that nuking a city full of civilians to force some kids toward your notion of the Greater Good sounds like an acceptable course of action.]

but hey, i'll have you know i'm way better than mediocre at it
i pissed someone off enough to try to physically rip my tongue out once

[He sounds way too proud of this.]

[klawful]

CAUSING SUFFERING AND PAIN IS PRETTY COOL, I WILL GIVE THEM THAT, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING SOMETIMES.

YES, SOME PEOPLE ARE VULNERABLE AS FUCK TO THAT. I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD IT. WHAT'S LIFE WITHOUT SOME RISKS. ESPECIALLY THE IRREVERSIBLE KIND.



LISTEN, I HAVE NO PROBLEM HELPING OTHER PEOPLE WITH THEIR IDIOTIC PROBLEMS. IT IS EASY TO LOOK AT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING WRONG, BUT WHEN IT IS MYSELF, I AM A CERTIFIED FLAMING PILE OF GARBAGE AND I HAVE CONTENTED MYSELF WITH THAT FACT FOR SWEEPS NOW.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO ME FOR LIKE ONE HOUR, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE ALREADY SUMMARIZED THAT I HAVE A GRATING PERSONALITY. UNLESS YOU ARE A COMPLETE MORON OR A MASOCHIST.

(Wait really.)

THAT IS FUCKING SWEET. DID YOU EVER GET THEM BACK? DID YOU RIP THEIR TONGUE OUT? THAT IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. AND THEN PROBABLY EATEN IT IN FRONT OF THEM. LAUGHING.

[bolstafir]

can't say i'm a big fan, myself
either way
some risks are worth it
but it doesn't make them easy to take

i'm still here talking to you, aren't i
so you might be onto something there

[nah he's still here for the same reason anyone has a long conversation with a stranger on the internet: boredom and a lack of anything better to do.]

our fight was interrupted
but i totally would've won

[he will die on this hill regardless of what winter has to say to the contrary!!! if glynda and james hadn't shown up to stop them it was totally in the bag okay. huff. puff.]